How To Have The Relationship Talk Or Should You?

how to have the relationship talk

If you are thinking how to have the relationship talk, consider letting a man bring up the talk and move the relationship to the next level. This is the most femininely romantic thing to do.  Allowing a man to lead is the key to a successful and happy relationship if being cherished as a woman is what you truly want. 

A lot of women get antsy and impatient way early in the courtship phase by bringing up the (exclusivity) talk or worrying how to have the relationship talk. It doesn’t matter how you phrase it, it comes across as pressuring and controlling and it’s hardly feminine.

It disrupts the courting process, it disrupts the “chase.” It’s no longer he’s chasing her now but she’s chasing him….and AWAY. It kills the romance and then they wonder why their men aren’t romantic even if they stick around.

You killed it, ladies.

When you bring up the relationship talk, I don’t mean asking him a general question about what he wants in life in terms of relationship. That question can and perhaps should be asked on a first date. That’s a normal thing to do in a get-to-know-each-other phase. It’s the “where is this relationship going” kinda talk that I advise against. Or “how do you feel about me?” Or “am I good enough to be your wife?” Or “when are you going to pop the question?” or “are we exclusive?”


Don’t do that. It’s awkward and it smacks lack of self-confidence. If you have to ask how he feels about you, you probably know the answer already.  He’s wishy-washy at best.  And the key is we don’t stick with wishy-washy.

Wishy-washy gets wishy-washy in return (remember, mirror him). If you have to ask how to have the relationship talk, perhaps there isn’t much of a relationship at all.

And if you have to ask “where is this relationship going?” you perhaps have also known that it’s going nowhere. In this case you perhaps have nothing to lose to do so but why not learn to be a feminine woman who doesn’t make herself appear foolish and presumptuous? It will work so much better for your dignity and self-esteem, I promise you.

A man who courts you makes that intention very clear with his actions. Sometimes he will also use words to back up his actions but actions should speak louder than words.

I know my boyfriend was courting me instead of just being “a hang-out buddy” when he took me out to the beach two weeks after we started seeing each other.  From then on he’d been consistently stepping up and moving the relationship forward.  There was never any doubt in my mind, hence there was never any need to bring up the talk (and of course he did too, not long afterward).

When You Have The Relationship Talk, You Just Took Over His Job for Him.

And most guys will also tell you pretty much right of the bat if they just want to date casually or don’t want a relationship with you. You really never have to ask one way or another.  There are women who keep asking even after being told repeatedly where they stood as if it needed a status update every 2 weeks or so.

You see how humiliating that is?  How pushy and desperate they sound and look like?  Do you think that will make the men want to commit more now?  Of course not.  Who wants a low-value woman to commit to?  That’s what desperation comes across to guys.  It’s simple common sense.

A guy can’t wait to tell you if things have changed or if they want you for themselves.  You don’t need to ask…ever!

If you stay firm in your feminine allure, likelihood is he might change his stance about not wanting a relationship with you because he sees how different and self-assured you are. That can be a “make-it-or-break-it” moment.

So bottom line, playing hard to get is trusting a man’s leadership on every stage of relationship. He will move the relationship forward when he’s ready, not any moment before that. Having the relationship talk won’t make him like you more. trust me.

I wish she knew how to have the relationship talk said no guy, ever ever!

I recommend additional source on the subject to further understand this primal drive for a man to be inspired to do what’s right: Don’t Be Hard To Get But Be Easy To Lose.

What About My Biological Clock?

How Long Should I Wait Till He Pops the Question?


when to have the relationship talk

A man who intends to go the long haul with you will have already considered the fact that you might be at the brink of your reproductive years. If he is on the same page as you regarding raising a family, he will take action accordingly. You don’t need to worry about how to have the relationship talk.  He will take care of it. It is his life too.

If he appears not sure, there are better ways to approach this than asking a blatant question of where is the relationship going,  or giving an ultimatum unless he brings the subject first, of course. And a lot of times men do one way or another when we don’t disrupt the chase.

And mind you, you shouldn’t be exclusive with him unless he says so himself. A man understands that unless he tells you, exclusivity isn’t assumed. You should never put all your (drying) eggs in one basket and count the chickens before they hatch.

That will protect you better than bringing up “the talk.”

Hence, when you feel the speed of courtship has been too slow, don’t close off your options. There will be better suited men out there. Your “hard-to-get” stance is enough to give him the pressure without ever uttering a word of ultimatum. He intuitively knows that unless he steps up, someone else might snatch you away from him.

That’s the right way of playing hard to get. He feels manly because he doesn’t feel controlled by a woman and you have your dignity intact that will increase your value in his eyes. And the relationship will feel so much more satisfying to both of you when he leads from the start to the finish line. It will boost both of your self-esteem.

The beauty of this philosophy is even if he’s not really ready, you can still make him see how truly remarkable a woman you are!

To learn more about how to captivate a man’s heart, here’s the new program that will ensure the smooth sail of your relationship without ever appearing pushy and desperate by bringing up the talk: Four Components Of Melting His Heart (that is responsible in getting my client Chrissy engaged to her boyfriend of 6 months!)

My method ASSURES you to get the commitment and adoration you want without EVER bringing up the talk.  He will in fact be the one who can’t wait to claim you as his and his alone.  That’s how powerful my method is.  The ladies I coach get claimed fast (some within weeks of a few dates) without ever once bringing up the talk.

More: How To Make An Alpha Male Hotly Desires You

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now.  If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters.  This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman.  You can also be irresistible like my client Kirstie and get him to step up and marry you after a breakup by attending my Journey Inward group coaching in which she will guest star and share her story of transformation from an alpha female with beta traits to become a beta female with alpha traits.

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Do you want to learn more of this sacred knowledge that will bring you more understanding of men, love, relationship and in the process more peace of mind?  There are a few options you can do (pick two or all of them):

1. Sign up for my newsletter, and you will receive three first chapters of my ground-breaking ebook and a free class on how to overcome your anxiety and triggers without pushing him away.

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Please share this article if it resonates with you.

Want to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY?  Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!  And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life and you will leave knowing exactly how to be a high value woman.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.

Image credit Deposit Photo!


  • Hi Katrina!
    Being young and naive, I made the mistake of having “the talk” with my guy and this definitely distrupted the flow of the chase. I’ve been trying too hard to communicate with him and I’m now aware that by doing so, I’m consistently disempowering myself. How do I recover from something like this? My ituition tells me to remain silent and wait for him to initiate, even if it takes weeks.

    Also, although I’m aware of what I need to do (keep my distance), do you have any advice on how to control those impulses to contact him?


    Will definitely be purchasing your book! Your words speak to me, sister!

    • Find another guy or 2 or 3 you like who like you back and you will never care who is doing what anymore. And you certainly need my book.

  • Speaking as a bloke this is nonsense. Blokes want to feel feminine energy and feminine energy is caring and supporting. If you play distant all the time we think you don’t like us and will not care for us if you marry us, so we walk away and find somebody who does have feminine energy. This play aloof, don’t chase nonsense is the main reason women are ending up single all their lives. Most men hate it!

    • You must have not met a woman who texts you 24/7. Feminine energy is about being receptive. It doesn’t mean aloof. It’s just passive but receptive. Sorry Matt, I’m not a texter and I’m not single. What a guy says he wants and what appeals to his basic instinct are often two different things. I’m the top expert on this.

      • I’ve been casually dating this guy for 4 going on 5 months. Last 3 dates he’s started referring to us as “we” and every time mentions how he talks about me with his family whom he is extremely close with & made a comment if you are mine. I’ve just been observing and haven’t asked if he noticed he’s referring to U.S. As we & im ok with it.

        our last date was last Sunday, a week ago, we were laying in bed & said. I feel like I’ve lived a fulfilled life I’m not sure what the next step is then he brought up if he would have tried to sleep with me would I have said no & I said yes. Part of me wants all of it but I know it’s not the right thing to do. If I chose to it would be lack of self respect. He said good point & kissed my forehead. I told him after our first date I don’t have sex before commitment because I believe the man I marry deserves to have me all to himself. I haven’t heard from him in 7 days. I’ve been feminine & laid back because I want him to lead & he has so far.

        Not sure if I should reach out to him or not??

  • What About if you have been dating for about 5 months and have been sexually intimate. Shouldn’t you have some type of clarity as to where we both stand.

  • What about if he’s told you before he wants a relationship, but you said you were not sure about it? He said this to me a few weeks back and since my response – he hasn’t mentioned it again but I’VE been thinking about it. I’d like to have an actual conversation about it now. Should I still wait for him to bring it up, again? Or bring it up myself?

    • In your case, you can actually say something like, “I’m not sure if you are still interested but after processing what you said I feel I’m ready now. What do you think?” No need to keep bringing it up though, let him lead the process from then on. Good luck and keep us posted.

  • Oh my God, what a disaster from text.

  • You’re very welcome, Ai.

  • Thank you Katarina, as always very helpful! :)))))

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