Members LoginShould I Text Him – Read This Before You Shoot Another Text!
Should I text him or should I not? Whoever thought that would be a one million dollar question in today’s dating and relating. A lot of women are blatherers when it comes to texting. They text long paragraphs with lots of abbreviations and repeatedly before he has a chance to respond. That takes away so much mystery out of your persona and with it his attraction for you.
Texting has become an integral part of our communication these days that just like emailing a set of etiquettes needs to be established. Believe it or not, guys sense your character and personality and judge you through your texting habits so a mishap here and there might kill a blooming interest on their part. If you find yourself thinking, should I text him, usually the answer is no. Let me explain.
When dating you always have to keep in mind that first impressions matter and mystery is a big part of attraction so your texting habits can increase or decrease your value in his eyes. (Are you a compulsive texter?) You need this program to keep you poised and grounded so you will attract him more and keep his attraction alive.)
So answer these questions and find out if you are the sort of woman who can grab a man’s attention through your texting habits:
1. Do you always respond as soon as you get a text?
2. Do you initiate texting more than he does?
3. Do you text a lot of trivia or unimportant stuff just to chat or get his attention?
4. Do you fire another text or two when you haven’t got a response to your previous text?
5. Do you act pushy by asking “where are you?” or “what are you doing?” or “are you there?” or “why are you not responding?” or “did you get my text?”
6. Do you always have the last word?
7. Do you always write in long paragraphs, get too much into detail (something that has to be reserved for in-person or phone conversation) and use many abbreviations that not everyone understands?
8. Do you often get no response or a very short one like “k?”
If the majority to your answers is YES, girl, you really need to read this because likelihood is you have been pushing away so many guys because you simply don’t act like a high-value woman. He stops calling and texting exactly because of that (and some other reasons as outlined here). If you answered yes and are wondering should I text him, then probably no.
STOP PRESS!! The Irony Is You Can Text Him Back. Michael Fiore Tells You How.
This is how you come across:
1. Needy, clingy and insecure ’cause you need a lot of attention and constant validation/assurance.
2. High maintenance and controlling
3. Uninteresting because you are way too available and have too much time on your hands; you don’t have a life.
4. Talk too much and are too self-absorbed.
5. You are a guy chaser and don’t have many options. You are desperate.
You may not be any of the above but that’s the exact impression you create with your communication style.
Read the 7 Texting Habits of a High Value Woman Here!
Throughout the years I have refined my texting habits from a more available texter to the one who avoids it unless it’s really necessary. And it has worked because it changes the vibe I project out and what is perceived by guys. I become the “elusive” confident woman who has too much an exciting life to tend to texting (learn more about the lost art of being “hard to get” that will drive him crazy with desire for you).
You may or may not, the point is when you emit that kind of aura, your value soars in a man’s eyes. A man wants a prize, whether or not he wants to admit it. He wants what other men want and what he has to work for to have.
My boyfriend pursued me because of this. Not just texting but also I’m scarce in other means of communication as well. When he first texted me, it took me a day to respond and honestly it wasn’t on purpose but I simply wasn’t hooked to my cellphone. I certainly didn’t wonder should I text him or not.
Remember, scarcity and mystery are parts of attraction. When you make a guy wonder ’cause you are not easy to figure out or read, you make him intrigued. When he is, it means he’s thinking about you and a guy likes a woman he can’t help thinking of. That’s the sort of woman he perceives as high-value and worth pursuing.
HERE’S THE REAL TRUTH: He’s Really Not That Complicated…If Only You Knew What Buttons To Push
Should I Text Him: Seven Deadly Tips to Build Attraction Through Texting
So say you just met a cute guy and you really like him, here are Seven simple tips that will make you stand out from the rest and make him yearn for you:
1. Vary your response time, be a little unpredictable. Sometimes you wait a day, some other times a few hours, sometimes right away. But being always quick in your response doesn’t create intrigue in his mind. Don’t let him take you for granted.
2. Let him initiate most of the time. Leaning back applies in every situation with men. Even you need to lean back in your ways of communication (if you want to know more about the power of leaning back in igniting intense attraction in men, click here…it will change your life). If he texts you regularly, you can initiate once (as a part of being unpredictable) say for every 5-6 texts he initiates. If he texts you “good morning” or “good night” every day, beat him to the punch one morning/evening by doing it first.
3. Keep your texts simple, short and sweet. Be direct cause guys don’t like reading long messages.
4. Not every text needs a response. Most often than not, let him have the last word. If he gives you an emoticon as a response for example, say a smiley, it’s time to end the convo by saying nothing back.
5. Don’t initiate text if he hasn’t texted you in a while. A guy won’t forget you just because he hasn’t heard from you. You want a guy who steps up and leads so if he’s slacking in his way of communication, you taking charge in the matter won’t make him want to do it more. Quite the opposite it dampens his motivation to do so. That’s why you shouldn’t over-invest in a guy and be ahead of him with your wild fantasy and imagination. Always in the “wait and see” mode and observe if he’s consistent. This way you screen out a lot of time wasters.
6. Don’t be a bore. Be imaginative, creative, witty and flirtatious in your response. Instead of saying “what’s up?” you can instead say “tell me something that makes my knees weak” or something playful like “do you know that kissing burns 68 calories/hr?” out of the blue or “I had a long day today. I need something stiff.” But don’t overdo it either ’cause then you appear overacting. Here are more tips to create a goddess persona with your texting.
7. Always know when to stop and leave him wanting MORE each and every time. Many women are blatherers and lack of self-restraint when it comes to talking and communicating. Women like this turn men off before anything blooms.
MORE: Everything You Need To Know About Making A Man Addicted To You And Wanting To Keep In Touch With You
Should I Text Him If He Has Stopped Texting Or Doesn’t Text As Much Anymore
First of all, don’t get ahead of yourself. Just because a guy is trying to win your heart by wooing you and texting you around the clock, it doesn’t mean it will continue or you should expect it to be so. The truth is nobody can sustain back and forth texting around the clock for an extended period of time unless he/she has nothing else better to do but texting all day.
Stop reading so much into it. In fact expect that at some point his amount of texting will dwindle and hopefully by then, if you haven’t screwed it up, the relationship has evolved into something more meaningful.
If he stopped texting, it could be that he’s just taking a break. Let him have it. If you’ve been out on a date or few dates, it’s to be expected that he will take some time off/pull back to process his feelings. There is nothing to worry about. No need to text him wondering where he is.
If you haven’t been on a date or he hasn’t asked you out, why do you want to be e-maintained anyway? It’s a waste of time.
Need to decode his texting habits more….read this.
Bottom line is this, when you are free of anxiety and expectations and isn’t a pushy person by nature and not a text addict, shooting him a text first once in a while if you haven’t heard from him in a while and you two have established some sort of connection, it won’t do any harm. If you are free from anxiety or expectations, you won’t be wondering should I text him, you will just know.
The key is, as I mentioned, you should have no expectation and you are okay whatever he might do after (either responding or not to your text). By this time he has known your personality and character through your texting habits, among other ways, and he won’t think any differently just because you touch base every now and then when he’s slacking.
At the end of the day, you will know if a guy is into you and want to pursue this. So trust in the process. Lean back and relax and keep your life full and exciting so you are not always hooked to your cell (here’s how to be a man’s MUSE without even trying so hard).
So that’s all about texting, now what about calling? Calling men is even WAY WORSE than texting them. Calling is very intrusive and the energy that comes through is nothing but chasing.
Questions? Please comment below if you have any.
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Deciding whether to send a text message depends on the context of your relationship, the nature of your previous interactions, and your specific intentions. Here are some considerations before sending another text:
Clarity of Communication:
Ensure that your message is clear and conveys your intended meaning. Avoid ambiguous or confusing messages that could lead to misunderstandings.
Respect Boundaries:
Respect the other person’s boundaries and response time. If they haven’t responded to your previous messages, consider whether it’s appropriate to send another. Give them space if needed.
Are you texting him out of genuine interest or because of external pressures or expectations? Greeting : Telkom University
Thank you incredibly much for the amazing article!
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ONE OF THE BEST AND INFORMATIVE BLOG thank you for providing this piece of information
Thank you, hon.
I still didn’t understand why most of the girls hesitate to text the guy they like first? There’s nothing wrong with it. It is not good to be stereotypic.
Good article though!
That’s leading and most guys don’t respond to that kind of assertiveness.
I have been widowed for nine years and then I met Jadon. We started dating May 28, 2018. At that time he was separated and living in a different house in a different town for six (6) years. He is a nice guy. Communication is our biggest strong suit. He broke up with me in November 23, 2018. His youngest child (17) wanted him to move back home because he felt safe with his dad home. Although whenever Jason had plans with his son, the son would cancel last minute. Jason said it wasn’t fair to ask me to wait two (until son graduated high school) years for him. So Jason moved back home ~ in February, 2019, Jason contacted me. We got back together. Once again he said I was safe with him, he wasn’t going anywhere, dating anyone else or have intimacy with anyone else. Then May 24, 2019, went through the breakup again. On July 19, 2019, we got back together again ~ he said he wants to be with me but the situation is complicated. Jason says he cares about me. Recently a close friend has been diagnosed with a terminal medical condition. I offered him support which he appreciated. He hasn’t contacted me in two weeks. I left a message to see how he was doing and how his friend is, also giving him space to process the situation and he hasn’t replied. Should I just move on?
Hi Sarah, he’s full of doubts so let him figure that out and you must not be exclusive with a guy like that. Always have a rotation and let the best man win. Start with my ebook. You might as well have made a lot of mistakes that made him unable to move forward deeper with you.
Hello Katarina, you are admirable. Your advice is sound and well put, and I must admit truthful.
I have a question to ask: should you let your boyfriend/partner/the person your seeing look through your phone? Some see it as a form of trust, but I’d like your keen opinion on this!
Hi madam, thank you!
To answer you, depends on why? If they’re jealous and always need proof that I don’t cheat on him, at some point I’d be just turned off.
some of these people are feeling so attacked by an objective post, theyre not calling you names , just suggesting that you or they may be texting too often
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We have been seeing each other for THERE years, we love each other, he as been promising me
he will leave is wife but he never did, time went on still the same thing. I saw an ad concerning a spell
caster i contacted him and told him my situation after some negotiation he agreed to help me, which he did.
within a week he divorced his wife and now we are married.
If you need his service this is the mail you can reach him on; nakodako@outlook.com
Hi Kat,
I have been talking to this guy for about three weeks now and at the beginning we would text each other everyday. We have so much in common and our conversations were great. We have hung out twice since we met and all of a sudden he has gone quiet and I haven’t heard anything in almost a week now. I know that we are in the very early stages of any type of relationship if you can even call it that at this point, I just don’t know if I should reach out to him and try and meet up again or if I should wait and see if he reaches out to me ?
You should get busy with other guys. He’ll find you when he wants to. Nudging a guy won’t go far. They’ll flake again in no time if they don’t have enough interest so lean back. Get the ebook to understand the miracle that I teach.
Hi Katarina
I’ve been dating a guy for 8 months,I did a lot of mistakes and was needy,insecure and jealous(though I’m not anymore tnx to u:)about 2,5 months ago I asked him to hang out he wasn’t very keen and told me he’ll tell me If he can but as u can guess he didn’t.i decided to lean back cause I was very annoyed.he texted me a few times I replyed politely but not very warm.i didn’t nag or become angry because I didn’t want to come off as desperate anymore.he hasn’t texted me since then(about three months).he posted stories on IG about love but then unfollowed me for no reason.we’re at the same university and whenever he sees me he just stares and does nothing.he also seted a photo I took of him on his profile about two weeks ago but deleted it.
I read all of your blogs and I am satisfied with my life but I want to know your opinion about my situation.you think should I just let it go?we didn’t break up actually…
By the way we both are 20
I’ll be grateful if u share your opinion with me as an expert in relationship field.
Move on and keep dating. You two are young so you’ll meet plenty of guys you like and now you can practice everything I teach so they don’t run away from you again. Get the ebook too.
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Hello, I enjoy reading through your article post.
I like to write a little comment to support you.
I am in a confusing situation right now as well. It’s been a week since I texted a guy and haven’t received any response. This is someone that I knew when I was younger, saw each other a couple times in college/texted a lot, but nothing ever came of it. Now we’ve reconnected several years later and have been texting fairly regularly for the last couple months, usually a couple times a week, sometimes conversations will last all day and night. Texting is our main form of communication because we live far apart.
Anyway, last week we were having a flirty, fun conversation and he suddenly stopped answering. A couple hours later he explained he had been busy, which was cool. At that point I told him it’s cool and that we can talk some other time if it’s easier for him. I didn’t want to bother him if he was saying he was busy, and was fine with ending the conversation there and letting him text when he wants. But then he replied saying that he could continue talking now. So I tried to continue texting him, being flirty, nothing out of the ordinary from our usual texts. However after one or two texts back and forth he stopped responding again! Since he doesn’t always do that, and I had planned to go to bed early, I sent him a follow up text a few hours later letting him know I’d be going to bed early and that he could text me whenever he feels like. I normally don’t send follow up texts like that but i know a lot of times he won’t respond until late at night if he got caught up in other things, and I didn’t want him to think I was now ignoring him for not texting me back.
Anyway, I haven’t sent any texts since then and it’s been a week since I’ve heard from him. I was thinking of sending him a casual text— there’s a tv show he showed me that’s I saw is coming out with a new season and thought he might be interested since it’s one of his favorite shows.
Should I text him? Or should I continue to wait since my last text said that he can text me whenever? In the past he has sent me mixed signals— for instance one time I didn’t send a follow up text and he asked me why I never texted him again, told me that I should remind him when he forgets to respond…but I don’t wanna do this all the time because I feel he will start getting annoyed by it. What do I do?
He doesn’t want to talk. You can do whatever you want with that piece of info but if he wants to chit chat he knows where to find you.
Hi katarina,
I could use some advice. Might be a little long. Anyway, I’ve been attracted to someone for a few years now. I met him through my (at the time boyfriend) who was his roommate :/ my ex and I were on/off.. I got pregnant and we have a child together. We separated a few years ago. One night I had a physical connection with the man I speak of, not sec but flirting kissing etc. We had great physical chemistry and he’s just a super sweet, polite genuine, mellow, confident, loves his family type of guy. I reached out to him some time later on social media. We began talking about 2 years ago (my initiation). He would tell me that nothing could happen because of his friendship with my ex. We continued our talking and got closer (how I feel anyway) learning about each other, flirting etc. he got into a relationship about 2 months after we started talking.. he told me before his status changed via social media and would still continue messaging me although he was into a relationship. A time or two I had said we can’t speak a certain way because it’s not right and his response was that talking isn’t bad as long as we aren’t acting on it and that maybe he’s just used to being single and doing whatever he wants.. I had then told him maybe he should figure it out.. he said, In order to do that we couldn’t speak, I didn’t say anything and then he reached out about 5 days later. I feel I made a mistake when I answered that message without asking if he had figured anything out. He seemed very interested in me.. by the context of our talks, initiating, offering to help me with vehicle needs “he’s a mechanic”. we continued this back and forth, moving into texting, as I said it’s been almost 2 years now. In the present I’m realizing a lot of my mistakes.. chasing, probably coming off a little needy clingy or desperate.. I didn’t mean to come off that way and to be honest, for nearly this whole time, up until a few months ago it didn’t matter to me how I came across because I only wanted to befriend him and sleep with him.. maybe seeing where it goes. Few months ago in august/September.. I realized my feelings are very involved. He and his girlfriend broke up around beginning of September. Second time they broke up within a year. He and I got together end of September and hooked up. And then again a week later. A month later. And two months after that. Deep down I knew I didn’t want to be labeled as a hookup, or be sucked into a casual relationship.. I’ve never had such before. I really want to date this man and see what could come of it. I don’t know how he “sees me”.. in my gut, in his presence, I feel he has feelings but maybe avoiding them for one reason or another. He did change a little after sleeping together. Stopped texting as much or as promptly.. since around December, 3 times or so he’d go 5-9 or 5 to up to 14 days without texting me. Before it was no more than 3 days. Is there a way to change this situation around? Make him see me as more? Or maybe get clarification from him if he doesn’t want to date me and why? I don’t want to make excuses for him.. but I know he’s going through a lot, his parent was diagnosed with an illness few months after we began talking and he takes care of them and lives with them. Maybe he’s not in a place where he wants anything serious or to be a provider?! I don’t know. Any advice for me on what I should do? I feel like I need to walk a fine line between being seen as just a friend or more and I’m constantly questioning my moves/decisions. I don’t what to do if he were to ask for me to come over one night.. I feel it coming eventually by subtle hints in recent time. Unless he’s just throwing the bait to see if he still can. I didn’t say yes or no to it.. basically a we’ll see.
He’s rebounding, listen to this class on the very subject so you don’t waste your time. Continue to date and live life merrily. There are so many men out there you can fall for and who will fall for you. Stop getting stuck on a dick.
Also start with my ebook so you will never find yourself in this situation ever again!
How have I only just found you!! So many mistakes I’ve made Not anymore!! Ironic that I’ve found you just when I’ve made consecutive series’ of these foolish & I know better mistakes! You are what I’ve needed!
I Love your responses like above ~ straight to it. It is what it is!
Signing up straight away thank u
Not too late to learn new ways, hon. Have you read the ebook at least?
Hi katarina thanks for replying! Ironically the very evening I sent this…as I was deleting a dating app (1st & last time), i stupidly clicked on the an extended time from a guy I’d matched with – but hadn’t bothered. Until then. Can honestly say never clicked with anyone like it. We got on great & him the initiator & chaser. Fast forward to now with a few details in between (it got ?? i dunno lot mixed signals from him)..to basically nothing. Meeting up only once..both busy, but it was great ? again him chasing asking/talking about when next meeting as if was a sure thing. Hmm anything but, had dwindled 2 not. Shd get over it-I can’t stand that clearly u talked a lot shit mate, both still on s/c but I begrudge giving easy way out – cos I know itd be annoying him that whatever’s occurred 4 him, end of day he’s come off as that typical man which hed hate..have the balls 2 actually say something. & I Hate that I like him
Thank you.
I feel this works with dating women too. We all are the same. I’m going through that now-should I text her or not? We have a date coming up next week on Tuesday. We texted a lot for a couple of days then on the weekend–she did say she would be off the grid and busy with work trip and friends….so I don’t want to “bug her” or sound over eager. I’m trying really hard not to text. I think I did ok yesterday but only heard from her a few times, but it was semi medium texts so not just “ok” or “k”. So it isn’t just with men it is women too! I don’t want to ruin our date by texting too much. I think I am doing ok, the last text I sent was a picture of me…no nudes just a regular picture. Hope that’s ok! I haven’t texted her this morning, kind of trying to play hard to get or just wait a while till I hear from her! this is so confusing!!
Mirroring her style will be the best.
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YESSSS!!!!! Thank you, I have been typing ‘shall I text him?’ and ‘why hasn’t he responded?’ into Google for ages! (he was super kean and then disappeared) and every other website just bumbed me out even more with ‘he probably isn’t into you’ urgh!
This, on the other hand makes me feel so empowered!, I have no desire to text him anymore (Just think either he doesn’t care and therefor there’s no point anyway, or my silence will peak his interest again) my inaction now feels like action! the next guy won’t know what hit him! 😉 xxx
Thank you! Stay here for ultimate relationship advice. 🙂
Pretty! This has been an incredibly wonderful post.
Many thanks for providing this information.
Great Post,Keep Writing!!!
Hey! Definitely a great read!!
Question tho – I met this guy at a bar this past Friday and we really hit it off and had a great time together until closing. He then asks for my number and texts me his right away. We texted a couple after we parted ways for the night. He’s also in the middle of moving to a new city that weekend.
I initiated contact Sunday and he ended with “see you soon”. Whatever. So yesterday he msgd me and I had no idea what he was talking about and turns out he was just replying to a delayed text from Sunday so he technically has yet to contact me first. As for going on a date – i suggested it and he said this week was bad and I said cool and I was just kind of putting it out there for him. He soon after swapping pictures of each other, compliments me and says he’ll text soon because he’s driving. Well. This was yesterday around 5:30pm and it’s almost noon now.
What’s the deal here? He has yet to initiate contact BUT at the bar he made all the first moves so I thought me initiating would be a good idea to show him I’m interested. I know he’s busy with work and settling into his new place, but no one is ALWAYS too busy to say hi. Am I looking into this a bit too far? Should I wait it out to see if he makes contact? When do I move on if he hasn’t made contact in (x) amount of days?? I just don’t want to overwhelm him, he has responded quite quickly to my msg on Sunday and he responded quickly to what he thought was a msg yesterday that was really a delayed msg ( he sent a screenshot of it to show me when he got it ).
I’m the type who does have anxiety and I’m impatient and I’m trying hard to stop my old habits and obviously why I’m reaching out today about it. Please, any tips will help me out quite a bit from someone on the outside of it all. I really had a lot of fun with this guy and I never connect that quickly with people so I’m quite interested in seeing where it goes!
I’m not sure anyone watches this thread anymore to give advice :'(
You don’t ask a man out. If he’s not asking it’s because he doesn’t want to.
Hey,
Great post! I have a question… so I have been unofficially seeing this guy for nearly 2 years (!), then I moved away to a different city for university 3ish months ago. I found he would text me first 90% of the time, would say he missed me lots etc. However when I was home for Xmas holidays just passed. I seemed in hindsight too clingy, drunk texting him on NYE and drunk calls, and we had an argument Christmas time over text (my fault). I’ve been back at university for a week and now heard nothing from him (we text once or twice before I left since the argument but haven’t seen him since). Why have I heard nothing from him? I personally think it’s cause I looked too clingy/desperate? I’m thinking I should wait to hear from him and not text him first given the circumstances? Or should I? What’s going on?!
Thanks!
Hi, I have been casually seeing a guy for about a month. We are essentially sleeping together but also date as we go out for dinner, he has cooked for me, we watch tv etc. We get on well but we have both said we don’t want a bf / gf but we are enjoying what is going on. We are both using online dating apps to speak to others (well I believe he is too). I do have feelings for him and I do think he has some feelings for me.
However our messaging is not always frequent or great but the conversation in person is always really good. The last conversation we had was just casual chatting on Sunday and he actually declined to see me as he had a lot of studying to do (which is fine, I know he is busy). I have not heard from him since, so it has been about 6 days. My query is, do I send him a message or not bother? I feel like he has my number and if he wants to chat he would send me a message but on the other hand I would like to see him and chat to him.
What do you think please?
What’s up all, here every one is sharing such know-how, thus it’s nice to read this blog, and I used
to pay a visit this weblog every day.
Doing all of that you will lose him.That’s too much time away from texting or calling,your love will become distance and love will surely die.That’s enough time to start another relationship with someone hell might as well
Hi Katarina,
Your e-book was a great purchase and I’m trying to put your advice into practice.
Without going into too much detail, I’ve been dating a man (mid-30s) I met on a dating app for the past 3 months. Initially I was leaning WAY back. He would text me every week for a date and I would respond to agree (mirroring). Beyond the weekly dates, we would not communicate much. Then it seemed his interest started waning. The weekly dates became fortnightly and I craved more contact.
So even though I know I shouldn’t have, I started leaning too far forward – initiating the majority of the texts, becoming needy and wanting his reassurance that he wasn’t dating others. After we slept together for the first time, he admitted to having sex with someone while he had been dating me. This was obviously really disappointing, He now seems more interested in meeting new women, even going as far as to texting other women while we are out on dates. I’m still being needy, desperate and pathetic. He now appears to have lost even more interest after sex and is even beginning to ignore my texts.
To be truthful, I’m not sure I was even that interested in him in the beginning, so I am shocked I am acting this way. He is attractive, successful and kind, but I never felt we were very compatible and found him a little boring.
Do you think its worth letting this one go altogether, cut all contact and move on? -OR- Can this be fixed/resolved by leaning back and going back into feminine energy? Do you think this is too far gone?
Would really appreciate your advice.
Fire up your rotation and stop chasing!
Hi there! I just stumbled on this post and it really helped me. Thanks for posting!
I started talking to this guy the last week of class a few weeks ago. I found out through Facebook that he is considerably older than me (he is 28 and I am 19) and previously in the military. He is a really good guy, but he is pretty awkward and for the last two weeks we have gone on dates both Saturdays. He rarely texts me unless to make plans, but last week he was sick so we texted a lot- which I am assuming was just because he is bored.
Because of his military experience he is very formal and after our first date I wasn’t sure how he felt about me because he didn’t really touch me. He made plans for our second date (we went hiking and he planned everything) and it was really fun. He wasn’t flirty or didn’t try to have physical contact until after I drove off and he texted me and said he wanted to give me a goodnight kiss- (which was a great kiss) but it was our first time getting really physical. Then he got really sick for a week and texted me a lot and during that time, which I think was out of boredom. He asked me a lot of personal questions that he didn’t ask me in person (how I felt about him/ if I had ever had sex/ wanting to know more about my father who had passed, making plans for a future date, etc). I liked talking to him like this because it felt like it was actually moving us forward. It got weird the last night when he said he was thinking about me in the bath and I told him that made me a bit uncomfortable (because it did just because we hadn’t really been physical yet). He apologized and it seemed okay. After that, he didn’t text me and I am assuming it’s because he isn’t sick.
It’s been a few days now and we haven’t talked, which normally wouldn’t be weird except for the fact that we had talked so much last week and that awkward ending.
I texted him yesterday and just said “hey! hope you’re feeling better” and he said sorry for being busy and that he was out on the lake with his family and asked me how I was without responding.
I’m not the type to send a guy texts if he doesn’t respond to mine and it seems hat the only time we talk is when I initate or he wants to make plans.
So a few questions:
He wouldn’t of asked me how I felt/where things were going if he wasn’t interested, right?
Do you think he doesn’t want to be with me because I said that the bath thing made me uncomfortable?
He wouldn’t of made plans for future events and said he liked the way he felt around me during that time we were texting if he was just bored right?
Also, on our last date I left my hammock at his house and it’s pretty pricy. If he doesn’t text me/communicate with me is it okay for me to call and ask him for it without looking crazy?
and one last question:
how can I stop myself from allowing him to control so much of my thoughts? I want to be confident like you and not care as much about how often he texts me.
Again, thanks for your post and time!
Hi Katarina, I enjoy reading your posts. I have an odd situation I’d love to get your advice on..
I met a guy on Twitter back in early March, a little over 2 months ago, and I instinctively learned very quickly to shorten my Direct Messages, which seems to have worked. He was initiating contact in the beginning—for the first 10 days or so—and then suddenly that stopped out of the blue, and it was all about my initiating from that point on. I got annoyed with that new dynamic, so I asked him to message me first next time or I’d disappear… (said half in jest, half serious) I received a response immediately, telling me not to disappear, and then the following day he uncharacteristically messaged me midday, asking if I’d disappeared with a sad emoji face. We chatted for an hour, the longest ever. After that, however, it was back to my reaching out first.
I live far away from this guy. (I’m in NY and he’s in Texas.) So far, it’s just messaging back and forth. We do not have each other’s last names or phone numbers. He calls me things like babe, honeybunch, Hun, and cutie pie, but my Northeast friends and family view those words as insulting low class pet names. (He does use my first name in public Tweets, so the pet names in private don’t really bother me.) Anyway, it’s weird—we have this long-distance chat thing going on, but who knows how long it can go on? The chat sessions are so short, and not every day. Getting to know him is feeling slow as molasses…
Also, my mother fell ill in April and passed away last week. This guy was so kind and thoughtful throughout my ordeal and he started opening up about personal things regarding his own parents. So it felt as if we were connecting on a new level, and I am feeling restless for a deeper, lasting connection. I want to offer to exchange phone numbers but am nervous about that being considered too forward on my part. About a month ago he told me he doesn’t trust anyone on the Internet, and he didn’t even feel ready to exchange numbers at that point. But I’m contemplating closing my Twitter account anyway because it’s too time-consuming, and I’d hate to lose touch with this guy forever, which is why I’m wondering about giving him my number.
I didn’t mean for this to be so long, but my problem is so unique because I met this person on Twitter, live hundreds of miles away from him, and neither of us had planned any of this. It’s not like we met through a friend or a dating site. Also, we are in our 40s, so we’re not kids anymore. He’s got a daughter in her 20s and I’ve never been married and have no kids.
Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated! Thank you!!
You’re wasting your time. Stop imagining and fantasizing things in your head. Move on to local guys unless he makes a concrete plan to meet you.
Thanks for responding to my post, Katarina. I’ll definitely want to buy your book… But the good news is that this guy and I are making plans for a connection! My gut instinct told me all along that this was for real. Thanks again. Looking forward to reading your book:)
Hi Katarina im so glad i found your post it is so helpful 🙂 I really need your help!Im afraid my situation is embarrassing to me but I’m going to share it anyway for someone else to learn from it. So this guy asked me out on a date and he first date went pretty good. I met him like 3 weeks ago today and we have been on 2 dates over the weekends. He would text or call like once or twice a week just to check in but that was about it. On the second date the sexual tension was really high and we slept together. U see the thing is in my culture sex isn’t a thing we do casually and this was my 1st time doing it with someone who wasn’t my bf. He knew this because we had discussed relationships and culture a great deal so i was honest with him. He was always hinting at a future relationship by even asking so many forward that people never really ask on a 1st or 2nd date so i assumed he may want a relationship eventually i guess.. However after sleeping with him he ddnt last long and i ddnt want to go a second time because i felt shy since this was all new to me to sleep with someone who wasn’t my bf. we had lots of pillow talk after ward and everything seemed fine. Then he said to me “i should probably take u home now”. That crushed me and made me feel like a cheap slut because this guy knew about my situation and we had talked a great deal and yet he ddnt even give me the option to sleep over if i wanted not that i would have on the first night. He dropped me off last saturday and asked when I’m free from work and class and we both decided friday would be a good day so we set a date. I ddnt hear from him the whole next day so i texted him late sunday afternoon and just simply said hey handsome hope u enjoyed the rest of your night and had a good rest. Because he always called me babe or pet names when talking to me in the past and he had said he was sleepy so he ddnt want to sleep on the wheel after dropping me off. He was charming when he dropped off that we even talked a bit before i got of the car and he said see you friday. He later replied after like 4 hours that he slept like a baby and asked me how i was and i replied 20 mins later that i was good just hanging with the girls which i was. and since then he has not replied and i have not heard from him and we are supposed to seeing each other tomorrow friday. I ddnt say anything since then and just want to know what i should do? does this mean he doesn’t want to see me anymore? he always made the first move given we have only been chatting for 2 weeks and i ddnt want to initiate anything until i knew more about us and where we were. Please HELP ME :)!!!
Hi!
I have been seeing this guy for 2 months now. We haven’t had the talk about exclusivity or relationship yet. I do want to bring it up soon though.
We usually see each other about once a week. I’ve met a few of his friends. In the beginning, he would initiate the texts. I actually don’t text a lot in the beginning of dating; I usually text more later on when I feel more comfortable with the guy. After reading your article, I think he’s probably the opposite. Maybe he initiated a lot in the beginning to woo me.
We have slept together a few times already. He is affectionate when we are together in public(hand holding, kissing). He doesn’t just invite me over to his place, we go out on actual dates. Once we just went on a lunch date, and I couldn’t sleep over that day anyway.
I guess I got anxious when he would respond but not initiate texts. Then we went for a week without talking or seeing each other. It turns out he was busy with work, family stuff, and a backpacking trip with his friends.
I’m trying to keep busy by letting him reach out to me first to plan a date. I think I asked him out the last 2 times. I don’t mind initiating (which is a big step for me), but I don’t want to initiate all the time either.
My next concern is:
Should I wait for him to bring up whether or not he wants to be exclusive or should I bring that up the next time we hang out?
Thanks!
You sound like the guy in this. You need my book, girl. Get it…. A woman shall never initiate the talk. If he wants you as a gf you will know. He’s not even courting you so read the signs, his actions or lack thereof say it all. You are chasing him and he’s turned off.
https://katarinaphang.com/products/hes-really-that-into-you-hes-just-not-ready/
Texting all day by ending I love you talking about when we meet how we are planning our love making them without any explanation stops texting
Hi Katarina, I’m not sure you still have time to answer but I just trying my luck.
I know this man less than 2 years from online… we chat almost everyday and both of us got initial the text. he got date me many times but deal to my schedule, every date also not at good timing. he continue texting me and make plan to meet my parents and he even plan to join my family trip as well. I feel happy and glad to see him for being so passionate and loving. Along our chat for nearly half year, he went to outstation for business and somehow he met a pick pocket, all his money was gone. At the same time, I found out he was cheating me that he is not married but I saw 2 kids picture at his profile. that night I was so worried about him as he got no money with him and I tried to texted him few times but no respond…. I have no chance to find out the lie and he was disappeared.
He contacted me again last year end. I was surprise, he wanted to date me out, somehow the timing not right again. I tried to date him once but he told me he is now having his own business in Japan. from that day onwards, our connection was back again and I have the chance to find out the lie from him… somehow, I just found out, it is actually the apps error. don’t know why my bff kids profile pictures was at his profile (haha… we laugh along this silly misunderstand). Our connection get deeper.. he always send me his picture on whereabout to secure me and he even send me some short video clip on his event. he plan to come back for 10days to settle some of his thing with the government and he wanted to past me his house key so I can renovate his house and take of his house… he plan to have a short holiday with me at the beach side.. everything sound so great and the chemistry came back again.. I actually did join a match maker agent and I did told him. the fist time he was joke on it (maybe the chemistry not to strong yet, I guess) last 2 weeks I told him the agent had arrange another date for me on next Wednesday. He act like normal and said “oh really, so who is the next date and what is his criteria”. I feel a bit confuse, then I told him the date criteria but I told him some thing not so right now. He ask “what not right, the man got problem?”. I said not because of the man but it is me. It is my heart feel some thing not right. I’m actually awaiting for an answer from someone. he did not respond me. then I told him we are adult and no time for games. Can you tell me directly, do you like me??? he did not respond since last 2 Friday until now. my last message to him is last Thursday, I told him I did not done anything wrong. I just wanna confirm the feeling yes or not it is ok for me, we still can be friend but not this way you just disappeared. Anyway, I really happy for the past near 6 months, I appreciate it much. from tat day onwards I did not text him. but I know I miss him so much. now I don’t know whether to go airport to pick him as promise and I don’t know whether he will texted me back or not. Please let me know what should I do when he texted me back or when he not text me back.
Thank you.
Hello Katarina –
Thank you for all your time you are putting into answering the questions to all these beautiful ladies around here, you sure are one amazing person .
My story is similar to Vera’s ( and my name is also Vera : ) ..
I met this guy last year and after 2 months of intense dating in a good way ( i.e. we saw each other almost 3 times a week, i met all his friends, he took me to work events where i met his boss and coworkers ) , suddenly – he went ALOOF on me
No regular texts, nor calls. I tried to initiate a date, but he was out of town and then when he was back, i was away..i’m going to be honest: i was hurting !! or should i say my ego was hurting ?
But i let him be – and i’ve moved on.. not even 2 months later, he came back..yes he did ! in fact, they always do, don’t they?
As i was already into someone else, i cared little about him wanting to see me and just to talk about what had happened when he pulled away.. but i did give him the chance, we met and talked a lot over some wine in a local bar.
He did say that he got cold feet as we headed down the relationship road way too quickly and he withdrew out of fear.
I wasn’t angry nor bitter, i said: you felt certain way and you acted upon your feelings, we all do the same. next time tho, try to communicate better with the girl you are going to be with. it would make things lot better between you two. in fact, he did meet someone else, but things weren’t really great so they broke off. i was also dating during the time he pulled away. i signed up for cooking classes. i went on a cruise. did few other trips. took dance classes..and i totally forgot about him..until he came back.. and i remained the cool chick, always correct in my answers, and never flirty
So we agreed to remain friends, no bitter feelings and all that –
but i know that we both still have some feelings for each other and the chemistry is still there for sure –
We’ve met couple of times , and we never had anything but great talks, laughters, and some snuggling.. no kisses no sex ..i can tell he has grown up since the time i was into him, he has become more patient, gentleman and more mature.
However, i don’t really trust him . I’m afraid that he would do the pull away act again on me if i give him / us another chance..and the last time i saw him, i did say to him: this fun thing we have going on between us can keep on happening until i meet someone worth dating .. or until you meet a great girl..but we gonna be honest and let each other know if that happens. no game playing.
oh boy :/ that was hursh, i admit. im sure i hurt his ego. im sure he felt as an option ( hey, we can have fun, but i am in the market for an actual MAN material ).. ugh ! but at that moment that’s how i felt and i shared that with him.
And i haven’t heard from him ever since . I sent a random text with a picture of a great country club i went to as i know he loves the country music, but no reply back from him.. its been 3 days now and still nothing.
i know he hasn’t blocked me for sure lol and we are still FB friends:)
Also, i know he doesn’t need to answer back to me by any means as we are not dating nor we are in a relationship, but the girly part of me is little bugged by this behavior ..again..i just don’t know why i like him so much. my head says one big clear NO, but my heart is on the opposite side, it just wants to snuggle up with him again.
Is he pulling away again on me or ? did i push him away by being brutally blunt / honest?
I am not going to push things even further by sending another text, so i am just going to let him be ..again, because every time i gave guys the space they silently ask for – they always come back..but for some reason, i cant get him out of my head.
Thanks in advance : )
Hi,
I’m a girl who hasn’t dated a lot, full-time school and work since I was 19 but have turned about 8 guys down that wanted to hang out with me over the years. Anyway just moved and met this guy at this job I have. Our boss sent a group text and he texted me a day later and was like “who is this number?” so I said who it was. Then “Now you have it, bye”. He kept texting me and a month later still texting. So here’s complication; two weeks into it he said he has a girlfriend he’s in love with. This is after telling me about how sexy I was, comparing me to poems, doing the usual “I like you” and joking around, telling me his sad life story/deep discussions late at night like girlfriend type stuff. He didn’t text for a weekend last week, then texted back apologizing. We texted a little less, and not personal any more, just friend stuff which is fine. Then four days ago he didn’t text for two days, then suddenly texted saying he didn’t have anything to do…. and he apologized again saying something was going on that he was “secluded and pissed” but “will tell me in a week”… and asks to hang out repeatedly. Yesterday he asked me to hang out again. And just the hanging out, no more small talk. When I said I couldn’t do late night/bar this week he said ok well I don’t know when will work out. And said Saturday won’t work out cuz his girlfriend is off. They only hang out two days of the week, work conflicting schedules otherwise.
So I think he wants to hang out just to be friends. I don’t have experience in just that, most guys wanted me to hang out for Reasons, but he’s sending me mixed messages.
What do you think? P.S. I’m 29 he’s 24. My coworker told me over the past 4 months he’s talked about “katie katie katie” (me) all the time and how sexy I was.
I’m a little embarressed by all this. I’d love to hang out with him. Unfortunately I did say “i have a crush on you, doesn’t that suck?” at one point but i kept it light then told him the next day i was kidding and went back to being “cool”.
Please respond lol.
Need some advice please. I met this guy on an online dating app 2 months ago. We met up and got along really well, theres some kind of connection we have that’s hard to explain. He txted me that night saying words cant explain how amazing you are and im just so lucky to have met you and have you in my life. Have met up 4 times after that. We kept txting each other few times a day. On NYE he told me he wishes we were together hopfully next year. Met up NYD went back to my place watched a movie and cuddled. We had sex that day. We cuddled a bit afterwards and said he had to go out for dinner and that he’d txt me after dinner, he didnt. I got a message next morning saying sorry I didnt txt you back. I asked him a week ago if he wanted to go to the movies he said that would be lovely babe.Last Sunday txted him movie times. And got back. ‘Just woke up had migraine all morning trying to recover now hoping to still be ok for later if that’s ok’i said ‘yes of course later will be fiine.’ Didnt hear from him all day but I wasnt going to bother him as I know he gets bad migrains. I txted him in morning that I hope he is feeling better. He said ‘took work off today as still not the best after yesterday’ told him ‘hope that he is feeling better soon’. He said ‘thanks babe hope we can still catch up when im feeling better.’ I said ‘of course we can, would like that☺’ I txted him late that night saying ‘hope you had a relaxing day and that you are feeling better.’ He txted back and i txted a good night message. I txted him again in morning just to see how he was and he said “bit better’ was at work he said ‘have a good day?’ i txted back and a few hr later, he did. I txted him thursday night how are you doing and how was your day and havent heard back. Have I annoyed him with the how are you’s? I just care about him but havent told him that should I? And how? I hope I havent annoyed him. Or pushed him away, I think I’m starting to get feelings for him. I do miss him and he has told me the same.
i want to text this guy first, but we haven’t talked for 2 days and I was the last one to reply “gn”, he also told me that there are days that “he just doesn’t feel like texting” yet after he said that we carried on a convo, but he hasn’t initiated a convo with me since, and I don’t want to text first if I get the feeling that he’s lost interest in me, but at the same time i do, because I don’t want to make it seem like I’m being “prideful” and waiting for him to text me first, help 🙁
Hi! I have a question for you. There is a guy I met at a party who I talked to for a while then hooked up with at some point (and when we did, I didn’t just leaves I stayed the night with him and we talked and got to know each other better), he kept messaging me for a few days after then that weekend just stopped answering. I got frustrated and sent him many messages, just random stuff that we would always talk about. When he did get back to me he got very annoyed and snappy at me. I didn’t talk to him for a couple days then I asked him a question, he was snappy with me at first, but he did end up answering the question like normal. What should I do? Should I confront him and find out if he still even wants to talk to me? Should I assume that the whole thing is a 100% over? Or should I just wait and see if he talks to me again or not? Or give him some time then confront him about it?
You should read my book and not wait. You do everything wrong.
Confrontation is not the way to a man’s heart and it will cause them to retreat every time. It was one night, surely you don’t think that means you are in a relationship and he owes you anything. Stop texting him, leave him alone and get Kat’s book asap. Why do you continue to pursue a man who gets snappy with you. That tells you all you need to know.
So I joined this social networking site a month ago. I was bored that’s why I made it. And it was a good site to meet up new people with the same interest as yours. So the second day , I messaged this guy and we hit off pretty quickly. We became really good friends and I started to really like him. It wasn’t intentional. We just clicked with each other. After few days, I added him on Kik. And we used to talk a lot on kik. And I found out we had very similiar tastes with each other. It felt good to be so connected with someone again. So I aked him out ( I know it was sudden but I really wanted to be with him ) and he said yes. So we talked normally for a whole week. We were really love dovey with each other and stuff and I felt like nothing could go wrong. Then he disappeared for two days and when he came back, he said this distance was too much for him to handle and he couldn’t be with me anymore. But he said he was always here to talk and he still really liked me.
I was really hurt. But I kept my compusure and suggested that him and I should be friends. He agreed. We started talking again. We talked talked every day for a whole week and we were still acting like a couple, saying romantic stuff to each otherand how we wanted to be with each other in the future. I thought we were back to normal and I was so happy about it.
BUT once again, he started ignoring me. We were talking normally and he just stopped replying without giving me any warning. I sent him 4 text messages, and he yet has to answer them. He has been online. The site we met told me that his account was online all day. So yeah I am really confused at what is going on his mind.
Do you think I’m too overbearing? What should I do? Should I send him more text messages? Or let him come to me? Does he need space? What if he doesn’t talk to me anytime soon /: ?
Yes, you are too overbearing and chasing like there is no tomorrow. Any guy will run away. You are the dude in this, very aggressive. He’s turned off. Read my book and learn what works with men. Certainly not what you’ve been doing.
This article has been quite helpful in my dating life. I have recently stumbled onto a situation that I don’t know quite how to handle – a friend and I recently reconnected and spent time together over the course of several months. We weren’t ‘dating’ although we did share some kisses. Plenty of texts, never phone calls as neither of us are big on that. He initiated over 70% of the texting. A couple of months ago things were a little confusing between us and I just flat out told him that I liked him and would be interested in exploring more but was fine with just a friendship (I know, bad approach, although I wasn’t crazy emotional or over the top about it). He thanked me for that and we continued our dinner together, evening ended fine, he texted afterwards thanking me. The communications dropped off a bit after that and I’ve finally just gone no contact for about 30 days now to get myself clear.
My question is this – he was the last to reach out to me with a funny story, I responded, he responded to me. His response didn’t require a response from me and that is the last time we’ve communicated. Is the ‘ball’ in my court, so to speak, as far as picking back up communication? I would at some point like to have a friendship again, when I feel ready, as I do really enjoy our interactions – but I also don’t want to come across as needy or chasing him. I guess I would like to see if this could go anywhere as he did (does?) have feelings for me but I likely rushed it with my little speech – and now I realize that he probably doesn’t have feelings for me anymore since he has allowed nearly 30 days to go by without any communications. I know there are ways of getting people back into your life…I’m just curious how that happens if you don’t normally frequent the same places or know you’re going to see them through friends, work, etc.
Hi…
I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 18 years now…..its been a very long time. While I am very consistent in my writing emails, or texting…my man sometimes just disappears when he is mad, or sometimes disappears for 2 or 3 weeks on end for no reason…..or abandons texting mid way……or lets me do all the emailing…..and responds to emails once in a while. Have we run out of things to say to each other…..sometimes I feel as though we have. He swears I am the love of a lifetime for him. Last week I saw him online….said hi….asked how he was feeling….as he had been down with fever….and he said “im a little better now’……I asked him something else….but got no response. I told him something like you are very mean…(in a joking way)….however I found him online till 1.30 in the morning!! I didnt ask who….or why….but I didnt talk to him the entire week…..but he didnt bother to write or text me either. Sometimes we will be constantly in touch….on email, and text and phone. There is no predictability.
Just yesterday I wrote him a short mail saying “I’ve been busy….yada yada…” pretty much as though nothing had happened. And I didnt have the time to talk to him. Does that make sense?? I’m confused….how do I deal with him?
He did tell me a few weeks ago….after this many years….that he enjoys mystery…..what do you make of that?
You’re in an imaginary relationship. He’s dating and having sex with other women while you’ve been playing a stepford wife for 18 years to a phantom bf. Who does that? Yup, a doormat who has no options, nor self-esteem.
Just to put this in perspective….we are both married. neither of us intending to leave our respective spouses….for a variety of reasons. Anyways yesterday post my mail….in which i maintained a high value profile….he immediately got in touch to ask if i was free to go away for the weekend. I said ok….send me the details…coz we need to book flights….and he said he would. But not a word since then. I have not texted or emailed him…..asking what happened….nor do i intend to.
I am in my professional life an alpha female and might I add very good looking, extremely successful, but in love with this man. BTW….my husband is a beta man.
How do I fix the relationship with this man. In the early years…..he was sooo good.
Well you have a point, but if you’re gonna refer to girls as women you should not refer to guys as guys..they are men…by using the GUY/WOMAN dynamic is sounds lopsided and sexist actually
Hey katrina i came with dome bad news. After he went nuts and made me his gf because he thought he was loosing me . Because i didnt reply to his text for 24 hours he blew up my phone and called me twice. Well he made me his gf when i answered. Now i did nit hear from him in 4 days. What to do. We had plans
I did what you said and he made me his gf lol..now just to get married..idk lol
Great advice
Who cares. That is why dating is so hard because of stupid rules like this. If he’s really into he’ll truly get to know you and not judge you based on your texting style.
Then why are you here, Toots? 🙂
I have a question for you Katarina. I’ve been talking to this guy (let’s call him Jon) for a little while. We met online and he agreed to exchange numbers. Through conversation Jon told me he was going to New York for business but when he gets back he wants to take me out on a date. He’s been pretty good at responding to my messages but I wanted to speak with him over the phone. He said he would call but now it’s 4 days later and I have not heard from him. He gets back in 3 days, should I just wait for him to come back? Also Jon is 10 years older than me (I’m 25) if that makes a difference.
This guy n me met online.. Initially he wasn’t serious about me although I liked him n kept pursuing.. Then I leant back n stopped texting him.. I took a break of 4 months for studies n did not see him during this period.. He kept on constantly asking me to see him n waited for 4 months just to see me.. The day I finished my exams he eagerly came to meet me n I went.. He told me he missed me n loves me.. But I wasnt sure if he was serious hence asked him to hold back.. V spent great time together n now he is out of town to meet his family.. Haven’t heard since then.. It’s been a week.. Forget about texting part but when he does come to me should I give him a chance..
Hello Katarina.
I have found your article the most informative on this subject and the only one that makes true sense. It is also the one that speaks to me best in my situation. I apologise in advance for the length of this story, I don’t have many friends and none I can talk to about matters this personal.
I am seeing a guy, our relationship is very casual because I wasn’t looking for one and neither was he. He had returned from 2 years overseas and was looking to make some new friends as all his old ones have fallen off his radar. He initiated messages through a Meetup group and while I was flattered, I didn’t let it get to my head. I was trying to get over a previous infatuation and was quite scattered.
We messaged almost every night and on weekends, and it was all light and amusing, and then exchanged numbers and kept things up. We agreed to meetup on Boxing Day and walked up and down the beach.
I was very surprised at how open he was, he talks a lot and admitted he doesn’t like how much he talks. But he talked about his time in Korea and food, movies and his ex wife. This last thing I did not expect to hear. But things were great and we agreed to meet up more times after that.
Only on weekends have we met coz we live and work in different parts of the city. He works longer hours than I and gyms almost every night, and by then needs to relax before sleeping. I understand this and while I only work mornings, I preoccupy myself with my art through the evening before bed.
We are both quite solitary persons, he likes to be alone because he tells me he’s not always a nice person (I have yet to see this person). I can’t bear to be around people all the time as it is such hard work. I am not good in social situations and as a result have only a small group of friends who I see sporatically. (What annoys me about them is I have to always to to where they are, they never make the trek out to my neck of the woods).
The third time we hung out we made out and the next time we had sex, and we still do most but not every time we meet.
He initiated the chats, he also took charge of wanting to be closer than just pals. I am a total chicken and never take charge in situations. I fancied him initially and wanted him to make a move coz I was petrified of doing so. He did. He admitted very soon after that that he wasn’t looking for anything serious as he was in the middle of trying to end things with his girlfiend. She was still in Korea and plans were in the air about her moving over to live with him. However, he admitted this was doubtful as he was not happy with her, they had many rows and he said they just didn’t fit together despite the fact his family love her (he does not like his family very much). He tells me he needs to end things with her proper before June but dreads doing so. He said he had not expected to fall for me and it had taken him by surprise coz he was not looking for a girlfriend.
So I accept and understand that. And I was quite glad. I was out of work and the last thing I wanted was to spend my waking moments obsessing over a guy. And I admit I can fall hard for a guy who takes an interest in me, and I have been hurt so often recently I did not want to be hurt again.
So I was happy to take things slow, and happy that it was his request. I told him I was not going to pressure him into anything but confessed while I wasn’t looking for serious now, I couldn’t be sure I would not want that in the future. He accepted that. I asked him if he regretted hooking up with me and without missing a beat he said not at all.
Things he has admitted to me of his own free will:
He likes me a lot
He likes the funny times he shares with me
He likes having me in his life and said he wasn’t seeing anyone else
He likes my drawings and likes to see the new ones
He never wants me to be anything than who I am
He thinks I’m awesome, funny and a good person
I can tell him anything and infact he insists I be open with him ( I in turn told him I don’t like guessing games and to be upfront with me if something I do bothers him in any way. He agreed)
He apologised for only seeing me ‘sometimes’ and doesn’t want me to feel neglected
He apologises if he thinks he hasn’t pleased me in sex
He likes my stories and when I talk – even though I think I talk nonsense to him it means he isn’t talking and he likes that – he still does talk a lot and apologises for it occasionally
He likes my texts – to this I replied that I was worried that my texts bothered him, to which he replied they didn’t and he liked getting them because I was the only person who texts him. And that he doesn’t care much for texting anyway. That made me feel better but wasn’t about to let out barrages of messages upon him.
After one evening together, he opened up and could not stop telling me how much he liked me and said some lovely things. I get tongue tied and didn’t say back all I really wanted to. And for the next week I thought a lot about the things he said and day by day the obsessive me reared her ugly head. I wanted to text him a big long reply but snapped myself out of that – I knew anything like that should be said in person. I thought about him like a woman possessed and on the Friday texted asking if he wanted to hang out after work, to which he agreed. I almost wish I hadn’t.
I was 45mins late to his place coz I couldn’t find anything I was happy wearing. He confessed to me he was very tired from a tough week at work and was almost said no to seeing me. I said he didn’t have to and he stood by his decision. He was tired, and as it turns out a little grumpy. I was a bundle of nerves because I had things I wanted to say to him and was not my usual easy-going self. He pointed out I was ‘stressed’ and told me to stop because it was stressing him out and infact he could see i had something on my mind and kept asking if I was okay. I kept making dumb mistakes for the rest of the evening – saying something stupid or acting weird. I was acting the way I would act when I fancy a guy and I want him to like me – which I put down to me wanting to tell him how much I liked him too. I didn’t want to say it while he was tired and so I left it alone and let him sleep. In the morning I told him I liked him a lot too (his reply was: I can tell) and well I fumbled out my words and it wasn’t at all poetic. I never once used words like ‘love’ ‘relationship’ ‘exclusive’ ‘committment’ – none of those red flags.
He seemed cool and hugs progressed to kissing and sex. The sex pleased him enough so use those exact words and he emphasised how he liked sexual communication. The day was better than the night. We had a simple breakfast and talked about wrestling.
He walked me to my car and he told me he was working the following Saturday (which I knew) so any meeting would be a maybe (it was never going to happen and I expected nothing)
The minute I got in my car and drove away I felt wretched, like I had fucked up big time.
So after this last hang out we had, I felt awful about acting like a silly girl with a crush. I have never acted like that around him before. He knows me and I just hoped he wouldn’t think I had changed into this person I am not; I hoped my words and actions didn’t send him into DEFCON 4.
He is the most open and honest person I know, and he tells me when something is on his mind. He’s told me a few times to keep my voice down if I get too loud, he’s told me stuff about his family past I never asked about. So I know if anything did bother him he would speak up. He would never text or email it however, that is not his way and we don’t talk on the phone, personally I hate talking on the phone.
I was so upset at myself I don’t want to see him again for the rest of the month so I can shake off this nonsense. And will only see him again if and when he wants to and in the past this is decided on the day or day before, he told me early on he does things on impulse. I built myself up for a whole week, looking forward to asking to see him and what I’d say when we did and I don’t want to do that again. It is not a good way for me to spend my days. So I want him to want to see me (and I hope he still does), but I think some good distance is needed.
I have worried all week that he has seen it as I have seen it and has suddenly been spooked and all he has thought about me and how much he cares is gone. But that is an irrational thought, and I must give him the benefit of the doubt. He likes me enough to not want to disappoint me (i told him I felt worried I disappoint him but he said no), and I think he cares about me more than he has let on, and doesn’t want things to go sour between us as much as I do.
While I worry about how I came across, I have to remind myself he wouldn’t have had sex with me – twice – if I had weirded him out. It wasn’t the best date but there were no blistering rows, no tears, no funny looks, just be being nervous about impressing him when I didn’t need to.
Now his messages to me have slowed to a crawl, but the quality of time we spend together more than makes up for lack of faceless chat. We both grew up in the ’80s so know how to live without phones. We become closer when we are together and the messaging becomes almost non existant.
We both like our alone time, and we see eachother maybe every second or third weekend.I admit the times between the meetings get to me. His work has him working every third Saturday and I know he needs some days all to himself on the weekend. And all but two occasion our hangout were initiated by him. In fact I made it a rule to only hang out with him if and when he wanted to. And the one time I did decline he was disappointed but later said he was glad I could and did say no.
In between the meets sometimes he would text me hello first and sometimes I would. I admit the ‘hello, how are you?” became such a drag I hated getting such a message every day coz things don’t change much for me day in day out. But I’d be polite. Most of the time it’s the odd good morning and something random. The last few weeks I have been texting him before bed about each new piece I draw and he will respond in his way to those. The ‘sweet dreams’ texts stopped weeks ago – I miss them but can see they were getting old. Our texts have always been pretty casual and funny.
I admit being female in the way I panic when I don’t hear from him, get excited hen I do, and become dissppointed when it’s a ‘That’s true’ or something equally as mundane, at which point I yell at the phone. I have been like this only to wind up hanging out with him on the weekend and having so much fun. So I can see what is real.
But after our last meeting, I felt I messed up so bad I told myself I would not text him for days coz anything I would send would not have made me feel better about the situation. Even after hearing a motorcyclist (he is one) died in his area I refused to text to make sure it wasn’t him (it wasn’t). After about 3 days, I heard nothing, okay fine, a bit miffed, but I was in a better headspace. I texted him one text consisting of good evening and a progress on my art. The next night I sent another art update. My messages have been the same kind of ones I have sent in the past, nothing is different about these messages. And while I did send one about having no sleep and one about my phone being scooped up with the dirty laundry (looking back…who cares?), I didn’t tell him about big stuff that happened at work. I do want some things to talk about.
However I have initiated all the texts this week (about one a day) which has me worried.
All his replies have been without substance and are designed to end conversations….until I would reply to those replies (i have done this before). He replied to an evening text the next day. But I have NEVER hounded him with texts asking him why no reply or what he was up to and I am not about to start.
Saturday we had a semi convo and my last text to him was this morning, just a simple ‘morning’ which I instantly regretted and hid my phone: I know he hasn’t replied and am not going to check.
You must forgive me my confusion. He has told me he likes my texts and agreed he would tell me if they bothered him.
I have since read this page and know the right thing to do for the rest of the week is not to text him first. If I can make it through the week I will be in a much more stable place.
I have previously stated I won’t ask him to hang out anymore, I want to be sure he still wants to hang out with me; I already know I want to hang out with him. We belong so similar meetup groups and may tell him when I go to an event and that I may see him there.
He will let me know on the day if he’s keen to hang out exclusivley, if I am already booked I won’t break my plans. He knows I have a few friends I hang out with from time to time, so he knows I have a small sembilance of a life. He still wants to find some more of his own and it would be great if he did.
I have attempted to keep my own life intact so I don’t revolve my plans around waiting on him. While seeing him every weekend would be lovely, it would get boring (I don’t know how some people keep that up) and would just mess up the rest of my plans. I like not seeing him but I do miss him.
I text him because I like him, but I guess he knows this already, I don’t need to keep reminding him I exist.
If he didn’t like me he would not have said the things he did, and from what I know about his personality, he is not fickle nor flighty and would not run scared at me having an off day (he himself was having an off day). We did not fight, we did not part on bad terms or spend a lot of time in awkward silence. If he has concerns he will want to talk about it to my face and I am ready to apologise for not being myself. But I hope some regular non-contact will be enough to bring things back to where they need to be.
He was the one who has initiated just about everything in our ‘relationship’ including talking about feelings. I need to give the texting and the meetings back to him as well.
I don’t like texts much myself and have briefly fallen into the nasty trap most women fall into, and I hate being there. I have been worried that my actions freaked him out and have been trying to equate text habit to his feelings. Big mistake. I like him too much to let such an insignificant thing ruin the fun we have had.
There is no question here, just sharing my situation with a stranger is helping me. But if you have anything to add, I would value your input.
Wht did I do if he never starts the chat first??????
Met this alpha male type 2 weeks ago. He was in the country for the weekend with friends. We only hit it off the day before he left so didn’t really talk much. He initiates 90% communication ever since but doesn’t string the conversation along Asin really short replies like. “OK”, “me too”, “yes”. Keeps saying he misses me tho. But not much after. What’s his deal? I’m a super katarina advice follower so I def have a rotation. I’m just drawn to this dude more.
If he doesn’t ask you out he’s just e-maintaining you. Stop responding each and every time.
Met this guy online…we messaged on the site for about 2 weeks and then went to exchanging numbers. We texted consistently for about a week before we met up…the date went ok I guess…we still kept texting consistently for about 2 more week…then all of a sudden we didn’t text for 3days…then we started texting again but this time it seems like I have to ask questions for him to reply…or I have to text him 1st…he also asks questions to…but the texting isn’t like it was before…what should I do? I would rather go out again but it seems like he’s never gonna ask me? Please help,,,,thanks
If a guy isn’t pursuing you, move on. Stop asking why how what. He’s just not that into you enough and he’ll be even more turned off if you start initiating everything. Back off.
Hi Katrina, thank you for your articles! What you are saying really makes sense. I wanted to ask you what your thoughts are about who pays for a date? Should a guy always pay? Is it a bad sign if he doesn’t? And also if a guy asks you out and you want to accept, does it come across as too eager to say, ‘Sure. Where did you have in mind?’. Sometimes I’m not sure what to text back whether to just say sure or ask a question.
Hi Katarina. I got back together with my ex recently. We saw each other last Friday and we had sex, it was the first time we saw each other in months, before that we were texting every now and then. I couldn’t stay long because I had to get home quickly and he was fine with it.
So after that day I’d only text about once a day, just kind of updating him or sometimes sending a cute message. I was never expecting a response because he’s at university and I know he’s busy a lot. So I was fine with it.
But yesterday he blocked me on WhatsApp and I don’t know why… The last thing I said was if he’s free at any point during the day then to let me know because I wanted to talk to him about something. Again if he didn’t reply I was okay with it. I know he’s busy, plus his sleeping pattern is all over the place so he hardly checks his phone.
So I sent him an SMS a few hours later asking if he blocked me by accident. But so far no reply. I’m planning on giving it the rest of today and maybe tomorrow to wait for his reply. I really need advice. I love him, always have and I want this to work so much. Please help!
You need my book. Get it today and don’t waste time. You have done all this wrong. Never initiate. You are chasing him away.
Hey, I’m pretty confused about this guy I’m interested in! I thought this article was great, but I want to be certain about what action I should (or shouldn’t) take.
We met online 4 days ago and had a good, short conversation. He gave me his number to text, and also connected to me through Instagram and SnapChat. We texted and “snapped” the following day, and it seemed like fun. We discussed the idea of going to his church together (he even offered to pick me up) or ice skating (we joked about how we’d fall on our butts). Awhile after he didn’t answer a text and I didn’t take any action. He texted 2 hours later, saying sorry because he’d fallen asleep. I said it was alright & asked if he’d had a long day. He didn’t respond.
Maybe I made a mistake about a full day afterward; I shot off a short text saying I enjoyed talking the other day (I initiated). Hours later he said that he enjoyed it too. We got to talking a bit and eventually he didn’t respond (I’d asked a question). I don’t think I came off as desperate, btw…my texts weren’t very long, we kept conversation light, and I waited a good while before responding each time. That was that.
The next day (yesterday) I sent him a Snap telling him I was free after 1 if he wanted to hang out that day. No response, but I saw that he’d opened it. He also posted to Instagram that day, so I guess he was online with some free time.
Here’s the issue: I don’t want to text too much, because I believe talking in person is so much better. So I’m OK with him not wanting to text. But I tried to give him an opportunity to make plans to meet (which we discussed, so I’m pretty sure he’s comfortable with that)…but he didn’t respond to that either. I don’t want to be the “chaser” but I want closure about this, at least. We seemed so compatible – but we’ll also never really know unless we meet in person!
Should I not even consider texting again (after, say, 3 days or more have passed)? Is he just not interested?
Thanks so much for listening. This is just bugging me!
Get my ebook and stop initiating with guys. He’s lukewarm. And never asks a guy out. You’re way leaning forward but you can reverse it if you follow my method as per my book.
If i don’t take the initiate… den he doesn’t take the initiate… then how the conversation ll start
It won’t and neither should it if he’s not into you. An interested man will make a move period.
Hi Katrina,
I met a guy just over two weeks ago. He messaged on the way home to say he enjoyed the date and chat soon. The next day we arranged to catch up the following day for dinner. He messaged the day after dinner and we arranged to meet up the following day and the day after. After the fourth date on Wednesday he messaged Thursday and Friday to ask how my day was.
Saturday I messaged him then Sunday he messaged me. I didn’t hear from him for a couple of days so I messaged to ask if he was still interested in catching up again. Mistake I realise but I had a bit of a freak out seeing we had been messaging almost every day. He said he had been away on the weekend, flat out at work and a course in the evening.
He said he had a busy weekend ahead and asked what I had planned for my weekend. I messaged back my plans and he messaged back once more to say busy weekend. Have fun etc. I received that last message on Thursday night. Its now been four days and Im wondering about messaging again. Is he losing interest?
Nah, you message him enough. If he wants you he’ll find you. Trust his actions and don’t get your mind ahead of you. If he loses interest, so what? There are gazillions of other guys out there. Have an abundance mentality. Read my book and turn your love life around.
Hi Katrina,
This is my story;
I meet this guy online match.com he was so into me.i never reply to him but one day i did and we meet, we both felt that we were for each other.
We kiss and goodbye.
Next day dinner, then other date and more. We have sex the best of my life and his as he asked me that night to never leave him.
We start dating but not exclusive. One day he ask me if I would mind to go to a couple night club. ( yeah I know what you are thinking) I say nope. I won’t go and I’m not interested to do or watch .
We continue dating 4 months. He travels a lot for his job, and when he is away I feel him cold, different. His calls and text are very little. That makes my head go crazy.
Last month he told me he loves me and that he wants to married me. I was I shock I say not now. I just got divorced legally 9 months ago. And being separate 3. So is not one of my priority getting married. At last now.
We both 44 years old
I have a daughter and so he. Inhave being helping him to be close to his daughter. Mother and I even start cooking for him when he is In town because he asked me . (I wasn’t happy cooking I cook for 13 years while I was married )but I did. He got the flu, I send my daughter with dad and I take care of him for 3 days. Bought all medicines, cook,check fiver and so on. I enen skip work for one day.
He is being asking me since November to travel with him. I wasn’t sure about it but after my birthday I agree I requested my vacations the days he told me to. One week after that I ask him where we are going? He didn’t look yet. Second week he told me oh now is to expecive. Then we have a fight because I asked him if he was a sponsor the trip and he say yes. 3 week he was with the flu and he asked me to go to Vegas but while he was sleeping he start asking g me to married him in Vegas, I freak out.
Next morning he told me I pay for everything but you pay for all the food and drinks. I say NO.
And let me tell you why no Katrina.
He is being in my place every weekend, and days during week. I cook and keep my place cool for him. Taking care of him while he is being sick 2 times, paying some times for dinners because I chose, giving him presents for his daughter, and for him in Christmas. (He haven’t give me nothing) dinners here and then, since we start our relationship I tempt and actually broke up with him 3 times and he cry and ask me back. He talks with his heart and we fix it (not really)
One week ago I talk to him about where we are going.. he never respond and told me I call you back. He never did. And I text him that he select the date and that at this time for me was impossible to cancel my vacations date. And that I was just hopping that he didn’t change his and leave me behind with out vacations and salary.
He called me very angry and asked me for space and told me that I’m angry and very insulting. I cry and he told me that none is his life have trate him the way I have and that he loves me. That he will never find any other like me and that he is not going any were. Just give us space
Very sad I agree, because I was tired but I love him. During the weekend he texted me I love yous, I miss yous, how are you? I can’t wait to be with you, I need to be with you. And so on. Yestarday I asked him if he was going to work this week. His answer was yes. I got I to a shock. I started crying and very mad. He ruin my vacations, and my salary for one week. I keep asking him if he change his vacation date. He never reply. I called him a day he text me I call you soon.
And I just texted him asking him for a yes or a no. He never reply. He just told me I be there tomorrow Witch is today.
I told him, that he put me in this spot and that he blame me last time my temper but he don’t realize that my reactions are caused of his actions, that he don’t have to call me back to give me his answer, that his silence can talk. And that I won’t call him or text him again. That hurts me because I love him, but I promise my self and I won’t do it again.
I also told him that is very sad to see how what we could have banished so quick. And one goodbye.
Since then 24 hours ago I haven’t hear from him.
What you think I shall do?
I haven’t call, or text because I haven’t done nothing wrong.
What is your advice
Thanks
Lola
Katrina, he called me last night to let me he change his vacations and that he was leaving to Jamaica next week. He create a history of his sister and mother and so on. Of course I didn’t believe and I broke up with him. He ask me back and I just told him that I don’t trust him any more. And that my time and emotions are precious and I’m not going to trow them away for some one who don’t appreciate.
He wants to see me tonight as I told him I’m traveling to a ski resort Saturday with a guy in date for 7 months.
He asked me to wait for him at my place and I say nope. We will meet in a public place. And we can talk not any more at my place. You don’t deserve to be welcome any more to my house.
He apologize and he say he loves me
Right…. how some one can say I love you when they are lying so much and I’m pretty sure he is traveling with some else
You’re doing too much for him expecting something in return. Don’t do that. Don’t overgive and overfunction. Now you are luring him with vinegar by throwing a fit. Accept that you might have to lose your salary and lean back and let him come to you again if you still want him. Read my book please.
hey! i need a tip. so there’s this guy. we meet 2 weeks ago, we talked and talked and had fun but, he is so emotionally imature, with no such a great deal of self confidence and we keep texting so general things like how was your day and so on,.the problem is that we talk via social network because for some time we we will be in different countries . how can i change that? show him that he can open up so that i like him and maybe we should go to the next level? thx
Katerina,
You’re article was very enlightening but I still have some unanswered questions and things I’m unsure about. There is this guy that I like and he had told a friend of mine he liked me. We had messaged each other a couple times before this and talked in person several times as well. A little less than a week after he said he liked me I texted him and we talked for awhile and then stopped. We didn’t talk for maybe less than a week and then started talking again. I had known a lot about him from friends of ours and such but when we started talking this second time, he got more in depth about what was going on in his life and I opened up too. We texted non stop for a few days, then on and off. Eventually, however the texting stopped. When we were texting, he would say really sweet things and carry on conversations. Sometimes he’d text first and I would too. We almost went on a date but he canceled last minute. A friend of mine said he used the same excuse on her several months before when they made plans. After he canceled, we texted normally for about another day before we stopped. When I see him in person We don’t talk anymore. It’s awkward and I find myself inadvertently avoiding eye contact or close interaction because I’m unsure what I did wrong or what happened. I have a bad habit of closing off people I care about the most and I can’t control it… It just happens… I finely texted him after about maybe a week and a half just saying I thought about him and hoped he was okay. He hasn’t answered yet and I don’t know if it was the right move. I really like him but I’m afraid I pushed him away and i don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I seem to clingy, or if maybe he lost interst. I know he goes through a lot but I can’t help feeling I did something wrong to make him stop talking to me… Not just now but before I started putting up walls. my lack of acknowledgement might have lead him to think I’m a fake and don’t really care about him, I know. I wasnt going to text him because I figured if he wanted to talk to me, he would have by now.., right? Please help.
He’s lukewarm. Next.
When I was dating this guy he’d always text me good morning and goodnight, now that he’s asked me out he has stopped those texts. Maybe he feels like he’s won the battle? I don’t know but I miss those morning texts
As a guy, I’m just going to be blunt and honest. Warning: The truth may sting a little. If you don’t want to hear it, or it may offend you, please stop reading now.
If you’re still reading, you were warned, so here goes: Any guy worth having has more self respect than to let himself be treated as an object of your game playing. Any guy you get while playing mind games will be found to be insecure with himself, and lacking self respect. Think about it. Steer clear of the games, and steer clear of the guys who fall for them. Period.
Ladies who play games are the ladies who don’t know what they want, they are unsure or insecure themselves, and/or they are trying to get a dozen candidates lined up to filter through them in an effort to feel needed and desired. A Self-respecting guy will see right through this, and won’t even give you the time of day.
The problem is you ladies are getting really bad dating advice now-a-days and I feel for you. In the end you are achieving only disrespect for your own bodies. Stop and think about it. You’ll end up single and pregnant like half of your friends, or with some undesired venereal disease. Yes, I did say that.
There is no need to make a guy chase you. Stop the madness.
My advice: Be bold, and be different. Don’t just go with the flow and do as your friends and the trends do, as being different an unworldly automatically makes you more attractive and desired. Take time for yourself, get a hobby, ditch your single lady friends who you know are just screwing around to get some and take names (this is unattractive to any worthy candidate), and take the time to grow up and figure out what you want & need to be independent. Focus on You. Clear your mind of guys all together and focus on self improvement activities – studying for college, bettering your career, working out in the gym, whatever it is. Don’t be in a rush, the right guy will come along soon enough. When he comes along, be honest from the start and as things blossom and he sweeps you off of your feet you will see there was never a need for any games to begin with. The only Fairy-tale is finding a worthy guy while following bad dating game advice.
Hi, I’ve been dating a guy I met online for 3 wks. He was really into me and always initiating texts etc. In fact I’ve only initiated twice. I’m not a man chaser and basically do all the things you say. All of our texts are super witty/funny/flirty. Our last date on Sunday was awesome as usual and ten minutes before the date was over he was asking me when he could see me again and talking about what we should do on our next date. We left the restaurant at which point we shared our first kiss. We had been joking abt how we hadn’t kissed yet after our last date in which we were both awkward and nervous and ended up just having a weird hug/cheek kiss. Anyway so finally he kissed me and I had butterflies and thought it was great, but also I was just kind of standing there, not touching him or anything. After the kiss I made a joke saying “so you decided to go for it ;)” and he was like “I did, I had to otherwise it would just be another week of awkwardness” then my cab pulled up and he opened the door for me and I leaned in and gave him one more quick kiss and said “I’ll talk to you soon.”
After our previous dates, he texted me on the way home thanking me, telling me how gorgeous I looked etc. This time he didn’t. And I didn’t hear from him the next day. I texted him because there was no doubt in my mind he liked me and something funny happened pertaining to our convo the night before and I wanted to share it with him. He wrote me back but didn’t get my joke. I explained it and he replied “ohhhhhh now I get it” and that’s the last communication we had. That was Monday, it’s now Wednesday night. He always texted me every other day or every day. We are supposed to have a date Monday but I have no idea if it’s still on. I feel like he thinks I’m unavailable since I’ve only been able to see him on Sundays and we haven’t had the chance to go home together and have any intimacy. Have I played too hard to get? Does he think I’m a prude bc we just had our first kiss? Does he think there’s no end in sight to these school night dates that don’t go anywhere? Am I a terrible awkward kisser? I REALLY like this guy. And I know he really liked me. Until the last 5 minutes of our last date. What do I do? Can I text him Saturday to reconfirm our Monday date? What did I do wrong? I honestly want to do whatever it takes to right whatever I did wrong. I feel like I want to let him know in sexually interested in him. Should I send a text with that undertone?
How many dates have you been on? It works better when he confirms it.
We have been on 3 dates. I just feel like if I haven’t heard from him by Sunday (the day before our date) I’ll just text him about it. I feel like I have not been weird or needy up until this point and that a last ditch effort to confirm and say something alluring won’t hurt anything. Do you? Like “Are we still on for Monday?” And whatever his response letting him know I was looking forward to getting him alone or something. To let him know in a cute way I’m open to intimacy. Thoughts?
I guess it won’t hurt if you flirt a little to show your interest and see if he bites. Let him lead after that.
There’s this guy I met over the summer and we hit it off. Then after, we started chatting on fb. I seemed to initiate all the conversations so I stopped chatting for a month and he never messaged back. Then after a month I just asked what’s up just to see where we were. He started to be more invested in the conversations and sometimes he would answer immediately and initiate conversations. But sometimes he would view a message and just not answer. What should I do? I could try just waiting and seeing if he will initiate, but if he doesn’t and it’s been a while, can I check in again? Or is that too desperate?
Please read the article, you gotta let him lead.
Hello Katarina:
I have a question, I met this guy thru work, he actively pursued me – he ended up leaving this job and state for one out of state. He ended up coming back in order to be able to see his kids more. He contacted me upon his return and we started seeing each other – this continued for about 3 months, he would call, initiate contact and then all of a sudden he changed. Sporadic calls, texts – and then about 2 weeks ago he just stopped. I’d sent him a text telling him that I loved spending time with him, that things were going good, but that I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, was he looking to be in a relationship or just to have someone to “sleep with”. Please advise as I do like this guy, but I’m not sure what I should do? Should I text him to see if I get a response? Should I step back? I appreciate the help.
You should read my book. Never ever bring up the talk, especially when the guy is obviously not that interested. Why humiliate yourself?
That’s the thing, he was very interested, said he was moving closer to me so that we wouldn’t have to commute so far to see each other. I’ve known this guy as a friend for 2 years, he knows me very well. I’m wondering is there a way to turn this around now?
Practice all my tools and principles. Be the woman he pursues and fall in love with. It has worked wonder for thousands of women every day!
I hope my response doesn’t sound like game playing but I really think you need to take your focus off him and stop putting yourself on hold. If you end up not being able to see him after making your own plan, it’s his fault for not making a concrete plan and reserving your time. This really fired me up and bothers me. Passive guys like this (who don’t even have enough energy to make a plan) give off a very feminine energy that just turns me off, and then it makes me not want HIM as much anymore!
If he’s left you hanging, I say make other plans. Since you’ve only had a few dates it sounds like there’s no exclusivity, so why not take advantage of that to date other guys? In the process you might find someone else who’s more keen, who will never leave you wondering. Or if you can’t find others to date I’d still make other fun plans with friends and/or family (or by yourself if you can’t find anyone. I personally sometimes love going out alone so I can do exactly what I want). Then later on if he still contacts you and happens to make plans on the same day you made your own, tell him you already made other plans when you didn’t hear from him. That’ll teach him that he needs to firm up plans with you in advance and not leave you hanging if he really wants your time. If he never contacts you, then he’s either uninterested or a flake and you’re better off without him anyway. As they say, never make someone your priority when you’re still just an option to them. The worst thing you can do is just put your life on hold for a date that may or may not even happen, for a guy who may or may not even be all that interested.
Hi there,
I’ve been dealing with a man whom I like very much. We’ve been back and forth for about two years. At first he was so attentive, texting, calling all the time. We live about 2.5 hours away from eachother. First thing I askedhim was distance an issue. He tells me no. He would tell me things how he really like me, enjoys my company, I’m like no other women he’s ever met. He’s even talked about the future with me. My issue is that he disappears for months at a time. I addressed this to him on several occasions. He always tells me he’s been busy with work, his kids, and stuff. Then he tells me that he pulled away because of our distance. Says that he wants to be with me all the time but he sure isnt showing that he wants to be with me. Well he came back again after Months of not talking again due to this issue. I heard back this whole time, no texting, calling etc.. My question is why does he come back. I asked him thus question before and he says he just likes me a whole lot and misses me. I’m just getting tired of this game. I hardly ever texted him when we were together, he initiated everything. You say not to text or call so what do I do in my situation?
Two years and it hasn’t panned out so find a local man. Are you dating?
Yes ai have been dating even while seeing him. We never talked about being exclusive, so i figured why not see other men. I am sure I am not the only one he is seeing. I know to weight out my options and I sure do not wait around for him. we’ve been intimate on most occassions, but not always. This last time He contacted me I wated a week to text him back and he replied right back, we huung out no sex involved. the next day he asked when he was going to see me again and I replied stating I had a fee saturday and havn’t heard from him since. Thats was two weeks ago…
Keep building your rotation. That will keep your energy high and intoxicating.
I met a guy online went on a few dates I felt we clicked we supposed to go out this past week he intatied it and I was excited but he left me hanging no call or text … What happen … What should I do
Nothing. The ball is in his court.
Varying your response time to a man’s text to seem aloof and mysterious may backfire. I dated someone who thought not responding to a text within a couple of hours was impolite. He understood that everyone had a life. But, he expected promptness of reply from everyone (me, friends, family, clients). He did not see the point of responding after 24 hours. If he himself received a text and was not busy with work and had his phone on him, he replied. Or he called the person if a text reply did not seem sufficient. If you feel like texting, just do it. It sounds as if there are too many “games” being played when it comes to dating. And that does not sound mature or healthy. If a man is interested, he will contact you. If he does not, then move on.
Mirror him. If he’s slow why do you have to rush answering only later finding yourself all anxious cause you feel he’s not that keen? If that doesn’t bother you then fine. But if your energy is over eager, I can assure you it’ll dampen his pursuit.
I just wanted to say thank you Katarina. I used to be a stage 5 clinger, but am really working on that after reading your book and your materials. Now, I don’t obsessively monitor texts as I used to. I can honestly say it really doesn’t bother me if any one guy hasn’t texted me in X number of days, because during that time I’m usually busy with another one in my rotation. Juggling more than one guy makes it harder to track exactly who has texted when, or how often, so it really has helped cure a lot of my obsessive thinking. Even when no guy is texting me at a particular time, I just go about my life with my own friends, family and activities. I’m going to just keep living my life and trust that the right (and smart!) guy will want to get on board, without me needing to push them into it with constant texts.
hey katrina,
i really like a guy and he is not a texting person as me . I’m always in whatsapp literally 24/7 . but he doesn’t text at all but he loves to talk. he usually call me on Skype at night and that also every other day . i do reply to his messages as soon as i get and sometime when i reply he reads it but he will not reply. should i slow down ? i think he likes me too . we spoke about meeting and it wasn’t confirmed so the day before i sent him a text as if we are meeting , confirm it but he never replied yet he had read it . the next day morning i called him twice but he didn’t answer and an hour later he was online but he didn’t reply anything as sorry . i sent a message with an angry face and then only he said sorry i have some work to do and some excuses . what does it mean ?
p.s – he is the one who told about meeting.
thanks.
Anne
Did you even read the article, Anne? It means he’s turned off by your aggressiveness. Back off and let him step up. You’re too over eager. Read my book and this and every article again in this blog. Not everyone is hooked to their cell….adjust to his pace for your sanity.
Hey katarina, I need some advice please. I met this guy while I was hanging out one evening who is from a foreign country. Later that night we went out to a club, I had fun and everything seems to be going well. The day after we went out again and I happen to stay at his place, he wanted to hookup that night but I said no and he was ok with that but in the morning it so happens to be, yes we hookup. He was also leaving that same day, he said he would call me when me gets home. He send me a message when get home and said he will call later, two days after he did call, we talked and had a good convo. At the end of the call he said he is about to go work out so he will talk me. It’s been a week now I haven’t heard from him do you think I should send him a text or wait for him to contact me.
Wait…he needs to lead the relationship.
Ok. It has been two weeks now and I still haven’t heard from him, should I wait or should I text him.
Is it just me or has everyone completely missed the point of this article? Even taking the time to type out all of these scenarios is just feeding the beast. The mind is trying to solve all of these “problems “ and the only solution is to calm, tune out, observe the mind. The more energy you feed it the worse it gets. Everyone for the love of god please just let go
Hi Katarina
I met this boy on vacation, and he seemed to really like me. We exchanged numbers and text and talked a lot while we were there. When we left, I heard from him a good bit for a few days, he was flirting with me and telling me how much he missed me. I didn’t hear anything from him for about a week, (we are both in high school and have jobs) but that weekend I heard from him. Now it’s been two weeks since I’ve heard anything from him, and I’m a bit concerned. He is two years older than me, so the thought has crossed my mind that he was just playing me, even though I hope that’s not the case. I haven’t text him because I don’t want to seem obsessed or needy, but I don’t really know where to go from here. We are also long distance, so that adds to the problem. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
This is going to be a bit long. Bear with me, please. I met someone online in December 2013. We chatted lightly for a good month, and then we were head over heals for each other. The feelings were mutual. We said we were soul mates; he was ‘the one’, and I was ‘the one.’ He lives in England, and I in the US. He absolutely had to come see me. In April, he stayed with me for nearly an entire month, met all of my family, and had the best time of his life. It was equally as amazing for me. He had been planning a trip to America for 8 or 9 months, so he used the money to come see me, and he lost his job right before coming here, so it was then or never.
When he had to leave, we cried together for a long while. He handled it very poorly when he went back. He kept breaking down, but I was just hopeful and thinking of the future. He said he’d be back in September, even if it put him in debt. Well, he struggled to get another job. He started sleeping more, and we had a few moments where things just didn’t click. We never fight. But if I try to express my needs, he gets so defensive and shuts down. I admit fault to some of his shut downs. Sometimes, I sound like I am attacking him, and I know I’m taking the lead when it’s his job as the man, and it pushes him away. The first time he said he didn’t know if he wanted me anymore, he was hysterical. I had to calm him down. It all started when I freaked out on him about how the British people I’ve come to know, himself included, sometimes act snobby and superior. It was wrong of me, and we tried to move on. But he kept slipping farther and farther away. Sometimes, he’ll put in 110% effort, other times, he’ll fall asleep on me or not even message me when he gets home from work. It didn’t make sense how one little thing could cause him to do this. Well, the truth is, he lied to me about a handful of things.
He finally opened up to me, telling me he was suffering from bulimia and was trying to get better without ever having to tell me. He also lied about how he lost his job. He lied about ever living on his own. He was at his dad’s before moving to his mum’s because her wifi was better and he and his father don’t always get along. And he lied or withheld from his family that he stayed with me the entire time he was in America. They knew he met me, but thought he travelled around. Well, his mum knew he was with me the whole time. His emotional problems were over-heard a few times by her, causing him to retreat even farther. As of now, he keeps trying to break up with me every time he disappoints me by not staying up like he used to. I was not understanding of his struggles before because I didn’t know he had bulimia. Sometimes, I lose patience and leave tons of messages to him about how I feel worthless and how he can’t love someone if he leaves her like this, all alone and feeling suicidal. Pretty much, I effectively pushed him away by being desperate. He sometimes says he comes back out of guilt and fear that I’ll hurt myself. But I gave him his space the second to last time this happened. I told him he needs to work on himself and I do, too, and for him to message me when he’s ready. It took him one day.
This last time I completely lost it. I’m struggling to be patient. The 6 hour time difference drives me mad. We didn’t properly speak for 4-5 days, and even now, he’s being flaky. I can’t blame him. How can I heal this relationship? He doesn’t think I’m the problem at all. And honestly, I wasn’t needy, paranoid, or anything too much until I felt he was lying and hiding things from me, which he was. I’m a reasonable person. I only act this way when I feel like something is going on, and something WAS going on. I just know he would never cheat on me, despite his dishonesty in other areas. He was cheated on in his only other relationship.
Right now, he’s been lovey, and I’ve been making an effort to be understanding, but it’s very difficult. Is there still hope in our relationship to mend things for good?
Thank you.
Allie, oh yeah you are anxious in my standard. You need my programs bad. All what you’re doing isn’t going to sustain this relationship. Please start with my ebook and my Journey Inward and Leaning Back Workshop will put you in a “rehab.” On another note, he’s probably not in the best place to start a relationship, especially since it’s a LDR. Be realistic and start putting some of your eggs in other baskets.
Hello there’s this guy who really liked me and I really liked him. We are in college and we were texting for about three weeks straight and hanging out talking almost every night.. I could sense we had a lot if chemistry . He would text me all this poetry about how beautiful i am & how he wanted me to be with him. I felt like he was a type of guy I could trust. So last Saturday he texted me a kind of erotic poem basically asking how I would feel about having sex with him…. I texted him that I wasn’t expecting that, I’m not ready for that type of intamitcy at the moment and I feel like we’re moving too fast. He texted back Hmm.Good. I felt confused and wanted to see how he felt about my text so I texted him 3 texts & called him…”how do u feel about that?” “Can we talk” & ” are you still up” he never responded back nor has he texted me in 4 days but he says hi to me in passing. I really like this guy & miss hanging with him there was chemistry but I don’t wanna have sex with him I just want us to start hanging out & talking like we used to. Should I text him something even he ignored my 3 texts & is this his way of just saying I just wanted to sleep with you & now that you said no I’m no longer talking to you? What should I do
Hey! So I love all of this ! & I think it applies to my current situation as well. I met this guy about 2 weeks ago at a party and he seemed like a cool guy and he hut me that night and called me the next day and we were talking and hitting off for the first week ( he initoated contact every morning) and then that Friday when we didn’t speak to each other we ran into one another at a party that night. So then he hit me on sunday and we made plans to see each other that week. Night before when I hit him casually he never replied and I haven’t heard from him since. I gave him a call but he didn’t pick up yet is on my insta gram what should I do?
Hi Katarina please advice me I am seeing this guy for 4 yrs he told me he is divorcing, he gives me money monthly for support but recently he said he dosn’t have. I love him and he his a great guy. We have sex in the car and I don’t want to do that anymore.. And the. He his accusing me of cheating just because he saw a guy name on my phone.. I have not seen him for 3 weeks now. He his rich and I think he didn’t care about me so much… I’m very confused and don’t known what to do.. Advice me please
Invest in my book and be a part of my community, please. You have to be high-value for him to pursue you. Read all my posts as well.
Lean back and stop initiating. Didn’t you read this article? You should never call a guy in the beginning. Not until he’s stepping up or becomes your boyfriend. Calling is very intrusive especially when he’s not responding to your text.
Invest in my book and read all my posts.
Hello,
I have been friends with this guy for about 6 years now. He moved to the other side of the country with a girlfriend about a year ago, they are no longer together. Anyway, we hadn’t talked much for quite sometime, we’ve just both been busy. Recently though, we have expressed our long time feelings for one another and the fact that there has always been sexual tension. He will be in town to visit in about a month, and I think I might go to where he lives shortly there after.
I don’t want to be clingy or overwhelming in any type of way. I truly care about this man and would like for it to eventually turn into an actual relationship. He isn’t and hasn’t ever been someone who excessively texts or calls, so I am doing the same. I’m just not sure what to do to be sure that he stays interested and that this turns into something more. I know girls he’s dated before, and he has felt that they became too clingy too fast, or just crazy. I don’t want to be that girl… Help please 🙂 Any advice that you could give me would be awesome!
Thanks!
Hi Katarina,
28 year old and I (24) have been talking for a month and a half, but only texting, every day. We say our ‘good morning’, ‘good night’, and ‘I hope you have a great day at work/school’. We both like each other (he told me he does and he confessed he would visit my job because I am there). I took the chance. He knows my mother since they are good friends for about 3 years now and she really likes him for me.
About 5 days ago I asked if i can call him for the first time a few days ago (since texting is, maybe cold to communicate?), he made an excuse that he was cooking and mentioned after dinner. I told him okay and to enjoy his dinner. Nothing. Next morning he texted last night he cooked, did his dishes and went to bed right away. I told him it’s okay and to have a great day. I didn’t bring it up anymore but he could at least tell me he doesn’t want to.
I put most of the effort by seeing him 3 times and what is weird is he is not always flirty on text but in person, he is very flirty and sweet to me. 1st time: We only chat for 5 minutes since I stopped by before he left for work. 2nd time: I stopped by to bring him coffee in the morning and stayed over for only about 30 minutes and chat and watched TV. That day that was when he started hugged me from behind and was very sweet to me. 3rd time: A week and a half ago I visited him around nighttime for only an hour since I left for school the next day (an hour away) and that was when he kissed me and hugged me from behind and everywhere, being very sweet. Of course nothing else beyond that (he knows I never had a boyfriend before). He wants to take it slow and wait for a month for a relationship to see how things go when I asked him if there will be a chance since we kissed the third and last time I saw him (since I go to school now). Plus he told me he works so much and is afraid he won’t give me the time.
I guess he stays to his word by taking it slow because he texts less and when I don’t message him first at all, he messages me but took about 1-2 hours to reply when I replied back even if he is home from work. The last time I ever heard from him was three days now. That never happened since we texted non-stop. The last message I received from him was what was I doing and if I have a lot of studying to do and I replied that I am not studying but doing research for a project that is due in a week and a half and just want to be ahead. That was at nighttime and he never replied or the next day after… I would admit that I flirt saying ‘I miss you’ or ‘Wish you were here’ sometimes but he didn’t respond to them and now I see that maybe or yes I was being forward with the flirting since he said he wants to take it slow?
I don’t know what I should do? I wish I know what is in his mind.
I want to talk about it with him, how I feel since we told each other in the beginning we can talk about anything but don’t know if it is the time? If yes, text or in person to talk? I already have a message telling him how I feel (not anything asking him like why he didn’t text) but if he does message me (which I am not sure if I should wait a few more or just send it) or better yet just text I hope you have a great day like nothing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Hello Kat,
could you please give me some advice I been friend with this guy for 7 years met him online we never meet yet. The first year texting of was kinda flirting he send me a picture of his junk and we both initiated the text now 7 yrs later it change I initiate the text,we finally talk on the phone and I did that do too and he do know I liked him but he want to hang out with me soon …..I last week I asked him how he was doing he reply back “nothing bored ,horny and sleepy wbyb? ” I was so shocked he say that and then he asked about my relationship
Hi Katarina,
I broke up with my boyfriend about a month an a half ago, it just didn’t work out. It was my first relationship ever. We had met at a church group and well now everyone pretty much knows we are not together anymore. I went to one of the church events after not going for a while in order to avoid seeing my ex. The day after, before 11 pm one of the guys from the group that was at the event texted me which I thought was odd since I didn’t give him my number, but thought probably someone from the group gave it to him. He texted hello and how I was doing ( he uses a lot exclamation points by the way). He told me that he was sorry if he was bothering me, and wouldn’t want to be bothering me. and would not like to interfere with my time and space. ( same words I used with my bf at the end of our breakup that I needed space and time, not sure if he told people this). I told him that he wasn’t bothering me that it was ok. I thought it was strange, since I don’t really know him too well and we don’t regularly talk, just hi and bye during the events. I replied with a simple, fine thanks. Then he texts me how I was, my family and my boyfriend. I thought was strange too, I said, I am fine thanks, then he sent me another text saying how are things with your boyfriend. I said we are not together anymore, it didn’t work out. He then replies im sorry!!!! I really didn’t really know what to reply to this at this point since I thought it was getting too personal and I guess I should have asked why he was asking, but I didn’t. Since I didn’t say anything more than 30 minutes later he texts me with a goodnight message and saying to take care and with blessings. I said goodnight and same too you. The next day, a Friday he texted hello!!!! around the same time. I replied with a simple hello, asking what I was doing. I told him I was resting since I had to go to work. He sent an encouraging text to keep at it and take care. I told him thank you. He then told me that not to be too formal with him ( i was just being really short with texts and polite) because it made him feel old. I didn’t know what to say, I just said I was sorry but that since he was also being formal with me I also was doing the same thing. He said it was ok, and then he asked if we could hangout sometime. Since I have 2 jobs and I am always really busy, I told him I would see when I would have time. He said that was fine when I had time, but then he said well can I ask you something? I told him yes, he took more than 30 minutes then said that he really likes me a lot, that he is interested in me and that he has been for a while, but didn’t want to say anything before because I had a boyfriend. He told me if it bothered me that he would stop and not say it again. It took me a while to respond because I was surprised. I told him that I didn’t realize that he liked me, but that it didn’t bother me that he told me. He said that since I was with my boyfriend he didn’t want to say anything. He asked me, so what do you think? I was caught off guard and well I am not ready for a relationship since my break up was recent. I actually had to go to work and also didn’t really know what to respond so I told him I had to go and goodnight. he told me that he will wait for my response and goodnight. The next day he texts me around the same time with a hello!!!! then asks me again what I think. I didn’t reply then he sent another text asking if there is any hope for him. He also said that if I was bothered by it that he would never tell me again and just leave me alone. I told him that my breakup was recent and that I am not ready for a relationship. That we could get to know each other as friends. He replies that he will wait for me and sends me a text with a title of a song for me to listen to and hopes that I like it. He then says goodnight, I say goodnight back and thanks. 2 days later, he texted me goodnight around the same time and with God loves you and blesses you. I texted minutes later with thanks, you too and goodnight. The day after he texted me me again goodnight. I texted him until the next day in the afternoon. That same day he texted just wanted to say goodnight, take care and blessing. I didn’t text him since I was getting ready to sleep, and so I skipped a day without replying to his goodnight message. The day after he didn’t text me goodnight, I think its because I didn’t reply? I have been texting him simple answers, not really in sentences and I can’t really say if I am interested in him because I don’t know him too well. I haven’t really had conversations with him. I am not ready for a relationship and also I need to know him more before I could decide, but also my life is really busy and I don’t know how to balance it. Also I am shy with guys at first until I get to know them, and well I don’t initiate conversations for the same reason and also since I don’t have a lot of experience a lot of the times I don’t know what to say. Is this really going anywhere? I haven’t seen him in person since he started texting me. Is he shy or just testing me? I don’t know I get wary of guys, just from hearing of other people’s experiences lol. I am interested in getting to know him as a friend for now. I feel like I am overthinking it and he wants to get me interested not sure? btw he has been using a lot of exclamation points at the end of his texts, which is starting to bug me haha.
Thanks for your help! Sorry for the long message.
Guys so I’m talking to a guy, and I’m creeped out. He’s texted me asking “miss me” when I haven’t even met him in person. He’s asked me that weird question 2 times now. I haven’t responded, and don’t really know what to say.
Hey. So I had been talking to this one guy I am really interested in for two weeks. He almost always initiated the texts. We were hanging out all the time as well. I have spent the night a couple times, but no sex. He does have kids and he wants to wait before I meet them (which is fine by me). This past weekend was his weekend with the kids. I asked when I would be able to see him again but never heard from him. Five days later he apologizes for being MIA but never responded. I initiated the next day’s text and he barely texted back. I don’t want to chase, but I do want to know if he’s still interested. Do I just sit back and wait? Especially since I have some of my stuff at his place and vice versa….
If he’s still interested you will know cause he will show it with his actions. Don’t chase. Don’t initiate.
Katarina,
I truly enjoy reading your work and the advice you give to so many women it’s simply right on!
I too have had my share of interacting with men that pull away.
Currently, I’m in a casual relationship, we don’t see each other frequently but when we do it’s always pleasant. I genuinely like this man, but he is not ready for anything serious, I have done everything in my power to not get attached. For the most part I let him initiate and be receptive when I wish to see him. At times I have openly let him know when I didn’t want to see him or when I had other things going on. He mentioned a few times that I should also initiate and reach out to him. But how can I initiate and look for him when I know I’d be doing more wrong than good? Besides the few times that I did, I didn’t feel he reciprocated well.
Also, he pulls away more than I can take which is one reason why I also don’t like to look for him, basically I’m mirroring his behavior. Quite frankly, lately I find myself questioning if I’m doing the right thing here or if perhaps I should show more interest in him. Sometimes I feel I’m throwing away the opportunity for something more serious by being detached. Is it possible that some men genuinely like being chased or do you thing this man is simply lazy as a result of not being invested? Looking forward to your advice.
S.
Hi S, you have answered yourself that each time you leaned forward he didn’t respond. Most men are like that. So continue to lean back and focus on others. Please read my book for more guidance and you will also get 2 week email coaching, valued at $100.
Hi Katarina! My bf hasn’t contacted me 3rd day Tuesday today. I was upset that he didn’t replied to my texts the whole day last Friday so I was sort of cold when he did the next day Saturday. I didn’t answer his call on the 1st ring since I really didn’t hear it. I shot him a text so he called back. I wasn’t sweet to him. He called me babe but I didn’t respond with a sweetie. It’s been 3 days now but no word from him. Should I text him? Thanks!
That’s what happens when you focus on what you don’t get and try to punish him. Lure with honey, encourage his good behaviors by thanking and praising him each time he does what you like. You can text sweet stuff but drop the expectations that he will respond right away if at all. Please read my book to understand how you can get a guy to love you so deeply.
Hi! I hope u can help me, theres this guy he was my classmate before. We went on a first date (we planned it for months but never got it because he was busy in college as a senior and a scholar in sch)
So we went out he kept on eye contact with me the whole time we were together and kept on smilling had physical contact. And stayed overnight, we had sex on the 1st date, he kept on assuring me that i was ok, that theres no awkwardness, that i didnt see him differently. He took me home and we s talk everday for a week he was iniatianting the conversation, he even told me he misses me, we planned on a second date but he never set a date as to when we are going out again. but this month he went to his ways like taking time to reply, i feel he is being distant, although he said he was just very busy and have things to do esp at school. He does reply to my messages but its like its boring and he sometimes replies back 3-5hours or more.
I dont know if he likes me still. I tried for a week of sending him goodmorning txts he
does reply to it. And after that, i didnt message him, but he never message me at all for that week. So i texted him he was quick to response, but the conversation died anyway. I like this guy very much i dont know if he likes me too
Stop chasing him. You’re too anxious to keep the convo or things going. Do nothing, lean back. Let him come to you. Please read my book to understand why he withdraws and what to do about it.
I am a guy and if I see signs of #1-7 (except 6), I will think she is not interested. Won’t change the fact that I like her but I will definitely back off because I want her to find a guy that she truly likes.
Hi Kat,
I’ve been in touch with this guy for 5 months, first 2 months was only texting back and forth. We see each other for the last 3 months. He is the one who initiates all the time. When we are together everything is just great, but when we are not he only communicates via text which creates a distance. I already told him I really like to hear his voice and how I feel close to him when I talk to him on the phone and even I’d rather talk on the phone instead of texting. Sometimes I even called him back to answer his text. I really hate this lack of communication. For the last week I stopped answering his texts because I was mad at something he did. Now he started texting me again, asking how I’m doing and where I’ve been. I said i’m around and will talk once he calls me. He said OK but today he texted me saying good morning and asking what I’m up to.
I don’t want our main communication form to be only texting anymore. What do I do? Please advice.
Katarina,
Great article! I was hoping you could help me with this situation: I’m currently in a “feast” and a lot more guys than usual like me (not bragging, just saying I am spreading my attention), but there is one that I have undeniable chemistry with. The problem is, he’s generally hot and cold with me. Recently he’s been very “hot” and has only texted me first and has even calling me “babe,” but now I think he might be done texting me because he’s waited longer than usual… I want to keep talking to him and I don’t want to text him because I want him to want me, but I don’t know what to do. Have I just lost his interest or should I wait a few days longer?
Don’t text him. Let him row the boat.
Hi I went on a first date 2 days ago we were texting each other non stop before hand and we had such a lovely evening there were no awkward silences and we were laughing all night then the next day I heard nothing until I text back first he wasn’t short in his texts but i was used to
Him texting me it’s now been a full day with no texts should I text him first ?
Nope. Be comfortable with a break and guys need a break every now and then.
I have a dilemma…I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 2 years now and he says he has feelings for me and some of his actions prove that he does..but he won’t take the relationship further..at times he texts and others I initiate the text..he does call me every week..he’s out of state now but up until about 6 months ago, he lived in the same state I’m in and circumstances changed that he’s had to move. I have huge feelings for him – what do I do to keep him interested and hopefully get him to think of moving back here? Please advise.
You need to lean back and date others if you two aren’t exclusive. He only texts/calls but never asks you out. Well, then in that case it’s an imaginary relationship in your head. Trust his actions.
We have been seeing each other for 2 years..we go out for dinner, movies and I’ve spent the whole weekend at his place..We spend time together, more than 3x per week. I’m trying to figure out how to make him take this to another level.
What do you want and have you been pressuring him about it? Please read my book. This is the secret to a man’s heart.
I wanted to let you know that Adam and I are back together. I will have to admit the person I took him from is putting up a fight. But I know your work will land on top. We have moved in together. He has officially moved all his items i, as for me, I will officially move all my items, in next week. I really appreciate all the work you have done for me. I wished I would have found you earlier, when I had a lot of other things going on in my life. You are the greatest – I will be back very soon. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks again.
Hi,
I met this guy in a club on Sunday, we kissed and he asked for my number, he texted me the next day and we’ve been texting since then. It’s been the whole process, sometimes I’ll fire a response straight away, sometimes I’ll reply in an hour sometimes I would wait the whole day to reply.
He seemed into me we we’re flirting but at the same time getting to know eachother, he hasn’t asked me out yet though.
On Thursday night he text and asked what I was up too? I responded an hour or 2 later saying I was just home from the gym, about to jump in the shower and asked him what about you?
That was the last text that was sent, it’s now Saturday and he he hasn’t responded and I know he has been online on whastapp.
I don’t know what I did wrong, he asked me a question, why ask if he was losing interest. I quite like this guy 🙁
Obviously I’m not going to text him because the ball is in his court but I am just overthinking it?
I will respond less and less if he doesn’t ask you out after a month. He’s e-maintaining you.
Hi Katarina,
Enjoyed reading your article. I’ve been dating this man for a year, not in a serious relationship. We both like each other and have feelings. Things were going good until about a month a go. We haven’t communicated in a month. The last conversation we had was good, laughing and trying to make plans.
He is more of the initiator when it comes to phone calls and I mainly text because usually he is at work when I am off so it’s easier for me to text. We have had moments were communication has dropped off and he has always been the one to lean in as I leaned back.
Well I’m just curious if I should text him asking how he is doing or just continue to lean back to see if he will come forward again or do I iniitate the convo. Not sure because I’m fearful of rejection but at the same time hope all is well with him. Or do I just let it lay. I feel as if we connected to if things have ended to end it this way. Any advice you can provide I would appreciate.
If he hasn’t initiated in a month it shows where his head is and even if you initiate that won’t lead to a long-term thing cause it’s obvious he’s lukewarm or not looking for anything serious at the moment. You can reach out but don’t expect it will develop into anything. You might see him again another time but if he’s not going to row the boat, this is just not gonna fly.
Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months it has become long distant but we met while I was holidaying back in my country. Anyways everyone we have a fight he becomes a little bit mean I know this as part of his personality as I’ve heard it from his friends and his sister. So we had a little bit of a fight I was sick and I told him I was he replied to me I hope you feel well soon try go see a doctor or take medication. I didn’t hear from him all night he was out with his friends and he sent me pics of him and friends out together he even asked me if I can edit the pic for him. I replied sure but when I feel better or don’t you care I’m unwell. He replied I don’t care. So I rang him n said why would u say that he replied because u made a stupid comment n I replied with a stupid answer. I told him I don’t want to fight I’m really sick. He was being insensitive. He usually text me before and after work. He didn’t text me at all the next day and now it’s the second day and he didn’t text me again before work. He didn’t check up on me to c how I am feeling. I feel really upset by this. We have gone a day without texting or calling before when we have fought. He may initiate contact or sometimes I do. But this time I don’t know if I should initiate since I feel he should of checked up on me or wait for him I hate that we are not talking.
Why do you fight so much? Please read my book, Shazza. You have to be soft and feminine and luring with honey. It seems to me that you are easily upset yourself and keep calling him out on stuff you don’t like about him. That’s a recipe of constant fighting.
Hi, could use some advice. This guy and I worked in the same office, and then he left. We reconnected on linked in and were emailing on and off for 3 months, finally met to “catch up” a few weeks ago and just completely hit it off.
The next afternoon he texted me saying “thanks for meeting up, it was fun” Couple days later I sent him a happy bday text: “Happy birthday! Hope you do it up large tonight!” email to which he responded “Thanks! Getting hammered with friends – hah, gotta take advantage, dont have many left!” I didn’t respond to that…but then the next afternoon he emails me further and says “And by getting “hammered” I mean just a couple drinks with friends!” And I respond “No worries, hope you had a good time!” So i’m thinking, that obviously he cares how I look at him and thats the reason he sent that email. Later that night (Thurs) he texts me saying his bro is in town but would I want to grab drinks next week, and I say sure.
Tues rolls around but have not heard from him so I ask what day he had in mind for a drink. And later he texts “does thursday work for you?” And I say sure, but I have plans later that night, so can only do one. Thurs he texts asking if we’re still good for meeting up…I didn’t see the text until 2pm, (i’m just bad at responding to texts in general, I usually take a couple hours), but after I saw that text, anther came in saying “Oh no, just found out I had a work meeting, can we reschedule for next week? i’m so sorry!” And I say “I can’t do next week, out of town but can do the following thursday” And he says “Thursday it is!” and I say “Cool, looking forward to it” And he says “Yeah me too ;)”
Ok I know this has now turned into a novel! SORRY! 🙂 I’m just confused. I haven’t heard from him at all this week, granted – out of town, but still. 2ndly, I talked to one of my co-workers about him and he said “Umm hes kind of a player, every time he was out at a bar he’d scope the bar, then beeline it for a girl” and I say “But can you blame a single guy for trying to pick up girls at a bar?” and he says “Well I think he was seeing someone…and she was calling him and he ignored her b/c he was getting annoyed”
He has not shown me ANY of this behavior, hes been so nice, and when we met up, he was actually so nervous around me, and just seems like a good guy. But then my coworker is telling me somethng different! So do I give him the benefit of the doubt? Or just cancel on this date (assuming he doesnt cancel on me, that is). THANKS!!
Give him the benefit of the doubt and let him pursue you.
Maybe you can help. So I have been chatting with this guy for 10 weeks we finally met last week. It took us so long to meet because he is always out of town on business. We both had a great time on our date we talked about everything and it felt like I had known him forever. We messaged right after the date talking about how much fun we had and how great it was to move away from just chatting and the next time we get to see each other. Problem is he left town again for business and won’t be back for three weeks. Said he definitely wants to go out again when he gets back. He knows I am dating other guys and asks about other dates. Although I did hint that our first date set the bar pretty high. When he is in town we message everyday but when out of town not as much. I won’t message him first but I am wondering how long I should wait until I hear from him before I should see how the trip is going and since I do like him better then the other men what I could do to keep him interested for 3 weeks. Any suggestions would be welcome
Lean back and let him row the boat. If he likes you he’ll pursue you.
Follow up question. When he messages if he asks about the others dates should I tell him they were good; or tell him they were ok but not as good as ours; or tell him that I cancelled. Not really sure why he keeps asking about other dates. Thanks for your help.
Ask him, “why do you want to know? I don’t kiss and tell.”
Thanks Katarina. It’s been longer since the last time I saw him. Maybe I should contact him to clarify our status? It’s better to end this if he’s not interested anymore:(
Let him do that, meanwhile you are out as a single lady! If he doesn’t hold his end of the bargain, all bets are off.
Hi Katarina. My boyfriend used to text/call me frequently at the start of our relationship. After 3 months, he now texts me once in 4 days or less. If he does text me, it is quick. He seldom calls too. It’s been 4 days since he last texted me. Am sure he really likes me at the start. Does this mean he has lost interest? Should I text him 1st? Or should I let him know my hurt & frustration? He also don’t plan to see me unlike before. Am an option & not his priority. He’s really busy. What should I do? Should I dump him?
Have you been texting too much? If so, that’s probably why. Don’t expect round the clock texting. It’s not sustainable over the long run. And you have to get busy being separated from your cell as well.
I used to text him 1st but now I only wait for his text as our agreement. He said I should have more patience with him coz I complain he sometimes doesn’t reply to my texts. Does this mean he has lost interest? Should I text him 1st if he doesn’t? Or should I let him know my hurt & frustration? What should I do? Should I dump him?
You should adjust to his pace of texting. You can’t nag and make him want to give you whatever you want. Start with my ebook for you to really know what works with men. Most women don’t know how to deal with this and cost them a potentially great relationship.
Hi Katarina. It’s me again. It’s been 10 days & my boyfriend hasn’t contact/text me yet. Should I continue to lean back or should I initiate text? Thanks again!
How could he be your bf when he hasn’t called/texted you in 10 days? When did you see him the last time? Downgrade him. There is no point of chasing him, he seems lukewarm. Date again.
I have this situation where I met this guy online back in December 2013 we’ve been out on a few dates and we’ve hung out at one another apartments multiple times. We have in depth conversations, I must admit we have slept together. I find that after a couple of months he might text me twice a month or I might see him once or twice a month. I barely initiate texts with him anymore since March because I feel as though he doesn’t make an effort to contact me, so why should I continue to go the extra mile? I have developed feelings for him as in I really like him not crazy I love u and am obsessed with u feelings, lol. It seems like the casual relationship or whatever you want to deem it as, is not progressing to the next level. I do know that he world’s a lot of hours working for the rail road system but that didn’t seem to stop him from constantly contacting me at 1st. I also thought abt the fact that he’s about to turn 24 where as I’m 27 and maybe the age difference is a factor. I was wondering should I ask him where does he see this going/what are his feelings toward me or should I just distance myself?
What’s the point of asking him when he’s telling you with his actions? It is what it is. Keep dating other guys. Please read this post:
How To Bring Up The Relationship Talk Or More Precisely Why You Should Not
Thanks. I had already began dating other guys and stayed to like one particular guy. My problem seemed to be that I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt since he said he had a lot on his plate. I saw that the situation wasn’t going anywhere. I don’t think I owe him an explanation as to why I’m just going to distance myself. Clearly we wanted two different things. He claimed he wanted us to grow into a relationship when by his actions he is only looking for a good time. That’s fine and all, but that’s not what I want, so there is no reason to speak other than being cordial.
After the end of my class, my online professor who lives in Texas and I who lives in New York struck up a sort of conversation where he revealed that he was very intrigued by me and he stated he was interested in learning more about me. I said the same and he asked if it was alright for him to call me sometime. I said yes, I don’t mind. For the week we were texting he takes a long time to respond to my texts but does respond, I realize that I have been initiating the contact so I’ve stopped. The context of the texts just showed our interest in learning about each other. We have not text since Friday morning and he hasn’t called. I don’t know if he’s lost interest or just busy he has 2 jobs and goes to school and has a child.
What should I do? Stop texting him completely and wait for him to do it?
Has he lost interest or is he just busy?
Has he lost interest?
After the end of my class, my online professor who lives in Texas and I who lives in New York struck up a sort of conversation where he revealed that he was very intrigued by me and he stated he was interested in learning more about me. I said the same and he asked if it was alright for him to call me sometime. I said yes, I don’t mind. For the week we were texting he takes a long time to respond to my texts but does respond, I realize that I have been initiating the contact so I’ve stopped. The context of the texts just showed our interest in learning about each other. We have not text since Friday morning and he hasn’t called. I don’t know if he’s lost interest or just busy he has 2 jobs and goes to school and has a child.
What should I do? Stop texting him completely and wait for him to do it?
Has he lost interest or is he just busy?
Let him initiate and don’t wait around for him. Get busy with life. You will know if he’s interested through his efforts.
Hey Kat! Can you give me some advice? I recently met a guy on a holiday in Spain, about a month or so ago? We talked pretty regularly with the odd deep conversation but recently it’s been pretty few and far between? I waited about 5 days and messages him today just asking if he has been busy lately.. Have I made a mistake? What should I do? Thanks!
Louise, that’s typical of a long-distant fling. Let him initiate most of the time and you must go out and date others and live a full life.
Hi Katarina, I probably should’ve read your blog much earlier. I do hope it isn’t too late to redeem myself. My story goes like this (and I’m sorry but it’s gonna be really long):
I met this guy about 6months back and back then we started to get to know each other through im-ing (basically texting). He stays a 3-hr plane ride away so it’s long distance. He was clearly interested from the start and would text from day to late into the night every day. He started saying he missed me and wanted to be with me etc about two months into the texting. I hadn’t really developed any feelings for him at that point but I did startto develop an interest.
Fastforward to four months into the ttexting, and I started to have feelings. Didn’t really tell him in exact words but I started responding to his “I miss you” texts more and more. All this while he would initiate the texting and I only initiated here and there, but it was rare. He had also started to text much later in the day, when before it was from morning to late at night, it was now evening or maybe night, sometimes afternoon. I do understand though that people have a life, and his work is pretty busy, so to have sustained day to night texting for 4 months was a big effort in itself on his part.
And about 3 weeks ago (5 months into texting now), we had a talk about what our relationship was, and concluded that we were kinda a couple. Right after that talk, he was extra attentive and loving for a week, but the past two weeks, he just dropped off the radar. He hardly initiated and I would be the one texting him first most days, even if my last msg was ignored. He also stopped the goodnight msgs when before we would wait up for each other and texted till we were sleepy then wish each other goodnight. For the past week, he’s just gone to bed without even a goodnight text. And throughout these two weeks, I still unashamedly tried to text him first every day’cause i felt maybe he wanted to feel loved. Normally he would replt but our converaations didnt last long. And definitely not nearly as long as they used to. But today I’ve decided I’m sick of this, after my text this morning was again ignored.
My question is, is it too late for me to just not text him at all until he texts again? Or should I have a “what the hell do you want from me” talk with him? It’s just really confusing since we decided we were a couple (his words, not mine) and suddenly he drops off the radar.
Did you ever see him face to face? Go by his actions and go date other people. You’re not a couple till you meet in person and he consistently steps up. And lean back, stop texting him and only respond when he does.
We met face to face before, but that was before we had started texting. Haven’t been able to meet since due to our work schedules and we stay in different cities. I’m not texting him anymore since it’s obvious he’s had a sudden cool-off. Guess we’ll see what comes of it.
I won’t be doing anything wrong if I start dating other guys right? This “falling for someone long distance” thing is so foreign to me.
You SHOULD date other people to keep yourself grounded.
Hi Katarina
I take this courage to ask as I am in a lost. Read your blog above should I text him, but still not sure as my heart tells me to.
This guy is a friend of my ex-bf I knew 4 years ago and stay connected thru Facebook. He greeted me on my birthday every year and this time he suggested we should catchup so we exchanged phone numbers. He text via whatsapp last Nov and a few texts we agreed to have drinks on Jan17 Fri evening. Instead, he suggested movie plus drinks. I am open since I am single for almost 3years now and hardly date, even though I know he is 10 years younger like my ex. I am 48 and feel no hope for relationships.
It turnout he was trying to hold my hands in the cinema. I let it be eventually and he wanted to kiss me in the car which I resisted so was just briefly. He told me he has been single for 2 years now but his ex-gf is still good friend/business partner. He may not know my exact age as I look thirties. He text me after the date, and wanted to see me next day on Saturday which I couldn’t due to prior arrangement. He text Sat & Sun and this continued daily with him telling me he’s attracted to me. I responded to his text always as I like him.
After texting for 5days on Jan22 Thu evening he asked if I wanted dinner – I said yes and we met an hour later. The 2nd date ended up we were closer and kissed. He continued to text following few days and I developed feeling for him. Shortly, he left on Jan30 for a 5days work trip whereby I initiated the text to check if he arrived safely. I tried to cool off texting but missed him. He returned on Feb5 but didn’t get in touch much. I text him 2 days after and talked about a dinner earlier mentioned. The interval of texting became 2-3 days gap which I initiated some, sometimes he would text to ask how I was but no longer on a daily basis. Could he has met someone or just busy?
We still text each other Feb 11-12-13 which I was hoping he would ask me out on Feb14 but no signs. On Feb13 he text and I asked a question – why he chat/text me. It’s not too proper. He said I asked a lot which I laughed it off. I also said friends should not be virtual but meet to communicate. Also I text friends when I think of them, miss them or…bored. Not sure what I was saying and overly! He said he don’t think of reasons before chatting/text. I hinted we text but not meet. He then said I had a lot of doubts on him, whereas he don’t question whether I like him or not even though I don’t ask him out… The chat was a disaster I think. Nothing on V day except I sent him a greeting. On Feb16 I tried to redeem myself text him that the previous chat was awkward hope he would be cool. He explained he had problem with his phone for 3 days (I believed as he posted that on fb). On Feb18 he text back to chat. Next day I text to arrange dinner – he said his weekends are usually busy with work. We set the dinner for Fri.
We had our 3rd date on Feb21 one month after the 2nd… there is still that attraction though our conversations did not always agreed but overall okay. After dinner we held hands again and sent me home whereby he started to get intimate – kissing, touching privately. I gave in to the touching which I usually don’t unless in a serious relationship. We were intimate, guess I like him and want to keep him. The evening ended, with nothing planned further. Next day Saturday night I text him to say hi. He responded with brief casual exchanges, also said he would be busy on Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon he text if whatsapp was down that I replied and he responded. The conversation ended.
Now, it’s 12 days from our 3rd intimate (no sex) date! It’s 10 days from our last text on Feb23. I came across your website/blog and have refrained myself to text him. But it’s too long a wait. He is not texting me but from whatsapp we know the online/last seen status. He is active but not texting me. I should probably text to ask how’s things with him? Maybe ask if his business is doing well?
If he no longer contact me, I feel I did or say something wrong and should not just let it be. What is he thinking? Maybe Asian men has different behavior? It’s not too right to just end like this… Katarina please help! I appreciate your reply.
Delfine, you’ve been leaning forward a lot with the texting and initiating. Back off and start focusing on dating others. You gotta let a guy lead to see any long-term result with them. Please get my book, you need a new brain.
Thanks for answering!
We were initmate the last date which meant something to me, think he felt the same and like me. But 12days on why he is not contacting me?
I hope for another chance to make things right and get along with each other. Since I ever said I text when miss or think of the person, should I text now casually to show it? Else he may think I don’t like him after our 3rd date…
Thanks again for your help!
Nope. Let him do it and he will do it if he’s still interested in you. If not, there’s nothing you can do anyway.
Should i have told a guy I will be leaning back and not contacting him and letting him initiate?
I put up a personal ad looking for a certain type of guy stable,emotionally available etc and this guy J answered. He didnt bowl me over at first and he is a bit short but he was persistence and ask me out and I said yes. We ended up hitting it off right away, he said i was beautiful,sexual chemistry and had so many things in common: same age,same taste in music,both lefties,drive vw’s, even our exes have the same last names! He had been married and seperated for 2 yrs and his divorce was now final. I told him i have a little girl from a a previous unmarried not very good relationship.
He was very responsive with his texting and always got back to me right away etc. we went out again for my birthday and he spared no expense.were intimate that night. I was waiting to see him again and he started not texting as often and replying less saying he was busy at work. at the end of the week he hadnt asked me out so I asked what he was doing on the weekend and he said he was broke becuase he has to pay his exes COBRA insurance for a while. I said I was broke too and we could be broke together. So i came over his lace and we watched movies, listen to records, talked and talked and slept together again.I told him i felt confused when he didnt text me back as much as before and that even if he was busy it takes 10 seconds to shoot a text saying ” hi A bit busy talk later?”
especially to someone you supposedly like. I also asked if we could talk on the phone sometimes as he has only been communicating by text and not answering the phone. valentines day as coming up and i sent him a spur of the moment cute sexy pinup type picture i took for him. then I was supposed to come see him the day after. the next day i was so happy to see him and getting ready but he hadnt confirmed the time so I texted and then he said he wasnt feeling well had bn asleep all day and didnt think he could make it. He had gone out the night beofore so i asked if he was hung over again. He said no. Then i texted back thatwe could stay in if he wants and that i was upset because i was already dressed up and booked a sitter for my baby etc. he didnt reply back.
I decided To still go out somewhere but on the spur of the moment i stopped by his place. I know this may have been a bad thing to do but i was upset he would not reply back and wanted to see what was going on. He did let me in and was a bit peeved i showed up anyway at first then i asked for a drink.He said he had a lot on his plate and no money gain.I wondered why he kept saying it_ i never asked him for any money or anything. I know he has to pay divorce settlemenrt ( not alimony) and insurance for his ex but he kept the big 4 bedroom house with a pool, he has cable tv,a late model vw,organic food in the fridge,more grooming products than me and money to go to the pub every week with his friends so It looks like he is doing ok to me!
Anyway I reminded him that he answered my ad.Then i changed the subject to something lighter about a movie i had seen and we ended up again talking for hours, drinking wine, ordering food and sleeping together! Clearly we like each other_ why is he trying to pull away or push me away. In the morning I gave him a killer Bj and then left instead of lingering and having coffee like i usually would. when i got home I sent him text saying I wasnt going to call him anymore for awhile and probably put my ad up again but he could call me and initiate if he wanted… It is okay i told him that or should I just have cut off contact? i really think we would be great together- he must see this? I know all i can do is let go and take care of myself and let him comeback on his own but i feel anxious that he will forget about me? what is he afraid of? How long should I wait?I am going to go out with other guys even if I dont want to because i am tired of kissing frogs but i feel a connection to him and want him. I want to text him already when i see article i think would interest him or something funny…
Thanks
Katherine
Ps I also asked him he if he like women being more dominant or less( trying to see if he was more masculine or feminine energy) and he said he liked equal relationship.I told him i like a man to be the more dominant one even though i have to be in my masculine all day every day with work and talking care of my child etc. What if he is a feminine energy guy? Can i get him to own his masuline side more?
Hi Katherine,
No need to say anything, they’ll know it through your action. And woman, you are a man chaser! This guy doesn’t have the chance to pursue you cause you always initiate ALL contacts. Not good at all. You need my book BAD. Read it and turn your relationship around:
https://katarinaphang.com/products/hes-really-that-into-you-hes-just-not-ready/
Please read all my blog posts as well. You will understand what truly works with men. And he’s lukewarm cause you are the man in this relationship. He isn’t responding to that.
I have two ongoing programs that can rehab you:
https://katarinaphang.com/products/the-journey-inward/
https://katarinaphang.com/leaning-back-and-cultivating-feminine-mystique-workshop/
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my name is Gracious Martins, i want to share my testimony, of how Dr,Oduduwale the great spell caster helped me to bring back my Ex Husband in 3days after i have tender my problems to him he also helped to gain promotion in the firm i work..he is such a good spell caster that will check if his spell has work before demanding anything from you..Dr Oduduwale is such a trustworthy man and i also recommend him to make those sad happy again..am using this medium to once again thank Dr Oduduwale for making me happy again and i know many are out there who want their Ex back if you have tried and fail here is Dr Oduduwale to make you smile again. Email him on oduduwale@gmail.com or Call +2348159645330.
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Amazing advice! I’m not much of a texter either and the guy I’ve been talking to has told me a few times before I should text more often. I often leave him hanging when I can’t find anything else to say or got busy. When we meet in person, he would ask me why did I not reply and I would tell him honestly that I was just too busy. However, he’s quite strange himself as he doesn’t initiate texting often and takes awhile to reply. It doesn’t really bother me but I just want to know if he’s interested? Just last month we haven’t spoken for 2 weeks or so but he suddenly striked a convo on Facebook with me. Through the convo, he kind of made me promise to talk to him more. So should I follow what he says or continue to let him initiate? Thanks!!!
Let him initiate. If he’s lazy, it’s only because he’s lukewarm toward you. You don’t want to do his job and be taken for a ride!
Katarina,
There is a guy that I met at work. I thought he was cute at first but I was not at all interested in him. He started to pursue me for a few weeks by teasing me and telling me how pretty and cute I was. Well, I did start to like him so I showed interest in him. We started texting each other everyday and when we would see each other, we couldn’t stop smiling or kissing one another. When he is around me, he compliments a lot and feels a need to touch me all the time (by touching my hair, or poking my stomach). We made out several times and each time it is very spicy. Well, I messed up by asking him where this was going.. The next day he said that he wants to be single and remain friends and get to know each other more, because he doesn’t want to feel like he is just jumping into something right away. I go to visit him once a week where he works, and he has pulled back on the making out but still seems to keep touching me. He grabbed my foot and started massaging it while we were sitting at the table. He told me that he likes me and wants to be more than friends with me but he is not sure when. He doesn’t ask me out and he doesn’t call me. When I visit him once a week he talks about everyday things but never asks anything about me. After reading these posts, I have decided to lean back. I’m just confused because he pursued me very hard in the beginning and now he got cold. Is he emotionally unavailable or is he just not into me?
Why do you visit him once a week? Is it your own initiative? No wonder he’s cold. You’re assuming a man’s role. Please read my book and turn it around.
So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again
So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again
So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again
So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again
HI Kat!, I’m just new here.. just started reading your post.. and I really love it. It helps me calm down a little bit..
but here’s a thing..
I met this guy online.. we have a lot in common, its like we met each other in our past life.. we clicked that moment on.. we exchanged emails a lot, we chat/talk through Skype, he message me a lot too.. somewhere in between our conversation, he told me that he wants me, he wants a long term relationship with me, and that he likes me and he’s in love with me.. and he’s very sweet, thoughtful, etc.. and I have fallen in love with him too.. so we agreed that we’d boyfriend/girlfriend.. so when he went to my country to visit and meet me for the first time in person, well, he suffered a lot in his way though because of the weather, so we decided to meet halfway.. we spend time together happily for 2 nights and 3 days, i gave him my virginity.. he was really sweet all that time, he cant take his hands off me.. and even told anyone that I’m his girlfriend if someone will ask him.. so when its time for me to go home.. he was still very sweet.. and he said i should text him when i get home, etc.. when i was on the bus,, he texted me that he already misses me and that he’s very sad and lonely..so i texted him back that i misses him a lot too.. after 2-3 days he didn’t text me much.. well if i message/text him he will reply with short messages and not so sweet text but still call me pet names though.. i kinda miss his flirty and caring text though.. and sometimes i don’t get a response at all.. so i message him a lot (i know, its a bad move), and i feel like im being too clingy and needy.. keep asking if something is wrong… and make my emotion get the best of me.. should i be worried that he’s not messaging/texting me a lot not like he used to? what should i do?
.. and oh, we plan to live together, and he just moved in to the place we both decided but i can only move in after 4 months because of my work… and he told me before that he’s very left behind from his work and study.. should i be worried? he’s getting colder and colder each day.. what should i do? and sometimes i don’t get any messages from him anymore.. only when i text him first..not like before.. but when i asked him if he still want me to go and live with him, he said yes.. (i know I’m over thinking everything, its just it hurts me and i felt like I’m being used for sex)..
please help 🙁
and he is my first boyfriend too..
Anna, how old are you? You are so vulnerable and this isn’t going to play well until you get a hold of yourself. Get my book and apply all the principles there. It’s too early for you to start thinking about wedding etc…no matter what he says. Keep your expectations to the minimum and don’t stop talking to other guys till he claims you.
Thank you for the quick response, Ma’am Katarina! 🙂 WOW! 😀
I am 21 years old, and I’m not thinking of getting married yet, just living together.. and he asked a permission to my mother.. and we’ve been talking for 2 months or more..and sometimes our conversation was so flirty and gets a little sexual sometimes.. its just that after that day that I went home, its like he flipped 180 degrees.. well, he still call me with our endearment but i really think there is something wrong.. and I think living together wouldn’t be possible because we don’t talk much anymore.. i dont know.. im not sure anymore 🙁 what should i do? 🙁
Am i in a good relationship?
Well, I met him in a dating website :(. and he just signed up there for 2 days before i met him.. and he messaged me first there.. and he said to me before that when we are not yet in a relationship..he’s really interested in me and likes me a lot (we exchanged a lot of messages there ).. and he would still talk to other girls until he is sure that i accepted him and im serious with him.. so when the time i accepted him and agreed that he would be my boyfriend, he automatically shut down his account there, so i did the same too..and he promised that he will be mine only and he would be loyal to me..
Hi- I really need some help on this situation that I really messed up :/
I recently broke up with my bf in november, around the same time I met a new guy Jeff. Jeff and I had been texting for about 2 weeks or so, and he was super interested in me and my personality / life etc and wanted to see me etc and initiate convo all the time, so finally I give in and tell him Ill go on a date with him (honestly In should have said no because it was technically only a couple of days after the breakup, and I wasn’t probably emotionally ready) – (the breakup itself with my ex had been coming and the relationship had just run its course, but I think when it actually happened I still hadn’t fully registered it by the time of the date)
Anyway, so for some reason (? I think I wasn’t thinking straight) I ask Jeff before hand if it was ok to sleep over (bc I assumed we would go to a bar after dinner and I didn’t want to drive after drinking.. I know, I shouldnt have done this..) and he was a little confused, but agreed. Dinner went really well, he was an absolute gentleman, and we had a great chemistry and dynamic. When we got back to his place, I thought we would just watch a movie and sleep (which in itself was ridiculous.. honestly I think I was in an emotional place and shouldnt have felt SO comfortable with him already) but of course, we start hooking up. Before we ended up about to have sex, I hesitate and realize I wasn’t able to follow through (considering I wasn’t over my breakup probably) and say stuff like “are you seeing other people, I don’t want to have sex unless were exclusive, etc” to which he was like “oh it seems like ur not ready, sex shouldnt be ablout contracts etc” and backs off. and then I say stuff like “will u miss me over break/ how will we keep in touch if ur traveling etc” (SO CLINGY i cant believe I said that..) to which he was super vague. Due to our chemistry we end up trying to hook up again but then something funny happens and we stop and just go to bed
next morning he asks how i slept and I was like “not well bc I was thinking a lot.. im glad nothing happened last night and i think we should just take things slow” he then acts cold, drops me off to the train station, and we have a very vague convo about work in the car. I text him that I had fun and thank him for the ride to which he just replies a smiley face.
Then the next day he wishes me a good trip (i was going on vacation to London), I thank him and the convo ends. Then I make the mistake of texting him pictures of the scenery while im on break to which he responds, but not too extensively. He then wishes me a happy thanksgiving a couple days later, to which i thank him.
I get back from break, havent heard from him since he wished me for thanksgiving (was about a week) and then make a really bad mistake.. I start out txting him how his thanksgiving was, and he responds quite eagerly back, and then i ask him if he has time to chat, to which he makes excuses about work. The next evening, i do something EVEN worse.. I tell him i want to be honest with him and ask him if he can talk on the phone, and he asks me whats wrong… So i send him LONG text msgs in a row basically summarized saying “Lol i honestly misrepresented myself etc.. idk y i said i would sleepover.. I just wanted to get to kno you without any expectations.. I’m really embarassed” to which he responds 30 min later “ill call you when I have time” and I say ok. THEN i make things even worse by saying that I’ll be in LA both Fri and Sat of the weekend (we both usually go out to the city every weekend to hang out – (not together, but just coincidentally thats where each of our social lives are)) and he said he wouldnt be in the city on Friday, mabye saturday (he responded 8 hrs later to my txt) and then I txt him saying I had a lot of fun etc at the club and then he texts me back the next dsay 6 hrs later asking me where, to which i respond. This whole exchange was over 1 month ago, and I stopped contacting him after that. I added him on facebook though about 2 weeks ago- he accepted my request, but his profile is super private. We havent talked at all…
I know I messed up SO much.. I just wish I had a second chance because honestly I think I was just in a bad space because of the timing with my breakup ( which i now feel a lot more at peace about).. I just miss my conversations with Jeff and feel like we had a pretty good dynamic that I would like to explore, even if we just ended up as friends.. Do you think I still have hope?? What should I do???
Thanks SOOO much,, this has really been bothering me for so long now!
Jerika, don’t beat yourself so much. He will let you know when he wants more or he wants to talk. You have given all signs in the world you are interested. The ball is in his court. Next time don’t bring up the talk with a guy especially when you have only known him for a few weeks. Be the one he pursues, not the one who chases him.
Thanks for the quick reply Katarina- it really means a lot! Do you think I have any hope left in this situation? Or was my mistake so bad that I scared him off for good? And should I not have added him on fb?
I definitely have learned a lot for next time after reading all your pots.. wish I had done so before I messed everything up!!
Thanks so much though for helping me out!
You’re very welcome. Don’t worry about him. You can’t lose what you never had to begin with. If he’s into you enough time and space will do wonder as I have seen time and again.
Thanks Katarina! I really appreciate your quick responses!
You mentioned that if he was interested he would eventually contact me again.. See, because I made a mistake of being needy/clingy in the initial stages, I feel like he didn’t really get to know me well enough to be super into him (he was getting to that point but i messed it up :/) .. today is his birthday, and he hasnt contacted me in over a month.. should I wish him? Sorry I know I’m being obsessive, but I just feel like things could have gone well with him and I just met him at a bad time (2 days after my breakup..) so I wasn’t my true self and wish I had a second chance to reignite his interest.. is there any way to do this? We dont normally run into eachother/ have similar friends.. Thanks again for your help!
Never text a guy happy birthday when he’s not talking to you. Why? It’s not going to make him want you. Quite the opposite, in fact.
Ok- glad i didnt send him that text then! Is there anything I can do to get a second chance for him to be into him again besides just giving him space and living my life? I just keep beating myself up for messing up
Thanks so much katarina for telling me not to text him for his birthday! I found out through Facebook this morning that he got back with his ex.. Do you think that if I had not made so many mistakes he would have given me a chance or would he have gotten back with her regardless? Also should I try to be friends with him
Still ( and reach out by being friendly?)?
Thanks so much! I’m currently saving up to purchase your program! Thanks for all the great insight
Jerika
Jerika, just lean back and date around. He might come back when he misses you and his relationship is over. Live with abundance mentality. He’s not the only man who will knock your socks off. No more reaching out and stuff. It makes you feel desperate and it will push him away further.
Yes, read my book and sign up for my programs for more effective ways dealing with men and keeping them hooked on you. 😉
My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM
My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM
My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM
My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM
I met a guy a few months ago through mutual friends. We exchanged emails and emailed regularly for a few months and then when he was in the area (we live in different states and he travels a lot for his job) we met up. We exchanged numbers and had a few great dates while he was here. He’s texted every single day since our first date – almost 4 months ago. We’ve met up several times since, and hooked up, though we haven’t had sex. I’ve never texted him too much; only initiate about 30% of the time; vary my response times and try to keep the conversation interesting. I last saw him almost 3 weeks ago, and he continued to text every day, but now suddenly I haven’t heard from him in 2 days, yet I see he’s active online. What’s up?
Give him a break. He’ll come back. And when he’s back welcome him with your warmth instead of giving him a sourpuss attitude.
Dear Katarina,
I am back. The last time you’ve told me to let go and let the guy does the chasing part. I received a message two weeks ago, he asked how I was doing and saying “is it been a while or is it just me…” when I met him just only two days ago. It’s clear enough rite that he’s missing me. I was surprised seeing his message. But then at that time I do not feel well and I told him so. He told me it doesn’t feel right to disturb me when I was going to bed. And he ended up saying, he will text me tomorrow.
After 1 week I’ve been waiting for him, he didn’t text back. Dunno whether he forget or he’s really busy (I know he works till so late and most prob he’s afraid disturbing me… it’s just maybe). Then, I messaged him first, asking how he’s doing. He said it was nice to hear from me first. He told me how he goes trough the day and said he was sorry because he promised to get in touch with me but end up he couldn’t make it. At one time he asked if i really want to see the fireworks, he will welcome he to his place (sounds I forced it). He’s also going to treat me for drinks if I passed by his working place.
I dunno, somehow he gives that kind of hints. But at one point in time he just seems not to be interested on me. Last time he said, my straightforwardness is kinda appealing for him.
Does this means he’s justt playing around or I shud just trust him?
He never text me first until now, like almost a week.
Thanks.
You’re making progress however slow and small that might be. Keep dating around. He knows how to reach you.
Thank Katarina for ur quick reply!
What if he never text back or find me? It seems like he’s playing around. He hasn’t texted me for almost a week.
I saw him two days ago, he was busy with work and suddenly he received a phone call and talked for quite a long time while smiling. I was wondering who the hell is on the phone and suddenly I thought it would be a girl. I don’t know whether he’s single or not. But last time he said, he never got any care from anyone (which means I expect him to be single)
I bet you know the feeling of waiting, anxiety and wondering what the hell is going on. I know, I should just live my life happily, and not thinking about this. Please katarina, I guess, I need your help. Thanks.
If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not interested. Go for guys who show interest in you. So if he never texts you again, you get all the answers you need. He’s not that into you. Move on.
Hi 🙂
Love your blog!
I met someone online about three weeks ago, he was pursuing me pretty heavily and I agreed to meet him last Sunfay. We hit it off so well and I started to actually have feelings for him. All of last week he was always initiating conversations and I left some time between replies. We had planned on going out again this weekend. He also said that he only focuses on one person so he won’t be online talking to anyone else. He saw me online at this point and actually said he was crushed.
Anyways, so suddenly he just stopped texting me. Everything had seemed fine, I replied to his texts yesterday morning (Thursday night he sent me a funny picture because I had said I had a tough day at work but didn’t actually say anything). I replied and said the picture made me smile and that it was too bad he had to work Saturday. That was it. Never heard from him after that but I have seen him online so I know he got my messages. I haven’t texted him since and now it’s Sunday and I’m fairly positive I’m about to be stood up.
Do I bother saying anything or just cut my losses now. I just don’t understand how we went from constant messages and being so mushy (coming from him, not me) to being blown off.
It’s way too early to put stock in anything he says. Just wait (I mean don’t just wait around, do something) till he contacts you again. He seems to be anxious too.
Hi Katrina!
Thank you so much for this article. It seriously helped so much, but I still have so many questions running through my head that I know the guy I really like will most likely not answer.
So this guy sits right behind my in one of my classes and I’ve always thought he was really cute. So one day I got the courage to add him on Facebook and he immediately accepted and then I asked him a couple questions about school work and after couple minutes of that he initiated conversation unrelated to school. I gave him my number a day later and we started talking on almost every social media haha. But when Monday came along, he wouldn’t even look or say ‘hi’ to me in class. It was completely awkward. The same day I asked him via text message what our homework was and he never responded. I don’t want to seem like the clingy, obsessed one so I haven’t been talking to him via social media. However, he is still active on Twitter and Instagram and has time to post things on there but not even reply to a simple text of mine. I’m so confused and upset 🙁 He made it seem like he was so interested and even told me we should hang out sometime and now he won’t even look at me in class or text me. Is it something I did?
Sorry this is so long I tried to sum it up the best I could!
You should care less and let him pursue you if he really likes you. If he isn’t then stop obsessing about it.
Hi,
I’ve met this guy online and we’ve been dating for more than a month now. He always initiates to text me every other day or sometimes everyday just saying hi. I text him first too maybe once a week. We always see each other every weekend since he invites me. After a month of seeing each other, he started to introduce me to all of his friends and we hanged out and had fun! A week after, he invited me out again and had dinner. The next day he invited me out again and he introduced me his close friend whom i didn’t get a chance to meet. I spent the night at his place and made out but didn’t have sex since i said no. (we still haven’ slept together) since i want to wait. After an awesome weekend, i haven’t heard from him 4 days now. I kept recalling what just happened since it’s unusual for him not to text me this long. Should i text him first?
Another thing that bothers me is he’s still active online though i can’t blame him since he hasn’t mentioned anything about being exclusive. I haven’t brought it up too since i wanted it to be on his ‘timeline” and i don’t want to freak him out. He’s 38 and i’m 30. I don’t know if he’ still seeing someone else but usually we spend having dates on weekend.
Help! This situation is driving me nuts and i’m very attracted to him!
Ver
You are now in a dangerous territory of getting obsessed with a guy who is still exploring. Let him come to you and you initiate 20-30% the time only. And you meanwhile should spread your psychic energy by finding his “rivals.” It’s not great to start wondering about a guy too much. You can channel that energy on focusing on your other aspects of life separate from him (yet that includes not running out of options by dating other guys cause the minute you are in that mode, you’ll freak out easily and your energy will feel pushy and heavy to him).
I have come across your blog and it has been a God-send. My situation is very complex and complicated. I know you will tell me the truth and what I need to hear. It’s very long, but I want you to have the full story. Please help me, as I struggle with wanting to move on and thinking about him every day. I invested a lot of emotions into this guy and I don’t know what to do, or if I should just move on. Here it goes:
I’ve been out of an abusive relationship for a year and a half. He’s been out of one for 6 months. We met on a popular app among college students that lets you Whisper your secrets. I felt led to reach out to his post about his abusive ex. I remembered what it was like. We corresponded several times (I can read his Whispers and know it’s him) and we finally exchanged numbers as friends. He jokingly called me his therapist. Even offered to pay me. I told him I was just helping him as a friend.
He began to turn to me for advice more and more. He’d text me at 4am instead of texting his ex. I told him to do so whenever he needed to. I was there for him whenever. Then…he started to initiate more than just friends by flirting and letting me know he was definitely interested in more.
By this time, I had begun to kinda fall for him too. The amount that we poured our hearts and souls out to one another…it would be hard not to develop feelings…
He confided in me that he was molested by his own father at 5. His mother kicked his dad out and his dad is pretty much a psychopath. The thing is, he said this to me like it was nothing. He kind of got offended by my sympathy. It was weird. He told me “It’s not like this is a heart-to-heart”.
That was early on when we started talking as more than friends and it’s stuck with me ever since…not because I judge him for it at all…but because I think it has everything to do with his odd behavior when it comes to intimacy.
He would text me like a normal guy. The “Hope you have a good days” and all. But, he wouldn’t ask to meet. That bothered me. This is around the time his odd behavior began.
He was really open. Had been honest. Said he loved my personality. Couldn’t wait to meet. Would talk to me when he was thinking about her, or was upset. Then, one night, after we had agreed to meet for dinner when he got back to our college that weekend, he out of the blue says “I’m sorry, but I’m giving up my pursuit of happiness…blah, blah, blah”. It was so odd. He had been so happy talking to me. So sweet. Then he shuts down. Goes cold.
Remembering how hard it is when you’re dealing with PTSD and abusive trauma, I gave him a break. We continued to talk. He acted very confused with how he felt about me. He’d have his flirty moments and his cold moments. Eventually he said he was ready to meet me. We made plans…guess what? He sabotaged by hurting his knee. But, said “I’m finally ready to meet you, even though I may be moving”. (I told him I didn’t like what-ifs and wanted to meet anyways)…but it was like he had to talk himself into it….
We met the day after our original plans.(His knee didn’t look that bad.) Things went great. The more time I was with him, the more I was attracted to him. He was sweet. We actually watched a football game and took a walk afterward. But, on our walk, he got triggered (PTSD) and he was ready to go back to his apartment. Once back, he said he hoped I had a good day, but that he was tired and wanted to lay down. Hurt and thinking WTF by his sudden coldness, I left after we said our goodbyes. I get on the app we both frequent to see his post “My hope for a happy ending is dwindling”. That cut like a knife. Right after meeting me? He text me with a “:))”. I said it back. He asked what I thought and I told him I had a good time. He said he did too. Then, I told him he could be honest, as he knows I can see his Whispers. I told him I could tell he wanted me out of his apartment. He said “You could tell?” I said yes. He got upset. Kept saying sorry. He told me he got triggered by something on our walk and kept thinking of her. That’s why he wanted to be alone. I told him it was okay. Consoled him. Told him I’d talk to him later.
Next thing I know…he’s Whispering about almost committing suicide…I proceeded to talk him out of it. The day we met. It finally worked and he stopped talking about it and told me he was going to lay down.
We continued to talk and I’d be there for him. We flirted and made plans for the following Tuesday. I was going to cook for him. When I told him that he said “You’re going to cook?! I’m not worth that”. It broke my heart. I told him he was, but as you guessed it, he sabotaged by being sick. I took him a get-well basket later that week because he was acting really sick. Left it on his balcony. He asked why I was so sweet, like it puzzled him. He sparingly talked to me every day when he felt okay and then he dropped off the planet by the weekend. Scared he was really sick, or suicidal, I text him to tell him that I was wondering if he was okay. No answer. I was panicking. I text him again and told him to please let me know that he’s okay and that I was worried. He says “I’m having me time :/”.
***I need to throw in here that he’d text me at 3am and 4am sometimes. Just random thoughts/feelings. One time, he never text me back and said early the next morning, “I’m disappointed in you! You never text me back.” Later that morning he said “Please. Make me meet you because I really want to. Please make me meet you. I really like you.” This was before our first meet. It’s when I first starting seeing signs of submissiveness.***
He admitted to testing me to see if I’d respond when he ignored me, then said he was sorry because I called him out on it. This was before I had fallen and had my head on straight.
I was really nice though he kept being short with me when he finally responded. Finally, I got mad. All I asked was if he was okay and he was giving me the cold shoulder. I said to him that I was starting to see some things, that I was sorry I messaged him in the first place, and Good night. He responded with “What do you mean?” I didn’t answer him. He sent a “?” The next day and pretty much blew up my phone until I answered him. He said he didn’t understand why I was upset because he did answer me and he was at a party. We worked it out. I told him I just cared and was worried. I proceeded to tell him that I liked him. He sounded shocked. He was like “You like me??????” He asked why and all. I told him I just wanted to hang and get to know one another better, but was unsure of how he felt, as I thought he didn’t feel the same. He got defensive. Said I didn’t know how he felt and said he couldn’t tell me. I waited a few hours and said that was too bad. He finally told me that when he laid eyes on me for the first time that past Sunday, all he wanted to do was kiss me that day. I told him was that so hard? He told me he didn’t know why he couldn’t bring himself to tell me that until now. We talked and he said he wanted to come cuddle and watch a movie and I said yes.
There were so many times he wanted to come over, but would talk himself out of it. He’d say he wanted to then would say he’d probably bother me, say he’d been drinking and didn’t trust himself, say he knew he’d want to kiss me, but he didn’t want our first kiss to be with alcohol on his breath…you name…he’d use it. Then, he’d say that “Nevermind” and tell me that he’d come over anytime I wanted him to and to just let him know. But, when I planned it, he’d sabotage the morning before.
One night he text me saying he was really upset and was wanting to be held…I told him he was welcome to come over and I’d hold him. He used the excuses. Said he didn’t want me to see him cry. I would say I didn’t mind. He’d move on to saying he couldn’t get out of bed, etc. But, that night, I finally got something out of him…he admitted to me that ever since their breakup he felt like he couldn’t trust anyone. That’s why he didn’t leave his apartment much (I didn’t either at 4-6 months recovery). I told him that I really cared about him and didn’t understand why he couldn’t trust me after all that we had been through and that I was trying.
He said that he just couldn’t. I told him maybe he would one day. He said “I will”. I got upset thinking about all the other women he’d been with before me that he let in close proximity, but used him and left him. Why was I so different? I ACTUALLY CARED. I told him I wanted to ask him a question and asked him why he wouldn’t let me in or get close to me when I actually cared about him? He answered “Because you got here after I got hurt”. That wasn’t true. He’d let those other women in after he got hurt. Why not me?
I told him I felt that wasn’t true and I remember him dating another girl when we were first corresponding as friends. I said that he’d never appreciate me as a good woman, nor what I had done for him and that it wasn’t about how I felt, but him, as it was about his recovery and that I wanted to know and got an answer. I was very upset by this point. He’d been playing with my emotions so much. He didn’t respond. I felt bad for being so blunt and mean. I apologized. He said he felt like he couldn’t talk to me anymore because of what I said. He wouldn’t explain why. We talked. He said we had a connection but he was just broken, his heart blowing in the wind. I assured him that he wasn’t broken, just hurt and that he’ll eventually recover. I kept talking him out if his dark spot and he said “Why are you trying so hard? Why are you trying to help me? Do you want to end up with me in the end?” I answered him honestly. Heartfelt. It was long. I really care about him. His reply “Come cuddle”.Really?
I told him I wasn’t at my apartment near our college, or I’m would and we got off on a trigger he just had. I asked why he got upset about what I had said. He said he didn’t. I said yes, you did and asked why. He said “Because it’s like a conflict of interest”. THAT baffled me. WHAT does that mean? He went on to say that we definitely had a connection and that he liked me, but was just heartbroken. I didn’t push further, though he kept insisting on what I was thinking…
He text me later that night and it was song lyrics “Names interchange and change my submissive ways” was a line. He’d wrote them. Another clue to his submissive tendencies.
He said he was in the grey…I told him he could get out and I told him I thought he was afraid of opening up to me because emotional intimacy scares him. Physical intimacy is what he’s used to and I’m a lady and he knows he couldn’t connect to me like that for a while. I told him, I could be wrong, but I was just asking. He never responded. I said good night. He told me good night and to sleep good. Avoidance…
The next night…I was having a bad night when he text me and I confided about my mom being a slight trigger at times for me because she’s manipulative…I felt like I could really open up to him, as I had already poured my heart and soul to this guy. I told him I was driving back to our college. He asked me what he could do to make things better as I was really upset. I told him I didn’t want to be alone and wanted to talk.
He said talk to me. I said nevermind. He was avoiding wanting to be there for me in person. He kept begging me to please tell him what to do. I said I was going to bed and that he probably didn’t want to hear it as I was just the woman in his phone that was supposed to be strong for him and I was sorry he saw my weak moment. He told me to stop being like that and asked if I wanted him to come over and hold me. I said maybe. He said to let him know, as he was “falling asleep”. I said yes. He didn’t respond until he told me he was sorry for falling asleep the next morning and kept apologizing…convenient and another sabotage.
I knew he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Why am I so different? I told him it was okay, as he was still there for me. Then…out of nowhere, he says “You are a great person and you’re going to be okay. You just need to focus on your schoolwork and finding a great guy. You are so full of life and that’s great because I can see it.” That BROKE MY HEART. He’s the one that I want. I told him that by simply saying that I knew that but that I wanted him.. He said “Why do you want me so bad?” I told him I saw the beautiful person below the hurt and I really had fell for him. He said “You’ve fallen for me……?” I said yes. He said “Why do you have to go and fall for me while I’m broken? I might not be back next semester. What do you think?!” I said I couldn’t help who I fell for and I knew the risks, but cared about him.
He said “I like you, but I just don’t know. I have no heart anymore. My heart is blowing in the wind that fills the halls of building 800. I just don’t want YOU hurt.” He then went on to say what I think proves my theory correct. He said he needed to be held, touched, kiss, to show his love and to feel alive and that he hadn’t felt alive in months. He said he knew I didn’t get it. He said he just wanted to make love and feel a connection beyond belief with someone other than his nightmares and memories. I think he was unknowingly telling me that I was right about his only being comfortable with physical intimacy. I said that that was why he kept getting hurt, as women who put out early on usually aren’t looking for long term and will use him and leave him as the many women he’d been with since their breakup had. He told me he just didn’t know and to tell him what to do…
I tried to tell him to give me a chance and to stop letting his ex and her image in his mind hold him back. I told him we see going to have dinner that week and just hang out casually. IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS ASKING FOR COMMITMENT. He said he was going to be busy studying and doing projects. I said that was an excuse because he doesn’t study as it is and we could study together. He said I just don’t know. I told him to stop letting his ex get to him. I kicked into friend mode and told him she was happy with someone else, he couldn’t make her happy anymore, that it wasn’t his fault, but that he needed to move on and make himself happy. He got upset and started crying and told me he’d talk to me later about it because it was too much at once. I told him I was sorry and to talk when he was ready. He said not to be sorry and we both went silent for a while. He text me later that afternoon saying he just wasn’t over her. Things kinda blew up from there. All the feelings and hurt I had pent up came out and I – in a nutshell – said that I didn’t understand why he’d led me on and kept fanning the flames, and that I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t see me as a good woman and 10x the woman his ex will ever be (yeah, I was mad, as I all I was wanting was to hang out and this girl is complete trash). I was so upset after everything I had done for him and opened my heart up to him…he said he knew I was a once-in-a-lifetime woman, but that he just wasn’t ready for anything and he was sorry I felt like he led me on because he hadn’t. That infuriated me, as he was invalidating my feelings. I told him that he kept pushing away the good and embracing the bad and that I felt for him and that I shouldn’t say anything else.
He said “Are you kidding me? I’ve been broken and you’ve been trying to push me to like you. I get it you’re hurt and you see so much of yourself in me, but I’m just not going to put myself in a position to hurt someone because I’m not over her. I’m sorry you thought there was more than this. Obviously, you’ve never been in love. (I asked him about his submissive tendencies in my message, and forgot to add that part) All this submissive talk is ridiculous. I don’t know what you’re talking about half the time. I don’t have any fetishes. Just a big heart. My ex was not a Dom. She was just a very unhappy person. (She used to physically beat him.) All you seem to say are hurtful things lately.” This set me off and really cut deep. NOW, he’s telling me it was never more than friends to him? After all that I had done and the hot and cold? So…everything was a lie? I got upset and all I said was “I’m at a loss…I’m sorry I ever tried to helped you.” He said “I’m sorry you had to say all this…” Then an hour later “I can’t believe you said that to me…” I didn’t respond. I was so upset.
I COULD NOT believe he was saying I was trying to push him to like me? He started all of this more than friends thing. He kept hurting my feelings and withdrawing, which made me pressure him because I never knew where we stood and he kept yin-yanging. I had been pouring my emotions into him – and emotional black hole – and he expected me keep giving without getting anything in return? That’s not right, nor is it healthy. Anyways, the next night, I felt led to message him after attending church at my university. I finally realized I had pressured him a lot toward the blowup that Sunday afternoon. I apologized, told him I was sorry for failing him as a friend, that I let my own selfish desires and feelings invade our friendship, that I still wanted to be his friend as that’s what true friendship is about and told him my wish for him was that he found a the woman of his dreams and called me and told me he was happy. That he deserves his dream of a wife and family and that I think the potential move to another college will do him good…to get away from our college and the apartment complex he, I, and his exes all live in. It was a very honest and mature letter. I told him our friendship was up to him.
He messages me “I never tried to hurt you…” Then “I’m sorry about everything. I know we flirted and all. The nightmares just took over and I woke up crying.” The significance of the last part is baffling??? Anyways, I said I knew he didn’t mean to and that I had a peaceful feeling in my heart. He said he was “so sorry” again and that I “deserved a better friend than him”. What’s that supposed to mean? I told him I liked my friend the way he was and we had a convo. I ended it. He text me the next night, talking about how he kept looking out his window to see if his ex got home, as she lives across the hall…we talked about that and I told him I used to have the same PTSD tendencies. Our convo got deep. I said what helped me move on was the fact that I didn’t want mini versions of my psycho ex. He said the sad thing was that he wanted his ex to have his kids because she was a beautiful person. I told him that beautiful people are those there are hurt and can overcome it (him and me) not people like her that abuse people and cannot change. I also told him that she would beat their kids and he’d be standing between them. Getting them therapy at a young age. I asked him if he wanted that to be his future and responsible for his children going through that? By this time, I had really switched back to friend mode and was telling him what he needed to hear.
He said “she’s a beautiful person”. I said that I had made him think because he waited a while before he answered after he read it and I him he needed to stop magnifying the good and start seeing the bad, as it was hurting his recovery. He got mad and said “Idk. Nevermind”. I didn’t text him back because he didn’t like hearing the truth and sounded like he was done talking to me.
He text me again Wednesday night. It was weird because all he said was “Hey”. He never just says hey, or he hadn’t since when he was acting like a normal interested guy. I waited a bit as I was busy. I said “Hi”, as I wasn’t sure what to say after all that had transpired. He opens it THE MINUTE he got it. Then…nothing. Silence. That really confused me.
I look on the anonymous app we both have on Thursday and he’s posted – thinking I can’t see it – this: “Just texted her for the last time. I’m finally saying goodbye and moving on with my life. Time to move forward.”
At first, I thought it was about me…the timing was just right. He posts this after texting me and not responding the night before? Then, I really the “finally” implicated that it was a long time coming. Plus, I was just a friend in his eyes. So, it was about his ex-girlfriend. He had finally said goodbye to her. That was a MILESTONE. This is a guy who had been holding on for 6 months and having nightmares about her. She really abused him.
I waited a few days, thinking he would text me – the one person that he said had helped him the most – and tell me the good news. 3 days went by. I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I told myself that we were just friends, so I text him Saturday and said “Hey, I don’t want to bother you, but I just wanted to say hi and that I hope you’re doing good. :)” He said “Thanks. I hope you’re doing good too” the moment he opened it.
I didn’t respond because I was so confused and didn’t want to appear pushy. Things are just in a weird place. Maybe he just needed me time, I thought to myself. Well, that was a week and a day ago and he’s not said a word to me since. This is a guy who used to text me every day of the week. He always initiated. He always reached out to me when he needed me. Maybe that post of his was about me, even though I had made amends for pushing him for more and telling him I had fallen for him. But, then again, how could it be about me if he never thought of me as more?
Katarina, I don’t have to tell you how my mind keeps over-analyzing things. I really had to open up to this guy to do what I did for him. He even told me that no one had gotten through to him like I had. He said he would eventually trust me. So, I am very emotionally-invested. I really care about him, flaws and all, and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he was just using me as an emotional crutch and I finally got the truth out of him, or if he is genuinely scared of real, emotional intimacy after his breakup and that’s why he just fools around and then falls for the girls, instead of in reverse like he would have to do with me? Or, is it a product of his abuse as a child? Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to wait and see if he contacts me after he’s had some time to heal?
I know most people would just walk away from just a damaged man, but I truly saw the beautiful person underneath and that’s why I can’t let go. I don’t think I could see him with another woman that would treat him bad and abuse him like the last one. But, I also realize that you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.
Be brutal. I want the truth. 🙁
I also wanted to add that I’ve never been so invested emotionally in a guy. My exes always complained that I wasn’t clingy enough. I always held back and my intuition was right because those men weren’t interested in a real relationship, but to use me. He is really the first guy I’ve opened up to. It’s so unlike me, but I guess I felt I could trust him. Maybe that’s why I’m so hurt that he’s acting this way.
Oh wow, Lady, you surely are a man chaser, aren’t you? 🙂 He’s not ready, he’s broken-hearted, he’s in pain and depressed, he’s on a rebound, he needs time and space to process his feelings, to heal…you name it…yet you keep pushing yourself over and over on him for your own agenda, namely to feel good about yourself. You’re not doing all that for him, you’re doing this for yourself. You want to save him but you can’t have a relationship -a functional one- with a guy you need/want to save. It seems to me you are not healed of your own woundedness yourself.
Of course you are investing emotionally in him by doing what you’re doing. You are obsessed.
Be whole and stop chasing him. Date around and understand a lot of things about yourself. And please get my book, it will tell you the things that you are doing wrong and will never work with a man.
Hahaha. I wouldn’t consider myself a man chaser. I may have pressured him – which people do as a natural response to being put through the hot and cold ringer, as it triggers deep-seated insecurities – but he is the one who kept reaching out to me every day. I wasn’t the one pursuing contact. The lines between friendship and wanting more got blurred, as I really started out wanting to just help a stranger and when he initiated more, I started having feelings and doing this for myself, I guess. I agree. And, I can see why you say it’s to make myself feel better…of course…I fell in love with the guy I was saving. To be honest, the amount of emotions I had to pour into helping him, there is no way I couldn’t have developed feelings and began acting like a needy “man chaser”. That’s why I put that I have never acted this way before. I’m always the calm and reserved woman with her head on straight like you and countless other relationship blogs encourage women to be. I lost myself in trying to help him. I would agree that my investment has led to an emotionally-driven obsession.
I am going to do just that. He’s back to contacting me. I’ve been very short and blunt. Like an acquaintance/friend who isn’t emotionally-invested. Guess what? He’s withdrawing because of it. I am coming off my emotional high and seeing how I was throwing my needs out the window and being his emotional slave. It’s not healthy for either one of us. Seems like this is the best decision I could have made.
To do that I better work on being approachable and more open to attention. I will try to order it soon.
Thanks for the advice!
He’s a project, and he’s nowhere in the headspace to start a new relationship so just be his friend without expectations and attachment. You won’t get what you need from him. He needs to take care of himself first.
You getting upset when he’s not responding the way you expected is pretty much a chasing behavior and it’s not motivated by altruism but your own agenda. If you truly want to help, you will not get upset when he doesn’t respond to your text/refuses to see you, etc. And you will stop insisting on that.
Hi, Katarina. My question has to do with online dating. I can send a “flirt” to guys that I’m interested in and wait for them to either respond to the flirt showing their interest in me or with an email message. This one particular guy has waited 20 days since I sent him a flirt to show that he got the flirt and has sent a “hi, how are you?” email. I am very interested in him but do NOT want to come off as desperate. How long should I wait before replying to him? I would hate to think that he is just “settling” for me because I’m the next best thing to what he is really looking for but I don’t want him to take his profile down out of frustration in not having success on the site (as he has just recently threatened). Please help!
Just respond when you feel like it. Don’t overthink it.
Hi Katrina,
I’ve been dating this guy for six months now. We text everyday and he has always pursued me and initiates texts. We are constantly communicating with each other. Due to his work and travels and along with my college and work schedule it’s hard to make time to see each other but we’ve generated this emotional bond through the nature of our text messages. ( almost like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with no titles to it)
He’s not sure if he wants a relationship right now, wants a casual type relationship and I want a relationship in the future but for right now I’m just dating until my right fit comes along. Don’t get me wrong we do connect and almost seem routine to communicate regularly. But after asking him what does what we have means to him he says it means something to him but just not sure what. And that he’s neutral. And he realize that I’m very deep! i just know what i want and wants him to be honest with his intentions. I was cool about that but he got nervous and uncomfortable, got goosebumps lol and felt award and left hurriedly. He said he’d text when he got home but its been 4 days since I’ve heard from him. This is rare unless he’s out the country and still I heard from him within two days. I know he is stubborn and has a big ego.
Did that convo freak him out? Does he feel that I’m upset with him and feels like I will reject him so he stays away first? Cuz I’m not upset at all…
When a woman asks a man’s intentions that is pressure, plain and simple. And expect him to withdraw after that. Men don’t think the way we do. They’re not mulling about intentions…which entail plans for the future. He barely knows you, how does he know what his intentions are? If he keeps coming back, that says a lot about his intentions: he’s exploring you and the relationship. You disrupt the process by the common impatience and anxiety women show. Don’t be that woman. Read my book and sign up for my Leaning Back workshop to know what really works with men.
Hi Katrina,
Thanks for your reply. I’ll definitely do that…(get the book and work shop that is). I always thought that men sometimes know from the get go what category they place a woman. And 6 months is not sufficient to know if moving forward is a Possibility? I was getting mixed signals that was the purpose of the talk. I mean with no pressure….That gave him reason to space out so rashly? Seems like a immature and egotistical move. Should I continue giving him his space and keep it as it is?
Guys are cautious about labeling the relationship because their freedom is on the line. Women have been known to nag and expect more the more they get. Commitment comes easily when you don’t need it. He will happily give it to you because you feel safe to him.
Hi katarina,
I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3years, he was a nice guy and all, I really love him, I have been the one texting him first recently, and after our last meeting we had a great sex . He texted me the second day, after then he has not texted me for two weeks.. I haven’t text him too. Pls advice
Is he your boyfriend? If that’s the case you should be able to ask where he’s been. Two weeks without talking is strange if you’re in relationship. What’s the story behind this?
He’s married, he promise me to divorce his wife before I started relationship with him.for the past two weeks he just disappeared , I don’t known what to do I love him
And you haven’t initiated contact? Don’t count on him divorcing his wife. It’s gonna be a long torturous journey for you. You should start weaning yourself off him by dating other guys.
I’m not waiting around for him, I’m a serious flirt, but I particularly love his company. Do you think he will still contact me? I feel that if I contact him he will think he his in control,, I want to have power over him. I go to club and flirt with men but I miss him.
Yes he will. Please read my book, you’ll learn so much about looking into your own pattern.
Hey- did you write this article for me? I really needed to read it. So thank you. So trying to sum this up quickly- I met this seemingly great guy on a dating website (cliche). We texted for 2-3 weeks before we met… and he talked about how perfect I seemed and how excited he was to meet me. He texted me every morning during that span of time and we consistently texted all day. I know that texting fizzles, but the timing is just odd. We met for drinks and had a great time… it felt like we had known each other and I was super comfortable around him. He made little comments that made it seem like he wanted me around more (i.e.- JOKINGLY saying ‘you can’t meet my friends for awhile because they will make me out to be a fool’… things like that). We did make out for a long time after the date but I did not let it go too far.. the physical attraction seemed to be there.
He texted me the next day and said he had fun and continued to initiate conversation after the date, but everyday it was a little less. I finally just asked him if he wanted to hang out again and he said ‘yes that would be great’. He apologized for being more distant and said he has been busy. We made plans on Thursday to hang out today. He did not text me at all Friday.. I texted him last night and he said he was at a work thing and he would text me later. He did but it was small talk and he fell asleep. Today I did not hear from him and asked him around 3 if he still wanted to hang out. He hasn’t responded.
What I don’t understand is why he bothered to text me at all after our first date if he’s not interested? I get that we are not together and he has no obligation to text me, but making plans and not responding is mind games that I refuse to play. I have drove myself crazy all week thinking it’s something I did, but it’s his loss. I know this. Should I say anything about him standing me up or just let it go? If I need to let it go, how in the world do I do that? It’s been hard enough not saying anything thus far and trying to play it cool. It’s killing me! I’m a big fan of this guy but not these games. I surprisingly have been able to do these things you listed in your article, but it’s so hard!! I’m proud of myself for not going crazy girl! haha I’m just not good with moving on without closure, even if we only talked for a month. I will just continue to think it’s something I did.. even though I know it’s not!
Thank you for your website. You are awesome!!
When he contacts you and asks you out again, mention casually that you will appreciate confirming it a day before or same day. Meanwhile, get your mind off him. The less he pops in your mind, the better the result will be.
I really liked your post. I think it’ll help me. However, what do I do in MY situation? I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 5 months now and lately he hasn’t been texting me much. He is away for training at the moment in another state (he is Army) and I know he is busy, but he doesn’t even have 1 minute to ask how I am doing, like he used to? It’s just like all of a sudden he doesn’t care. I have initiated every single text for the past week he’s been gone and he doesn’t really reply. He also doesn’t reply to the pictures I’ve sent and compliment me…which he did used to do in the past. I’m not sure what to do. Is he possibly losing interest? I am going to stop texting him entirely and see what happens. I just DON’T want to lose him. I have already developed some heavy feelings for him.
Texting is a lot of work when you’re busy. And you think it’s only one minute to text? No, it’s expected to go back and forth and it can go for hours or all day long. Who has the time for that? So let him initiate from now on. If he disappears no amount of texting can get him back anyway so just chill and see what happens.
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
Katarina, I recently met a man at a function in another city, an hour and a half away. I saw him from across the room and when he turned my way I waved and then waved him over. He met my friends and then we danced and hung out . Later, we went back to my hotel and had drinks at the bar, again with my group of friends (guys and girls). then I invited him back to my room after he told me he wanted to give me a massage. We fooled around, no sex, and he spent the night. In the morning as he left he said he would text me, which he did around 4 o’clock. He said,,, when will I see you again? I said “when do you want to ?” he said “next weekend” I couldn’t do next weekend and told him so, then I said I’d be hoping to come back into town within the next few weeks maybe sooner and that I would like to see him again .. he said good. later he asked me for a photo from the last night, i didn’t have one…i asked if he had one of him,.. no response,,,,then i didn’t hear from him for five days, ..until this past friday… when he texted “wish I could be seeing you this weekend..” I have not responded as I feel where was the “getting to know you” text or call during the week. Also, there was no response to my “question” in my text. Do you think I’m doing the right thing by not responding? his friday text was nice, but there has been no other effort on his part. If he even texted lets say on wednesday, with a “hows your week, what are you up to..blah blah.. then i could see my responding to his last one, …but to wait five days and then send me a sort of “booty call” text… What are your thoughts? thank you
Don’t read too much into it. Just respond when he comes to you/texts you. And let him ask you out again.
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
Your advice is so amazing. I was wondering if you could maybe help me :/ So I go running every Tuesday and Thursday with my dad while my brother practices drumline on the field. I didn’t go for two wks bc i’ve been sick. Last week, the guy I am interested in (who is one of the assistants to the band) had asked for my number after talking for a bit after my run last Tuesday, where I had obviously given it to him. He text me that night saying “hey c (: this is my number. Glad to hear that you got your voice back!” I had replied with “haha okay saved (: & yeah that was embarrassing” he responded with “aww don’t be (: talk to you soon!” I responded “talk to you soon (: & left it at that. Two days had gone by and he texted me a happy Halloween. We talked for a short while discussing our costumes and to have fun /be safe, & we were both a little flirty. he said he will show me a picture of his costume on Tuesday if I go running. We let each other go, (him ending the convo first) bc I was at a bar/lounge and he had just left a party to call it a night bc he had work early the next morning. he doesn’t seem like much of a texter and I find him a bit confusing. Its been two days since that last convo and yesterday, he shook my dads hand at a drum performance yesterday. I found out today bc I was at work yesterday. my dad thinks its funny bc he says that Nate (the guy I’m interested in) has been talking to him more since he’s met me and shaking his hand being very respectful. It seems he’s interested, But his texting skills are questionable. I’m the type of person that feels if a guy wants to talk to you, he will. So I haven’t initiated any of the texting. I really don’t want to force or control any situation. I Should I text him or just keep going with letting him text me?
Thank you!:) Let him lead. Many people don’t care so much about texting, me included. He will find a way to ask you out if he wants to.
Thank you so much Katerina, I took your advice and kept letting him lead (: He asked me out last night!
Ok. I’m back. Your advice had just been so helpful, thank you for seriously everything. He ended up asking me out and I saw him today (: we’ve been flirting a lot & he’s been texting. I am going to see him this Thursday.so Mind you, I have been letting him lead… But tonight when we were saying goodnight to each other. He did say to text him whenever I feel like. Does that mean because I haven’t been initiating the first text, he wants me to? Should I keep letting him text me first or switch it up time to time?
Yes, let him text you first most of the time but you can initiate every now and then. Have fun and you’re doing great.
Hi Katarina,
I thought about everything this morning and felt that I should come back to your site. I wanted to say THANK YOU so much for everything, for really helping me with the situation I was in. So instead of asking you for advice, I thought I’d let you know that you are seriously amazing and I couldn’t thank you enough. I was so lucky to come across your site last month and really didn’t expect a response back. Thanks to your help, my life has changed in such a great way and both me & him haven’t been happier. With that said- I also wanted to let you know that me and the guy you helped me out with are doing great (: & have made things official <3
Thank you again,
CC
Hi CC, you’re very welcome. I’m happy for you. Would you share your story with us?
Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.
Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.
Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.
Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.
Oops sorry for the typos lol.
Oops sorry for the typos lol.
Oops sorry for the typos lol.
Oops sorry for the typos lol.
Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you
Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you
Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you
Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you
Stop initiating. Save your energy. A guy will make it known that he’s interested by making a move. No other way. It will be obvious. That’s how guys roll.
Hi Katrina. Please help…A few months ago a co-worker of mine asked for us to “hang out” and asked for my number, so I gave it to him. For two weeks (we spoke for about four hours daily)he wouldn’t stop calling and trying to get me to go out with him which we did on the third week. We made out and he said he didn’t want anything serious. So we just ended it amicably but still flirted at work. But his phone calls diminished and eventually stopped. We still kept on flirting until he asked to go out again and we did. Things sort of escalated more on the second date, but we didn’t sleep together. I told him I really liked him but if he didn’t want anything serious then what was the point of going out again if it could end in sex. He acted very understanding and we both left it at that. Afterwards he would say hi at work, but wouldn’t talk to me like before. Then I recently went on vacation for two weeks and when I came back a co-worker said he had asked for me. But he would have called or texted me if he really wanted to know…Bottom line, he stopped calling completely and never texts me. He only did once, and kept it very short. After that, I was the one initiating a text here and there once in a while. I want to get over him because he’s just wasting my time and stressing me out with his behavior, I really like him but what’s the point if he wants nothing serious. Tonight I accidentally texted him again and feel like such an idiot. Please help me. I feel like I’ve stopped to such a low level already…
Grace, guys don’t typically plan a “serious relationship” like women do. They just go with the flow and see where it goes. If you need guarantee before sex, it’s very unlikely you’ll get it. There are exceptions but in general guys want to know what they’re committing to. Read my blog post here:
https://katarinaphang.com/why-bringing-up-sexual-exclusivity-before-sex-or-early-in-the-game-rarely-works/
I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY
I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME
I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY
I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME
I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY
I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME
Hi, so basically, I like this guy, A LOT, even to the moon and back. We are totally stranger and one day I encouraged myself to get to know him and we finally exchanged phone num. I never text him first and one day I text him. He will always ends the convo first, either it’s because too late or he got works to do.
And few weeks ago, we got a chat again. The topic is kinda heavy, cos I mentioned that I wanna get to know him better. His response is kinda good. I know it.
But then I was asking an important qns, like whether he got gf or not but no reply till now.
However, when we meet, he will directly recognised me, and saying hi. It’s so familiar like we know each other for a long time. Dunno whether I shud text first or just let go.
Hi, you are chasing him and he’s feeling it. Back off and let him come to you if he’s interested. A woman doesn’t have to do anything beyond giving a subtle signal that you are interested and available.
Hi Katarina, I started seeing this guy, and off the bat he wanted to see me every day…so for the first 2 weeks we hung out every day for at least 4 hours a night and he’d text me good morning each day and we’d text all day until we saw each other and even after we left each other until we went to bed…(we slept together after week one of hanging out every day) I then made the mistake at the end of week 2 of asking where we stand (I know, I know) week 3 we still texted every day but saw each other only twice but everything seemed normal after me asking that stupid question but then week 4 I didn’t see him at all but he was still texting me first every day…but kept being too busy to hang out in the evenings so I asked about him why he was acting differently & he said he didn’t think he was but that maybe he felt we were getting serious and doesn’t know if he wants that right now…I said I understood, however wish he had just told me that instead of acting differently…but I took it as rejection, figured that was it and said “it’s all good, no hard feelings”, and he seemed confused and asked if that meant I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. I said I didn’t know. He still continued to text me every day up until 3 days ago…so I haven’t texted either. So now it’s been almost 2 weeks and I haven’t seen him, and 3 days that I haven’t spoken to him. What should I do?
Hi Confused, sorry for the delay. Has he texted you back yet? Let him have his break and meanwhile it’s important for you to keep yourself in check so you are not getting ahead of him and yourself.
So I met this guy through an online dating site, and the first night we hung out we hit it off really well and ended up hooking up. I don’t really mind that aspect at all. He really was very sweet, a gentleman, and super hot! The next day everything was fine and I had to run off to work and he even said that he wished I didn’t have to leave off to work. Well I told him I was free that night, and ended up texting him later. We chit chatted, and around the evening I eventually asked him if he wanted to hang out. He never responded! I wish I hadnt asked because it turns out I had other plans, but as far as he can tell I just seemed desperate to hang out again when I thought I was doing him a favor since hes the one that was bummed about me having to leave. I havent texted him yet (its been 3 days) but its driving me crazy… and the worst part is i’m not even that crazy about him, i just dont understand why he decided to drop off all communication …
Also, what should I do if/when he texts me again? If he asks to hang out should I say no?
You can say yes if you feel like it. Relate without attachment and expectations.
Because you were easy andd he got what he wanted without dropping a sweat. period. lol
If you want it, why not?
he is taking his time processing the whole thing. Act normal. If he disappears, then he’s just not that into you.
Check this out:
https://katarinaphang.com/why-bringing-up-sexual-exclusivity-before-sex-or-early-in-the-game-rarely-works/
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blimberg
Great article!
I met this guy through online dating and left him my number to text me if he ever wanted to since we had just been doing back and forth “EH mail” through eHarmony. 2 months went by and I didn’t hear from him until 2 nights ago. He apologized for not texting me until now since his subscription to the dating site expired and he kind of let it sit for a while. We talked for about maybe a half an hour and then all of a sudden he stop replying mid conversation! The last thing I had said was a question and then a second text since 3 hours had gone by and nothing. No reply, from him of course and haven’t heard from him since that day. Should I be worried? Was I too boring with my conversation and he lost interest? Should I text him again in a few days, would that help? I’m not a clingy girl and don’t want to come off that way if I cave in and text him either. I need advice!
If you always initiated (not sure if you did 2 nights ago as well), likelihood is he’s not that interested or he has other options. Let it slide for a while, give him a chance to respond and you might want to look into it again later. Most of the time a guy who is interested will make things happen. You’ll be better off with a guy who shows real interest instead of trying to lead the process.
I do agree with what you are saying! Not sure if something got lost in translation or right off the bat from texting me the first time he decided that he isn’t interested from things. He texted me for the very first time on Sunday night, so I wasn’t the one who initiated. Wondering if I should shoot off a text in a few days and start off new conversation? I’ve always liked to let the guy initiate first because it’s my way of testing them to see if he is interested. Is it common for a guy to text back a few days later? I wouldn’t think so…
Adjust your expectations, very few men can sustain back and forth texting forever. It’s just a nuisance. They have to take a break at some point cause life takes precedence, let him take a break and get back to you. Meanwhile keep busy with others so your mind is off him. There is no sense of having so much anxiety and expectation already, you two haven’t even met. What’s it gonna be like when you two start dating already? And it’s common for a guy online to fade cause they’re most likely talking with a few other women at the same time. As long as you don’t have expectations it’s quite okay to say hello in a week or so if he doesn’t respond but don’t hold your breath.
Alright this puts things into perspective a little bit better, thanks! If I have any other questions I will let you know.
I ended up caving in and texted him…Turns out he dropped his phone in water & that’s why I didn’t hear back. After we texted for a little I told him we should meet up which I thought seemed appropriate since we had already done most of our talking on eHarmony. Said it in a way that wouldn’t make it seem awkward & basically said it was up to him. Once again he disappeared mid conversation geez! Pretty much ready to move on unless you have some other suggestions.
Thanks!
Thanks for your helpful post! I’m in this situation where I met a guy online and we later met up for drinks. We really hit it off (I think..). The night ended with a kiss and the following day, he sent me a text asking how I was doing. We had a couple of text exchanges, in which I found out he wasn’t feeling well. I made sure he had the last word, but I couldn’t help but text him the next day to see if he was feeling better. He responded within minutes. Again, we exchanged a few texts, but I had the last word this time. That was Sunday. Two days later, on Tuesday, he sent me a text message saying he was admitted early to his choice business school. I didn’t have my phone on me, so I didn’t respond with “congrats!” until a few hours later. He didn’t respond …which was fine, but I was hoping he’d initiate a text a few days later. So it’s now day 6 (yes, I’m counting ..and anxiously checking my phone). Would it be okay for me to text him today or should I give him some more time? I’m dating other two other guys right now and they’re both pretty into me, but I can’t get this first guy off my mind. :/
Jennifer, as long as you don’t expect anything in return experimenting never hurts. Since you are not a compulsive texter as some women are, it should be okay just to shoot a interesting/witty or just warm text to him. You will know through his response this time if he’s really that into you. If he slacks again, let him go.
HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com
HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com
HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com
HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com
If you know he’s interested then give him a chance to respond and lean way back. The round-the-clock texting gets boring after a while, don’t you know that? Space is good to create passion and leave him wanting more.
There really is no way to make this sound less stupid and trust me I understand that but I have a terrible habit of basing stuff like this on my past relationships. There is this guy I’ve been seeing for almost a month now. When we started, he would constantly text me, granted it took about an hour for him to reply to my text because he is a busy guy. Well as of this week, I really haven’t heard from him much and today so far…nothing. I texted him last night just to say goodnight but he hasn’t said anything yet today. I realize he could just be busy but based off previous relationships, I’m afraid he’s just going to disappear. Do you think I should leave it alone and just let him call or text me? Or should I send short “hope your day went well” kind of messages to let him know I’m thinking of him? The problem is I don’t want to continually send him goodnight or good morning texts if I don’t get a reply and sound clingy and I do know he’s interested so that’s not really what I’m questioning.
This is amazing, I didn’t text this guy I like for a week and 3 days even though I was sooo tempted to,I didn’t! I still have 1 more week to go : this going to be one hell of another journey for me,I thought yesterday morning. During this time yesterday I was in bed checking my phone every second to see if he would say hi,but no he didn’t give a shit about me I thought to my self.
When I had text I had quickly check if he was the one lol,very crazy right?! I did this on and on, I was close to texting him around 4pm!
Until 5:30pm when I was busy thinking about him as usual, I recived a text from him! Omg I was smiling and shaking ,how dumb, but then I can’t blame my self, it felt so greate to see him text me after 1 week nd days; knowing that I have always iniate the texts. The bad thing is that I can’t reply(well good in a way,as its gna get him thinking)because I still have one week left to go b4 I can reply as I planned!do you think its ok not to reply or not? ….I really hope he text again, I just want to find out if he thinks of me? If he likes me. Almost every girl like this guy, he’s so good looking,and I’m attracted to he’s personality too…
What do you guys think?
What plan do you have, Rachael? Not to text him for 2 weeks? What you can practice now also to put away the cell and focus your thoughts on something more productive. Respond to him in the manner he responds to you.
Firstly,thanks for replying . Ok thank you. I was never like this,I dnt know why started just because of him. But once again ok thanks. But are you saying I should reply or?
Take your time, don’t just jump into it. If he takes a day to respond, take a day for you to respond too. And always let him initiate till he steps up consistently. And get a hobby! You’re getting too invested in him.
Yes not to talk to him for 2 weeks
Ok I will get one, thank you. He texted yesterday and I never replied. But as you said I need to focus on something else,more meaniful.
Hi I started dating this guy in June. The first month or so he been texting me Good morning and starting cconversation. Recently, now in August I don’t get much Good morning text first, unless I initiate it. One time I didn’t text him the whole day this last Friday and he wondered what I was doing. I dont know if he is getting comfortable with me and texting. Should I continue to text him first now, or did what I done last Friday and make him miss me and wonder about me?
No, let him initiate most of the time…and adjust your expectations about texting. No guy can really sustain texting you around the clock unless he has no life of his own. Texting really doesn’t mean much anything. It’s not the most practical thing to do for many people including myself.
I acted needy, have i messed it up for good? Can I attract him back like he was before? Ok so this guy came over from America for business and we had been chatting online and he wanted to meet so we met and we slept together and then he wanted to see me again nd he said he will tell me when he has free time and me stupidly the next day say “when will you see me then can you let me know” and i kept texting him and he did get annoyed so then i texted him a long apology message and i acted on emotions and not logic. I could tell he started to get annoyed and when i tried texting him casual convo he wpuld ignore me and then i would ask why hes ignoring me and he would say “stop worrying everything fine” but i know its not cause he isnt speaking to me like he used to. We are both dating other people but we wanted to see how it goes and he wants to get to know me but will he still want to after how o acted i was a needy mess but would like to see him before he goes back to America like he said he would but i think ive blown it and hes really annoyed at me i just want to see him to clear the air cause hes only seen me once. Should i leave ot untill he is next back from america and jusy speak woth him casually or should i ask him i dont want to annoy him anymore but it really hurts. I need to know what should i do to save or redeem myself after acting needy? Please dont say ( move on) i will but i dont want him to think of me as some clingy mess as i came across i let my emotions get the best of me. I believe its possible as he says “we are friends” but he doesnt speak to me as a friend like he did, i know hes attracted to me so how can i regain his atttaction. What should i do i know to give him space but i want to see him before he goes how to i ask or mention it in a cool sorta friend way ? Or should i wait for his return even if its in a few months ?
Cindy, yeah you fit into everything this blog post tells you not to do. I don’t blame him at all, you came across very neurotic, controlling and annoying. Stop reaching out to him AT ALL. Accept that you might not see him another time before he leaves but he might contact you again the next time if you lean way back. Stay on this blog and read everything I write.
Thanks this sorta helps me chill out right now. This guy is totally hot/cold with me. I’d text him once a day to share something funny (never a response) or ask him a question (always a simple response). This past Monday morning I texted to invite him shopping and he said no and told me not to text anymore that he’s almost out of prepaid minutes – excuse perhaps? Was I texting too much stupid stuff? Is he just not a text kind of guy? I don’t know. It left me really upset… but I resisted that urge to send off an angry or accusatory text and haven’t texted him since. No word from him yet, but it’s only been a couple days. Before he told me not to text, we had made plans for his birthday… here’s hoping I hear from him still! Otherwise I will be totally crushed. 🙁
Joanne, yes you text him too much. Read #7 above, you are also a guy chaser. He told you to stop and you are still doing it, you’re killing his attraction for you.
He’s not hot/cold, you are the one who is needy. Not everyone has the time, energy and inclination to text round the clock…where does that end? I’m wondering why many women don’t understand this? I don’t like texting myself and I always take my time in answering and when I feel enough being said I don’t respond anymore.
Get busy with exciting stuff instead of twiddling with your cell 24/7 and make a nuisance of yourself. Maybe then he will come forward more.
You need to read this article:
Never Chase A Man. Make Him Chase You Instead.
Dear Kat, I met a guy online who I really like. Before we met for the first time we were exchanging long emails for about 2 weeks and these emails carried with them a sense of compatibility because we seemed to have lots in common and had a similar conversational style. There was no flirtation in these emails; just genuine, interesting conversation.
We had about 5 dates. And our dates showed me even more that we have things in common: music, favourite movies, etc. I really like him as a person and I’m really attracted to him. For our 3rd date he had invited me to his house for dinner. We became intimate that night but we couldn’t have penetrative sex because he’d forgotten to buy condoms. He was excited for the next time but I requested that we have 3 more dates before engaging in sex because I wanted to get to know him a bit more first. He badly wanted to have sex with me soon because he’d already seen me naked and “loved” my body but he agreed to wait till after 3.
We had two of these 3 dates. The second one was the last time I saw him: we had lunch together a week ago. We were due to have one more date before the sex.
I haven’t heard from him since then (nor have I tried to contact him) and I’m worried- not just because of the assumption that he’s no longer interested in seeing me but also because I don’t want to carry false hope that he might text me sometime soon. This is why I want to send him a text to just ask why we’ve stopped talking, so that I can get closure and move on if he wants it to stop here. Should I do it, or is it plainly obvious that he has ‘dumped’ me in this way? One more thing I should mention is that early on he had made it clear to me that he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship with someone.
Sara, next time don’t do it like that. Requiring specific number of more dates especially after your almost intimate encounter sounds odd and you kill the romance with it. It’s supposed to be passionate and in the moment and now it all sounds staged and manufactured with you leading the process. It’s a turn off for most men. And he probably sniffs potential for drama so he hesitates to claim his “bounty.”
Again, like I said, men are wary of “complicated women.” Read my blog post about when to have sex:
https://katarinaphang.com/its-not-about-when-to-have-sex-its-about-whether-or-not-you-are-a-whole-package/
Give him his space for now. I believe if he likes you enough he will bounce back.
Its what I dont get, Kat.
Its like all guys dont want a relationship but they still want the sex. Why not just start by being ”friends” get to know each other phase. Or maybe I am stupid or naive to think that we can start a better way were sex is not involved yet or has to be. Because they all start inviting you to their house, and when they do invite you to their house you can bet that there is going to be sex involve.
I am person that if they are not ready for a relationship I am not giving them what they want, sex that is. I am not using this as off to control them or anything, but why is it (well, actualy I ask myself this question hehe) that you want sex but not a relationship? If you ask me its sounds a little contradictory. Its a total turn off to me.
Boys will be boys. Men will always seek sex. You can either accept and work around it or fight it. Women need commitment to have sex (or at least many do), men need sex to give you commitment (even then there is no guarantee).
Don’t look for guarantee cause there is none. Look for connection and don’t expect relationship even if there is connection, just enjoy the process and give in to the moment.
Ok, thanks for your advice! as always! 🙂
Katarina, ive been seeing this guy for 3 weeks, and we had sex for the first time wednesday. it was pretty good and i think he enjoyed it. he told me i could stay over, but i had to work early. since then he has texted me, but not nearly as much as before we had sex. before it was like all day, and now it’s maybe twice and he doesn’t respond to my messages right away at all. he is still initiating most of the texting. he also didn’t say anything about the sex. he has also been much less flirty, although he did call me a pet name today. we didn’t make plans to hang out again, but usually when we hang out it’s short notice anyway because of his schedule, and he had told me even before we had sex that he would be busy all weekend.
i just wanna know if this is ok? he was totally crazy about me before the sex, and chasing me, and he seemed to like the sex. but now i’m barely hearing from him? we also had a talk last week about what we want. i said i didn’t want just a casual hookup, and he agreed. he’s been really honest and straightforward about his feelings up to this point, so i think he was being truthful. did he change his mind or is this normal behavior?
Men need to regroup after intimacy so give him a break. Let him miss you and stop trying to control your relating, let it unfold organically. You should get busy and have another source of excitement in life other than him. The only difference that will make to your relationship in how you respond to situations like this: with over-analyzing, fear and insecurities or with total self-confidence about your own irresistibility as a woman. Your choice.
Last week a guy who comes into my work a couple times a week asked me for my number. He asked me out that same day (a few hours later, through texting) and we went out on Saturday night. As far as first dates go, it was the best one I’ve had in a while. I could tell he was into it too, he put his arm around me, held my hand as we walked down the street, and after dinner he asked me if I wanted to go to a bar for some drinks. On three different occasions during our date he suggested we go out this week too, to a bar that I like near my place. The date went great and he dropped me off at my house Saturday night but I haven’t heard from him since. He is not a big texter (the only time he has texted me was to make plans and to get my address) but I’m wondering if he lost interest that quickly and if I should text him? Please help.
Relax, princess. It’s only one date, the worst is he won’t ask you out again. Better that way than you pursuing him and he’s taking you for a ride. But I won’t bar you from sending a thank-you text telling him how much you enjoyed the date. If he doesn’t respond, you know the answer already.
Hi Katarina, I really like this guy and I think he likes me. We text each other about every day. The last time I talked to him was Saturday night. He was out with friends and I told him I would let him go so he could enjoy his night but he said me he wanted to talk. I told him I was afraid I annoyed him and he told me I would never annoy him. I then said “Don’t be too sure.” and he said “I’m 100% sure.”
It felt good to have him say this, but I quit texting him shortly after. I haven’t heard from him since. I want to text him and ask him about the rest of his weekend but I don’t want to seem clingy or annoying. I know he said I never annoyed him but I am still afraid I do. Is it a bad idea to text him or should I let him text me?
Angelique, let him initiate most of contacts so let him text you.
Hi Kat, can you advise me what to do? About 2 weeks ago it was obvious my crush liked me. He asked me to go to his football game, he texted me first 3 days in a row and actually kept the conversation going, he flirted with me, he called me babe, beautiful, etc; Then things randomly got weird. I texted him first a couple times and our conversations barely lasted. Like we’d ask eachother what was up, how our days were, and then it would die. We didn’t talk all last week so I went to his football game Saturday to see if things would go back to normal. He didn’t get to see me cause I had to leave early. But I texted him after saying “good job today!”. He said “thank you!” I said “welcome :)”. And that was that. So I figured things weren’t gonna go back to the way they were. Then Sunday he snapchatted me (iphone app where you send pictures back and forth). He sent a picture of him like 😀 and then put happy birthday! as the caption. I sent one saying “thank you!” and he sent one saying welcome. And that was that. So now I’m confused as to whether or not he likes me. We probably won’t talk all week again. I don’t know what I should do. Since the last couple convos I started barely went anywhere.. I’m not sure if I should try again.
**We met through my best friend (they’re cousins). And we go to different schools. He’s supposed to be going to a mutual friend’s birthday with me and her but I don’t know if it’s still happening.
Lila, there is no need to read so much into his texting habit. He’s just perhaps not as much a texter as you are. If he really likes you he will do more than just texting. It will feel better to you and works better for the relationship as well if he’s the one who initiates most of the contacts so give him the chance to do that.
Megan, first don’t expect that a man will always be available to talk or text even though he shows how much he’s into that with you in the beginning. That’s why not to appear over-eager is very important. Remember rule #7 above, try to be the one who ends the convo and leave him wanting more.
Now, you have initiated a few texts perhaps in the same day(s) as well while he hasn’t got a chance to respond yet. Stop doing it. Get your mind off him, find a new “fixation,” hopefully something that is boosting your self-esteem.
If he comes back, great. If not, move on and next time remember these principles and don’t make the same mistake. keep us posted.
Thank you so much for this. I have a situation, this guy I’ve been talking all of a sudden just “disappeared” after texting back and forth for a week. I sent a few texts the last few days with no answer. How long do I have to wait till I can send another text and how to make him respond? The last time I heard from him was 3 days ago. I really like him. Please help.
Hi Megan. I agree with Katarina. It is likely that the guy has also been texting other women since you are not in a relationship (Have you met in person, or is this just online?) It’s a good idea for you to also be interacting with other men so you don’t get too fixated on one person too soon. If you lean back with this guy (don’t initiate any more, don’t obsess over him), he may contact you again.
The way you put it if you text to many times is way too harsh. Some of the things you stated may not be true. Hmm… maybe take a survey or read multiple forums and articles before you come to that conclusion? Exploring both ends of the spectrum, if you text a guy too many times, what happens? Compared to if you only text him once or twice. Lady, check your facts! Look, when I read that about being too clingy, needy, etc… It made me have horrible anxiety and put me down, like I was being bullied. Maybe have an easier, smoother approach to telling these women that they “don’t have a life” or “are too needy” those are hurtful words. All I’m saying is personally, when I read that list, I felt as if i was being attacked.