When Your Boyfriend is Still on a Dating Site – What to do?
It’s a big sinking feeling when you discover your boyfriend is still on a dating site, no doubt about it. It’s like you momentarily just forget to breath. I have been there. So what does it mean and what do you do if you find your boyfriend still on a dating site.
The first thing here for you to consider before you start to analyze this to death is what made you check the dating site in the first place? In most cases it’s our gut that gives us a feeling that something may be off. I call it my spidey sense.
In other cases, there are some women that just don’t trust a man in general. They are constantly on guard for something to go wrong and checking a dating site for the guy they are dating is part of their ritual. If this is you, stop right here and please check out the Journey Inward and start doing some inner work.
What Does it Mean When Your Boyfriend is Still on a Dating Site?
It’s pretty simple really. He is keeping his options open. When a man is committed to you he is committed to contributing to your happiness as well. You won’t likely find him still active on a dating site. I don’t care what he tells you or what excuse he gives. Unless he is a complete idiot, he is aware this would not make you happy. A man committed to you would rather lose his arm than cause you despair.
However, here’s a caveat. If this happens in the beginning of a relationship, it’s actually quite common so don’t freak out. No need to be reactive especially when he’s not really active on there.
This may also be a sign to you that you are a lot more invested into him than he is into you. After all, you wouldn’t dream of still being on a dating site would you? It’s time to take a long hard look at yourself. Is he really your boyfriend or has your imagination carried you away in this relationship?
Often men like you enough to move things forward, but they just aren’t all in yet. They keep these secrets because they fear your emotional reaction. It’s not always that they don’t want to be with you. It’s more that they aren’t moving along at the same pace you are, so they juggle until they can make up their minds. They are pacing the relationship in their own minds to a degree.
Bottom line here though is this. At this moment, today, right now, you are most likely more invested and farther ahead in this relationship than he is. So now what?
What to do When Your Boyfriend Won’t Take his Dating Profile Down
First off, don’t overreact and attack him. This will only put him on the defense and he very well may play the blame shifting game as in make you feel like crap for snooping in the first place. Managing your emotions is something that you will be glad you did later down the road as opposed to going bat shit crazy on him. We are not in our Feminine Energy when we act bat shit crazy and it’s just not attractive.
Don’t jump to conclusions either. Consider how you discovered this gut wrenching piece of information. I personally still get emails from Match saying I have messages or so and so winked and I haven’t logged onto that site in over two years. I am not on a dating site, even though it appears I am. I just haven’t bothered to remove my profile.
So before your analyzing mind goes into overdrive, make sure that he is actually active and doesn’t just have some dormant profile up there.
When you find your boyfriend is still on a dating site, you have two choices really. You can confront him or you can downgrade him and pull back from the relationship.
Should You Confront Your Boyfriend about his Online Dating Activity?
If you know for a fact that he is online and active, and you decide you must confront him or you will die, don’t go at it in an accusing manner please. A simple statement like “I noticed you have your online dating profile still up and perhaps I don’t understand the terms of our relationship correctly, could you help me out with this?”
Then shut up and listen. Not with the ears that want to believe, but with that gut! I did this once and the next day he emailed me the confirmations from Match that he had indeed cancelled his account and I didn’t have to ask him to do it. He did it on his own and problem was resolved with no drama.
Above all stay calm and relaxed in your Feminine energy and don’t fly off the handle and lose control of your emotions. He expects you to lose control, so don’t!
If he gives you any lame excuses. you need to seriously consider if it’s time to walk away from the relationship: If a man is still active on a dating site, his options are open and you options should remain open as well. That is what we call mirroring a man.
Listen to these two classes to really deal with this the Goddessy Way: “How To be High Value And Easy To Lose And How It Can Inspire Men To Step Up” and “How To Manage Your Emotional Investment When He’s Been Stepping Up But Hasn’t Claimed You.”
Even when he has claimed you verbally, your job to observe never stops. So observe, observe and adjust your investment to his. Katarina always says to be always on the same page as him at all time. You withdraw emotionally when you see he’s not actually fully in. He’s not necessarily a bad man, but he just hasn’t arrived emotionally.
Your other options to confronting him is to just accept this truth, he isn’t as invested into you as you thought and downgrade him and stop being so available to him. Start your rotation up, start dating yourself. Downgrade him and continue on with your Merry life!