How To Mirror A Man

how to mirror a man


Learning how to mirror a man may be one of the most powerful tools in your relationship toolbox. When a relationship starts to heat up, it’s important that a woman doesn’t get ahead of a man’s timeline. Sometimes a woman may mentally rush to the “finish line” in her relationship, i.e. exclusivity, living together, marriage, etc.

While a man may not be against getting to the finish line one day, he will often prefer to take the “scenic route”, and not be in any rush to settle down. When a woman tries to hurry her man to catch up with her, she may get upset with him, nag him, pout, withhold love, and do other unattractive things that only make a man pull away. The smarter thing for a woman to do is to mirror her man, and enjoy the current moment.

Speaking of the current moment, the important thing about mirroring a man is paying attention to the effort that your man is making right now, and matching that. You need to observe “What Is”, what is really happening in your relationship, not just the fantasies that you may be projecting onto it.

When you have taken a minute to stop and observe a man’s actions, you get a clear idea of how much time, effort, and energy he is investing into you and your relationship. If he is pursuing you, initiating contact, moving the relationship forward, you mirror him by responding positively. If you realize that you are giving him more effort than he is giving you, then that may be your clue to put your attention elsewhere.

Mirroring a man is not tit-for-tat, or like playing a game of “Monkey See, Monkey Do.”  Mirroring is about noticing how much effort he’s putting forth on your behalf, and matching that. Whenever you hear yourself saying, “I feel like I’m being taken for granted”, or “I always do ____, and he never does ____!”, these are signs of over-investment on your part. The only way for you to tip the scales back in your favor is for you to lean back, and give more time and energy to yourself.

How to Mirror a Man in a Relationship!

There are many ways to mirror a man, and continuing to do so throughout the course of your relationship can keep you both sane. Sometimes a man may be in a bad mood, or acting aloof. In this situation, you do not mirror him exactly. You mirror him by ignoring his funky attitude, or finding somewhere else to be until he is in a better mood. This is not the time to baby or cuddle him. You do not need to be grumpy too, or lecture him about his moodiness and how it affects you. Leave him alone to sort himself out, and he will return in a better mood.

Actions speak louder than words, and a man’s actions (and inactions) will tell you everything you need to know, so notice his efforts and match them. If he hasn’t called or texted you lately, don’t “Like” his posts on Facebook to remind him that you exist. If he is not reaching out for you, don’t reach out to him. If a man hasn’t communicated with you in the last three weeks and tomorrow is his birthday, don’t get him a gift. For that matter, if your guy wasn’t interested in celebrating your birthday, don’t buy him a gift to “inspire him” or make him feel guilty. And definitely don’t go out of your way to plan a surprise birthday party for him!

Listen to this class on How to Mirror A Guy in Dating and Relationship the Most Goddessy Way

How To Mirror a Man You are Dating!

While you are dating, you mirror a man by maintaining the same level of commitment in your guy.  If his personal timeline for commitment seems to take longer than yours (which is likely), you will need to adjust your expectations so that you don’t come across as impatient and/or needy. If you live in the same city as your guy, and only see him every two weeks, he may not be ready for exclusivity. If he hasn’t introduced you to his friend and/or family yet, don’t rush to introduce yours to him. If he hasn’t mentioned being exclusive, don’t act like a girlfriend. If he’s dating others, you keep dating too. Mirroring a man’s commitment level will keep you grounded in reality.

In a committed relationship, mirroring a man means not getting ahead of where he is in the relationship’s timeline.  A man knows that women want to get married, but he wants to be the one to decide. When it comes to making major moves such as moving in together or getting married, a man will feel more comfortable when you do not get ahead of him. So let him be the one to bring these topics up.

For most men, if things are going great between you now, that means the future will be good too. Keep things fun by enjoying the moment, and mirroring your man’s efforts.

Do you find yourself rushing your guy to the altar? Do you attach to men who constantly say that they’re not ready for a relationship? If so, check out Katarina’s Monthly Membership Audio!

MORE: Mirroring His Investment Can Get Him Back!!

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Guest Blog Post by a Member of Katarina’s group, Carla Cartwright!




  • Great Article! I recently came across your site and realized that I’ve been leaning forward too much in my relationship. I’m starting to see how unbalanced things really are, and it’s been a good wake up call for me. For the last 2 years or so of my 5 yr relationship (first 3 yrs were good), I’ve grown increasingly more frustrated with my man because his actions haven’t been matching up to his words. He constantly tells me he’s going to do something and then never follows through. Usually I’d end up nagging him or voice how disappointed I am but it ended up pushing him away even further. Now I’m trying to lean back and focus on myself and what makes me happy. Last night out of the blue he texts me “hey, I’m going to call u when I get home” and I said ok. He never did. And usually he sends me good morning msg but he never did that either. I know hes okay because i can see him online on whatsapp. Usually, I would reach out to see what happened but I didnt. My question is, how do I respond when he does come back in a way that shows that I value myself and my time? I’m really trying to break old patterns here. I find it difficult to stay warm & Inviting when I’m really upset, because I don’t want to mask my true feelings. Can you give me some examples of how to handle myself when he does reach out?
    Thanks you so much!

    • I wanted to add that sometimes when this happens, he will have a really really lame excuse which I sense is a lie, or he will never even acknowledge/address it and act like nothing even happened. It leaves me feeling really frustrated.

    • When he comes back, your respond as opposed to react. Ask him no questions, just respond to what he says. If he offers up a lame excuse, just say okay. Get off the phone or end the conversation. Give him no more attention than he is giving you. Note: even negative attention is still attention, hence confrontation doesn’t work. Start filling your life up with things other than him and be less available. Mirror him.

      • Exactly what happened to me ! … except after I questioned his non response to my remark about him not responding for 24 hours initially… he then politely declined to come over. So I just ignored any impulse to respond to him negatively or otherwise, and just stopped attempting to communicate with him period. Subsequently we had not spoken for two weeks until the day before Easter. I called to say hello, how are you ? I ended up leaving a voicemail. He texted me back with, I’m fine, Happy Easter to you and your family. He knows “family” is just me and my adolescent son ( although my boyfriend was supposed to be the completion of our “family” unit. I replied by saying, Thank you, and happy Easter to you and your mom also. Now I’m just leaning back and going to let it take its course and let it be, it is what it is at this point…after 5 years. We are both in our early 50’s now. BTW, this was my very 1st boyfriend also, when we were both 13 years old in Jr. high. I thought we had come to a beautiful full circle, after he found me again thanks to Facebook, but even in paradise there’s trouble sometimes. I think some growing up is in order here. And I’m not talking about my son. Lastly he has no kids of his own and I’m sure that this level of non responsibility has some part in the maturity level of “some people”.

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