When He Says He Doesn’t Want to Hurt You
Women seem to want to analyze what men say to death. The crux of this however is usually they are trying to analyze what they say to fit their picture of how they want things to be.
This statement “I don’t want to hurt you” for example. You may want to read that as he must care about my feelings.
Hmm, maybe, but let’s put it under the microscope without tunnel vision.
This phrase can come at anytime. It can come after a couple of dates or after you have been seeing one another for months, even years.
So what exactly is he saying when he says I don’t want to hurt you.
He knows you are more invested than he is. He is not on the same page as you are. And he is aware.
He knows that if it keeps going like this and you keep moving at a faster emotional pace, he will end up hurting you because truthfully he doesn’t feel the same way.
If he did feel the same way, hurting you wouldn’t even cross his mind.
These words would not come out of his mouth.
What Not to Do When You Hear These Words
Do not jump into the assumption that he must be scared of his feelings.
It’s not his feelings that scare him, it’s yours.
Don’t try to tell a man that says he doesn’t want to hurt you that you are a big girl and can handle it.
Do not try to reassure him under any circumstances. That just shows doormat behavior.
I have worn the other shoe in this situation. I have told a man that obviously had stronger feelings than me that I didn’t want to hurt him or feared I would hurt him.
He bravely told me he was a grown man and could handle it.
So I continued to see him.
He tried even harder to convince me that I was lovable as if he thought something was broken in me. He took my scared of hurting him as scared of falling in love.
That wasn’t it. Trust me. I wanted to be in love.
But I wasn’t, at least not with him.
I began to feel responsible for his heart. I didn’t want to be.
This story didn’t end well needless to say and it drug out for years.
Partly my fault for continuing to selfishly see him. I enjoyed his company. We had fun.
Men will continue to hang around when you accept things on their terms and sacrifice what you really want to be with them.
Partly his fault because he kept coming back time and time again every time I pulled away reassuring me he could handle it.
When a man tells you he doesn’t want to hurt you, he is telling you he doesn’t want to be responsible for your heart.
He is giving you a warning. I suggest you hear it loud and clear.
What more do you need to know? He isn’t on the same page.
What to do
Understand that him not wanting to hurt you means he sees your over investment and he is not in a welcoming place to receive it.
Understand that if you don’t get control of your emotions that he is completely right. You will get hurt.
Take control of your own happiness right now.
Start dating others if you are not already. Don’t tell him with words that you are a big girl or try to dig into why he says that (talk less…much less…find out why it works). I told you why he says that.
Slow down. Pace yourself. Stop being so available. Start living your life.
Show him with actions that he isn’t going to hurt you, no worries because your life is full and does not revolve around him.
You can continue to see him and keep him in your rotation, but he should not under any circumstances be in the top spot.
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