Why You Aren’t Attracted to Nice Guys! You Aren’t Crazy!
Do you wonder why you aren’t attracted to or can’t fall in love with a nice guy? There is a logical reason and you may not be crazy at all.
Ever found yourself on a date with a man and he was so nice, yet you just didn’t feel a thing? You thought “what is wrong with me,” “why can’t I like him”.
Women have a strong sense of intuition on things like this. They can sense something is off.
A high value woman or a woman with a high sense of her self worth is even more acutely aware that something is wrong below the surface of the presumably nice guy. If feels almost like nails on a chalkboard.
A woman with a lower sense of self-value is more likely to dwell on why she doesn’t feel the attraction and will feel guilt for her inability to like this nice guy. She stresses on how to tell him she isn’t feeling it or or how to break it off.
The woman with a strong sense of worth won’t feel guilt, she will self preserve and run.
You see there are nice guys and there are good men. There is a difference.
Nice guys don’t have a sense of self worth also known as low value men.
Nice guys are low value men in disguise.
So what are the traits of these low value nice guys?
7 Low Value Traits of Nice Guys That Are Red Flags!
1. Nice Guys Tell You How Nice They Are
Nice guys talk a lot about how nice they are. They make sure you know about their good deeds.
They often have things in their dating profiles of how they know how to treat a woman or maybe their social media profiles are full of memes about how a woman should be treated.
It’s like he is advertising. You can feel the desperation. They may think it will attract women, but it does the opposite
Good men don’t use words, they use actions. They don’t try to convince you that they are nice, they show you over time.
I had a few dates with a man who made dang sure I knew how well he was taking care of his ailing mother. Yes that is admirable but not something I really need to talk about for two hours on a first date.
Take care of your mother by all means and eventually I will know and it will endear a man to me far deeper in the long run.
Nice guy talks to much about their niceness, a good man is humble
2. Low Value Trait of Beating Around the Bush
A low value man/nice guy will not come out and tell you exactly what he wants. He fears rejection so he often frames things in a way where he won’t feel the big sting of rejection should it come.
For example, instead of just asking you out on a date and making it clear it is a date, he will say something like:
- Let me know if you want to hang out sometime
- Maybe we can go out to eat soon
- You can text me anytime
- Here is my number
- Let me know when you are free
Instead of confidently taking that ball and running with it, he throws it back in your court.
Over the Holidays I actually saw a man make a post on social media that he was looking for a date to his company Christmas party and to inbox him.
My gut went in a knot.
Would any woman do? As a woman reading that I felt so special. NOT!
I knew he feared rejection. Probably had a particular woman in mind that he hoped would take that bait. I seriously doubt she did if she had any sense of worth.
A trait of a low value man is that he doesn’t execute his purpose and clarity in his intent. He tap dances around the subject hoping to get lucky.
I see a lot of posts in Katarina’s Facebook group from women wanting to know how to get him to take the ball back. I see others talk about what to do with a shy guy.
How about recognizing that this man can’t lead and the only ball he can play is dodge ball.
High value women are keen on the low value behaviors of men.
3. Nice Guys Have a String of Women Done Them Wrong Stories
Have you ever been on a date with a man and by the end, you knew how his ex didn’t appreciate him?
Not much gives away the low value of a nice guy like his constant talk about how women did him wrong. He has been lied to, cheated on and underappreciated.
He talks bad about the women in his past. Beware you may be the next woman he puts down when he doesn’t get his way.
His bitterness is obvious and he makes you uncomfortable.
This man may even make comments of how women love bad boys and maybe he would do better with women if he beat them or treated them like crap.
Years ago I would frequent a local bar alone for happy hour a couple days a week. I was considered a regular. I was single and in the process I made a lot of men friends. Note the word friends.
One really stands out in my mind. He would buy women drinks and then get pissed when they didn’t make a fuss out of it or want to offer up their phone number.
Note number 2 above. He never really asked a woman for her number. He felt entitled because he was being nice.
A woman would walk into the bar and he would tell me what a gold digger she was or call her not so nice names. I lost count of these horrible women who weren’t horrible at all.
He had spent hundreds of dollars buying them drinks hoping that was enough.
They just didn’t feel the attraction for him and understandably so. I myself had friend zoned him very early on.
When a man puts down women, your attraction should shift down a notch.
Buying a drink is a nice gesture when there is no agenda attached. Which leads me to #4.
4. Low Value Men Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
This could be a post all on it’s own. Basically the nice guy does not do well with words like no or not now or some other time. They have an agenda and they want what they want.
They want it now.
They seek your approval and validation and will cross over your boundaries, often with nice gestures to get it.
Like the guy that I told over and over again that I worked from home. I didn’t have set hours. He took that as a free pass to stop over uninvited at random times. Might even bring me lunch or flowers.
While that is nice, I was often in my pajamas and deep in the middle of a blog post and he would stop my train of thought. When I am on a roll, it’s hard to get that back once interrupted.
I talked to him about this but it kept happening, though less frequent. He stepped right over the boundary that I laid down to get his agenda filled. His agenda was my attention, thus his validation.
Then there was the guy who would drive two hours to take me on a date. He seemed like a good man. We women love a man willing to put in effort. Third date he took me to an Asian Restaurant.
Asian food and my gut don’t always get along. He insisted I would love this place.
We arrived and then he insisted on ordering for me. Sushi. I can’t stand Sushi. I told him this. He said it’s really good here and you will love it.
After telling him countless times I didn’t like Sushi, he ordered it anyway and then insisted on hand feeding it to me with chopsticks. I hated it all over again.
This date gets even better and you will read about about this nice guy in number 5 on their misplaced values on sex.
It could be little things. Maybe you go to the gem on a schedule, yet he thinks if he offers you a nice dinner, you should be willing to give that up. I mean if you give it up then he gets his assurance that he is more important when really there should be no competition in this area at all.
These nice guys don’t do well with no or rejection. They even resort to giving you the guilt trip or pouting.
When a man doesn’t respect a boundary, even small ones, he is going to cross over you deal breaker boundaries without a second thought.
You would rather wash your hair and take a bubble bath than see me?
It’s hard to be patient with this nice guy, let alone be attracted to him.
5. Nice Guys Have Misplaced Values About Sex
I saw a clip of a popular game show where the question asked was something like this. 100 single men were polled and asked how many sexual partners should a woman have before she marries.
The answer I believe was 5. Oh sweet Jesus. Sadly in some fantasy world most nice guys would agree with this answer.
Questions that nice guys ask that should send your radar on high alert:
- When was the last time you had sex
- How many men have you slept with
- Have you ever had sex with someone outside your race
- How sexually experienced are you
- He gets upset if you say no to sex
- He expects sex when he has given a lot
Get ready lady, you are about to be judged. It’s a no win question.
Perhaps it’s his nice guy syndrome that has caused him to have fewer sex partners and he feels his own inadequacy. He becomes starkly aware of his lack.
I was asked on a date if I had ever slept with a black man. I said we all bleed red. He said so that is a yes? I said yes, that is a yes.
He left the date. Good riddance.
When you tell them the truth and in their perception that number is high, they can’t get past it.
You had sex a week before you met him, he fears you will repeat it.
You are experienced in bed, he feels threatened(even when he may be temporarily thrilled with this one).
Nice guys expect you to uphold their nice guy expectations. They feel safer knowing you have less to compare them too. This is a signal of his own insecurity.
A Gentleman, the good man doesn’t ask these questions because he is confident in his ability to woo you with or without sex. If he is into you, he simply doesn’t care.
Next time you get asked these crazy questions and get that yuck feeling in your gut, understand you have just met a nice guy. A low value guy.
Also understand if he judges you on your past or your sexual history you shouldn’t feel bad.
You should feel turned off. A high value woman will not feel the need to justify herself by answering these questions.
A woman with a lower self worth will analyze these questions and stress over how to answer.
One other sign you have a nice guy with skewed sexual values is the nice guy who has taken you out for dinner and drinks, expects sex and acts out when he doesn’t get it.
He feels he has invested and now it is owed to him. He also may not be above begging for sex.
Remember Sushi guy in #4? That was our third date. Yes I had slept with him on the second date.
During that delightful Sushi dinner he pulls a pill out of his pocket and pops it in his mouth. I ask him what was that? He said oh it’s Viagra. My blood pressure med cause me to have problems sometimes.
I can’t even put into words how that made me feel. He assumed because I had sex on the last date it was happening on this one?
It was a week night and here I thought he just drove down to take me to dinner and was going back to his town. Turns out he had even rented a hotel room.
I was a single mom and had a teenager at home and a job to get up for at the crack of dawn.
When I told him sex wasn’t happening he got angry. On the way to drive me home, he even stopped at the hotel and started guilting me badly. Reminding me that he had driven 2 hours, spent over 200 bucks on dinner and a hotel room and how could I tell him no.
He was implying that I owed him something. I felt more like a hooker than his date.
He then went into his expectations in our relationship. What relationship was my thought. It was only our 3rd date.
He began listing things I should give and things he wanted me to give up. Like wine for example, which had had willingly bought me at dinner. He didn’t drink.
It wasn’t that sex was never happening again with this guy, it just wasn’t happening that night. He didn’t get it.
I woke up the next day to some ugly messages and he had blocked me on social media and the dating site we met on.
A good man would have taken me home, no questions asked, took his happy ass back to the hotel room and went to bed and probably ask me out for date #4.
A good man would understand that one no did not mean I had rejected him completely.
Bullet dodged for me. This Sushi man showed his low value on date number 3.
He resurfaced months later but that is another crazy story.
6. Lower Value Men Rush In
Hundreds of thousands of women have experienced the man that comes on strong only to fade or disappear in a few weeks or couple of months.
They drop love bombs. They want to see you constantly. The text you good morning, good night and keep in constant contact. You begin to wonder if they have a life at all.
Their self pacing mechanism is non existent.
This man doesn’t even know you yet, but he puts his need for instant gratification before his good common sense.
He thinks he wants a good woman, but what he wants is a social status and validation of his worth.
He wants a relationship yet isn’t willing to put in the work(time) to get it. He jumps in and when it doesn’t look like his fantasy, he jumps right back out.
I am blown away by the women that have stories about a man talking marriage and babies within weeks of meeting.
Usually he is telling her what he thinks she wants to hear in hopes of getting what he thinks he wants.
Then he sees her flaws, reality sets in and he is gone like the wind.
7. Nice Guys are Pleasers
Nice guys want to please you and often forsake their own needs to do so. There is nothing wrong with wanting to please a woman.
A good man wants to please a woman, but he isn’t going to forsake himself to do so.
Nice guys expect appreciation for their pleasing efforts. While yes we women should understand that men want to be appreciated and give that willingly, the nice guy expects it and he will make it know when he doesn’t get it to his satisfaction.
They over give often when you didn’t ask them to do so and then get all hurt when you don’t go overboard on your appreciation or give them the validation that they seek.
Their over giving is actually them creating opportunities to get the approval and validation they so desperately want
I had a man that I had dated less than a month plan a big surprise birthday party for me. He contacted my friends (that he didn’t or barely knew) and swore them to secrecy. He went to great lengths and lot of trouble to impress me.
There were balloons, gifts, people I didn’t know or didn’t even really like in attendance.
He was shocked when I wasn’t all that happy. I thought I was going with drinks with a few of my girlfriends which is what I wanted to do. It’s what I had planned to do.
I managed to get through it with a smile on my face, but the flag was raised. That party wasn’t for me, it was for him.
When a man turns his giving to be about him and not about you, you have just met a nice guy and it’s normal for your attraction to drop a notch.
A good man gives without expectations and a high value woman shows her appreciation without having to be asked because she feels safe to do so with this man.
Nice guys give and they give a lot, with an agenda and expectation attached in the form of validation.
It’s Okay to not be Attracted to Nice Guys
You aren’t crazy to not be attracted to these so called nice guys. It’s normal. It’s your gut screaming at you. High value women learn to listen and trust their intuition.
Listen to your gut and your intuition because when the nice guy’s mask falls off and it will fall of because he can only maintain his insecurity for so long before it cracks.
If you ignore these flags you might get in too deep and leaving becomes an entangled drama mess.
I speak from experience unfortunately. The birthday party guy above. I spent three years with him. It was a huge learning experience for me.
It was tough breaking up with him. My friends loved him because he was such a nice guy. They didn’t live with him.
They thought I was nuts, but I was tired. Tired of trying to stand up on that narrow pedestal that he had put me on. Tired of trying to fill up his empty well.
That was a different era in my life. I was in my wounded self and we do attract people at the same level as our own wounded self.
That was when I was just discovering my higher value as a woman.
I had some healing that I needed to do. I needed to journey inward.
A high value woman recognizes the difference in a nice guy and a good man and won’t feel the need to justify her lack of attraction to the nice guys.
Do you find yourself in a pattern of either being wildly attracted to bad boys or turned off by nice guys? Let Katarina help you turn this around so you can find the balance in a good man.
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