Why He Lies to You – The Truth May Shock You

why do men lie

I think it’s time to put the myth that all men lie to rest or at the very least open you to some insight as to why men lie to you.  The truth of the matter may shock you.  You see lying is not something that is gender specific, it’s a human behavior that is shared by both genders.  Human nature is a funny thing.

Have you ever had a girlfriend that had put on some weight ask you “do I look fat in this?”  Have you ever answered a question like that with a lie?  “Oh no, you look fine.”  Basic human nature does not want to hurt the feelings of another.

If you ask a man a question like this, most of us already know he isn’t going to tell you the truth.  No man in his right mind is going to tell a woman she looks fat.  He knows better and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but more than that, he doesn’t want to deal with your reaction.

Why He Lies to You Reason One!

He Doesn’t Want to Disappoint

Why men lieMen are competitive by nature.  They play to win.  They take disappointments to heart and the last thing they want to do is disappoint a woman. It feels like failure to a man. Is that a reason for men to lie?  No, not exactly, but if you are a woman that reacts strongly to truths, you are almost conditioning him to lie to you.  You are training him to with hold the truth.  Let me give you an example.

Trisha and Josh had been dating exclusively for about six months.  They were spending most of their free time together.  Josh was missing his freedom however and wanted a night with the guys.  Not that he wanted to go out and meet other women, he just wanted to hang out with the guys.

He told Trisha he had made plans for Friday night with his buddies.  She got upset.  Her feelings were hurt.  She used guilt on Josh and tried to make him feel bad for leaving her home.  Josh really couldn’t have a good time out with the boys now because he was too concerned about Trisha’s feelings.

Next time Josh wanted to go out with the boys, guess what he did?  He told her he had a work engagement.  Yes, he lied.  Why men lie to you often has a lot to do with your reaction.  If you react strongly and show hurt, you are putting your well-being into his hands.  You well-being is your responsibility and to put it onto the behavior of another is just too much.

To put it into simple terms, why men lie to you is to avoid your emotional drama and bleeding.  Your emotional outburst cause a man to feel like he is failing and the outburst to him are more painful than to bear than the guilt of the lie.

If this is the fact, instead of being jealous and suspicious you can actually turn this into an opportunity that will make him respect and bond to you deeper and in the process he’ll fall for you faster and deeper as well cause you’re so different to most women (in fact Katarina’s success is thanks to her grooming of all these women that come to her for help).  Here’s how.

Why He Lies to You Reason Two

The Women Before You

why men lie to youI dated a man once who was recently divorced from what I can only surmise as a very controlling woman.  A woman that wanted to know where he was and who he was with at all times.  He was married to this woman for 12 years.  He was very used to justifying his location.

When we first started getting serious, he would text me when he would get home after all of our dates.  I never asked him to, he just did it.  The texts started as “I am home.”  after a month or so, they went to just one word “home,” then they went to just the letter “H” for home.  In hindsight, I should have just told him he didn’t have to do that, but I thought it was sweet.

One night he texted me that H after about 5 minutes.  There was no way he was home in five minutes, but I really didn’t think about it.  The next night when he picked me up for a date, he told me he had a confession.  He was actually at the Waffle House eating and wasn’t home yet and he apologized to me for lying.

His ex wife would have hit the roof over something like this.  She had him trained that if he wanted any freedom, he had to lie to get it.  She had in a way, trained him to lie.  He was projecting this onto me.  He did not yet feel safe enough with me after only a few months.  It happens.  This isn’t the only man who has projected the past behavior of a woman onto me and may not be the last.  There are a lot of reactive women in this world.

STOP PRESS:  Have You Turned A Prince Charming Into A Frog?  Here’s How to Turn Him Back!

Why He Lies to You Reason Three

He Is In a Situation

why he liesWhen a man first starts dating you, in the beginning, he often is cautious.  He is likely dating other women.  He hasn’t yet merged into being exclusive to just one.  He still has his options open and he feels no need to justify things to you just yet.  If you push a man in this stage, you will likely get a lie or a less than truth.

In the beginning he may not be lying to you because he is a dog, he may just be sorting out what it is that he wants.

Jimmy had just come out of a divorce.  He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted a relationship, but he did know that he wanted a woman to spend some time with. He went on the dating site Match.com and started dating.

In the meantime he met this woman out of town, Angie, on a business trip and they hit it off.  Yet she was 1500 miles away.  He ended up staying through the weekend and they had a whirlwind romance.  When he got back home they continued to communicate and became engaged in an emotional affair of sorts.

Jimmy and Angie both had careers established and neither were willing to relocate.  They did fly to visit one another about once a month.  They planned a Vacation together in Vegas.  The trip was paid for.  Jimmy had booked the flights and hotel room.  It was two months out. Jimmy knew long term this wasn’t going to work so he stayed on Match.

So six weeks before the trip, Jimmy meets Rachel on Match and they have their first date.  It was easy, it was natural and they have another date and another.  Rachel lives 10 miles away.  Jimmy starts to really like Rachel, but it’s still early.

That vacation with Angie is approaching.  He hasn’t yet become exclusive with Rachel though they are seeing one another regularly.  He told Rachel from the beginning that he had a trip to Vegas planned with a friend. it was just small talk in the beginning. The trip was the truth, the friend part was a bit of a lie.  He left out it was a woman.

Jimmy goes on this trip and continues with this lie.  On the trip all he can think about is Rachel.  He has the break up talk with Angie on the last day of the trip and they end it amicably.  Angie understands.

Jimmy goes home, asks Rachel to be exclusive and never tells Rachel the truth about the trip.  He didn’t tell her most likely because he knew he would lose her over it.  He wasn’t yet quite sure of Rachel until he went on that trip with Angie.  Right or wrong, I can see how situations like this can unfold.

Rachel was a high value woman.  She didn’t ask questions in the beginning, she just allowed it to unfold. In the beginning of a relationship, ask no questions and you will get no lies. Rachel and Jimmy are still together and I don’t think Jimmy has lied to Rachel again.

Why He Lies to You in a Nutshell

Why men lie to women has a lot to do with how safe you make him feel and how trusted you make him feel.  If he doubts your ability to manage your emotions in the truth, it’s far less painful for him to just tell little lies.  Human nature operates from two places.  We are either seeking pleasure or avoiding pain. He lies from the human natures desire to avoid pain.

When you react all emotional and dramatic over things, it becomes painful to tell you truths.  Your drama and over re-activeness causes him to feel like he is failing and it’s painful for a man to feel failure.  If your man is lying to you over little things, he is avoiding your drama.

Sure there are some men that are outright Scoundrels, but most of them are just human. If your past if full of men lying to you and you now find it difficult to trust in a man, it’s likely the root issue of the why he lies to you actually lies with you and your over reactiveness and you inability to manage your own emotions.

Katarina can help you turn this around and teach you with Module 1 Understanding Men and Four Components of Melting His Heart  of the Feminine Magnetism Group Coaching and how not to be that woman that has to worry about why he lies to you again.

MORE: You Are Bothered By His Little Lies?  It’s Probably You Are Over Invested, Follow This Principle



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  • So just causually bring up the subject of divorce. Ask if he has ever been married and then ask how his divorce went?

  • Girl with a pearl earring

    Hi Katarina I just read this post and have a question related to men lying/withholding information. I met a seemingly great guy on Tinder and we hit it off. The first date lasted for hours. He was on Tinder with a fake name so as soon as we met he told me this and opened all of his social media to me and also followed me on Instagram. I asked him if he was married and he denied it. There were no telltale signs like ring or a tanline either. Later, while going through his IG I saw that he had a ring on in some of his older pictures. Either he was or is married. The only reason I am curious is because we message each other almost everyday! Otherwise I know that it was just one date and he doesn’t owe me any explanation. But according to your post a woman should not ask any questions in the beginning. Maybe his marriage just got over or is getting over. Whatever it is i don’t want to be carrying on with a man who is already taken. I’m not losing my cool but I need to find a way to resolve this like a high value woman. Pl advise. PS – he also lied about his age. Is 40. Told me he’s 37.

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