When Your Man Looks at Other Women

when men look at other women

Do you fee threatened or disrespected when your man looks at other women?  Most women do.  Are your feelings justified?  Is it wrong for a man to look at other women?  I mean he is with you, so why does he need to look at other women?

Is There a Threat When Your Man Looks at Other Women?

If you are like most women, when your man looks at another woman, you think he is comparing her to you. You fear he may find her more attractive than you.  The fact of the matter is he may or may not find her more attractive than you.  I mean think about it.

Is your man the most attractive man on earth?  Do you not find that some men are physically more attractive than your boyfriend or husband?  Does it mean you no longer want to be with your man now?  Does it have any affect at all on the relationship that you are in?

Without going into science or the biology of how men are wired, the fact is it’s normal for men to look at other women.  They have a basic instinct to spread their seed.  Men are monogamous by choice, not by nature.

Men are more visually stimulated than women.  They are programmed to favor variety.  They simply aren’t wired like women are. Their brains product pleasure chemicals when they see attractive women. These chemicals are fleeting. A woman enters their field of vision and they notice. They look.  Then the woman leaves his field of vision and he never thinks about her again.

You on the other hand are still thinking about him looking at this woman days after it has happened. If you wait days to ask him about it, he won’t even remember her. He probably isn’t going to remember her within minutes.  So when you confront him and he says “what woman,” he really doesn’t remember.  Out of sight, out of mind.

How to Deal When Your Man Looks at Another Woman

Do not nudge him in the ribs, shame him or confront him.  Do not make him feel guilty or bad or like he has betrayed you.  These behaviors may stop him from looking at other women when he is with you, but I assure you, he will still admire the female species when you aren’t around.  Making a big deal out of it only tells your man you don’t trust him.  Men need to be trusted, not to mention accepted.

When your man looks at other women, it’s normal.  Why not relate to him instead of making him feel guilty?  When your man looks at another woman, simply acknowledge to him that she is an attractive woman and watch his focus shift back to you. Share a bit in his appreciation for beauty.  This is behavior that is foreign to most men and they’ll notice!  And they’ll bond to you closer when they realize that no other woman will be as secure as you are.  They don’t expect you to agree or not shoot them down for it.  Next time you are walking down the street and his head turns to another woman, simply say “Wow, she is pretty isn’t she?”

Katarina actually does it with her boyfriend.  They watch people (women) together.  She will tease him about how hot some woman is and he’ll blush and yell “babe!”  You see when you are okay with it, he restrains himself through his own volition.

And he loves her all the more thanks to it.  Instead of wanting to act on it, he realizes how lucky he is to be in a relationship with her.  His ex would make him wear the glasses horses wear to restrict his peripheral vision and their relationship was super toxic thanks to that, among other things.

If you feel threatened when he looks at other women, perhaps you aren’t aware of your own value.  A high value woman knows what she brings to the table.

If you are plaqued with Jealousy and feel hurt when your man looks at other women, I suggest you check this out.

MORE: How You End The Cycle Of Toxicity In Your Relationship But Allowing Him To Be Who He Is




  • I think it’s a bit rude and inconsiderate. Male or female. Your partner shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable around you. We all notice, admire and appreciate. However, there’s a line. Self respect plays a part as well. We can’t fight our nature, but don’t hurt and potentially lose the one you love because you seem to be chasing glitter. Hormones, anatomy and all else aside, we’ve got brains, common sense.

  • it is not that women must be insecure in herself to be bothered by that… it is that level of her and his focus doesn’t match. if woman is more focused on her guy than other way around, than she is more attracted to him than other way around

  • “They watch people (WOMEN) together” why not both, women AND men?

    or women don’t have right to expect that?

  • Checking other women with your man is only ok if it is reciprocal. Why just women must tolerate things? Let’s face it, we’re always gonna be a little jelaous when our partner look at others. So if we can swallow that and sacrifice for benefit of a relationship, men should too.

    For us women is normal to look, too. We all like to admire beauty in any form, we are BOTH visual creatures, and it is not true that men are more, just remember how much women like pretty things and details, nice clothes, etc. It is stupid to say men are more visual.

  • Men are not more visually stimulated and and women are also monogamous by choice (without getting into the science of it). Men catch my eye and I look for a second, but I’m not going to ogle and stare and disrespect my man. Yes of course he’s going to notice other attractive women, but there’s a difference between starring and looking for a second. I don’t care if he looks at other women when I’m not around because I look at other men when he’s not around (because women are just as visual as men when they allow them selves to be authentic and not giving into societal standards).

    They can look in front of me, but don’t do it in a disrespectful way. A glance is one thing, but don’t stare. Anyone is capable of self control, man or woman.

    • I agree with wbtob. There is a difference between glancing, and then turning the neck to stare and saying, “Wow!” That’s just rude and disrespectful. There’s is a difference between looking and then looking 7 time at the same girl’s body part whil talking to you and not making eye contact.
      And yes, the science behind it–women are just as biologically programmed to have more than one partner as men are. In the vole study, the data always points out that the males area programmed to be with other partners, but the actual results stated that female voles that were supposedly monogamous had offspring that did not belong to their male partner. That means the couples females were also not being entirely monogamous. The scientific articles written to justify male infidelity and disrespectful behavior are not even scientifically sound and were written by those kinds of men. Other male and female scientists argue that humans are biologically programmed to be monogamous. The only species with oxytocin bonding and vasopressin are monogamous by nature–both of which humans have.
      I know two women who tried that whole “check out women with your guy” method when they were with a man who couldn’t control checking out other women when he was with her. One of them did that and was positive and not jealous about it. Guess what? He cheated on her continually, so she eventually divorced him. The other one? He refused to eve commit to her (she is a friend who actually subscribes to Katarina Phang and does all the techniques), and continually kept dating other younger women. He kept using her, but had no interest in committing to her, so she finally left it because he was so passive he would never give up the friends with benefits situation on his own. And she is heart broken. I’m not saying it never works–there’s one woman I know who does that with her husband. They seem to be okay. But I have heard some guys say that it makes them put their attention to other attractive women more than they would have.
      I think also bringing up how pretty other women are too frequently and pointing them out all the time could be a sign of insecurity as well. If you’re truly comfortable and it’s a non-issue, why bring it up at all?

      • If her man was a cheater, nothing she could have done would probably change that. That’s a case of a woman accepting the wrong man into her life and really has little to do with if he looks at other women are not.

        • this argument isn’t really necessary if we all become more aware of the fact that monogamy occurs on a spectrum (it isn’t yes/no). Roughly speaking, we have three brains: Human (intellect), Mammalian (emotions), Reptilian (body). The stronger the bond in each of these areas, the stronger the mongamous relationship. IE your Human bond is at 100%, your Mammalian bond is at 100%, and your Reptilian/sexual bond is at 100%. Relationships are very fluid and rarely are at 100% in all three areas very long (this reflects even the “dynamic bonds” between atoms… which are always vibrating). There are times when something my gf says just makes my human brain very attracted to her. There are also times when something she wears, or the way she dances, just makes my Reptilian brain very attracted to her.

          Genetics is now at the point where we realize that people’s brains have a maximum limit on how closely they can pair-bond in terms of the Human and Mammalian brains. (ie men with RS3 334 gene have a very high chance of being lifelong bachelors). What we don’t know yet is the percentage of the population that fall into these categories; all we have at this point is anecdotal evidence. Men’s Reptilian brain appear to be more “open” to cheating in the presence of a certain waist-to-hip ratio; women’s reptilian brain appear to be more “open” to cheating during certain days of the menstrual cycle (when they notice the tall, broad-shouldered, men with deep voices.

          all Katarina and Robin are trying to do is give us tips/techniques on managing the inevitable ebb/flows of relationship strength between the different brains. IE relationships when both partners are in their early 20’s are likely held together by the Reptilian brain (b/c values haven’t solidified), but when both partner are in their 70’s, the bond is likely stronger between their Human + Emotional brains.

    • I also agree with wbotb. A man who openly ogles and flirts with other women is triangulating. This is a red flag. Women who excuse this bad behavior and dismiss it as “normal” are potentially allowing a toxic man into their lives.

    • Absolutely. I like to check women out too. It’s fun to do it with someone who you are into. But there is fun and there is just plain sleezy.

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