You Must Make a Man Feel Safe for a Relationship to Last

how to make a man feel safe with you

Before a man will include you completely into his life, he must feel safe with you.  Emotionally safe.  I have discovered many women have no clue how to make a man feel safe or what a man feeling safe even looks or feels like.

When you read the typical post on how to make a man feel safe, it’s usually about making sure he feels heard, trusted and accepted.

While these are important, a man feeling safe with you goes way deeper than this. If showing appreciation, acceptance and trust were all it took, we would all be living our happy ever after with the man of our dreams.

But it’s more, way more than this.

It’s about you and your relationship with self and how you view and take care of yourself and your own emotions.

If you can’t take care of yourself or manage your own emotions, he is going to know there is a snowballs chance in hell that you can handle his emotions.

Take for example the woman that breaks up with her man in a heated moment.  He has done something that isn’t pleasing and she react and breaks up in haste.

This showed him her lack of self control.  If she can’t control her emotions or calm herself in a heated moment, how is she going to handle the real troubles in life.

Then the woman calms down and realizes she made a mistake and didn’t want to break up.  So she sends him text messages trying to justify her emotional state that day that caused her unreasonable hasty reaction.

The victim role disguised as her excuse and justification.

Oh boy!  Now she just confirmed for him that not only can she not manage her own emotions, but she second guesses her decisions.

She is uncertain of herself.

A woman certain of herself makes a man feel safe.

He wouldn’t hire this woman for a job, let alone a life partner.

Men are Safe With Women Who Love Themselves

Self-love is wildly alluring to men and is important to their safety.

This means loving yourself and all of your imperfections.

If you are constantly pointing out your imperfections to him, he is going to feel that at some point, you will be quick to notice and point out his.

Men have a need to be accepted for who they are unconditionally.  You can’t do this from an authentic place if you don’t do the same for yourself.

Women that don’t love themselves often need validation from their men to feel safe themselves.  A man that has to give this to you will feel you don’t have enough inside of you to give to him.

We can’t love fully when we don’t love ourselves completely first.  He won’t feel safe, I guarantee it.

He will feel the lack you yourself feel inside and it won’t feel very comfortable, not to mention you won’t feel easy to be with.

He won’t feel safe with you if you aren’t safe with yourself

Women that react, fly off the handle and second guess themselves don’t have personal boundaries or their boundaries are all screwed up and too tight.

If you allow him to walk all over you, string you along, and don’t know when to bitch up, he feels unsafe.

If you complain to him how other people don’t treat you right or do you wrong he will sense your lack of a backbone. He will question why you allow it.

What you do and do not tolerate tells him a lot about his safety with you.  If you can manage yourself and your own emotions, he can trust you with his emotions.

If you past is full of men that did you wrong and you share this with him, again, he will begin to question if you had boundaries.

If you overshare these stories, he can even begin to wonder about your standards and if you standards have been so low, he may feel of little value as you have also chosen him.

If your past is full of poor choices, he won’t feel so special.

It’s best to own your choices, learn from them and do your inner work.  Your past doesn’t need to bleed into your future.

If you can’t stand up for yourself, he will doubt your ability to stand up for him/beside him.  He won’t feel you can stand beside him because you live in fear of losing him.

If you allow others to walk on you and play the victim, he will feel in his gut that you are fragile and more of a project than a partner.

You don’t trust yourself or your judgements or decisions, out of fear.

Like the woman above self sabotaged a relationship, not because of what he did or didn’t do but because she did not trust herself.

a man needs to feel safe to fall in loveTrust is a Two Way Street

He needs you to trust him, yes, and trust is about more than will he cheat on you or not. He also needs you to trust yourself if you are to walk the miles with him.

A man needs both to feel safe with you.  To open to you emotionally. He needs to be trusted and he needs to trust that you trust yourself.

This boils down to you trust yourself enough to know that you will be okay with or without him.  You aren’t living in fear.

This is a big deal, it really is.

In Kat’s group (add yourself here), there are so many posts about how do I behave high value in this situation or that situation. What’s a high value to this or that text message.

Often these texts are low value and little effort from the man and this question doesn’t even need to be asked.  If you value yourself, you don’t put value effort into low value behavior.  Period, the end.

Being high value is lifestyle, a way of being.  Something that you have and can’t really fake.

I have faked it once.  I was in love with a man.  He was the prime example of the alpha male.  I wasn’t at the time full on high value.  So I faked it.

I practiced all of the behaviors, not initiating, leaning back, but it didn’t come from a place of my own authenticity, but from a place of scared to lose him and trying to get it right.

He felt it.  In hindsight, I know he did.  I held back.  I tolerated a few things I shouldn’t have. He stayed with me about a year, but I lost him in spite of doing everything right.

He couldn’t put his finger on exactly why I wasn’t for him, but I am 99% positive this was a big part of it.  He didn’t feel safe with me.

Men feel this vibe and they won’t feel safe with a woman that is not congruent with her emotions and actions.

That’s why Kat’s class is title How to be High Value and not How to Act High Value.

This is why it is so important to really work on yourself internally.  You can’t play act high value, you have to know your value to your core.

If you trust yourself and know in your being that you will be okay, he feels safe.  He doesn’t feel responsible for your well being and he can open freely to you without fear.

Want to dig deeper?  Below are a few related posts.

Why Controlling Your Emotions is so Alluring

The Irresistability of Self Awareness

How To Really Show Him You Trust Him on a Deep Level

How Your Past Sabotages Your Relationships


MORE: Let’s Talk More About This In Ireland or Bali Retreat  

Do you want to learn more of this self-knowledge that will bring you more peace of mind?  There are a few options you can do if you want to know how to be an irresistible women.  (pick two or all of them):

1. Sign up for my newsletter, and you will receive three first chapters of my ground-breaking ebook and a free class on how to overcome your anxiety and triggers without pushing him away.

2. Add yourself to one of my fabulous FB support groups: Katarina Phang’s High Value Goddess Community.  My groups aren’t moderated and it’s what sets them apart, believe it or not!  Transformation happens gradually or fast (depending on where you are in your journey) because you are forced to see your own reflection in every member that stirs a strong emotional reaction in you.  The groups make you AWARE and AWAKE, that’s the entire purpose of my teachings.  It can’t be done when you are being coddled in a fake environment of safety (you don’t get that in the real world out there either but you will learn to cope as a healthy and well-adjusted adult).  Any wonder I’m the one coach with the most results out there?  It’s thanks to this, among other things.

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7. Sign up for my magnificent Feminine Magnetism Group Coaching consisting of 27 weeks (approximately 54 hours of learning), particularly Module 1 Journey Inward and Module 5 Salvation Through Relationship.  You will accelerate your growth with this one-of-kind profound program not being offered anywhere else. Begin the journey toward equanimity and self-acceptance.

8. Come to my celestial home for the upcoming retreat.  If you like to listen to my speeches, you’ll be even more blown-away to sit with me in my living room (the Zen room) overlooking the celestial infinity pool in an intimate setting while I’m delivering my teachings.  You’ll come home with a new more empowered perspective on love, men, relationship and life in general. I can shift you energetically like no other and usher you to the gate of a new dimension of reality.

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  • Wow this is one of the best articles on relationships! This is exactly about me and my ex. I couldn’t manage my emotions, broke up with him, second guessed my decision and begged him to come back. He said he can’t be with me because he doesn’t think I can handle a relationship with him. He doesn’t feel safe as you said. I’ve been wondering why he doesn’t want me back even though I can tell he still enjoys my company and finally I’ve found the anwer!! He doesn’t initiate at all, but we’re still hanging out as friends with our mutual friend. In my case, is it still possible to get him back if I do inner work and seduce him with my feminine energy? Thank you Kat! Your teaching always gives me a guidance when I feel lost in dating!

    • Thank you, Ena. I’m glad this article helps. Have you read the ebook yet? That will be your savior.

      • Hi kat I’ve done all this but stopped it now ex hanging around again but he keeps pulling back abit I heard he likes another girl I told him im happy for him to start seeing her he said no he doesn’t want too he just wants me to sort my kicking off ways out but now I’m jealous of her lol I’ve not reacted on it but I’m comparing myself to her how can I resolve this I’m being very honest with you kat I want to sort this shit in myself thank you ps I have your book but jealousy is my old demon

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