Men Who Blow Hot And Cold – What To Do With Them

Men who blow hot and cold confuse a lot of women.  One day he is on, one day he is off.  One day he is all loving and open, to just shut down the next. When he is on hot, he sucks you in and the connection feels just right.  When he is off, it feels like an Arctic Freeze and it just gets you down.

I think we have all been there with these men that blow hot and cold.  I know I sure have made my share of excuses for these men.  He is stressed, he is overloaded at work, he is scared of his feelings and on and on.

Here’s the thing though about hot and cold men.  I mean seriously think about this.  When you are crazy about someone, do you really treat them coldly?  I mean you, as a person, do you?  How do you treat someone you really care about and are thinking of building something lasting and meaningful with?  By turning hot and cold?  I really think you know the answer to this.  It’s just a tough pill to swallow.

I mean we all have our occasional bad mood, but a man that blows hot and cold is not experiencing bad moods.  If he is often in a bad mood you don’t want him anyway.  Any man that I am acting hot and cold with is a man that I am not that invested in.  I’m erecting boundaries so I can can keep him at arm’s length.

You don’t invest into someone by treating them coldly.  It usually means I can live with or without him if I can turn it off that easily.  It can also mean that I am hung up on someone else and he is just a space filler for me.  I warm up when I am lonely or want companionship.

I will also blow cold when I sense you want something from me: something I’m not prepared or at liberty to give to you.

So the hot and cold can be a sign for your constant leaning forward or he’s just not there yet or he’s plain uninterested.  You only know when you lean back.  So do that first.

Be a high-value woman by cultivating these seven traits and you will always know what a guy’s intentions are through his actions.

How to Deal with Hot and Cold Men

Dealing with a hot and cold man is easy if you follow Katarina’s teachings on leaning back.  The most common question asked in her popular Facebook group is how do I act, what do I say when he turns back on again.

The answer is really to stop being so available.  The term luring with honey is brought up often in this situation.  How do I lure with honey?  You don’t necessarily lure you just don’t react.  You don’t accuse him of anything or attack or react.  You just take his call or texts sweetly and warmly and then just have other plans. You lower your investment into him.

We teach men how to treat us.  Falling at a hot and cold man’s feet will not endear you to him.  It just tells him you are the doormat that he can walk on when he feels like it. You allow it to happen over and over and he has no reason to step it up.  Men who blow hot and cold are not invested into you and no matter how you look at it, it just isn’t so.  How do you treat people and things you treasure?  Take him off that mental pedestal in your mind and get yourself a rotation going.

A rotation is when you start dating other men.  When you have other men in your rotation, it’s easier to not get so invested in just one man.  If you have other men who don’t blow hot and cold, it’s a constant reminder of how you should be treated and will reinforce to you that this man might not be all you have made him up in your head to be.

Why We Get Attached to Men Who Blow Hot and Cold

Men who blow hot and coldIt’s an adrenaline rush for many women.  The relief they feel when he turns back on when he has been off is like a high!  It’s like a drug addiction.  You feel so bad when he is cold, then he brings you instant relief when he is hot.  It’s like that burn of the alcohol for an alcoholic.  You get to where you crave the relief.

When these hot and cold men go absent, our imagination tends to go into overtime thinking and analyzing.  We remember all the good warm fun times and try to justify his behavior. I mean how could he not care after that fantastic night last weekend?  We rationalize it in our minds and when we hear from him again, it’s an even bigger high.

I think women fall in love in their heads when he vanishes or when he pulls away.  It’s like it makes you want him more.  The want what you can’t have aspect.  This is exactly why you must downgrade these hot and cold men.  Give him the space of his imagination to wonder about you and why you aren’t so smitten anymore.  If he steps up, great, if he doesn’t, you know he just isn’t the one.

If you struggle with a hot and cold men, I suggest you look into Katarina’s High Value and Easy to Lose teachings.  Once you master these ways, men who are hot and cold will not be an issue for you again.  They will simply stop showing up in your life or you will stop accepting them and the crumbs that they offer.

MORE:  Try Polarization Principle to Deal With His Blowing Hot And Cold 

Want to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY?  Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!  And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.



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  • I am currently broken up with a guy who started out being so happy to have me around, and even went as far as to say he like when I was in his mind learning him. After many stressful situations on his end took place I started to feel bad for him & would offer up help and a string of encouraging words. Before long I found myself tired all the time & working my life around his schedule. He & I spoke, always with his promise to do better. Then I just started fighting back(verbally) to be heard & respected. This began a tug of war between us, and the same effort he used to put in became a distant memory. His excuses became worse & more frequent, and even his promises lacked effort. I tried to hang on & fix things with him, but eventually it was only arguments between us. We broke up last October, but that just seemed to be an extension of the broken relationship. As time has gone by I have become more distant, but still leaving the door open for hope. Last month I just had enough of it all and explained to him I don’t want to pressure him to do anything, & that I would be exploring my dating options. He suddenly text to ask if he could plan a beach trip for us would I go & that he’s been thinking about his long term plans. I randomly get texts asking what I’m doing or that he misses my face, but no follow up to meet or any real convo. Now just a few weeks from missing me he’s so cold again. I’m not sure if leaning back would work at this point. Is this too far gone to inspire him to step up like he used to do?

    • No it’s not too late. You can fix your situation the Ultimate Kat Way: no fixing, mo mothering, no leaning forward, no talking too much like you did. Start the journey with my ebook.

  • Complete garbage. This is based on the assumption that all men ‘think the same’. Dating multiple men? What kind of decent man would ever consider getting with someone who is dating multiple people? where is the love in that?

    • Where is the love in what? In the beginning most people date multiple people till a connection is formed and both want to commit. Most women commit first before the guys are ready hence I have this endless gig helping them with AMAZING success rate. What’s your track record in saying what you say other than projection of your own insecurities? I have TONS.

  • What do u do when your husband suddenly does this, after he tells you he want to start over and you do everything to please him, first to compromise and comit?

  • What makes these men step up if anything?

  • Thank you!!! There is so much confusing information out there and this article just explains it so easily…I feel liberated…after months of doubts…thinking there was something I should or could do…

  • Can you make a man who runs hot and cold, want you like he did in the beginning again?

    • You can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to do. Inspire maybe, but it’s not in what you do, it’s in what you don’t do or what you stop doing.

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