Is He Emotionally Unavailable Or Does Your Anxiety Make Him So?
You may wonder is he emotionally unavailable. You read the signs of his hot and cold, push pull behavior as emotionally unavailable. Often this may not be the case at all. It could be that you aren’t creating the space for him to feel safe showing his emotions to you in the first place.
Jenny wrote me: “Hi Katarina, I got your book last night and read most of it in one sitting! It’s really great and I like how it focuses on the cup half-full approach instead of what I’m not getting. This starts to change the reader’s perspective making it more about the reader than clinging on to what the reader isn’t getting. Most dating experts tend to focus on the outcome and what the woman isn’t getting at the time. That causes a lot of anxiety for women and pressure to move the relationship along. Your approach is a better fit for me. Thank you!”
And you are so right about the goal-oriented approach that most dating coaches focus on. It just doesn’t work and it creates a lot of anxiety and the focus is wrongly placed on things beyond your control (him) while it’s supposed to be on things you can control (you). And the anxiety pushes him further away and the non-acceptance of “what is” gets you even more anxious. It’s a depressing vicious cycle. You wonder is he emotionally unavailable, when the reality is more like, you are so anxious, he can’t share his emotions with you for fear of rocking your boat (here’s how to deal with your chronic anxiety).
As many of my fans have noted, my method is different to others they have ever known/heard. Other books/articles on the subject of emotionally unavailable men heavily focus on the men, and not the women while the women play an important role why this dynamic exists in the first place. Many of the women are super anxious (I talk to them every single day) and with that approach ANY man will be “emotionally unavailable.”
Don’t take it from me if you don’t want to, listen to Juan Rich, my dear friend and one my biggest male supporters as posted in my women private group on Facebook (please add me on Facebook to be included):
“I have to say that there are a myriad of lovely ladies in this group and I empathize with what some of you are going through but the truth of the matter is; some of you are overtly needy and you are allowing your expectations to run wild. The dating game works in your favor and all you have to do is just take care of your own needs and then chill out and once you do that then that desperation that you project will vanish and he will be drawn to you. You guys make men seem so complicated and most are not; just learn to reciprocate, be feminine and lean back as Katarina Phang then it will all fall in line. Too much ruminating gives off this anxious vibe and we can sense that and that is the beginning of why we turn away from the situation.
Most of what some women call EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE MEN are just men that have just tuned the women that they are dating out. If you act needy and need constant reassurance then that will turn the man off. How women see emotion is different from how men see emotion; most men are not experienced in dealing with it so if you can chill and make him comfortable to talk about it without getting irate then you will actually draw him to you. MEN ARE THE MOST SIMPLE PEOPLE THAT YOU WILL EVER DEAL WITH…………
Your EGO is what could have made him become distant. Here you are wondering is he emotionally unavailable, when the fact is, you may be the cause of him withdrawing his emotions. When a female tries too hard most men can pick up on it, but most don’t know what it is or how to communicate their concerns to the female. That constant need for reassurance grates at the man, and then he backs up from the situation. The woman then interprets this as him being emotionally unavailable, when the truth is, it’s your emotions that cause him to pull away in the first place.
Confidence is what one needs in order to tolerate uncertainty and to know that, no matter what, you will be all right.
Our EGO can run crazy because we tend to care too much about what others think; and when that happens, it is a slippery slope. You are enough.
What you must do is to take care of your needs and learn to simply enjoy the other person’s company. No one else can take care of your needs; that is your job. When you take care of your needs, and when you have a guy who reciprocates, then it feeds the situation.
You are more then enough, and you only have to prove that to yourself. Feel the emotion and try not to suppress it; take it as a learning experience so that, from this time on, you will tolerate uncertainty and learn to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, which is the main reason why so many people ruminate; they think those feelings are telling them that maybe they are not good enough.”
It’s a cop out to call these men emotionally unavailable when the bulk of the work should actually be on themselves and their own issues. It might be comforting for a while to shift the blame on the men, but what does it solve in the long run in terms of personal growth?
Nothing. They are still the same reactive and ineffective person they have always been.
Should You Walk Away From an Emotionally Unavailable Man?
Hence, for instance, I don’t advise “walk away” right off the bat like many others would facing typical situations dealing with an emotionally unavailable man.. You know why? Because breaking up when we are not done/ready is not gonna work. It’s unrealistic and it doesn’t solve anything. It’s like cutting a limb. It’s not gentle to our system at all.
My method is way gentler and transformational. You make yourself the best human being you can possibly be and if he still doesn’t step up, it’s his loss and the beautiful part of it is … he knows it too.
And walking away doesn’t force you to face your demons either even if you can -and most can’t when they are still so emotionally attached. It doesn’t instigate personal growth. You will still languish in your delusion and indulge in blaming-filled pity-party.
As long as you still assume the position of a victim, you will never change your life and you will always face the same brick wall over and over.
Aren’t you tired of it already?
What to Do When You Think He is Emotionally Unavailable
My method is the third way, it turns lemon into lemonade. It shifts the focus from him to SELF. It is soft, uplifting and encourages profound personal growth that will make any woman high-value and irresistible. This method has been tested by myself and thousands of other women who become my greatest friends and supporters. Find out what these women are raving about.
My method is about self-transformation because eventually you are the reason why your relationship doesn’t work. No one else’s, no matter what you say about him or how terrible he is, etc. Your woundedness allows that to happen in the first place. You are with him thanks to the same level of woundedness you and him are on. My method cuts through that and makes you an extremely effective person in relationship because you uproot the very things that cause relationship to falter: sense of lack, insecurities, anxiety and neediness.
I teach you how to take the path of least resistance. First you have to realize you can’t fix him or things…that’s not your job to do. Your job is being a feminine woman and let a guy who sees your worth claims you. As I always say, your confusion comes from resistance against what is. Because you want things to be different from what is and you become anxious trying to fix things. Lean back and focus on making yourself happy. He will either follows where you go (steps up) or fades. Either way is good for you because you are emotionally free.
A lot of women though make dating a hunting ground, that’s why they are anxious, stressed and unhappy. Being goal-oriented is masculine energy, and the vibe repels men. A man feels smothered by this goal-orientedness. That’s why he is emotionally turned off. My training-ground principle makes a woman an absolute joy to be with. Being process-oriented is so soft and feminine, and the vibe draws men in like a moth to a flame. My clients get claimed left and right without expectations or bringing up the talk because they belong to a different crop of women. They are high-value women who are sought-after and stand out from the rest. They naturally attract emotionally unavailable men. The men that they once asked the question is he emotionally unavailable, suddenly become more emotionally available in her presence.
A high-value woman doesn’t make a man her project (click here to know the 7 traits of a high value-woman). She accepts she can’t change a man and quickly makes a decision if this arrangement is worth putting her energy in. Observe and accept. That’s all you need to do. You don’t need the emotional entanglement AT ALL. When you practice my principles, everything is smooth-sailing cause there is no resistance in you.
Of course I also teach how to walk away safely and with dignity…when you are ready! When you have evened out the investment imbalance that boosts your self-esteem. When you have learned your lessons. With my method walking away is a breeze…there is very little drama and heartache and you always end up better off because you have become a better human being and as such you will attract a better crop of men.
It takes one to know one.
And you will never repeat the same mistake of over-investing in a guy ever again. You are not easily carried away by your own emotions. You will be the one pursued, not pursuing. You never ask is he emotionally unavailable again, because if he is, it’s not because of you and your anxious energy anymore.
Have you read my book yet? If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them. I have recently updated it and will continue to update it so you will learn so much more. This is the primer before delving deeper into my method. And many women have pulled their guys back from the brink through practicing the tools and principles I outline there. And you will be included in the two lively private groups I own and see how women transform themselves there to become a high-value woman.
Now, question is: Is He Emotionally Unavailable Or Is He Just Not That Into You? You’ll love that article and when you have established that he’s actually into you but your anxiety dampens his interest and pursuit, you might want to sign up for this one-of-a-kind-down-to-science workshop Four Components Of Melting A Man’s Heart that Alan Roger Currie raved about in his show when he was interviewing me.
Want to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY? Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home! And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway. I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life. Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.
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