Are Online Relationships Real or a Colossal Waste Of Time
Are online relationships real and can you fall in love online? Often in online relationships the reality is you aren’t in love with the actual man, but the idea and fantasy of who you have made him out to be in your head. If you have never met him, you really don’t know him, but only what he allows you to see. The whole picture simply isn’t there with an online relationship.
Today I want to address something that is even worse than pining for an emotionally unavailable guy who is physically there. Falling in love online with a man you have never met.
Here’s C who wrote me: “Hi Katarina, thank you so much for the great advice… you are a true inspiration. I have been in a real online relationship with a great guy for almost a year. For the most part he’s been wonderful. He got laid off from his job about 6 months ago but by my persuasion, has decided to use this as opportunity for self improvement and further study. We are in different countries and I work two jobs (a day and night job), so making time for him is tricky… but he is a priority in my life so I manage… Anyway, lately (for the past four months or so) I think I’ve noticed a pull back on his end… a lack of enthusiasm/waning interest… and I understand of course that with his new study schedule there will obviously be less time for the two of us to connect…
It’s just that when he does have time… I seem to be the last thing on his list of things to do… a case in point being this past weekend… I assumed I had no response to emails I had sent him because he was so busy studying for an upcoming exam… however I discovered through a mutual friend that he was in fact out… he’s charming and flirtatious by nature, which has never bothered me… because I used to be certain of the bond we share… however the mutual friend happened to mention that he seemed to be enjoying himself thoroughly while out… and while I waited, and waited for his response to my email…
I know this is not acceptable for me – I feel that if he had time to unwind… surely he could spare 2 minutes to merely acknowledge me… I would understand that perhaps he wasn’t in the mood to talk… all I wanted was for him to let me know. I know I need to make it known that this upsets me (I don’t want to be a doormat) but I have no idea how to broach the subject and resolve it… without him ending things… Katarina, I would be so grateful for any words of wisdom you could impart in this situation. Thanks so much. C”
Let’s see what’s wrong with this picture:
Can You Fall In Love Online?
1. What is an online relationship? It’s an imaginary relationship. Are online relationships real? No! There is NO relationship to begin with and you can’t lose what you never had in the first place. How can you be in relationship with someone you have never met and what’s the point of getting a heartache over someone you’ve never met and who are thousands of miles away?
Until you two meet, hold your horses. And let me warn you (as someone who has been fixated with an online persona -or two- in the past myself), often you build up expectations and ideas about a person and you fall head over heels over those things but when you two meet there is no spark and connection whatsoever!
You may feel like you have fallen in love online, but the reality is you have fallen in love with the idea of him and the idea of being in love with him. Until you meet him, you only see what he allows you to see.
Imagine the hours and months you spend chatting back and forth only to find out that you’re not even attracted to him in person.
Don’t….don’t do this to yourself, please. Go out and meet real men locally and learn how to enchant a man (If you are following this blog I promise you, you will grow so much to become an irresistible goddess). Get a life!
2. If you are anxious, any form of long-distant relationship won’t work for you. So let it go and don’t even start to begin with (but if you are secure enough to have one and it’s clear that it’s only temporary and you two have plans to be together in the near future, here’s the ultimate guide that will “get you to the shore” safely).
3. Never make someone your priority when you are only an option.
4. Never get ahead of any guy. This applies to online relationships and real life. Always mirror his interest and level of investment. And certainly no guy should be a priority in your life until he proves his worth in a REAL relationship. Only a doormat does that and it’s SUPER unattractive.
Use him just for fun chatting every now and then but don’t let your fantasy and imaginations run wild and you emotionally invest in that wishful thinking, not in him in the first place since you barely know this guy!
Are you having a virtual relationship? How does that work for you?
Haven’t read my book yet? Click here and hop on the exciting journey as hundreds other women have been doing while turning their love life around (no more neediness and insecurities because you hold the power simply by being a feminine woman).
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Image credit Deposit Photo!