More On Softening Your Boundaries in Dating

boundaries in dating

A guy has no choice but to cherish a woman who has softened her boundaries so much she has no bad bone in her. Softening your boundaries in dating is about not being reactive to every emotion you experience.

Arida is one of my favorite clients I have to create a special tag under her name cause I wrote about her so much.  She’s smart, perceptive and a fast learner.  She is also very wise nowadays.  I wrote about how smitten her guy is toward her.  This post of hers in the group is too much of a gem for me not to share with you all: “After going for the company trip to Bali, only then I realized the benefits of INNER WORK and LEANING BACK… There were so many things to be anxious about during the trip. The fact that Mr. Smith didn’t spend time with me or hardly spoken to me was already a big thing.

Then, there was this gorgeous lady from the HQ that I had always been jealous of even before Mr Smith and I got together. I always thought that he has this crush towards her.  After that, things got a bit messy.  

I asked him to accompany me to take a night walk to buy some stuff after the gala dinner.  He said that he was going to be busy.  I said, ok no problem.  But as soon as I found out that he actually went out to the same street that I wanted to go, I became so angry.  I felt like he lied to me.

Furthermore, my roommate made a guess that he was probably out with that gorgeous lady as he is always with her.  It made me feel so anxious that I couldn’t sleep in the bus on our way back.  My head went crazy on what to tell him as he was picking me up (he arrived early from different flight).  

I just wanted to scream at him!

Suddenly, I found myself making a mental list of all the things that made me so angry.

1) He said he was busy but he went out that night without me.  

2) I assumed that he was out with that gorgeous lady from HQ

3) He didn’t try to initiate any contacts with me throughout the trip.

Then, I made a mental list of what actually happened…

1) He already warned me before the trip that he wasn’t going to spend time with me during the trip to protect our relationship (at least until his divorce matters are over), knowing that it could jeopardize our careers.

2) He has known that lady longer than me and I always know that they are very close friends.  I’ve always known that he is popular among the ladies but nobody really knows the real him.  He only goes out with me and flirts with me.  I am a big part of his life, he is vulnerable only with me and he did tell me long time ago that only I speak his language.  Nobody can top that.

3) He didn’t ignore me at all.  He came to me during the dinner and apologized for not being able to be with me throughout the trip. And he did text me on the 1st day asking me to see him but I was busy getting ready for our next program.  And I couldn’t expect him to be with me because he is the vice president for our recreation club.  He was busy organizing stuff.

After that, I asked myself, should I be reactive to this situation and ruin everything with masculine energy?  I finally decided that I wanted to maintain my feminine energy and stay quiet.  I wanted to observe what would happen once he picked me up.  I would only speak up if he really did anything wrong.  I wanted to let him share his enjoyment on the trip.

As soon as I got into the car, he put his hand on my lap asking how my trip was.  I just told him that I enjoyed the trip but not the dinner.  However, I didn’t bring up any issues…and I didn’t ask him anything…  Instead, I let him do the talking.

He said that he didn’t enjoy the trip because he had an upset stomach for eating too much spicy food. He hated the gala dinner.  He was so crazy about me in the car as if he was missing me throughout the trip. He was very loving and cheerful.  He even asked me to have dinner with him.

About him going out that night, he just took some random photos and left early because he was tired.  And he didn’t go out with her.  He went out with my boss, who was his roommate.

The next day, I decided to test him.  I pretended to sulk, asking why he snapped so many pictures with other people but not with me (I wanted to use ‘feeling’ messages but not by leaning forward). He said, he can’t take the risk about anyone finding out about us.  But, he joked that he had given me so much love last night to compensate on what we missed.

I laughed because he did compensate that night.  Then, I playfully said that it wasn’t fun for not being able to snap pictures with him.  He agreed with me and told me not to be angry.

If I hadn’t done the INNER WORK and LEANING BACK, I would have been crazy with anxiety about so many things, especially related to the gorgeous lady and ruined the whole thing.  I had always have problems about their friendship even though I should trust my instinct that they are good friends.

Things would be different if I operated from MASCULINE ENERGY like before. We would end up fighting like the old days of our relationship and there would long silent treatments until we had to speak to each other.

Things are different now because I am operating from feminine energy, which is more powerful. Silently powerful.

I keep telling myself to always trust his leadership.  He is a very good guy and he knows what is best for our relationship. I know that he isn’t going anywhere if I stay being feminine.

He just wants to be with a woman who is easy to be led, who speaks his language and makes a relationship smooth sailing, whether he is an EUM or not.  We are both enjoying this relationship…and I no longer know how to be masculine with him.

Being feminine is natural to me now..and I love it! I posted this because I was surprised with myself too.

I used to react so negatively towards everything, now it’s different.  I choose to take care of relationships over petty things in my head.  The fact that we do have anxieties despite our inner work proves that we are only humans…  but the most important thing is how we handle our anxieties.

I can’t do this without Katarina Phang and you wonderful ladies in the group…thank you!  And I am happy at the moment because I just hugged my baby brother after weeks of silent treatments over some family matters.  The reason it took so long for us to be ok again is because I chose to stay away from negativity until the matter cools down… sort of like nurturing myself or going to my own cave.

I hold no grudge towards him.  I just simply hugged him and told him that I love him.  Inner work is not just for ourselves and the men we are seeing but for all relationships, whether with self or with other people.

Thank you ladies..this wouldn’t happen if I weren’t in this group!  I can still remember the crazy woman I was last August that Mr Smith actually told me to date other people, find my old friends, accept the fact that we were not compatible, stop having special feelings towards him, stop being clingy, etc.

Now he just can’t get enough of me!  He can’t survive a day without me.  He is happy to lead the relationship and keeps on stepping up slowly.   He is like a frog in boiling water..lol” 

Too many women kill their relationships with the guys they love by being overly anxious.  Arida is such an inspiration for the ladies in the group. Her personal transformation is so fast and profound it really is amazing.

She has softened her boundaries in dating so much there is no way that his guy isn’t addicted to her.  She’s not the most beautiful or sexiest woman he would ever meet, as she will readily admit, but her feminine energy is honey to him.  She didn’t become a doormat just because she no longer “stands up” to him the way she did before her transformation, the very act that pushed him away.

They actually had a “little breakup” over something a few weeks ago.  He was mad but he could only stay away from her for a week.  They’re now back together even though he’s still not ready to label their relationship thanks to his divorce.

But as I said whatever he wants to call it, fact is he’s hooked.  This experience alone softens her even more and it is a personal victory to her whatever the outcome might be.  She creates no resistance in him so he has no choice but to keep coming back.

You too can be the confident, peaceful high-value woman that she is by doing the inner work. She signed up for cycle 2 Journey Inward.  This will be 6 weeks that change your life forever.

Still not sure about how to soften your boundaries?  Listen to this class.

How To Soften Your Boundaries So You Become Non-Reactive And Irresistible

Check also my brand new program: Four Components Of Melting His Heart.  If you are now in a budding or a well-established relationship, the practical advice that will be given in this program will catapult you into the high-value, high-status woman that he can’t help cherishing the way Arida’s guy cherishes her.

Wanna hear Arida’s story and learn so much from her how to turn a dead relationship around?  Get it here and sign up for the Feminine Goddess Elightened Relationship monthly membership to hear other Goddesses’ stories like her.

 

MORE: Are You A Drama Queen?  You Need To Read This

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And don’t forget, I have just added a new bonus teleclass you don’t want to miss: “Why Do Women Hang Onto A Relationship Past Its Expiry Date” in which my client Keisha shared her very inspiring personal transformation that attracted her ex back (hence this cycle is called “the get-ex-back edition.”)

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