Overcome Jealousy in Relationships by Understanding the Emotion

overcome jealousy in relationships

To overcome jealousy in relationships, first we need to explore the emotion.  Jealousy in romantic relationships is a perceived threat that another can or will take away that which you perceive as yours.

The fear that you will lose something that you have become very attached to feels very real.  Jealousy arises out of attachment.  Understand the difference in love vs. attachment.  Love rarely experiences the emotion of jealousy, while attachment will.

Overcome Jealousy in Relationships – Do You Have a Lack Mentality

Jealousy in relationships is experienced by those with a lack mentality or scarcity mindset.  They see not enough as opposed to there is enough to go around for everyone.  They see their partner giving affection or attention to someone else as it taking something away from them.  The reality is we don’t have a limited supply of attention and affection or love.  Giving attention to another does not mean he now has less for you.

When we feel jealousy, something in us is lacking.  It’s not about the source of your jealousy.  The source of your jealousy is just your emotional trigger.  It’s about you.  It’s a sign that you somehow feel as if you are not enough. The fear that someone may be more than you.

A few signs you may have a lack mentality

  • You get sad when someone else gets engaged or in a relationship.  You fear it will never happen to you.
  • You find yourself wondering if you are destined to be alone.
  • You think all the good ones are taken
  • you compare yourself to others
  • you see competition often

Stop Being Jealous in Relationships – Forget About Competition

overcome jealousy relationshipsOvercoming jealousy in relationships takes self awareness.  Jealous women perceive competition.  Perceive being the keyword.  Perception is not always reality.  The reality is we aren’t in competition with anyone, though the ego will tell us we are.  A woman who perceives herself as high value doesn’t entertain competition and knows she competes with no one.

A jealous woman will attempt to compete or in other words, prove her value.  High value women don’t feel a need to prove their value.

Cindy’s boyfriend, Stan, is very attractive.  He has many women flirt with him.  Cindy reacts every time when this happens.  She finds flaws with the women flirting with Stan and points them out to Stan.  “Omg, look at all the makeup she is wearing, I bet she looks like a hag under that”.  She is competing with her perceived threats by making them look bad in hopes it makes her look good.  It does neither. Instead, it reveals her deep insecurity and lack of confidence in herself.

A secure woman has no need to point out the flaws of others.  A Jealous woman will need to put others down hoping to make herself look good.  The affect is the opposite.  It does no such thing.

Overcome Jealousy in Relationships – Stop Comparisons

Comparison is the thief of joy – Theodore Roosevelt

Jealousy also happens to those that compare self to others.  She is prettier, more successful, sexier, more desirable and so forth and so on.  When you compare yourself to others, again this stems from not feeling enough, good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and so forth.

When you develop a deep sense of self love, the comparison stops.  When you love yourself, you feel no need to compare yourself to others and the jealousy stops, at the very least, you learn to manage this emotion of jealousy.

Face the Fear to Stop Being Jealous in Relationships

Jealousy stems from fear.  The fear of losing someone you love to someone or something else.  This could be another woman or a job in another country for example.  When you are in constant fear of losing someone you love or care about you can’t relax and enjoy the moments you are in.

Nothing is permanent, and accepting this can begin to calm your fears.  Even the longest relationships end in death. There are no guarantees that a relationship will last even without the jealousy.

Loss is not permanent either.  The pain of loss diminishes over time and because love is not a limited resource and the world is abundant, you will love again, and again.  The only thing that is permanent is love  and love is not something to be held onto out of fear.  Love can not be measured or controlled and when you grasp this, your will find the way to overcome jealousy in relationships.

If you find yourself experiencing jealousy in your relationships, it is a sign that something in you needs addressing.  Katarina has a workshop that has transformed thousands of women by taking them through a Journey Inward to explore their inner wounds and fears to accept what is, and stop the racing crazy thoughts in your head.

MORE: Next Time You’re Jealous Again, Realize That It Can Be An Opportunity To Inspire Him To Fall Deeper In Love With You





  • I liked this, I wish it was this simple. I do get insecure. But it’s not because I find another woman more attractive than me. I am considered beautiful. It’s that my boyfriend will try to get the attention from, or feed off the attention from, not the prettiest or the coolest woman in the room, but the most desperate. The woman that needs the most attention. We are both in the public eye and this gets so distracting. It’s as if he seeks them out. I have gotten a ton of attention in my life for my looks and all I want is to have his attention. I don’t dress provocatively but well for my physique and I’m very respectful of other women, especially when they see their men looking at me. I want women to feel secure. And I’ve been told by women that they feel so safe with me as a friend because I am aware of the dynamics.

    So this this where it gets confusing. Does it make me jealous that I don’t want my precious time out with my man to be taken up by some woman trying to get his attention and him falling for it because it’s available?

    You can act like you don’t care and see through it, but come on. Just as if I wouldn’t want to buy a house that random people kept walking in and out of as my new dwelling, I don’t want to have a relationship where there is no sanctity.

    • Then perhaps you have the wrong man. You choice is to accept or reject his behavior. If his behavior isn’t acceptable, then reject.

  • I really enjoy reading your articles. Insightful and compassionate.

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