Is Your Past Sabotaging Your Relationship?
Is your past sabotaging your relationship? The more important question here is are you even aware of how you holding onto your past or your wounds and hurts is sabotaging your relationship? So many are oblivious to how they are allowing the past to direct their present.
I have a woman who has been mailing me for relationship help for quite some time. She uses her past as a crutch, an excuse, and a justification for her behavior. She checks up on the guy she is dating. She checks his phone, she stalks him online, she even has searched his wallet for evidence that he may be cheating. She questions him: This by the way is the 2nd relationship since I met her. She has already sabotaged the one she came to me about in the first place.
- Who was that girl you were talking to?
- Who was at the party?
- Who was that girl that commented on your post?
- Have you ever dated her? Slept with her?
- Why did it take you so long to go to the store?
- When did you get home?
This behavior causes him to not feel safe with her. He doesn’t feel trusted. He can’t be confident in sharing who he really is. She labels him emotionally unavailable because he doesn’t open up to her. Her relationships keep failing and she keeps adding these failures to her list of the men in her past. She reenforces the story in her head that men can’t be trusted, there are no good men out there, or all the good ones are taken.
Is this you? Are you carrying a long list in your head of the men or people that have let you down and sabotaging your relationship by doing so?
A common question in my experience that many women ask goes something like this. When should I tell him about my past? I can assure you these women are not referring to the great, wonderful happy times of their past. They are referring to their pains, their bad experiences, how they have been hurt. They carry these wounds like it’s some badge of honor and they want to know when to deem a man worthy of sharing these “things of their past”.
Many honestly share these painful experiences and then expect to be handled with kid gloves. He should know better than to do this or that because I have been through this or that. They take that past and slap it right into the present and continue to operate their lives from that place of the past. They then in turn recreate the past with their behaviors and sabotage relationship after relationship.
Your Past is Like the Wake of the Boat
The past is a trail you leave behind, much like the wake of a speedboat. That is, it’s a vanishing trail temporarily showing you where you were. The wake of a boat doesn’t affect it’s course–obviously it can’t since it appears behind the boat. So consider this image when you exclaim that your past is the reason you aren’t moving forward.
The thought that your past is why you are who you are now, or why you are the way you are makes about as much sense as it’s the wake that pushes the boat forward. It’s an illusion created by the thoughts that you have chosen to think.
The wake does not move the boat forward. The boat moves forward because of present moment energy generated by it’s engine. Do you spend more time thinking about your past than you do living in this present moment energy?
If you are using your past as the reason you can’t trust, can’t love or find love? Do you subconsciously search for evidence of your past in your present relationships? Isn’t it time to heal those wounds so you can stop sabotaging your relationship and get on with creating your fabulous life?
To come to terms with your past and then leave it behind, you have to first embrace it, sit with it. Then you take it, accept it learn from it, and leave it behind. Most need help in this area and you do not have to go at it alone.
Katarina has an amazing program that has changed the lives of thousands of women by helping them heal old wounds, embrace a new way of thinking and a new way of living! This frees you to attract the relationship and life that you want. You can join her Module 1 Journey Inward here and start right now, today, to come to terms with your past and use it for good and finally get the love that you rightfully deserve!