Why What A Guy Says He Wants Often Contradicts What Works On Him?

alpha woman

When a man says he wants you to initiate more, be wary.  What he really says is I’m not really into you but I really won’t mind a free booty every now and then without me having to lift a finger.  The truth is what a man says he wants is not what men really want.  His logic says “chase me” but his male instinct dictates he can only appreciate what he has to work for.

What Men Really Want?

When you talk to a guy, don’t you notice how clueless he is, generally speaking, on what he’s attracted to deep down himself? So what do men really want in a relationship?

Take my boyfriend’s friend, Ramon, for example.  He recently broke up with his girlfriend of one year Amanda…well, you know the usual run down why leaning forward women get dumped often.  Upon talking to him, it’s obvious though that he wasn’t aware why he lost his attraction.  He maintained that he did like women who took charge, initiated, etc… (until he didn’t, of course).  It was just that he had a problem with her “not wanting to do what he liked doing.”  They argued too much.

As a yardstick, Joe and I argue once every few months for like a few minutes.

In other words, she liked to call the shots.  And she got dumped.

I’m sure you hear it often, “Oh, I like women who initiate, call and pursue what they want.”

Yep, then you start doing all that and he disappears on you…in no time.

So you’re like “Dude, you like being chased or you don’t, let’s get this straight.”

Do Guys Like the Chase?

do men like the chaseSo anyway, two days ago Ramon drove us to the airport cause we were flying to New York for my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding.  And he answered a call from a woman so I asked if she was his new squeeze.

He said, “Ye, we’re kinda official just before she left for Germany for 3 weeks.”

Mmmm…you know when a guy says kinda this…kinda that, it’s really not his idea.  And of course being so familiar with this aspect of dating, the first thing I asked was, “It was her idea of course, right?”

He said, “Ummm yeah…but I’m kinda okay with it.  We have known each other for 6 weeks then she asked if I was seeing others.  I said yes, cause we’re not committed.  And I just got out of a relationship.  I have no desire to date others or anything but yes I have hooked up a few times with a few women since my breakup.  She was shocked cause in her culture when you see someone you just see that person.  But I said, that is Germany, this is America, we do things differently.  We’re not committed so of course I’ll be seeing other women.  And she’ll be away for 3 weeks so she asked if we wanted to be exclusive.  I’d like to see how it goes with her.  I’m 37 and I want a family one day soon so I said yes because I like her.”

She’s just like all of you (hence you’re here reading this piece).  She’s a typical woman of our generation: pushy, aggressive, go getter, masculine, alpha.

So I said, “I’ll give you two a few months.” I know from experience that this is not what men really want!

And of course being Ramon, he would argue with me like the last time.  “I’m actually not an alpha male who likes to chase.  I have never been a woman chaser in my life so I’m okay with women taking charge.  In fact, I kinda like that she takes the initiative.  I like women who lead.”

I interjected, “Yeah, Joe says the same thing too all the time and look at him.  You broke up with Amanda and we’re still together.”

Him: “But I’m not him.  I’m different.”

Yeah sure, Ramon, you’re a special snow flake like every guy a woman will come across.  No one is average in this town.  Every dude likes to think he’s unique but you really aren’t.  You’re just another red-blooded man next door.

He said the exact same thing the last time too.

So I said, “You really aren’t that different.  You’re not alpha alpha but you are masculine enough like Joe and most men.  You want an independent woman who is laid back like me.”

And I added, “She fits the profile of my clients 100%.   And I have thousands of them.  The secret of my success is in fact because I have cracked the code of what men truly want and it’s often not what they think or say they want.”

Him: “Ummm….I’m not sure you have cracked the code as such because what you say is really a stereotype.”

Me: “And stereotypes are based on truth for the most part hence they become stereotypes.”

Him: “Right.”

Me: “So if you like it, we’re back to stereotypes….whatever but it’s what works based on my extensive experience.”

I was like, who the hell are you telling me, the Man Whisperer, what works with your tribe?  😀

So finally I told him, “Just send her to me when you get tired of her (in my head: and you will).  I’ll coach her.”

Don’t Listen to What He Says-Watch How He Responds

what do men really wantAs I have always said what men say or think they want and what they actually respond to are often two completely different things.  Many of the ladies in the group get anxious if they lean back too far and they often hear the guys they date want them to reach more (and when they do, these dudes are nowhere to be found).

And I always tell them: as long as you respond warmly, men don’t mind leading and investing in a woman they’re into.  They prefer it that way, in fact, no matter what they say.  That way you weed the players, the flakes, the emotionally unavailable and the time wasters and only allow real men who are really interested in you to be in your life.   In every relationship, one assumes the leading role and the other follows.  Otherwise, how can it ever work functionally?

There are relationships in which both are alphas and leading of course.  And we call it a co-dependency because they always butt heads.  They’re lacking polarity and both are always feeling that something is missing in the relationship.

Men who aren’t that keen to begin with want you to do all the work, naturally.  Hey, which red-blooded man would refuse a free booty?  And it’s good for their ego too before they choose some other woman he has to work to get affection from.  What men really want has nothing to do with you taking the lead.

And if you are being strung along, it’s really not their fault.  You are offering yourself to be on a leash by doing all the work while he’s sitting on his ass.

So if you want to learn what really works on men other than leaning back, you don’t want to miss Module 2 Understanding Men and Four Components of Melting His Heart.  And get also a bonus Session, the never-before-revealed Seven Reasons Why Men Marry Some Women and Dump Others.  This class alone is worth the entire program!  I will teach you what men really want on a primal level.

This program has resulted in 17 engagements in just 3 cycles.  We’ll start Sunday, August 14, 2016 at 3 pm EST.  You can sign up for that just module or the entire program.

MORE: What If He Still Dumps You After Being A Goddess?

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  I have just added a new bonus teleclass you don’t want to miss: “How Feminine Magnetism Is The Solution to Every Relationship Problem You Have.”

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well and if you want me to address more scenarios write it on the comment section below (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).



  • That’s ridiculous. When a man says he likes the woman to initiate sometimes, he’s saying that he wants to know that he’s loved and appreciated too. The whole idea that the guy is supposed to initiate, chase, etc., pigeonholes him into a very narrow role which can be very unfulfilling to him. If I have to choose between doing what makes me happy and being accepted by society, I’ll take my chances on being alone but happy. Hope you find happiness. I found mine. 😉

  • So men are basically like women, women say they want one thing (nice sensitive guy) and go for another (bad boy). No surprise here.

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