Should You Tell Him How You Feel With Feeling Messages

should you tell him how you feel

I am asked all the time, should you tell him how you feel.  Many of the women that come to me have subscribed to the Rori Raye feeling messages teachings and have had men pull away after telling him how they felt.  Women that get ahead of the man in a relationship often want to control the outcome and think that telling them how they feel will inspire him to feel more.  This is rarely the case.

In my line of work I deal with reactive anxious controlling drama queens all the time.  Many of them are so short-fused they lash out at me left and right.  They perceive insults as the wind blows. What they don’t realize is that this behavior is the exact reason they don’t have much success with men.  They are so busy telling me how they feel, that they are just plain tuned out to what the man is or is NOT feeling.

They are projecting their own miserable state of mind that pushes their guys away in the first place.

They expect me to write or talk a certain way, or use certain words so they don’t get riled up.  So they expect to tell me how to coach them. They open their messages to me with words like “be gentle with me”.  They tell me they are having a rough time and can’t take a harsh reply before they even state their problems.

When a woman approaches me in this manner, I know that she responds and reacts to the men in her life the same way which is a turn off. She is asking me to manage her emotions and feeling for her, which tells me right away where her problem lies.

Women often share their feeling for that very reason.  They expect another human to manage their emotions and feeling for them.  Men feel this energy and it feels like a burden.

They are miserable, and it shows.

One person even quoted what I said on twitter cause she’s pissed that I told her the whole truth without sugar-coating why her guy didn’t respond to her drama queen ways (I haven’t checked and have no desire to check and I see it as a free promotion, in fact, so thank you LOL…).  It was her pushy masculine energy.

Instead she turned around telling me I was ALSO showing masculine energy with what and how I speak.

Duh!  It’s now all about me now, is it?  🙂  Who just minutes ago came to me asking for help?

You’re a hot mess.

I’m the coach, I’m not dating you, Missy.  You’re damn right I’m in my masculine but I’m not the one who sent long emails with feeling messages to a guy I barely know only because I love the sex expecting him to respond in kind and like me more or even offer a relationship!

Bottom line is this, you need me and you need me bad.  You need me yesterday.  I don’t need you.

I don’t need crazy difficult women like you in my life.  My life is so easy and peaceful I can do without the meltdowns from a virtual stranger whom I’m trying to help.  And If you come to me for help, be prepared that I will tell you the no sugar-coat truth of how you come across to men and you should be grateful that I do instead getting all riled up because how would you know the real truth otherwise?

Should You Tell Him How You Feel so Early in the Relationship?

Read on For Your Answer.

“Hi Katarina,

I’ve found your website on Google whilst doing a search about emotionally unavailable guys. Yes, I’ve been dating one.

I was wondering if your book could help me in this situation or if you think it’s too late for me now – it probably is.

Long story short: I’ve met this guy two months ago. There was an instant attraction and we end up having sex on the second date. The sex was amazing, but I thought too much too soon, and so I continued dating other guys and was thinking about this guy as just something casual.

We used to text each other everyday and tell things about our lives, etc. Then we arranged for me to visit him and spend the night with him. And so we did, 2 weeks ago. We went out for dinner, and suddenly, there was this amazing connection between us. We went back to his house and ended up talking and falling asleep and didn’t have any sex. It felt somehow special. Next day he was apologetic that nothing happened and I said I enjoyed sleeping next to him and he was all moved by that. We kissed and hugged and it was really nice.

I went back home and realized I cannot continue having casual sex with him, because now there’s an emotional connection between us that wasn’t there before. I would get hurt and he wouldn’t see any value in me. I decided to tell him how I feel.

So he continued texting me like before, casually, and I decided to send him an email saying how I feel. That I felt that unexpected connection between us, and I cannot continue being casual anymore and ignore it. That I’m not going to pull him into anything and even I’m confused about what to do, but I had to be sincere with him.

Well this was a week ago and I haven’t heard back from him again. He read the email because I received a confirmation back. I guess he freaked out, or thought it was too soon, I don’t know. It seems we’re not on the same page. 

I felt that I had to be honest with him and with myself and I chose to send an email so he has time and space to think. Maybe I did a mistake in telling him how I feel, I don’t know. Should you tell him how you feel?  Maybe I was wrong to do so.

I always felt he’s emotionally unavailable and not very open, so I’m not surprised.

I’m not chasing him or contacting him anymore and I’ll go on dating other guys. I really did feel a special connection between us that you don’t feel everyday and it’s so sad that it is with a guy that is not emotionally available.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to hear from him again, and if it’s too late to read your book for advice?

Please let me know and if you have any article about this that I could read. Did I do wrong in telling him how I feel?

Thanks Katarina for reading and listening to me.”

So I told her the usual that those who have been following me for a while will already be able to gauge what my answer is.  But she kept coming back with ifs and buts and why she’s justified to do what she did, etc. She was bombarding me with her feeling messages.  If you want to know how my method differs from Rori Raye’s feeling messages method, you can read that here.

She kept arguing.

And I won’t be an effective coach as I am if I’m not being blunt about it to her, that she should stop resisting and arguing with me and just get on with the program or go away.  I don’t expect everyone to be ready for my message.  Often I am the last resort only after all those mass dating advices don’t work anymore (as if they ever work to begin with).

I told her that she was exhausting as it was.  What makes me a great coach is because I’m a mirror on how a guy will respond.  If I’m exhausted by you, very likely any guy will find you exhausting as well. Her continuing to tell me how she felt was draining. No progress is made like this.

So be grateful with that off-the-cuff diagnosis especially when you haven’t even paid me for anything.  I don’t have the Man Whisperer title for nothing here. 🙂

Some exchanges continued with her telling me I have a huge ego and masculine energy and the threat for quoting me and my name on tweeter (eeew…scary! 🙂 ).

 So finally I wrote her this:

“If you had the answer already why did you come to me?  I’m the coach, I’m supposed to be in my masculine.  Sending a guy a message like you did telling him how you feel was leaning forward and chasing, hence you don’t see results but you are a know-it-all, you think you figure it all out. Had you asked me should I tell him how I feel, my answer would have been no right off the bat.

How do you know if he’s EU?  You hastily diagnose him much like you treated me.  You are anxious, any man will be EU with you, guaranteed. 

My track records speak for me.  You can write anything about me and millions of women like you will still need my help.  Check my FB page for daily testimonials.  What do you have other than drama queen sappiness? 

And as a thank you for your free promotion of my excellent work rehabbing anxious controlling women like you, this exchange will go as the next blog post on what women should NOT do.  Thank you for your contribution.




This is petty and I know that and there is no emotional charge coming from my end.  But this serves as a valuable lesson to you all of NOT what to do when you in dire need for help to be successful with men. Spilling your feelings and telling him how you feel just does not work, especially so early in a relationship.

Telling Him How You Feel is Backing Him in a Corner

When you tell a man how you feel, he knows you are hoping for him to reciprocate with his feelings.  Talk about putting a man on the spot.  It feels to him as if you are trying to control him or manipulate him to get what you want.  A relationship.

This also shows your lack of control over yourself.  Next time you wonder should you tell him how you feel, ask yourself why can’t you just wait and let it evolve naturally.  Why do you have to have this much control.  Men don’t do well with feelings and there is a time and place to share them.  Out of the blue is not the time to tell him how about your feelings for him.

So should you tell him how you feel?  Only if you want to back him in a corner and give him zero options to get to know you further so he can figure it out himself. When you tell him how you feel too soon, this usually causes men to pull away.

The woman above was clearly hoping for an particular outcome, the feelings to be mutual.  If you want to know how a man feels, spend less time talking about it and more time watching his actions.  Mirror him and allow it to unfold naturally.

There is something very transformative and calming about being humble and receptive.  You are so used to in the go-getting, leading role you find it a torture to just sit back and let somebody else show you the way.  I can’t show you the way unless you shut up.  If you want to the leading role, get your own coaching business, okay?  And this advice comes from a former know-it-all who always felt the need to question anyone on anything or any authority.  It’s not an ego to say I’m an authority in this field.  It’s a well-supported fact so get over your own huge-ego projection.

To end this rant, I’m proud to say I have embraced my inner Judge Judy or 5th grade teacher in the face of drama queens that many women that seek my help are.   I don’t apologize for it.  Respect your teachers (and I see it now why).  This Zen story below depicts her to a tee.

A university professor went to visit a famous Zen master. While the master quietly served tea, the professor talked about Zen. The master poured the visitor’s cup to the brim, and then kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. “It’s full! No more will go in!” the professor blurted. “This is you,” the master replied, “How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup.”


MORE: Why What I Teach Is Unique And Works Extremely Well

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  • I am genuinely curious to ask you this Katarina…in a relationship, would you EVER speak that bluntly to a guy you’re with? With female clients, it sounds like you’re saying it gets them into shape. I’ve heard some men say they want their woman to “call them out” on their BS. I’ve actually had guys praise the same when I’ve done it, and I felt more like “myself” speaking “truth” than trying to be honey and downplay everything to just be receptive.

    Maybe I don’t understand? but I genuinely would like some insight on this and why. It seems like since you are so confident and say your piece, it would also be something that occurs in your relationship. If not, how do you reconcile that and how do you speak to your man when there is something that needs to be spoken about? Thank you

    • Centered people can do whatever they like moment to moment cause they are always clear about themselves and their motives and mostly it doesn’t come from the ego. That’s the result of inner work.

  • Just a truly friendly note re: all the drama in this thread–Kat, I appreciate that you are confident in the advice that you give and practice a little “tough love” when necessary. But, as a non-paying member, I am not terribly inclined to buy anything when I see you call out people as “vindictive bitches”, “idiots” and “loonies”. People should feel free to come here and disagree with you and I didn’t see anyone say anything worse than saying you were triggered or reactive before you let loose on them. That doesn’t engender much trust in those of us who are on the fence about joining the group. I say this is in the spirit of helping you, because I truly feel you give good advice. But a LEADER needs to be able to accept bad news, negative feedback or challenging messages, as well as just the kudos. If you cannot accept that gracefully, even in your own “house”, then you are not a leader, you are a ball-buster yourself.

    • Missy, I don’t need you so go ahead don’t buy anything from me. But I know you need me like billions of other women, otherwise you wouldn’t be here in the first place :). I am who I am and I don’t play by anyone’s rules and my success speaks for me. I earn the ability to speak freely cause I know what I’m talking about. My leadership is I speak my truth at all times, it doesn’t matter if that offends you. Leaders don’t follow what is “right.” Leaders create a new movement and that movement is alive and well under my leadership. You either like me or you don’t but I don’t have to change to suit you. My life is in perfect order, a little thinking outside the box won’t harm me or anyone.

      And Court didn’t give me feedback, she was malicious and slanderous saying things that aren’t true like I apply favoritism only to those who pay which is absolutely ludicrous as many have attested here. And she paid and I treated the same as those she claimed being “mistreated” cause they didn’t pay cause she was a disrespectful brat (nothing to do with money whatsoever). If you want to dish it, you must be able to take it. If not, shut up and be respectful in someone’s home. It’s common courtesy. If you are a ball buster yourself, be prepared to get the same. You reap what you sow.

      Nobody has to receive ABUSE with open arms in their own home. You are a pervert if you think you can get away with it or expect others not to react. That’s what entitlement is all about. Finger pointing at its best.

      What other expectations do you have on men that landed you here in the first place, Missy? Your expectations of me are hand in hand with your expectations of men and you know that doesn’t work, or do you?

      I am a rock star because I am real. I’m the real deal. I don’t fake humility and all that BS. I speak my mind and don’t apologize for it. If you can’t take it, play somewhere else. You don’t have to be here you know. There are tons of other places on the internet that offer relationship and dating advice. Go there.

      • Okay then, I will move along. In time, you will learn that despite giving good advice and being confident, you can also be kind to people, it’s not either/or. Best of luck to anyone who attempts to give you the “tough love” you so willingly dish out.

  • Wow, this Court is a real trip. I straight up told Kat that I hadn’t read the book because I couldn’t afford it. She basically said “fine, continue to fail”. Fair enough. Lol. Fact is…I’m still in the FB group, still getting and giving advise until I can afford it. I WILL purchase the book, because I have SEEN and discovered first hand just a few of the techniques and how well they work. Success will always bring haters. Bye, Court!

    • Melissa, I feel you don’t have to purchase the book. I find many free relationship advice and resources that coaches give away for free. They don’t put emphasis on money. They are generous and giving enough and know it’s not about money. And their teachings work as well. It’s also about being resourceful, aware and smart to figure things out on you own when you understand the basic teachings everything falls into place. Meaning you can self teach based on your own research on confidence, human nature and the way woman and men think in relationships or masculine and feminie energy. Trust yourself that you can do it and you are enough. Don’t let anyone tell you or bully you and say you can’t or that you “need them” because then you are giving away your true power.

      • Ummmm…. excuse me? Do you know how much FREE content I have put up on this website alone? More power to you if you can turn your relationship around with my free stuff has TONS have but many still need paid content. Where do you get this free lunch mentality? That’s what entitlement is all about. The day you work for free, let me know. I’d love to hire you. And please do NOT mix my stuff with others since mine is the ultimate ways that work but for you, you can bring your cheap ass somewhere else.

  • Lovely Katarina,

    My my my…triggers are powerful things. I must admit when I first found you about a year ago I was enamored! I felt like *this* is a woman I would love to be like one day…she has a soft grace that I cannot find in a role model anywhere! (As far as women who are alive, besides certain actresses) I wanted this soft, calm, feminine grace back, I had it before and the world had taught me it was wrong.

    However! 😉 since you are a multi-dimensional woman, as we all are if we allow ourselves to be, there was also something about your almost cocky, no-holds-barred approach that grated on me a little. I was thinking “How can she be so confident that she is right and what she’s saying is gospel!?” Well…. you can because you are right and when followed like gospel it does work. And to be completely transparent – I had a problem with accepting that part of myself. I was taught that being confident in myself and my thoughts was WRONG. So of course it was an irritant to me. I’ve gotten rid of that belief and guess what? Now I *love* and appreciate this aspect of you!

    Anyway, I am 23 and have had a rough start at things. My parents have a lot of money, however, I don’t right now. Saving up for things like relationship books or classes has been something I’ve always pushed to the back burner. Until I met my current boyfriend. He and I trigger one another ….and we stay because we love one another, so it has been a crazy ride!

    I tried everything was calling, texting, gifting, and ALWAYS telling him how I feeeeeeel. Ugh. : x he loved me but my god he was fading away quick! He couldn’t handle it. Me: “baby I just don’t feel connected to you anymore” “I feel like we need to spend more time together” “i feel sad” “I feel lonely” ” I feel scared” I feel like I’m the only one trying to fix this” “why aren’t you trying to fix this!?!?” “honey I feel like you’re pulling away!!!!”

    Yikes…after month of this, needless to say we started to fight more!!! I had no idea what to do.

    I was at my wits end loving this man but not sure how to continue in the relationship, so, I bought your book, which I believe you gave it to me discounted, and it changed the relationship dramatically. Of course I’m Puerto Rican and Egyptian and have a lot of fire to my personality. It tries to rear its head into my relationship but you taught me to pour that energy somewhere else and use my soft femininity for my relationships. And when I listen to you, things are sooooo smooth!

    Right now we still argue *once in a while* usually because he wants more attention from me 😉 but for the most part, we are becoming that lovely “boring” couple who just simply adore one another and support one another in life. *sigh* I’m soooo relieved to finally be on the path to be able to have this kind of relationship.

    So thank you for your kind gentle teachings AND for your famous blunt observations. Thank you for responding to me in the group directly and responding to others which helped me indirectly…. Both have helped me immensely. Without your intuitive guidance I don’t know where I would be…

    I am so excited to buy four components and feminine magnetism but for now the book and the group are grounding me enough. Thank you, queen goddess. – Raina <3

  • And if I allow you to speak your lies, I will let you and the world know that those are lies. Or I can censor you which I didn’t do. You can’t have the cake and eat it, brat. Life isn’t always fair, is it? 😉

  • All I ever experienced in the group is positivity, love, encouragement and invaluable insights that are helping me to grow. When a new person comes on board, their negative and toxic energyenergy sticks out like a sore thumb and feels very distasteful. That is what the energy of these people feels like and I am gla. They were blocked!

    Kat’s methods are unique and I can feel her genuinity in wanting to help those who want to help themselves. All of this slander is completely unnecessary. I actually feel sorry for you girlsgirls who are clearly living life with such negativity Inside you. The irony is, you need Kat’s teachings more than most.

  • I have read Kat’s blog for 6 months and I’m also in the group. I appreciate Kat taking her time to read our posts and teach us. The way she talks to you didn’t base on how much money you spend but how you spend your “time” and “energy”. And as a coach, she knows best how to converse effectively to each one. Don’t judge unless you know the whole story 🙂

  • Love your work Kat. I have spent no money and am an active part of Kats group. I have learned a lot. She and I don’t always fully agree and Kat has said not everything works for everyone. Her baseline teachings are wonderful and are talked about daily in her group. She is always nice to me. Even though I have spent no money. She is truly open to helping women be happy and love themselves more so they can be happy in other relationships and dating. as part of her group FOR FREE for over a year I’m greatful.

    • A lot of married coaches aren’t as effective because they’ve been married so long they don’t know what the modern dating world is like. They are with one person day after day and know what works with their partner brilliantly, but that isn’t always applicable to the rest of the world. Kat’s advice is direct and blunt to be sure but that is what a lot of us need! We are strong, successful, and most importantly STUBBORN women who have lost touch with our softness. By being the blunt coach, Kat allows us to access our softness and therefore our feminine energy. I have had more positive results in my love life in a month working with her than over a year with a married coach. You don’t have to play football to be a good football coach, you need to understand the ins and outs of the game. It’s no different in dating.

  • I love Kat & her group. Due to financial issues I haven’t had the chance to purchase the book or the courses. Kat’s advice.& her Facebook group have changed my life. I have never been kicked out for speaking my mind. If not for her, the group & the wonderful ladies there my life would have been a hot mess. Thanks Kat & the girls,for ypur tough love.

    • Finding Katarina has been the best thing that has ever happened to me in my whole dating life. I got to see patterns in all my failed relationships that caused them to fail, I dodged a few bullets (guys who were not interested in me), saving me from wasting my time & investing into something that was nothing. I’m single and for the first time, I AM OK WITH IT. Life in general seems clearer cause I’m working on changing me and not anyone else. I’m changing myself to live my best life and not to attract any man. A man will be an addition, a cherry on top of my new-found happiness. All of this I got to learn from reading Kat’s blog and being in the group – I have not purchased anything too, I cant afford at the moment, the ‘Rand’ is very low but that still doesn’t stop Kat from giving advice as she sees best/fit for my personal situation, not anyone else’s.

      Its a pity you ladies let your ego ruin this beautiful chance to be mentored by Kat. Its a once in a lifetime!

      Good luck though, sending you love, light & wish you success in all that you do.

      Pink ~ S/Africa

    • No Ahayla you said you weren’t getting involved and yet you The method isn’t working for you, you are not as happy as you once were in the group and a lot of people see that. Get real Ahayla! I love you but girl just no. Wrong person to disciple for you Kat! Get an engagement or married couple!

      • Court, knock it off! You are one vindictive bitch! Work on yourself and you’ll be as happy and prosperous as me. Why are you still here if I’m so not resonating with you? Thou doth protest too much!

        • I’m posting in here because anyone considering doing business with needs to consider those facts about you before investing. The smarter business move would have been to ignore me. Yet you’re calling in your followers against little ol me. Oh no! Ha! I said I was done but thanks for all energy you created in posting in the group about me. Energy follows focus… I’m more than happy with my life I definitely do not want your happiness, my happiness is tailored fit for a 25 year old that has whole life ahead of her and with self awareness I have about myself, I’ll get where the universe needs me to go! Again with the name calling Kat. Your opinion of me being a “vindictive bitch” versus my facts about you. And I’m making my graceful and much needed exit now. Au revior.

          • Yes you are a vindictive PETTY know-it-all 25 yo, the type men shy away from, a dime in a dozen. And you will learn the hard way, Missy. You feel overwhelmed that you are being busted for your malice and lies, eh? Good luck. You could have been a rare woman I breed by your 30 like so many in my group, but some people are slower than others. But like many others, you shall return when you are ready for my message and face the painful truth about yourself. 😉

            Nobody complains about my teaching unless they’re people like you: little wisdom and a wall of resistance. Mediocre minds. When they are ready for my message their lives change overnight. But when they are not, they are grasping at straws like you are doing here: worrying about my worldwide trips, my weight gain, my bf, etc….

            And yes my bf and I have the healthiest relationships women like you can only be jealous of. It’s not quite traditional but I’m never traditional to begin with. I don’t have to follow the herd. I am the shepherd. I shine so bright and my light is blinding you, hence the violent reaction.

            How are those relevant with the fact that I change people’s lives though? If anything my wealth and success are indicative of my effectiveness as a coach. I can’t do the trips UNLESS my method works like a charm and it does. Success was not being handed on a silver plate to me or anyone for that matter. In your perverted 25 yo mind, you think it is, eh? And my bf won’t cherish me the way he does unless I am leading by examples. And you are JEALOUS. Viciously so and for NO reason whatsoever. My method works ONLY BECAUSE I know how to approach it (that my approach you gripe about actually works). What is a method without knowing how to diseminate it? Both come together as a package deal.

          • I’m so happy I found Kat. I have read Kat’s blog for 6 months and I’m a apart of her group. Before finding her I was in a lot of toxic relationships that didn’t last. For the first time I’m in a good healthy relationship and very happy. I would not be where I am without her advice and her group.

          • Katarina Phang – I’m just digging into the Journey Inward, your ebook and read along here. I will say what you are providing is empowering and beautiful. It’s a breath of fresh air in the sea of toxicity and insanity of relationship advice out there. I believe in what you say , it resonates with me and releases me on so many levels. I just keep saying to myself as I listen – this woman is so wise and I’m so glad I found her to learn from her. I celebrate your success and the role model you are to women? Thank you

      • *Rolls eyes*. I didn’t get involved Court. I posted my personal opinion and thoughts which I have a right to do. I told you that when you PM’d on Facebook. So you know if I am happy or not? Laughable. Why do you even care if I am happy or not. I am not as happy as I once was? I have been in the group since early 2014. You were not even in the group then. How do you know if I am happy or not. I haven’t even met you in person! We are/were only FB friends. You don’t even know my life, my past, present and future and you decide that I am not happy. Interesting. So Ms. Psychic Court because you know so much about me and my happiness, please tell me how I should live my life. I leave it upto you since you have so much life experience. I will take your advice as gospel. Thank you so much for caring about me and looking out for me. I really appreciate that :).

      • And yet you pooh pooh the engaged ladies whom I helped getting to that point! Boy, aren’t you confused???? If I wanted to get married I would have married yesterday. What makes you think I need or have desire for another marriage? And why does it matter as long as you’re happy and your relationship is rock solid? And why does it bother you when our relationships are healthier than most of those who are married?

  • Wow. I can’t believe what I’m reading. I’ve been with Kat for quite some time now. Katarina is not reactive, she’s very patient with us ladies actually. She doesn’t pick and choose her favorite. As a member who pays, I’ve experienced tough love from her not in a negative way, but a way that has made me wake up. She doesn’t play nice to whoever pays the most money, there are plenty of women receiving Kat’s advice for free, who has been with Kat for a long time, following her blogs, getting advice for FREE. I find it very funny that the women who try to put Kat down, always end up coming back to her in the end, because they know what she teaches is REAL. Look at the numbers of engagements, numbers don’t lie. Maybe if women would stop being so reactive, in their masculine energy, and listen to the teacher Kat they’d learn something. Hands down Katarina is the BEST dating/relationship coach I know. Not only does she help out with love, but she teaches inner work, love with in yourself. Kat is not in this for money. She’s in this because she wants to help women feel okay in our skin being feminine, having self love, finding love and understanding men. Hands down Kat is the best. I’m thankful to have her in my life. I’m not resisting and from that I’m growing, I’m evolving. At the end of the day, we need Kat. Katarina is truly amazing. <3

    • Aw Poor Kat (meow)

      Oh God! Now you go and assume I am Sammy?! Funny! I’m not her, come on Ms. Phang, you’re a very smart woman! You shouldn’t make assumptions! That’s why your group is an anxious mess 75% of the time, cause their coach is very reactive and negative, now accusatory is a perfect adjective to add the traits! Sammy wasn’t the only lady you booted out the group! Now my question is why would you assume it’s her? You seem awfully triggered coach! You may need to go another trip because you said you’ve “arrived” but all I see is a screaming ego. By the way, engagements for a track record mean nothing to me! I’m waiting on the happy marriages to happen, which MANY, many, couple are experiencing without your amazing coaching. If you don’t feel there is always a better way to do things, well I have little respect for you as a person, and NO respect for you as a coach. Again, in case you don’t see what previously said through your red rage…. I AM NOT SAMMY.

      • I know you are Court. But you parroted Sammy’s words before I booted her so obviously you two have been talking. You two have a gripe about my trips and me being “soft” to those who pay. You paid for my book and I still booted you for being disrespectful… hello? And you also read Ahalya never bought anything from me but she could stay cause she contributed a lot to the group and she is receptive and never acted disrespectful like you two did. Jane also paid for my coaching and got my tough love all the same cause she needed it. Do I go to people’s house and start complaining about their furniture and decorations? That’s what you did and are doing now. And you expect me to let you walk all over me? Wow. You really need help to sort that head. You can dish it but you can’t take it, ain’t you. You expect to be handled with kid’s gloves for being aggressive?

      • And if you could have done it alone, why did you come to me in the first place? You’re delusional. You’re too masculine and hard-headed to keep a man. You’re jealous of my traveling, but those are business trips. Maybe if you are receptive you can also have a life like mine so you can stop griping about it. 🙂 Amazing the scarcity mentality you are displaying here. Envy and jealousy of other people’s success will only keep you in the hole you are in right now. Celebrate other people’s success and learn from them. That’s what I did before coming this far.

      • And sorry my group isn’t an anxious mess. It has helped hundreds upon hundreds dealing with their stuff. A lot of them have come to the group cause they have issues IN THE FIRST PLACE, of course they’re going to get triggered. How can they not? This relationship stuff deals with their deepest wounds. Look at yourself before pointing finger. You’re acting like a looney yourself and causing drama you claim you are so against. When you point one finger, your three fingers point back at you.

        But over time they grow and heal so much by interacting in the group with others and by seeing their own stuff being addressed in other people’s cases. I don’t moderate so everyone can express themselves freely including you and by the same token you have NO right to moderate me -the owner- which is why you got booted. Sammy asked to be readmitted cause she realized no body else can help her.

      • Wow! I have been following the fb page … for free. I’ve found the advice to be calming and an affirmation of what I was already doing.
        Just started reading the book so I can’t comment on it yet.
        I am appalled that an adult would be so petty. Only a narcissistic person would lash out publicly under an unknown alias.
        Very sad.

  • Hi Kat,

    Here’s a bit of an update. Last week we saw one another for first time
    two weeks. He worked all weekend out of town and I stopped by talk about things and catch up. We had fun together! I caught myself leaning back and he practically talked my ear off. He told me he still really liked me and he adjusted where needed. When it was getting pretty late I decided to
    Get ready to leave. He was getting ready to hug me and asked me to stay an extra hour and I obliged.
    Even when I was getting ready to finally he ended up hugging me when I walked out the door then he decided to walk me to my car again where he hugged me again and it was a lingering hug. Before j got in my car he told me he appreciated me coming by and that I was always great company.
    In the beginning of our relationship I was leaning back with him. I didn’t know what I was doing had a name and there was no pressure nor expectations and the only time I became needed was when I was really anxious about unsure factors that were surrounding me!
    Leaning back really works and I am still talking with other men! I own my feelings in which I miss being able to sleep by him and talk with him more but if it’s meant to be it will happen in due time.
    Thank you again, you have no idea how helpful you are to me!

    • Good for you! I’m proud of you. Read my book to learn more and become so irresistible. You can do this.

    • You are an ungrateful little doofus, aren’t you. Nobody else can help you the way I do. Now you have been blocked from my FB as well.

  • Hi Katarina,
    M name is Monika. I am 21 years old ( I know young) but I am in love with my EUM. We met two years ago in college, talked for 5 months, and then started dating. Everything was easy at first. I was always unconciously leaning back and letting him do all the work that he always treated me like a queen. Then last summer, since he was muslim and I am hindu, we thought it might be best to break off the relationship since we were getting really serous and were afraid for the future and if our parents would be okay with it. I was upset, but I still was leaning back and over the summer he used to always say he missed me. I still mirrored him unconsiously. Then the day before college started and I was going to meet him again, I decided to go out on a date. I told my EUM about this date and that I was going to sleep over, and my EUM just simply said okay. Taking that as a sign that my EUM was getting over me, I let myself be and let my date go down on me (But that was it- nothing else involved). My EUM was really upset and scared to think he was loosing me, so the next day he asked if I had sex with my date. I said no we only made out (i know i’m stupid). My EUM stated that he couldn’t live without me and he was serious about me so we both agreed we would tell our parents about eachother after we got out of college. A few months later, my EUM randomly asked me about what happened with that date. I actually told him that he went down on me, not really thinking it would hurt, but this hurt my EUM alot and he was really upset that I never told him when he asked. I started loosing him that day, and I guess I started finally leaning in, trying to make him more close to me. This obviously did not work, and in December we broke up and he said he did not love me anymore. This is when I came across your site. I tried your leaning back methods and hardly talked to him. I did say sorry to him once because I had never apologized for what I had done. When we met again in Feburary, my EUM and I had sex and it was almost as if we were still back in a relationship…but we weren’t, I kept with your leaning back methods though and never asked him about what we were doing and I let him know I was talking to other guys at the same time. Then the day after our potential two year anniversary (mar 11), he said he did not want to initiate sex anymore since he was talking to other girls and he did not want me to get feelings (which BTW we established since day 1 that what we did physically was purely physical, so my thoughts are that he still had feelings for me). I said okay, and after two weeks of no contact, my EUM randomly asked me if i was dating or seeing anyone. I gave him a yes/no answer, and next think I know he said he was seeing someone (he told me about this girl- he had just met her 3 weeks ago and thought she was a nice friend). I said okay and wished him my best wishes I said don’t worry don’t ever think you should tell me about your love life just because im your ex girlfriend and we are hardly friends. He actually said “hardly friends, you’re annoying.” I maturely stated why we were hardly friends (we don’t even hang out anymore) and that was that. For now, I have hardly been talking to him and I am trying not to think about it but its hard not to. Today he acted as if we were still a normal couple, and he again asked if i was dating someone I gave my same yes/no/idk answer. Before he left, he gave me that “i love you” face look…if you know what im talking about. I guess I’m just trying to read his face. I’m trying my best to lean back…..I am fully in my feminist mode and am making sure I have other things in my life settled, and I even started a new hobby of painting. I also have guys coming to me asking for my number. Any suggestions on what I should be doing now? I feel like I’m starting to get anxiety that it’s been months and I just am loosing my patience, and I just wanna move on and give up hope sometimes, but then I relapse and think about how much he means to me. Thank you so much. Im sorry for the long response.

    • Love shouldn’t be this complicated. Get a real guy who is showing actions not just words and who is secure enough to pursue you. If there is something to learn, don’t advertise your sex life to a guy. Nothing good ever comes out of it.

  • Hey Katarina, \This guy and I met January 11 on his birthday and I really wasn’t looking for anything. I thought he was cute but it wasn’t until the week later when I went a Spa with him and we connected. The next day he even cooked me Sunday dinner. It was an instant connection, I was going through a lot of things in switching from jobs and he was really there for me. We had sex about 3 weeks later and he even asked me if I was sure about having sex because he feels like I have a lot to bring to the table and he really liked me. He told me he wanted to see where this goes. He has a bit of trouble expressing himself but I was very gentle and cautious with him. We were really good up until a month ago. My car got broken into and I was stressed about my Atlanta trip. Anxiety, the attraction killer. I asked this gentleman if he would miss me when I left, and his response was he doesn’t know because I haven’t left yet. So I believe my masculine energy took over and I got upset, I asked him what did he see me as and he said friends and I became even more anxious! He said he cared about me but it takes a lot for him to miss someone. It made me sad, so I asked him if he even see a future with me and he said yea he did but he just moved to the city and haven’t been in a relationship in a long time and he doesn’t think it’s wise to jump into one right now. He told me he was uncomfortable with the conversation and didn’t want to have the conversation, so I ended the call. I apologized the next morning and he didn’t respond to me later that night. Ever since then I feel like I’ve ruined things. He thinks I’m amazing and can’t deny he cares about me but that situation made him very uncomfortable.He said everything felt forced and awkward. Now he wants to “slow things down” and just “be friends”. No affection, and no sex. He said that’s what he really liked about me was that I was also so nice and affectionate and I made him feel special. He said he was doing it to “protect us”
    So, last weekend we spent a day together I showed him around the city, took him to a museum, then a lake and then we went to dinner. The whole time he was staring at me and complimenting me. And I even asked him why he was staring at me. He told me at the end he had a wonderful time, and of course he didn’t kiss me and he told me that I shouldn’t try. He said this is what needs to happen, and it’s not about what we want. I’ve withdrawn a lot and refocused my energy elsewhere and he texted me to let me know his best friend was in town and he wanted to know if I was doing anything. We met up and showed them a few bars, then this past Saturday was a mutual friend of ours birthday and he was at the same party I attended. He tried to talk to me, but I’m sure I was defensive. I asked why I felt as if I was being inspected. Afterwards, he drove my best friend and I to the bar. When we walked there he held me locked in his arms because I had on stilettos and he didn’t want me to fall. He also told me he felt more comfortable if he was on the side closer to the traffic and we had a really nice conversation which we haven’t been able to do for a while. We got separated when we went into the night club because his best friend got a little too drunk. When we were walking to the car he was being very protective of me. Like asking me why I was walking alone (there was no one to hold on to, he had his drunk friend, and my best friend was walking with his best friend from out of town). I went back to the room and offered to help take his friend to the airport but he declined we left and went home.
    I am aware that, playing the victim is a cop out, and that I am pretty rough around the edges at times and need help in feeling vulnerable. But I haven’t really felt like this about a guy before and it scares me completely. I just hope I didn’t ruin things, and I am not sure what to do. I feel the easiest thing is to cut him off but it just doesn’t feel right doing that. I just wish we could start over completely.

    • You need to chill. No more talking about relationship or asking him anxious questions. Date others and do not initiate contacts. Leaning back will reset this.

  • I’ve never found you to be rude, informative and straight forward but never rude… Without Kat I’d be one bitter irresponsible bitch and because of Kat I’m chill go with the flow, got my man back and haven’t gotten in one single fight since we’ve been back together and now my family and I are moving into a house with both our names on it, thank you Kat for sharing your wisdom and making it possible. My life is so different my relationship is brand new its easy and its because of you sharing your wisdom with women like me

    • Mary is one of the most recent get-ex-back success stories, folks. She started in January the day of her breakup and now the family is back on -baby has both mommy and daddy again- in a new house they signed on together!! I can’t be happier for you, Mary.

      When you listen and respect your teacher and don’t talk back, this is what you get.

  • Hi Kat,

    I have been wanting to write this to you for a long time, and finally find myself motivated at the moment I read this new post. I think what I’m saying following might be useful to some women who seek help from you like I did before. And I’m happy with you referring my comment anywhere you feel proper.

    I purchased your ebook last November when I was seeing this guy who I mislabelled as an EUM. I am a second year medical student from Australia. When in November medical school students were crazily busy with their uni study, I was trapped with this guy, wondering where things were going, how he felt about me and how could I make him committed. I felt guilty that I should have focused on myself and my study, but at the same time, I could find no way out, because this guy was so hard to read.

    I got your ebook when he pulled me away. When I look it back I actual feel glad that he pulled away at that time so I could have myself and the relationship checked out when it was still not too late. I’m not going to the details about me and this guy but want to share a few thoughts in my mind after reading and practicing your advice in the book.

    Firstly, embracing your feminine energy is a life attitude. This theory has helped me with not only my romantic relationship, it has helped with other aspects in my life. The other day I was with my 6 year old little brother doing some shopping, I cautiously let him push the trolley and decide what flavour of hot cross buns we wanted to buy and praised him that he made a great choice for both of us. I found him unexpected happy and talkative that day. I reflected on this and I was thinking ” see, this even works on my 6 year old little bother!” Since read your book, I have become softer and more open to suggestion and initiates, which brings a lot of great things in my life, and they’re not just something about me and my EUM but also my relationship with my friends, my mum and other male acquaintances.

    Secondly, I understand how important to enjoy the moment. People nowadays have this bad habit that we barely present ourselves and truly enjoy the connection when we are with someone. This is not only a problem many women have when with their men. So I decided to change myself. When I was with my girlfriends, I put my mobile phone away, and asked about their recent life, actively listening to what they had to say. I no longer thought about my EUM while I was studying, reading, at the gym or even just having dinner with my mum. I listened to my brothers teenage love problems and let my dad read to me the awkward poems he wrote, and told him how I thought about them. I made sure that I was fully presenting myself whoever I was with.

    Last but not least, getting to know each other is truly the beautiful part in any relationship. I am so glad that it takes ages for my EUM to make up his mind. It allows me to lay back and pause and not make decisions based on lust feelings. It’s amazing to know someone little by little, and logically gauge the capability of us two. He is such a beautiful person and I would never have the chance to know it if I forced things too fast too soon.

    Thank you again Kat!


    • Good job, Anna. Those who have followed me become a better person overall cause they curtail 90% of anxiety from their lives. Their love lives flourish cause their energy is addictive: light and soft. Brava. Keep doing what you’re doing. Women hastily label a guy EUM when it’s them who are the problems. Nowhere else in the internet juggernaut this fact is presented in such a methodical way but here and in my book/programs. You misdiagnose, you won’t get the cure.

  • It seems your own discomfort made you write this post Katarina, it is pretty obvious.

    • I enjoyed writing it. What’s your point? And I’m right. She needs my advice bad. I can write anything I want. I don’t need anyone’s approval what to write.

      • I made the huge mistake of telling my crush/male friend how I feel. He’s definitely pulled back a lot since and try to give him space. Sometimes he seems to encourage me hanging out with other guys and other times acts really jealous, calling them my bf, saying he owns me, or thinks I will tell him everytime I get laid lol.

        He seems to go from open and more into talking, flirting, etc. to shut down the next so he’s hard to read. Any fix for after you stupidly told them how you feel? We’ve only met a few times (he was out of state for work most of the time I’ve know him and lives an hour away) but went walking and that. I’m getting a divorce now so think maybe that can ease things up a bit too so my question is-just date around and stay busy and such with friends, work, etc. and how do you approach if he either asks about other guys or if I’m busy do I wanna talk about guys or just not mention anything? He told me a while back that it “hurt his feelings” when I hooked up with a friend after I stupidly told him how I felt and he didn’t feel the same so I don’t want to look like you know what-but don’t wanna seem undesirable either.

        He’s a bit bi-curious too so that makes me wonder if he’s far less into women than I think sometimes. But just keep distant, be sweet when he talks and not mention other guys? He seems more distant lately but he’s stressed with work and bills so want things to be on his terms and he’s said he isn’t into me that way and won’t change but feel like he cares from how he talks and treats me so I figured I’m single-doesn’t hurt to have fun and maybe let it evolve if it will since he even confuses some of my guy friend’s with his behavior. He got a big ego at times so sometimes seems to like the attention and has told me he loves me as a friend before but feel I need help to let him relax better and feel less anxious since he kinda plays into my interest at times too.

        I’ve been hanging out with other guys too-but doesn’t go anywhere and a friend I liked (met his parents too) hit me up lately and apologized for being distant from being in a funk and working more and being tired so thought it was sweet so hope to see him soon too. They all seem to love competition and might as well have fun for now and try to enjoy the moment.

  • Katarina, I’ve been following your website and wise tips for a long time and always like what you write, but I don’t like this one. You’re probably right in what you say, but it’s not right to add in here what someone told you in a private email. Also it looks like someone pushed your buttons somehow. I wouldn’t like to send you a private email and then see it here just because you decided to. Sorry, but I don’t like this.
    Charlotte P

    • Hi Charlotte, she has no problem quoting me on twitter so I just mirror her. You don’t have to like what I do and I don’t follow what people like or don’t like. And beside all emails sent to me become my property and I have the rights to publish them if I choose to for the purpose of education (though the vast majority aren’t published). I will inform them first before publishing them so the person concerned is notified. We bloggers do that, otherwise how you get all this free advice you’ve been enjoying if not from other people’s stories? Think about it. I don’t deal with paranoid people. If you are paranoid that your story might be published, don’t write me and don’t seek my help. Your discomfort is your own trigger you need to resolve within yourself. It has nothing to do with me.

      • Katarina, you sound so reactive here….are you ever humble enough to see your own reactivity, or just point it out in others? Your philosophy is great, and you are right about dealing with drama queens, but the way you reacted on here is well… reactive, aggressive and not feminine at all (but then again you justify it by saying you are in your masculine as a coach..yeah). By the way just a tip, as I am a lawyer, you should be very careful with what you consider to be your property made to the public. A doctor doesn’t own a patient’s body just because he treated it. As your work comes under licensing as coaching or therapy, you could get slapped with defamation very easily for causing undue public distress or damage. Watch out for that because you do absolutely have an obligation to create safety
        . Best wishes, Brittany

        • I don’t need to be humble cause ball busting lawyers like you expect me to be. I have a track record that shows that I can coach any way I see fit and unless you have more knowledge than I have you can come here and ride your high horse and preach. Till then you can either sit back and be receptive or play somewhere else in which people can kowtow to your expectations. The number one reason for booting in my support group is when women tell me how to coach or try to moderate me. I don’t moderate people so I won’t pretend to be okay when I am treated that way.

          And you know what? Nine out of 10 who preached to me like you did here begged to be readmitted when they realized no one else could help them but me. If you’re not ready and you want to perceive using your colored glasses, you’re not ready for my message. It’s not my problem you are offended. My job requires me to expose you to the painful truth about yourself.

          Go somewhere else for help and come back when you’re ready. The way I coach save you time and money. It cuts the time for your realization and healing process by half.

          And I don’t need your lawyer advice. You can read my Terms and Conditions in which I specify that if you come to me I reserve all the rights to use what I got through this website for the purpose of educating the masses. Any problem with that? You know where the door is.

          Don’t BS me about defamation and shit since I don’t publish real names. Where is the public defamation? Public distress? Are you freaking serious? I help so many people overcome their stresses and depressions you must be out of your mind to even mention it. It’s total hypocrisy when people’s stories are why you are here and learning in the first place and now you’re telling me how wrong it is to publish anonymous stories.

          Get of out here.

          And why are you here if you think you don’t need what I teach?

        • No Brittany you’re are absolutely right! As someone who one who was happily booted out of her group Kat, gets triggered like no other. I’ve witnessed it first hand was thoroughly entertained. Hahahaah! From her envious rants on the more successful coaches or to her trying to silence anyone who opposes her approach in anyway. But she’ll talk to you more softly based on the amount of money you send her. Aw man she slaps your hand so harder than a nun with a ruler it makes you beyond sad and makes you want to do whatever she says NOT. If you really want to put a real perspective on things well… These women are following a coach that travels the world alone, without her boyfriend on your dime. She’s living the dream. I’m sure she will not approve this comment. She doesn’t have the balls too. But then again that’s where all that masculine coaching is coming from. Smooches!

          • Court, mind you I have “slapped” some other woman who bought my products cause she didn’t listen after you left, you can ask your source. I slapped LOTS who spent money and praised those who never spent a dime on me, just the same. It’s not about money but idiots like you don’t want to face the truth about your own craziness with men. And I have to be firm and tell it as it is. And many still stay in the group after disagreeing with me or are readmitted after they admit their mistakes. What do you know??

            I am richer than my boyfriend, so what? I’m sticking to my message of not supporting a guy, I can’t help for being so successful at what I do, not many coaches can be as successful as I am it affords me to travel anytime I like and not many men can compete with a woman like that either. IT’s not my fault I’m so good at what I do and I earn every penny. Keep your envy and jealousy to yourself.

            I didn’t get triggered, more like common sense: can you go to someone’s office and tell them how to do their work without a security being summoned to usher you out? And did you get to stay in the classroom for telling the teacher how to teach? You got booted for being disrespectful, not because I got triggered. Many who disagree with me are still in the group because theu can voice their disagreement without crossing the line. You couldn’t.

            You are an aggressive ball buster, that’s why you have a problem with your man, and you have a problem with me, the two usually go hand in hand. Those who are receptive get their exes and relationships back on track. You read the daily testimonials there every day.

            No other group is like mine and that is thanks to my leadership.

          • Kat is amazing! Firstly, what does the fact that she travels the World alone have to do with anything?? Good on her for making a living out of helping people!! I totally understand why kat gets firm with some women at times, it’s very frustrating to see women making the same dumb mistakes over and over and NOT LISTENING to Kat’s advice….Kat NEEDS to get into more of a ‘tough love’ mode with some of these women so she can knock some sense into them…I’m sure when she is home with her man she is back to her soft feminine self, which is what it’s all about. Of course she is going to mention other coaches sometimes as the ‘feeling messages’ they teach simply do make men run a mile! I’ve experienced that first hand- we love feeling messages because we are WOMEN, men are designed differently. Some people just don’t get it and come on here and argue their point with Kat,having to be right, just like they do with their man which is why they needed Kat in the first place 😉
            Love you Kat, Beki xoxo

        • No Brittany you’re are absolutely right! As someone who one who was happily booted out of her group Kat, gets triggered like no other. I’ve witnessed it first hand was thoroughly entertained. Hahahaah! From her envious rants on the more successful coaches or to her trying to silence anyone who opposes her approach in anyway. But she’ll talk to you more softly based on the amount of money you send her. Aw man she slaps your hand so harder than a nun with a ruler it makes you beyond sad and makes you want to do whatever she says NOT. If you really want to put a real perspective on things well… These women are following a coach that travels the world alone, without her unemployed, pot smoking boyfriend on your dime. She’s living the dream. I’m sure she will not approve this comment. She doesn’t have the balls too. But then again that’s where all that masculine coaching is coming from. Smooches!

    • I agree with smashy2010. That was an unprofessional way to respond to a private email. “Well she had no problem sharing my personal email” isn’t an impressive response. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. Take the higher road if you want to earn more respect and trust. I have enjoyed some of your blog posts. However, this one does not feel mature or right. While Katarina says she is not emotionally charged, this blog is seething with negativity and revenge. It is not very emotionally mature, and it is quite petty and middle-school girl-ish. It makes me trust her less. I do think Katarina has some useful ideas and things to teach. However, this one is very…negative and putting other people down to build herself up. I realize we’re all human. Katarina, as difficult as it might be to accept, while you do have things to teach and many of your clients do have problems to work out, by putting yourself above them and making yourself seem exempt from having issues, you make yourself less credible and believable. You are also a human and your clients are also a mirror of you. If you have people get upset with you, it might not only be them. Also, there is a little bit of exaggeration here. Your facebook followers are not in that big of numbers. Most of my family and friends have that many facebook followers. That doesn’t mean you aren’t a good coach with useful things to teach, but honesty, humility, and being realistic go a long way. This is not meant to be harsh. I think you are probably a good person who was hurt by what that woman said and did. We’re all human.

    • I agree. I resonate more with Rori Raye. Her feeling messages are not how you explained. It’s to put your feeings in other outlets.. like friends, and journals. I think most of your ideas have come from Rori. I find her messages less condescending and approachable. Your more bragging about yourself.,. but it’s good. I’m glad the messages are getting out there, however they do .. Because Rori had the right idea! And I’m glad other people are spreading her message however it gets done. Thank you!

      • This assertion shows that you have no clue of what I teach. Rori is great if you have no issues, and bless her heart cause she’s a pioneer. Most women have tons of issues. Feeling messages don’t work when you haven’t done your inner work and she doesn’t teach that. And that is the cornerstone of my method that makes me the most effective coach in the world (and makes me stand out from the rest) when it comes to relationship issues (my results speak for me so don’t get offended when I just cite facts and I just repeat what thousands of my clients say verbatim, they write all the long testimonials by themselves, I never asked them to). Anyway, you will need me at some point. 😉 So stick with what works for you for now. And all the best.

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