If He Won’t Commit to a Relationship Do You Stay?
So you are smitten, head over heals, seeing forever but he won’t commit to a relationship with you. What makes this more confusing is when he acts like a boyfriend. He spends time with you, treats you well, keeps in touch, and tells you all the things you love to hear. Why won’t he take that step and commit to a relationship? Does he just need more time?
If you are like most women, you stay loyal to this man. You don’t date others and you hope that in time he will step it up. You tell yourself he just needs more time and then you come up with justifications for this decision. Things like his ex cheated on him, he has trust issues, his job is stressful, he is depressed and so forth and so on.
I am going to be blunt here. These are stalling tactics that men use. It softens the blow and it keeps the average woman hanging on. Men are capable of continuing to date a woman that they are not head over heals in love with. They like you enough but not enough if you know what I mean. I am not saying these men will never step up, but I can tell you that remaining so loyal to these men does not inspire them to do so.
He won’t commit to a relationship should I give an Ultimatum?
I am not sure exactly what giving an ultimatum to a man that won’t commit accomplishes, other than putting more pressure on him and causing him to pull away more. Yet many women resort to this. It’s like their final attempt to control the relationship and where it’s going. It’s like saying if you can’t give me what I want, I am out of here. No regards whatsoever to where he is at in the relationship timeline. If you insist on giving a man an ultimatum, lace up your walking shoes, you are about to go on a long hike.
Ultimatums don’t work because words don’t work on men. Actions are what they relate to, it’s what makes them feel. Katarina often reminds her clients to talk less. Wise woman she is and she knows what she is talking about here. Sadly many women insist of having discussions over and over with these men about where the relationship is going. Months a years pass by and they are still talking about where the relationship is going.
When You are Scared to Lose Him
Most women stay and remain loyal even when he won’t commit to a relationship because of the fear of losing him. It just so happens that this fear is the one thing that will kill a relationship the fastest. Fear is felt by your partner. It feels like desperation and there is nothing attractive about desperation.
A long term boyfriend of mine was in fear of losing me. We lived together, carried on like boyfriend and girlfriend, but I would not commit to that final step. I knew he wasn’t my forever. He was a good boyfriend and yes I loved him, but I knew he wasn’t the one. In hindsight, I should have set him free earlier, but like a lot of men, I was selfish I suppose. I mean he was happier with me than without me, so I suppose I justified it that way.
You see I knew he wouldn’t leave. I knew he was more invested and would put up with my nonsense. The thing is, the longer he put up with my nonsense, the less I respected him. The less I respected him, the less likely I was to really commit to the relationship. The less I committed, the more fearful he got. The more fearful he got, the more he would bend over backwards to pick up my crumbs. I lost all respect and attraction and ended it for good. When you are in fear in a relationship, you self sabotage. You kill the attraction.
Do I Leave if He Won’t Commit to a Relationship
Sometimes the answer is to leave. If it’s causing you pain, then leaving may be the best choice, but it’s not your only choice. You can do what Katarina calls downgrading him. Downgrading him means you stop making him a priority in your life. Downgrading means you get busy with your life and date others. Start a rotation. Open yourself up to the men that do want a commitment.
This is not some kind of game to get him to step up, though that is often the result. This is about being a high value woman who knows what she wants and doesn’t waste her time nor invest her heart into a man that won’t commit or “might” commit one day.
Ultimatums, talks, staying loyal, giving more won’t work when he won’t commit to a relationship. Being high value and easy to lose is far more likely to inspire a man to commit to you. Understand the process of how a man falls in love with a woman. If you do things right, there is a chance this frog is still going to be boiled as many of Katarina’s clients would attest.