When To Walk Away From A Relationship

when to walk away from relationship

When to walk away from a relationship shouldn’t be such a mystery.  I never advise women to walk away from a relationship when I know they are not over their guys unless there is abuse involved.  It’s a useless piece of advice that never works.  Instead of “walking away” because you’re feeling pissed and coming back a bit later that makes you look unstable, you should find his rivals.

Here’s a post from Jessica in the group: “Update! I broke up with emotionally unavailable man for an emotionally available guy as many of you may recall from a few weeks ago. Let me tell you how this is going….

He’s been throwing a “mantrum.”  He called me last night yelling and complaining and accusing me of cheating and many other things….

I just listened and said “believe what you want… I am not replying…” And then at some point I started to cry.  He stopped, he cried too and then he started begging and pleading for me to reconsider.  He said ” Please don’t leave me I will do anything, I will meet your kids, your family, I will take you wherever you want to go, the best restaurants, vacations – we will do it all I just want to be with you for whatever it takes.”

I said “No, it’s too late the damage has been done and there is someone else who wanted to do all this and more from the start – this is just not who you are.”  He said “Please let me try” I stood my ground.

What we got to near the end of the conversation was that he wants to wait for me to date this guy and see if I really like him – and that he will just wait patiently and if he isn’t the guy – he will sweep in and be the guy I need him to be. He said “you will never be alone again because if this guy isn’t for you – I will be the guy for you”

Well, easy to lose much?

Boy, Kat – I think you need to play up the chapter where you know when to walk away a little bit more. I walked.  He’s now groveling.  I never in my LIFE expected this.  Also I got a good night call and a good morning text – and he knows I am going on a date with the new guy tonight. He told me to have fun and let him know how it is.  WHO IS THIS GUY?

I was with my EUM for 2.5 years EXACTLY.  First six months I was really open to dating others and then I walked away from him and then he started liking all my fb pictures and I reached out and we got “back” together.  At that point – I considered us exclusive – not sure if he did.  At a year mark he called me his girlfriend but I felt in name only – not in actions.

Katarina Phang – he tried to tell me he has no one else.  I laughed.  I said I have seen your facebook fan club and your phone has never entered my house, I am not stupid.  He then said he never did anything physical – I said I can believe that but you know you have a dozen girls in your phone feeding your ego … he said but I only want ONE girl now.  Well it’s too late for that but … nice to hear.  I just felt my value …..

And Kat, I did say I would be a success story – only I didn’t know that it would be with a new guy – an EA guy!!  In fact, I started the rotation hoping it was the magic pill to get my emotionally unavailable man to wake up and pay attention – only now I could CARE LESS about him.  Wow.”

Another success story of rotation.  Despite the much resistance out there of the idea of rotation from other coaches and clients alike, I have proven it time and again how magical it works!

At no time should you ever freak out or beg a man to give you what you want.  If he’s not ready, you keep dating.  Once you get a guy stepping up and asking you to be his girlfriend, you say adios to him.

That’s the best way to walk away from a situasionship.  No talk.  No drama.  It’s all actions, the language that men understand.  That’s how I walked away from my EUM too when my boyfriend claimed me.

This class on rotation was a blast.  This is to explain it to you once and for all why rotation is what high-value women who love themselves first and foremost do.  Nothing screams like self-love more that keeping a rotation till a guy steps up and claims you.  That’s how you keep your standards high without hardening your boundaries.

You are easy to be with, soft and inviting yet you are easy to lose.  If he snoozes he loses.  You keep the guy you adore (who isn’t committed yet) on his toes knowing any lucky guy can snatch you away from him.

So you a have a “boyfriend” who can get off for 4-5 days without talking to you? Then he’s a bf in words only.  Even my non-boyfriend EUM called me 2-3 times a day!!!  You can keep deluding yourself or you can start taking charge of your happiness independent of any particular guy.

Remember this, men are as faithful as their options (Chris Rock will stop here but I will add “when they’re not committed to you”).   And that’s the reason they’re not committed to you: they want to exercise their options while having you wait on the side till they’re done playing.  It’s not bad that they’re not ready to be in a relationship with you, but it’s not bad either that you can’t commit to a guy who hasn’t committed to you.

When to walk away from a relationship isn’t such a mystery.  You know it when you’re ready.  And it’s not when you feel all pissy for not getting the commitment you want.  It’s when you have better options the way Jessica and I did.

Never make a guy a priority when you are only an option.

12002532_625552744214212_2170197993808868131_oUPDATE:  Jessica was proposed to on Sept 27, 2015!  She shared:  “Well… I came to Kat a year and a half ago full of anxiety. Six months ago my anxiety ruled me and I knew I was the only one who could change it. So kicking and screaming and many classes later, ( and several bitch slaps from some lovely ladies here) I started a rotation. Six months later, leaned back me has had her EUM begging for a second chance and then this weekend… I have been proposed to- not by my EUM but by an EA guy I put into my rotation when I finally stopped undervaluing myself.”  So she is engagement no. 27 this year!

If you are sick of being stuck, it’s time to invest in yourself because you’re worth it.  Delve into all my programs and see yourself transform before your own very eyes.

And of course if you hesitate to read my book, please start there right now!  It’s going to be the best investment you’ll ever make as far as your love life is concerned.  You get to work closely with me and that is a privilege cause you won’t find this offer anywhere else and my time is getting more and more limited thanks to my Midas Touch. 

So get it here:

He’s Really That Into You, He’s Just Not Ready

You will get 2 week email coaching from me or email coaching and 20 min Skype session with a very small investment!  These prices will always increase in time cause won’t be able to accommodate everyone who comes to me for coaching.  You’re not only buying an ebook like you have been doing but you get to work with the world’s Top Fixer of any relationship issue with a solid track record to back her up.

MORE: Be A True Goddess Who Always Knows When To Walk Away With This Life-Changing Program

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  • victoria thompson

    I can’t find one person to date. Blind date, internet date, friends of friends date……nothing. I know i live in a isolated northern rural community with a small population but this is ridiculous. For several reasons i can’t move so don’t know what to do. How does one get a rotation with no men?

  • Me and my partner have been together for nearly 3years .when we are together we have a very good time .. but then he silently withdraws every few weeks and when he does I try to control my anxiety and pain act cool which he can sense n then the tension from the negativity between us gets so strong that we end up with arguments and then we break up for 10/15 days unless one of us reaches out . The sad thing is it’s turned into a pattern where we are good for 6/8 weeks and then 1wk of argument and then break up . So ideally we break up every 2months and can’t seem to break this pattern. I feel stuck and ofcourse to mention he’s emotionally unavailable in the last few weeks before we break up. Confused and baffled .. NAZ

    • It’s time to delve into my teachings. You will get all the mentoring you need when you invest in my book. You always argue because you both are masculine. Only one can assume the feminine role, who do you think will be a better candidate for that?

      • Yes ofcourse I will invest in your ebook. I also wanted to make you aware that he’s very controlling. Ex . I was going to chill at my sisters house on Friday night. I told him before I left that I was going . He was constantly monitoring the time I was there as he does not like my sisters husband and gets jealous. He txt me asking how long I was going to stay there I said may be an hour or two. By the time it got to 1.30 mins he started throwing tantrums so I had to leave from there and then we ended in an hour of arguing where he was accusing me of not checking him online and being too consumed. Yet when he’s out with his family or friends he can disappear for hours and I am not allowed to say anything or feel upset. His attitude is one rule or him another for me. Also when we are disconnected he gets very cold and mean and gives me a lot of attitude. And then disappears for days on until I reach out to him . Since I started reading your articles about 6 months ago I have learnt to lean back it works for a while but yet he doesn’t step up. Just so you know we were best friends for 8yrs and in relationship for 3yrs now. I feel he’s so much hard work. Also because of our issues and on/off relationship and his instability I have issues having sex and every time we make love after few days his efforts drop and he starts giving me attitude which forces me to put my guards up to protect my heart cos I feel used. Sorry for the long story . Love Naz

  • wow — sorry for the novel! I feel a bit embarrassed. i realize that ‘it is what it is’. i have no control, and i’ll be okay no matter what.
    (i wonder if you ever think all our comments sound the same!)
    Im sorry for such a long piece. you don’t have to publish if it’s redundant to other comments and articles! Thank you again for all you do.

  • Dear Katarina,

    Thank you so much for all of your articles and comments. I’ve been reading for a couple of months to help me deal with emotions arising in my current situation. But I feel I’m at a standstill.

    I have been involved with a man for 2.5 years, off and on. He runs easily and often, resorting back to his standard which is online dating in which he dates a woman for a few weeks and then fades / dumps her. He always comes back to me, and when he returns he is quite open about having been unsure of getting into a long-term exclusive relationship again. He is divorced, has children, and has had no serious relationships since his divorce. From what I understand, I am the closest thing he’s had to a commitment, with him continuing to try with me, taking his profile down, giving me exclusivity, and so on, when I don’t believe he has done this with anyone else. We usually last no longer than two months together before he flees. Unceremoniously.

    (Btw, I have no children, and don’t desire to have children, so there’s no implied pressure from me regarding a biological clock, or for marriage, for that matter. I just want to be with him, in a loving partnership.)

    The last time he left, I was gutted, again. It was horrendous. But he came back, reaching out to me for about two months before I finally responded. When I did respond, I kept saying to myself that I would take care of me first, not try to please him, and let the chips fall where they may. He continued, over a period of a month or so, to “step up” emotionally, (over text / email, because I was refusing to see him), finally saying I Love You, saying he was ready for a relationship, he wanted me in his life, and so on. Finally, after a month or so of these messages, I agreed to see him. So for the last two months we have been, from what I understand, together. He took his profile down from online sites, and was fairly attentive and consistent with contacting me every day, being sweet, seeing me every free weekend without his kids, talking about the future, planning ahead, and so on.

    I am not and have never been a woman who pursues men; I tend to lean back naturally and let them pursue me. So I never nagged him or pressured him over the years, although I did state (a long time ago) that I wanted exclusivity, so he’s known that all this time, that I am not comfortable sleeping with him while he sleeps with others. So each time he’s come back, *he* brings up exclusivity, and offers it to me. He’s said many things over the years to include ‘you’re the one’ and so on. I don’t prompt or nag.

    While I am not aggressive/masculine on the front end, I have, however, gotten reactive when he’s pulled away. I’ve probably done all the things you say are wrong at some point or another with him, and he still returns. So while there were times I wondered if he was just using me for sex (certainly some of my friends are of this theory), to your point, I don’t think a man would put up with the emotional drama just for sex, when he could get sex much more easily from a woman he is not emotionally connected to. So, over time, I’ve healed myself of this idea that he has used me. I believe he is a good man who cares for me. I don’t believe he wants to hurt me. I think he has felt pretty guilty about it, actually, although I don’t throw it in his face, ever. I let it go. He has at different times said things like “why do you even give me the time of day at this point”. I think he has been confounded that I actually care for him. Perhaps we’ve both been suspicious of love. I get that.

    This time that we’ve been back together, he got reactive once, and I responded in kind by cutting him off, no drama, I just walked. He quickly corrected and contacted me to say “let’s do this, let’s be together.” I agreed. I don’t punish him or nag or act nasty when he behaves in ways that hurt. I am pretty good (and authentic) about being naturally cool and forgiving quickly — I don’t tend to be someone that brings up the past and keeps score and throws it in his face. Although some of my friends would say I need to “punish him” or ask more questions and outline more requirements that I need to feel secure in the relationship, I’ve just never wanted to do that. I am typically just easygoing about it. So each time he’s come back and said “I want this / you”, I tend to believe him, and happily go along.

    In any case, a few weeks after his reactive moment, I felt he was pulling away again, and my protective instinct thought “oh shit, I’m going through it *again*” so I got reactive and immediately regretted it, and apologized. He said he understood my reactiveness, given our history, but he also thought it set an uncomfortable precedent going forward. I didn’t throw it in his face that he had done the exact same thing to me a few weeks prior. I simply said that I understood his point, and that it was true that our history informed my actions, but that I wanted for us to move past this pattern. I did apologize, but I didn’t fall all over myself about it, I remained cool-headed. He ultimately appeared to accept this. So we moved forward. He continued to speak about taking a weekend trip, which I never asked about; I knew that if he wanted to make it happen, he would. I leaned back, didn’t expect and didn’t complain, was light and happy when I saw him. Although i continued to feel anxiety and pain when he continued to pull away again, I dealt with it on my own (instead of contacting him / asking questions), and was genuinely open and loving when he reached out to say he couldn’t go out of town after all, but that I was welcome to come spend a couple of days at his place. I happily accepted, went to his place, and we had another wonderful time, at which point he talked about another weekend trip, more future plans, more sweet things, etc.

    He texted a sweet follow up after that, then went silent for a few days. I wasn’t bothered too much at first, because I was exhausted and felt I needed to recharge after all the together time. (He and I are both introverts who need lots of alone time to recharge. I am okay with this.) Then he texted something kind of lame, and I was out for the evening so didn’t reply until next morning, but I was sweet and mirrored him. His response was limp. I didn’t reply until the following day, at which point I was peppy and told him about something fun I was doing. He was pissy. I thought I would ignore his attitude. He continued to be cold / distant. I didn’t chase, I didn’t ask “Wtf is your problem!” although part of me wanted to. I worked on feeling my feelings, journaling, trying to take care of me, and had some good moments, some bad, as I felt him leaving again and felt really sad about it.

    Since then, he went silent for four days, “liked” one of my photos on social media during that time, then finally sent me a short text asking about my weekend. I mirrored in tone and content, said my weekend was good, and I asked him about his. He has not replied. It’s been another four days. I don’t initiate anything.

    I am at a loss, because I am leaning back but it’s not working. Yes, my energy at the moment is sad and bewildered, and I am tempted to reach out to say Hello, because I feel really upset that he is disappearing on me again, without telling me anything. I have refrained from reaching out and chasing, because I know that every time I have done this in the past, I have not liked the results. But he is still not contacting me, and times like this make me wonder why go to all the trouble to tell me you love me, you want to be with me, etc, if you’re just going to leave again? And I haven’t done anything to push him at all. I have mirrored him.

    In the past, by now I would have reached out to him, and I would have unfriended him or gotten overtly pissy or inquisitive. I haven’t done that this time. I haven’t chased at all. I am trying to remain open but I am in a lot of pain over this and am at a loss.

    I’m not sure what else to do, frankly. I am really sick and tired of going through this with him. There are times that throughout this journey I have felt grateful to him for all I’ve learned about myself — I do feel I’ve healed so much in the times apart. But the devastation is simply too much at this point. I can’t continue to go through it.

    It feels as though he and I are at a stalemate — he’s waiting for me (maybe consciously, maybe not) to reach out and be angry and “crazy”, whereas I am waiting for him to pop up on the online dating site so I can call him an asshole for dumping me without telling me. It’s like we both want an excuse to flee and to say “See, I told you so.” It feels terrible.

    For what it’s worth, I have kept my online dating profile active this entire time. It’s not a secret, and I assume he knows it’s active although he has never inquired. I did it out of self-protection, because all the other times I put all my eggs in his basket when he didn’t ask me to. This time I suppose I was waiting to see if he was really going to give us a go. But I have not actually gone out with other men, as since my guy said we were exclusive, I honored that. But now with his silence I am wondering if he is secretly on the site, if I am an idiot, and so on. This feels exhausting to wonder, to question. It feels like a game of who’s going to shoot the other first. I sometimes resent that I can’t ask him what the heck is going on.

    I understand all you write about feminine energy, being light and happy and so on. Even before I found your site a couple of months ago, I have been doing a lot of inner work and have healed so much over the past two years. I feel softer in many ways, more innocent and pure of heart, if that makes sense, yet also stronger on the inside. But still I feel I am losing him again and I don’t know what I have done wrong. I continue to check my online dating profile in an effort to keep moving, to try to build a rotation, to take action with my life without asking for a speech or a declaration, to realize that he is lukewarm again. But I’m not interested in anyone I see on the site. I feel I am doing all the things that you suggest yet I am still feeling this way, and frankly feel very stuck.

    Thank you so much for reading this. I’m hoping there is something you can feel / see in my words about this situation that I am somehow missing? Real EUM? Is it time to cut my losses?

    Thank you so so much.

    • One thing missing: rotation. Many women are like you, they’re in the same spot for years unable to leave or too scared to rock the boat so nothing ever changed. If you do the same thing over and over, don’t expect different results. That’s the very definition of insanity.

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