When He Says You Deserve Better This Is What He Means

when he says you deserve better

I think we have all heard this line before, when he says you deserve better.  It’s confusing to many women I am sure.  Usually when a woman hears a man say she deserves better or she deserves more she rushes into convincing mode.  She tries to reassure him that he is enough for her.  After reading what it really means when he tells you that you deserve better, hopefully you will never try to convince a man otherwise again.

You may take this as a compliment and I hate to break it to you, but it’s really not a compliment.  Contrary to popular belief, men really don’t want to disappoint you.  When a man says you deserve better, he is trying to warn you ahead of time, hoping you won’t be disappointed when you don’t get your needs met from him.

A man that tells you that you deserve better or that you are too good for him or anything of that nature already knows you are more invested that he is.  He is in a way letting you down easy.  It’s a nice way of telling you, he isn’t able or more likely isn’t willing to give you what he knows you deserve in a relationship.

You deserve better is a phrase men use that ranks right up there with “I don’t want to hurt you”.

Learn the seven traits of a high-value woman so you don’t become that desperate woman with a chasing energy.

STOP PRESS:  This Is Why Managing Your Emotional Investment Is The Only Way Not to Have A Guy Tell You that You Deserve Better

Why Does He Think He is Not Good Enough

he said i deserve betterThe reality of these words from a man is he is right and he does speak the truth.  You deserve a man who wants to give you the love and respect that you deserve.  When he says you deserve better he is telling you that he won’t give you better.  It’s in your best interest to believe him.

I have used this line.  I used it on my ex many times before I broke up with him and I meant those words.  He did deserve better.  He deserved to find a woman that could love him the way I just didn’t.  I knew he was deeply in love with me and I knew I could not return that.  In my mind he just wasn’t the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so I told him many times that he deserved better.

Part of this is also guilt on his part.  I know, I felt some guilt too.  Maybe guilt isn’t the right word but I sure felt bad.  I felt bad knowing a man loved me and I could not love him back and my thought that he deserves better was spot on, he did.  I just didn’t want to give him better, therefore I couldn’t.

When a man really loves you or is smitten with you, he won’t be telling you that you deserve better.  He will do anything in his power to be better for you.  When he says you deserve better, you haven’t captured his heart enough to inspire him to WANT to give you better.  Men do what it is they want to do.

Has He Said That?  Reverse It By Caring and Talking Less

Don’t Try to Convince a Man He is Enough

When a man feels that you are more invested into the relationship than he is this is just one of the lines you will hear or a stalling tactic that he will use to try to slow you down or pace the relationship. if you react by trying to convince him otherwise, you are just showing him exactly how much more ahead of him you really are. This does not endear you to him, quite the opposite.  Men don’t really respect women that settle for their crumbs.

When you try to convince or prove to a man that he is good enough for you, when he knows already that he is not because he can’t (doesn’t want to) give you what you deserve, he will usually begin to pull away. 

When a man says you deserve better, he has already come to terms with the fact that he can’t meet up to your expectations.  This happens more often when a woman gets ahead of the man in a relationship.  She begins to act like a girlfriend before he has claimed her.  He isn’t feeling inspired to win you over, because he already knows he has you.

When you act like a girlfriend before he is ready, he is going to feel pressure to reciprocate because he knows that is what you want and expect.  This often causes a man to tell you that you deserve better.

If you are a woman that knows her value, you will intuitively know this man has no intention at this point of giving you a commitment and you won’t invest too much energy into such a man.  A high value woman is easy to lose. She can take it or leave it.  This is the kind of woman that inspires men to step up.  A woman trying to convince a man he is good enough does not inspire this in a man because she doesn’t value herself enough.  She accepts his low offer.

When he says you deserve better, he speaks the truth and it has nothing to do with if YOU think he is good enough for you and everything to do with he just knows he is not because he doesn’t feel motivated to step up and be THAT man for you.

You can stop finding yourself in this relationship situations when you invest into yourself and study with Katarina in her life changing programs How to be a high value woman and easy to lose or Leaning back and Cultivating Feminine Mystique are both game changers when it comes to getting the love you deserve.

MORE:  Breakup Proof Your Relationship So You Will Never this Very Line that You Deserve Better

Want to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY?  Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!  And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.

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  • I usually don’t comment on stuff like this but a while ago my boyfriend he broke up with me and told me I deserve better. Two days later we hung out and we decided we couldn’t just let go. He’s became the person a deserve he’s changed he’s just been amazing. “You deserve better” don’t be haunted by this praise he might need time to think and he’ll realize what he lost.

  • So how do you come back from this if you acted this way? I did even though I know I shouldn’t have and we are no longer together or speaking. Is the best solution to move on and just start dating others?

  • After 7 years of marriage these heartbreaking words came from the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Similar articles to this have opened my eyes to a whole new idea that I had no idea existed. We hve decided to file for divorce and everyday it gets harder to wake up each day pretending that it’s not killing me. I hve made my peace n the positive out of all this is I get another chance at love. Why is it still hard to let go even though I do know I deserve better ?!

  • Hi,

    I was out for dinner with my EUM and we were talking some general topics and then he suddenly out of the blue told me I should be actively looking for other guys and no one was just going to fall into my lap and he asked me if i was doing that, and i wasn’t sure how to answer so i replied ‘maybe – maybe not’ . I was crushed by his words but didn’t say anything further and we went on to have a great night with laughter , intimacy etc. It hurt me that he was ok with losing me to another guy and in fact encouraging it. Is it time to cut my losses and move on or should I just ignore what he said and keep doing what we’re doing?

    • You should be dating anyway whether or not he says that. Get my ebook and deal with it the most functional way. You can still put him in your rotation.

  • It’s not that a woman hast captured his heart, it’s that he is probably depressed and negative and perhaps doesn’t want to bring the woman down with him. This has nothing to do with a woman not being stimulating enough to capture his heart. It usually has to do with his own inner conflicts and when a man is like this, there isn’t one woman out there that can get through to him. Not even his soulmate. He has to work on himself to feel more confident n

    • I totally agree wbotb. The man that tried so hard to capture my heart and he did , I fell deeply i love, we were so connected in so many ways it was like we had known each other before. He paced the relationship and told friends and family I was the one he’d marry , he’s 43 and never wanted to marry before. We discussed the plans for the future etc etc and out the blue he suddenly couldn’t be with me because guilt and “baggage ” from his past overtook his mind and his thought process was totally irrational. Suddenly he couldn’t offer me what he said, what I thought my future was had been snatched away just like that. I was heartbroken but I believe he is depressed and I have told him I will not turn my back on him. I am giving him space but will occasionally message him to let him know I’ve not gone anywhere. I truly believe when he has received some help, we will be together.

      • I too am in the same situation. My ex was saying all the right things making me believe we have a future and I’m sure he has ptsd/depression and all of a sudden he can’t give me what I need. Please do not decide for me, what I need. That’s my decision, not yours! I want my ex to get help and I think we would be together if he sought help.

    • Did you get back together?

    • Katrina post
      I don’t know what to believe. In October 2017 we would have been married 22 years. We have had our share of trouble as my husband was injured two years after we were married when I was pregnant with her only son. He has not worked since. Six years ago he have a midlife crisis and we separated for six months but did reconcile however his disrespect has continued. I am not a psychiatrist but Based on his actions, I believe he has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) which is in enhanced by his injury and inability to work. If I go along with his trips and purchases things are calmer but if I confront his disrespect things get worse. I have been speaking out more lately and he keeps threatening to pack his bags and leave, I told him I was tired of the threats not to say it again. This week I confronted a withdrawal I wasn’t aware and a trip, so he said he was leaving and I told him to do whatever he needed to do to make himself happy. So he packed his bags and went to his dads. He is not physically abusive but very mentally and emotionally abusive to the point that my confidence and self-esteem has severely suffered over the last 22 years. I know our 19 year old son has suffered severely from his Mental and emotional Abuse in the pas and I want to help him cope with this as best as possible. Our son will be attending college this year which should be an exciting time for him but he is very upset over my husband leaving. He is beginning to open up to me some about his feelings put toward his dad and shared with me that his dad sent him a note saying your mom deserves better than me. This communication was less than an hour after my husband had called me and was very threatening about finances, etc and disrespectful. My son was not aware of that conversation. So tonight I decided to search that statement on the Internet and found this and various other articles. I really don’t know what to think if it is his own poor self-esteem, injury, depression or NPD but I do know that whatever his issues he does not respect me or he would not continue making decisions and purchases without my consent. I value my marriage vows but Can that respect ever be restored or should I just move on?

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