How to Pace Yourself While Dating

how to pace yourself while dating

All kinds of situations can arise when you are dating.  You meet one man that you like a lot and you wish he would move faster. Then there is the man you date that seems to like you more than you like him.  He comes on full force and is ready to be exclusive in the first week or two.  If you know how to pace yourself while dating, you can breeze through about any situation. 

The first situation is more about pacing yourself, the second you pace yourself to pace him or slow him down. You want to pace yourself while dating to give yourself time to observe the man. You may feel this big connection going on, but the truth is, you can feel a strong connection to the wrong man just as easily as you can feel a connection to the right man.  Feeling a connection does not equal he is the man for you.  

I see too many women claiming to feel this connection, they get attached and the man just stops calling or texting, yet they continue to hold onto hope. They are the ones in the group asking questions like how long before he usually contacts you again.  How long after I lean back before he will lean forward.

They aren’t pacing themselves at all.  If they were they would be in observation mode, the observation being that he stopped calling and texting so he probably isn’t moving forward and if he isn’t moving forward, he may not be all that interested.  When this happens, you just accept what is and keep on with your merry life.  You don’t waste time analyzing or trying to predict when you will hear from him again.

Pacing yourself while dating is for the purpose of observing!  You observe to find out who he is, not about who you want him to be.

How to Pace Yourself While Dating a Man You Really Like

how to pace a relationshipSo you met a guy and you hit it off like on the first date.  You thought you saw fireworks, so how do you pace yourself with this man.  First and foremost, you treat him like he is just another man at this point.  He doesn’t get special treatment.  He is after all just a man.

  • You do not cancel previous plans to fit him in when he asks
  • You don’t jump and drop what you are doing to answer his texts
  • You don’t text him when he isn’t texting you
  • You don’t invite him to a “special” event that you suddenly got tickets to
  • You don’t ask him questions about if he likes you or is he interested

Basically pacing yourself while dating a man you really like is not getting lost in the fantasy of how you want it to be.  It’s about accepting what is.  If he likes you too, you will know it.  He will keep in touch, make plans and won’t be a man that disappears.  A high value woman doesn’t get ahead of a guy or try to push things forward or work for a particular outcome.  She lets go and allows the chips to fall where they may.

How To Pace Yourself While Dating a Man That is Moving Too Fast

how to pace yourself while datingPacing a relationship as we have established is about observing.  A man that is moving too fast is one you really need to observe.  While it’s true that a man will go after the woman he wants, the man that does it too fast may not be the most emotionally healthy candidate for a relationship.

There is a difference in a man in steady pursuit and a man that wants to claim you after the first few dates or weeks.  Remember how we talked about observing.  This man that wants to claim you right away is not in observation mode.  I don’t know about you, but I would be questioning his wisdom at this point.  He doesn’t even know me yet, he just knows who he thinks he wants me to be.

I have jumped into a relationship with a man who claimed me right out the gate to only find myself a year down the road with a needy, clingy man who was just trying to fill a hole in his life.  It was nothing but conflict when i didn’t turn out to be the woman he wanted me to be.

When a relationship is moving to fast you will naturally feel some discomfort.  You will find yourself questioning or having a nagging of the gut.  Pay attention to these feelings and don’t just jump in because you want a man.

You would do better to slow yourself down so that you can observe how he reacts when you do slow it down.  Does he get upset and push to see you anyway?  Does he make excuses to see you?  Does he just drop by at your work or call and text you a lot?  Does he get defensive or maybe even ugly when you don’t answer right away?

When you pace yourself in dating, you also give him the space to step up.  You give him the opportunity to lead the relationship.  Pacing is about offering up some resistance.  It’s about the ability to lean back in a relationship.

Katarina’s girls are all about leaning back and observing.  Katarina has a track record with her clients with over 37 engagements this year.  There isn’t a dating and relationship coach alive with that claim (want to meet her? check her life event here).  If you want to learn the secrets that she has taught these women, you can start here with her book, He is really that into you, he is just not ready, and move on up to her many life changing coaching classes.

MORE: Pacing Yourself Is About Managing Your Emotional Investment So You Stay Grounded


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One comment

  • Advice please – I met a guy online a year ago. We exchanged numbers and messaged for a while but nothing came of it, spoke here and there over the last year then bumped into him out over Christmas, ended up sleeping together and have slept together a couple of times since. He is nice, we have a laugh he drops me home. I never initiate contact as I just don’t feel comfortable doing it with any guy in the early stages whether its dating or casual or whatever – I have a hell of a lot of pride and find it hard to put myself out there and texting a guy first feels like a weakness – silly i know! I haven’t heard from him in a week and i stupidly left my phone charger there last weekend which he text me about and i just said i would use a spare. I know he is keeping me at arms distance as he more than likely has other girls – how should i carry on? Should i carry on? The idea of him sleeping with other girls AND me doesn’t thrill me but i can’t and wouldn’t say anything! Am i silly not ever contacting him first – sometimes i think i am too cold/stubborn. Advice?

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