How To Turn a Friends With Benefits Into a Relationship
You’re friend zoned because you feel masculine to him. How To Turn a Friends With Benefits Into a Relationship is not a matter of what to do but what NOT to do. Fixing things is masculine energy and a lot of women are in a constant fixing-mode that gets them deeper in a hole. Let things be. Let him be.
I have written three times about Arida before but since her journey and love story is so inspiring I can’t help picking her case up again as a case in point that you have all the power to turn your relationship around. In her case: How To Turn a Friends With Benefits Into a Relationship
“Be 100% responsible in our relationships. It takes only one person to make changes, and that person is us. We cannot control other people and situations. We can only change ourselves – either by walking away from things that no longer serve us (in this case, unfulfilled relationship) or adapt ourselves to that person/situation. No more victim mentality.
Oh, Katarina, I would no longer use the term EUM (emotionally unavailable man) anymore for my guy…LOL. Other than he needs to settle his personal matters first, he is emotionally available and so loving! All I can say is the frog is definitely boiled! I wish I could hug you, Kat! I turned my friends with benefits into a relationship.
We were never a couple. He was courting me and we dated for a while. But he lost interest and attraction(you guessed it right, masculine energy and over-investment) August last year and friend zoned me but still pretended to go out with me because he was scared to see my reaction. That’s when I found you. We stayed as friends for 5 months but I slowly saw his feelings coming back. We are officially romantically involved again since last January until now, and he keeps stepping up.
You know what, Kat? He actually wished me happy birthday! The first one to do so. He used to not be bothered with my life. When i felt disappointed he didn’t remember anything that involved me, he would give the same excuse – his life is in a mess. Now, he is totally a different guy. He even volunteered some pep talk tonight, as tomorrow is gonna be my first day at a new company. He actually remembered about tomorrow! It’s funny cause I had already told myself that I wouldn’t care so much if he remembers or not, cause he has a lot to think about. When we have zero expectations, all his gestures become pleasant surprises.
I didn’t notice the friend zone until he told me. We still went out for dinners and movies. But he had stopped flirting with me but only talked about general stuff or his problems. Nothing intimate. I remembered going to a movie once. I put my hand on his lap. He used to hold my hand but, at that time, he just ignored but let my hand there. We worked together at that time too. We always had breakfast and lunch together but, when I was friend zoned, he would prefer to entertain clients or go out with the others. And he also stopped texting or calling after work. And no more weekends together unless he needed my help or something. Ouch. I was basically a friend, now without even benefits.
How To Turn a Friends With Benefits Into a Relationship by Letting Go
It turned around once i totally let go of the needs to have him loving me back. I decided to stay in his life out of unconditional love (not expecting him to reciprocate) because i was his best friend. He needed me as a friend because he had just lost his father. I totally let him go emotionally. I put focus on healing and doing Kat’s Journey Inward. I did a lot of journaling too, to be self-aware of my emotions. When we totally let go, the energy is different. He no longer feels the pressure, so he slowly came back. Not until we totally let go, we wont see results, because we would do the leaning back and mirroring as a strategy. It will never work that way. Coz men can still sense the anxiety.
When friend zoned, even though he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship after his father died, he dated another women (he only told me after we got close again). I was lucky coz at that time I was already practicing being a high value woman. The reason why he went back to me so fast was because that woman was totally different from me. He was the one who told me that. He said that only I spoke his language.
We had sex (the terrible one) a month after being friend zoned (September 2013). After the second one, I could feel that his attraction came back, mostly because I was more relaxed and laid back (I did it for myself not to win him back). Two months later, he planned day trip to the beach (November). He bought a dress for me to wear online but I had to return it to him coz I was only allowed to wear in front of him (jealousy alert!). It was so nice and he even told me that he overheard a Caucasian couple complimented on how good we looked together as a couple.
He took me to another beach trip a few weeks later. I guess, it was when his attraction really came back. We fell asleep under the shade and I found his arms around me as soon as I woke up. We hugged the whole day. He kept removing sand from my face and readjusting my dress.
In January, he was already into me again but still resisting. He kept calling me as his best friend but he said he would never leave me. We grew stronger after I left my job mostly because it no longer felt wrong to connect to each other.
I just felt that I needed to share this info with you…
How To Turn a Friends With Benefits Into a Relationship by Putting Yourself First
I have learned that when you put yourself on the pedestal, you wouldn’t ask why men do this or that. You just go about your life. If he wants you, he will know where and how to find you. It becomes emotionally freeing to stop worrying about other people’s behaviors. Such a waste of energy. If he decides to fade away, quietly thank him in your head for making things clearer for you.”
When a man friend zones you, it’s because he begins to feel your leaning forward, anxious, and masculine energy of trying to fix things around or move the relationship forward or trying too hard to impress him. You are good enough to sleep with, but too much drama and neediness to have a relationship. This is when you become a friends with benefits. Can a friends with benefits turn into a relationship. How to turn a friends with benefits Into a relationship?
I used to be that woman around 15 years ago and I completely extinguished the fire between us because I just couldn’t get my mind off him. I would email him everyday, call repeatedly sharing “my stories” and opinions on everything thinking he would find me oh-so-stimulating (thanks to my oh-so-exalted intellect). Well, he did say I was stimulating at first but then my over-enthusiasm turned him off in a matter of weeks.
He lost interest in me completely. I killed it.
At first he would still have sex with you but sooner or later even the sex isn’t that appealing anymore because of the baggage it carries. He will then completely friend zone you.
If you have already began to feel that is happening to you, it’s time to back off. The first way to reverse this situation and how to turn friends with benefits into a relationship is by not doing anything.
Correct, you hear it right. Fixing things is masculine energy and a lot of women are in a constant fixing-mode that gets them deeper in a hole. Let things be. Let him be.
Take this time and space to polarize yourself again to him. The essence of leaning back is it feels very feminine to a guy. Yes, it’s passive and who says being passive is bad in relationship? If you want to establish your role as “the cherished one” in relationship, you have to be the passive one. The leader role in relationship requires him to be active and that won’t happen when you are busy trying to manhandle him.
So instead of asking what to do? Ask yourself what NOT to do. Yep, those things you have been doing need to go…fast. Even out the playing field again by leaning back and acting feminine. It’s hard for a man not to notice you when you’re feminine.
You might say, why can’t I be myself? Why should I act anything other than myself?
There you go you get your answer. You’re not feminine enough for him so he’s not motivated to pursue a relationship with you. You can either learn to be more feminine or keep pushing guys away….
Or you can choose a man who is okay of being pursued and manhandled. There is a lid for every pot.
But you want a masculine guy that rocks your world, right? Then stick around and learn from the expert. 🙂
Arida didn’t resist me. Her cup was empty and as such she could absorb and practice what I taught and in a matter of weeks her guy started to pursue her again.
Yes it’s hard not to do anything. It’s hard not to reach out when he’s being quiet. It’s hard not to try to “support him” when he’s having his moments. And it’s super hard not to be reactive when you feel you’re being ignored. Unfortunately the key to being a special feminine woman that catches his fancy is in that ability to stay unbothered and centered no matter what he does. That’s why you are here and reading this article.
And you can do it. I know you can. My method is simple and the only thing that it requires from you is faith in yourself and the commitment to change. There is no strategy you have to memorize. It’s really about doing nothing, more often than not. How more simple can it be?
And if you work closely with me through my new monthly membership, you’ll be sure to be guided every step of the way so you don’t mess up when things begin to go upward. You will learn from my star clients such as Arida herself how their inner transformation changed their relationships for the better.
So sign up here and don’t miss my addictive lectures in the subject of spirituality and relationship and how the two are so closely related.
Wanna hear Arida’s story and learn so much from her how to turn a dead relationship around? Get it here.
Have you read my book yet? If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them. And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now AND a new 2-hour teleclass titled “It Takes One Person To Change A Relationship and It Starts With Taking Charge Of Your Mind.” If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters. This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman. You can also be irresistible like Arida and get him to step up and claim you by attending my Journey Inward group coaching.
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