Women With Big Hearts Suffer the Most-The Truth
Those with big hearts suffer the most is a meme that I see floating around on social media almost daily. Posted almost as if it’s some badge of honor. I can bet the one that post these sorts of quotes has just had their heart broken or been let down and disappointed yet again.
Big heart and suffer to me don’t even belong in the same sentence. A big heart is limitless in the love it has to give and able to receive.
If I were one to be offended, I would take such quotes to mean I am heartless as I experience very little suffering when it comes to affairs of the heart.
The suffering happens when you give your heart with the expectation that the gesture will be returned.
The suffering happens when you expect others to love in the same way as you do or in the same amounts in every situation.
Suffering happens when you abandon yourself and put the needs of others before self.
Ever spoken the words “I have nothing left to give” or “I give up.” Our emotions and feelings are our clues. If you feel you have nothing to give, it is a sign you haven’t given enough to yourself.
As you probably have heard Katarina say many times you can’t pour from an empty cup.
The late Wayne Dyer says “You can’t give away what you don’t have.” It’s one of his 10 secrets to inner peace and success. Look them up if you haven’t heard them.
If your big heart if full of pain then pain is what you have to give away. If that big heart has anger in it, then anger is what you have to give.
Pain, anger, frustration, judgement, resentment are negative emotions that omit negative energies.
Does having a big heart simply mean you have more room for these negative emotions alongside the love? Big rooms can fit in more stuff right? I wouldn’t think this is what you desire for your big heart.
It’s Not That Your Heart is too Big
If you keep getting hurt over and over it’s not that your heart is too big. It’s more likely your boundaries are too small.
You put your happiness and well being into the hands of others as opposed to taking responsibility for it yourself. You hand your power over to others.
Nobody has control over us. We are just painfully addicted to giving our power away.
Do you give and give to others and feel you get little in return? If this is you then you are giving from an empty cup a mentioned above.
Do you label yourself as one who loves hard and strong and turn around and blame your heart aches on this self proclaimed label?
A big heart or rather full heart means giving without expectations. Often it is not your heart that is broken.
Nobody has ever broken your heart. The broke your expectations
If you relate to any of the below, it’s not your heart that is the problem. It’s your self abandonment and lack of self care.
- Find it difficult to say no
- Put the needs of others before your own
- Often feel used or taken for granted
- Defending your actions often
- Feel guilty when you do things or even buy things for yourself
- Worry about what others may think of you
- Dwelling or obsessing over who done you wrong
- Find yourself in the savior role
- Difficulty in receiving
If you think your suffering is due to your big heart may I suggest that maybe your heart isn’t quite big enough to include the love for yourself.
You are breaking your own heart.
It is not selfish to put yourself first. It is self responsible. When you take your happiness and well being into your own hands, your heart becomes full, not big.
There is a difference in a full heart and a big heart.
One is simply beautiful, the other lies in victimhood.
You are Breaking Your Own Heart
More times than not, we broke our own heart. While we speak the words that he broke our heart or ripped it out of our chest, that is your story you tell yourself and others.
Someone else did this to you when the truth usually lies with the choices that you yourself made or expectations you placed on another human.
The truth of the matter is these choices and expectations are often what led to your broken heart.
Choices and expectations like below:
You choose to stay with a man who has made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship. You hold on hoping he will change his mind or that you can get into his heart.
You keep checking the social media of a man who has exited your life and torture yourself with his new found seeming happiness.
You choose to over look his bad behaviors and red flags.
You choose to jump in way too fast.
You choose to see only his potential as opposed to the contrary evidence exhibited by his current behavior.
You choose to attach to a man who is not attaching to you.
You expect him to meet your needs or show up in the way that you deem as acceptable and proper. He has his own needs to meet as well.
Most expectations comes from an attachment to a particular outcome and that outcome is something out of your control. Despite this fact, you attach anyway as opposed to opening your heart to what can naturally unfold, even if it may lead to heartache.
When you get your heart broke and talk the “he did me wrong” talk, you are making it all about you and how you were victimized.
The truth here is it’s not about you. He too has choices. He chooses what he feels is best for him and instead of playing the blame game, honoring those choices is the emotionally intelligent thing to do.
Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Did you want to hurt them? I doubt it. It wasn’t about them, it was about you and your choice at that moment. It has nothing to do with your own self worth.
I have broken a few hearts and not always in the kindest most graceful way. That was my choice at the time. I learned that trying to soften the blow only led the man to hold on longer to hope that wasn’t there.
My perception was I was doing them a favor. Their perception was I was cold and heartless. Then their story became one of a heart that is big gets hurt too much.
Drop your story of the pain, heartache and loss that was done to you and examine your choices and expectations down that road.
Growth is ahead and this is when the caterpillar can become the butterfly. Don’t stay stuck as a caterpillar.
Pain Has Nothing to do with Your Big Heart
We all experience heart ache. People leave, people die, people disappoint. It’s a natural part of life. No one is immune to this. No one has the corner on this market.
It happens to all of us. More than once.
I can recall my heart being broken, twice in a span of a couple of years. The first time I remember very well sitting on my front steps of my little house crying, screaming I would never allow myself to love like that again.
I had a pity party that lasted for months. I closed my heart.
But I did love again and heartbreak happened yet again. This time was different. While it was worse, and my heart felt broken wide open, something shifted.
Though I cried in that second heart break, I didn’t remain at my own pity party. I found an online forum and channeled my pain back into other women who were feeling broken as well.
One thread started there ended up with over 30,000 comments and stories and a hundreds of women helping other women shift as well. The love I gave and received there broke my heart wide open in a wonderful way.
If you were one of those women there, thank you.
A broken heart is an open heart but that choice is yours. Your biggest growth spurts and lessons come from the breaking of your heart.
In every heart break is the opportunity for great expansion.
Love really is an unlimited resource. There are no limits on the amount of love it can hold.
No one can chain or unchain your own heart but you.
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