How My Method Differs To Rori Raye’s

rori raye

My method in the end, as many women have attested, is so much easier and simpler.  Less is more.  Do less to get more.  Let him work for your love and affection and shower him with your gratitude, joy and feminine softness every waking day/every chance you get.  Focus on and encourage the positives and see them grow.  Curb your anxiety.  That’s all.  No strategy, no gimmick.  It just takes the removal of expectations, reactiveness and jadedness.  Attachment to outcome makes you very anxious.  It’s not luring with honey.  It takes, counterintuitively, the softening of your boundaries.  My method requires questioning and challenging your boundaries before trusting them.  And again, it might not be for everyone but that’s how it works. 


I’d like to take this opportunity to address a few charges from some people that I copy Rori Raye’s teaching, now that we have someone close to her method come to me with the below confession.

At times some women resist my message so much.  They think I teach “doormatism” or women to be inauthentic.  Shirley was one of them.  And at times those women return months or years later and apologize.  And Shirley was one of them…as well.  In November, she wrote me this:

“Hi Katarina, Okay, you’re going to laugh… well, I’m laughing, because I’ve definitely gotten into some e-battles with you over the years. And now I’m writing you because I think you might offer the materials and approach I need, but I wanted to check with you first to see if you feel it is a good fit for my situation.

My best guy friend and I started dating at the beginning of the summer. It was all his idea and I kind of just went along with it. He was a lazy dater, and I held my ground until he courted me. Eventually, everything changed, and he was talking about commitment and insisting he was my boyfriend, and spending all his time with me and just so happy to have me in his life. He was never the type to be so ‘into’ a woman in his life before, and he made me feel very special.

But I took it for granted. I had a lot of insecurity about being ‘abandoned’ and I nagged, whined, and expected a lot. All the while refusing to call myself his girlfriend, because of some dumb Rori Raye shit I learned… I think he got tired of me treating him like he was obligated like a boyfriend, but me keeping one foot out the door. This might have worked on an energetic level to maintain his competitive attraction to me, IF I didn’t subtly throw it in his face that I could Circular Date whenever I was feeling insecure because he wasn’t meeting my crazy expectations.

I was really bad.

Our fights would escalate really fast because of my emotional instability, but we really liked each other (and loved each other already from being best friends and going through so much together) and the sex was awesome, of course. However, 2-3 weeks ago, I threw a fit about him spending time with his friends instead of me. It was ridiculous of me, because we had just spent several days in a row together, but it made me so insecure. I forgot the wisdom about men needing time alone after cycles of intimacy.

We didn’t talk for a few days but he wanted to make up. I didn’t make it easy. I kept nagging him about every little thing he said and how he said it. I caught myself in the middle of the conversation (phone), and I said okay let’s stop this and call me back in 5 minutes and we’ll just be sweet and on the same team. He called back and said he wants to break up and it’s become too exhausting for him and he’s not even sure he wants a relationship right now. This after him showing increasingly serious signs of being very into me. None of my friends could believe it. But I can believe it — I scared him off.

We are still in touch and very loving and friendly to each other. He says he need “time,” and wants to stop dating and just see what happens. He is still incredibly receptive to me, but we’re not dating anymore. It’s a very confusing situation.

He started as an EUM but holding my ground turned him into a prince. Then holding my ground when it was time to let down my guard turned him back into a frog. He’s scared of my outbursts and controlling behavior now. I don’t blame him for having concerns about a future with me. Now he’s “not ready,” and I get it.

Because of my Rori training, he knows that I don’t want to date unless it’s headed toward marriage, something I regret harping on now that I realize that with the right attitude, there’s no reason to bring this shit up the way I did. So he says he doesn’t want to date me now unless he knows he’d be interested in marrying me. He has a lot of respect for me in this way, and will never use me, but I wish I could “take it back.” I feel far more interested now in just letting my guard down and letting the relationship flow, but I don’t know how to tell him that without sounding like I’m begging for him back.

I asked him why he never spoke up about being unhappy dating me, and he said he didn’t realize he was unhappy until the moment he was breaking up with me. What? He was pursuing me hardcore and showering me with affection until that fight. Really confusing.

I am a highly anxious woman and I think Rori’s stuff has helped, but in the long run also made me very self-indulgent and kind of addicted to it, you know?  My last two guys did not appreciate the way i brought up keeping my options open every time my expectations weren’t met.

Katarina, he is a world traveler and moves on quickly so I don’t want to waste the opportunity to reunite with him romantically. He still wants to hang out, he still recognizes that I am an amazing woman in life, and I get the sense the door is still open in many ways.

I get so anxious and insecure… I need help taking my power back. I feel so anxious now that we are broken up, but I felt anxious all the time when I was with him, too!  So I know this is on me.

He is truly my best friend and I don’t feel ready to let go of the potential to marry my best friend… it would be a happy life:) I feel so foolish for scaring him off so bad. He was really into me.

Do you think your eBook is a good fit for me? Or is this situation too weird?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and answer me. I appreciate the way you put yourself out there to help others, even if it does start a war online sometimes and bring out the sassiness in all of us;).

Much love to you.”

Shirley has since read my ebook and signed up for my Journey Inward group coaching.  And here’s her latest progress which she emailed me less than a month later:

“LOL, Katarina. My guy, the ex, he called me up to tell me how good he feels about us reconnecting, and how i made his day bringing him a christmas coffee while he was at work, and that he can’t wait to see me again. I was feeling anxious for nothing. A text or email was what I was anxiously waiting for – a basic sign he wasn’t pulling away completely now that things are turning romantic again – so I was really surprised when he called me to open his heart in a ‘gut-feeling’ way I’ve never actually experienced from him before.

Of course, he called me the instant i had sincerely forgotten completely about him and wanting to hear from him. I was so focused on meeting my girl friend and going on a super fun shopping trip, that I forgot he even existed.”

I have nothing against Rori Raye (she authors Have The Relationship You Want, Commitment Blueprint, Targeting Mr. Right, Modern Siren and Toxic Men among other things).  I think she’s great in some levels and she helped me lay the foundation of my method through introducing me to the concept of leaning back vs. leaning forward and feminine vs. masculine energy.  I applaud her sober view on sex that resonates with me more than any other coach I know.  And her concept of circular dating has been a practice of mine even before I found her though her circular dating is not all about dating per se.

Other fellow coaches like Evan Marc Katz and Renee Wade have addressed the downfalls of circular dating and how it’s pretty unrealistic to get a man to commit.  Shirley here is just one of such casualties that they suspected.

If I can summarize how Rori and I part ways, here are the main points why I’m not in agreement with everything she teaches (as no one will either):

1.  I advocate Circular Dating (I’d rather call it “dating around” or “putting a few men in your rotation” for clarity purposes and since it is about dating/meeting new guys as per my method) UNTIL a guy claims a woman…NOT until he proposes.  A man with options and dignity won’t invest in a woman who is still dating others further when he’s ready to be exclusive with her and explore their matchability as a couple.  It’s just not gonna fly the vast majority of the time unless of course he’s a guy with no backbone/self-confidence.  He won’t propose unless he’s sure that you are investing back as much as he is into the relationship.  If you are still dating other guys, there is no reason why he won’t be either.

2. Rori Raye talks a lot about feeling messages.  I don’t think feeling messages are that vital to attract or keep a guy attracted.  I have women write me that feeling messages haven’t done much as far as getting what they want with a man.  Now whether or not Rori advocates Feeling Messages with expectations that a man changes (and she doesn’t), the over emphasis on them have women blather left and right about their feelings 24/7 and as I have learned that’s not attractive to most guys that you so readily wear your (upset) feelings on your sleeve.  And many of these women haven’t done the one thing that will make a difference on top of their incessant expression of feeling: inner work.

3.  Related to above, my method lies heavily on inner work, on figuring out why we think, feel and act the way we do and work to change that to the better.  Rori Raye’s  disciples think this is not authentic.  For them being authentic is about airing their grievances whenever they want it, uncaring about how that might come across to the other person and how that can push him away.  It’s pretty self-indulgent and selfish to me (again, it’s not perhaps what Rori actually teaches but her followers take it the wrong way).

Inner work grounds you and as such you become so much less reactive in the face of things that used to upset you so much.  This is the secret why my method works like a charm.

But…It. Takes. Work.  This isn’t picnic.  You will stumble and fall but you will rise again until one day you just wake up and “get it.”

4.  Leaning back is the answer to attracting masculine guys.  I’m surprised that Rori doesn’t explore this further and instead focusing so much on Feeling Messages.  When leaning back is a way of being, a woman is very irresistible on that virtue alone.  The caveat though, again, it won’t be a way of life unless she does the inner work to curtail all the reactiveness in her.  Though I originally learned this concept from her, I haven’t seen any other coach go into such depth to make it a way of being that surpasses any other “technique.”

5.  The reason why my method works is also because I cut though the roots of our anxiety: our expectations.  And expectations come from the yearning inside of us for validation or feeling fullness.  Once my clients do the work that allows them to be full within without a dependence of any external factor and surrender to acceptance of what is, they become a transformed person overnight.  And their men and relationships are transformed too as the result.  It’s proof that no excessive feeling messages are needed to create a healthy functional relationship though I still advocate it for really important matters that bother you.  FM work in moderation.  What you need isn’t any gimmick but a new brain!

6.  In relationship, leading with fear and agenda rarely works.  It feels masculine, pushy and controlling to a man as well.  This is why circular dating till engagement doesn’t engender a strong connection.  It won’t make a man connect to you emotionally to allow him the depth of feelings that will make him want to propose to you.  This is why my method is so feminine-energy based.  I don’t even advocate bringing up the talk of any sort.  The only thing that will inspire a man to commit and really stand by his words of commitment is when he sees it with his own eyes CONSISTENTLY how much better his life is with you in it.

There is no other way.

As I always say your energy will define the kind of relationship you have, whether it will deepen or flounder.  And only by surrendering to your feminine radiance as well as softening your boundaries (which is at the core of my method) you will create such polarity in your relationship with him that he has no other choice but to commit to you so some other guy(s) won’t snatch you away from him.

Fear, expectations and agenda do none of the above and that’s why Shirley came to me.

Our fear of abandonment is irrational and probably stems from childhood wounds.  The good news is it can be cured.  That’s what I teach in my Journey Inward program.  Once it’s gone, you’ll be unstoppable.  And my brand new program Four Components Of Melting His Heart teaches you how to polarize your relationship further and split-proof it.

In my book, when you have done your inner work to become so grounded and secure, there is no such thing as a man won’t want to commit to you or even dump you.  If he’s such a man to begin with (who can’t commit to or easily dump a sane feminine woman probably because he’s truly emotionally unavailable at this point in life), you wouldn’t have been attracted to him to begin with or if you are, you would have known when to walk away or when the relationship has run its course.

When you are a secure woman, you smell bad apples from a mile away.  It takes one to know one.  And as I always say you attract and are attracted to men on the same level of your woundedness.

I walked away from my EUM without any drama ’cause I steadfastly stuck to what I preached that self-love came first.  Once I had a better option, I went for that (yeah I dated around because he hadn’t claimed me).  But my EUM helped me heal myself from my own emotional unavailability.  He is the reason why I am here, among other people.

That kind of unwavering confidence and inner strength is why you are so irresistible.  No man can help falling so deeply in love with a woman like that.

My method in the end, as many women have attested, is so much easier and simpler.  Less is more.  Do less to get more.  Let him work for your love and affection and shower him with your gratitude, joy and feminine softness every waking day/every chance you get.  Focus on and encourage the positives and see them grow.  Curb your anxiety.

That’s all.  No strategy, no gimmick.  It just takes the removal of expectations, reactiveness and jadedness.  Attachment to outcome makes you very anxious.  It’s not luring with honey.

It takes, counterintuitively, the softening of your boundaries.  My method requires questioning and challenging your boundaries before trusting them.  And again, it might not be for everyone but that’s how it works.

When one is ready the teacher will arrive.  I hope you are ready for my message and if you are you can start here.

“I only found Kat’s website at the very end of March. I had read soooo much other stuff (Fiore, Hussey, Rori, Renee, etc) and hers was soooo different. It was like a slap in the face, but I couldn’t stop reading because I was desperate at the time. I kept thinking “Is she for real? Do people buy this stuff? She’s so harsh! This is crazy. I don’t get it.” But I kept reading EVERY article/blog post. And then bought the book! Lol.  In my gut what she was saying felt 100% authentic and true. And I trust my gut. So I said “fuck it, I’ve tried everything else, might as well try this, got nothing to lose” and bought Journey Inward. Not knowing what to expect I decided to just listen to the whole thing on an 8hr drive through Texas.  I cried most of the way there. I can’t thank Katarina enough for what she managed to put together in Journey Inward. Some of the best money I’ve ever spent. It’s funny, when I go back and read articles now it’s like “mmmm hmmmm, girl, preach it!” Whereas before reading the articles it was more “where is she coming up with this crap?!” Lol! Ohhh little did I know what a guru she would be. Love you, Kat!” ~Kristin, New orleans

MORE: The Kind of Inner Work You Need to Mesmerize Him So He Doesn’t Resist Committing to You

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And sign up for my upcoming new cycles of Journey Inward and Leaning Back workshop.

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well and if you want me to address more scenarios write it on the comment section below as I have very little time to respond to personal emails anymore due to the growth of my business unless you’re a client or reader of my book.  But I will try my best to respond to most comments and give you free advice (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).


Image credit Deposit Photo!


  • Sameerah Puckett

    I’m what you might consider a Rori Raye disciple. What this woman did is twisted the things she was taught and tried to use it to manipulate her friend. Circular Dating is a tool to keep you from becoming emotionally attached to one man before he asks for exclusivity. It keeps you from forcing a man into an unwanted relationship and helps you to keep your sanity by keeping your options open. She never said to do it for a ring. And she never said to ide it for manipulation. Men (high quality men) use circular dating all the time. They will not invest emotionally to a woman before knowing if she is someone they want to commit to. Also, Feeling messages is a way for women to connect to their own heart and then express that to a man without making him responsible, blaming, judging, criticizing or manipulating him. In order for it to work you must connect with your own heart and feelings. Feeling messages was never meant to use solely for expressing negative emotions.( I don’t know where you get that from.) She didn’t do that. The stuff she said in 5he letter let’s me know she didn’t. Rori Raye talks about loving yourself first. Feeling safe with yourself and trusting yourself is included with self love. She was confused because of her own craziness. He saw she was unstable and didn’t want to go on that ride anymore. As far as your method (inner work), I believe that is truly important. I’ve always been a self evaluator. I don’t think your method is better. Neither do I think Rori Raye’s way is better. I think they work hand in hand. You have to be willing to do the inner work and learn self expression as well. You have to be ok with yourself before a man can be ok with you. She twisted the method and she’s still not okay with herself. She’s looking for something outside of herself to complete and validate her. What she needs to do is stop looking for a relationship with him or any other man and start working on the relationship with herself. When she becomes good all are relationships will become good. I don’t like that she blamed Rori Raye on her own self sabotaging behavior. I’m new here. I will look into your program.

    • I never said it was for a ring or to manipulate, it just doesn’t work cause it doesn’t zero in the roots of the problems: women’s neuroses. Rori’s teachings are incomplete thanks to that lack of address of neuroses, thus are unable to address most women’s relationship issues which are issues with themselves first and foremost. I consider her my partner in crime cause thanks to her women hit rock bottom way faster and find me eventually to learn deeper stuff she doesn’t teach. And I say this based on my incredibly vast experience of coaching women who first found her and other coaches and found success through my teachings/methods. That one thing (healing one’s neuroses) is the missing link of all generic relationship advice out there.

      Learn more in my profound signature inner work Journey Inward.

  • Hi Katarina,
    I have purchased your book & am now in the process of trying to lean back. My man broke up with me again after another fight, this has happened a few times now in our 2 year relationship. Our last fight was 2 weeks ago when I accused him of something going on with his mates widow. They have been friends a long time. At first I thought he was wonderful to show support to her but after 10 months of putting her first and me feeling like an option it hurts. Maybe I am being harsh and I do realize this lady is going through a very difficult time. He started to lie to me about spending time with her because I would get upset and jealous. He took her away for a weekend and didn’t tell me, it’s only that I found out through a photo.
    There have been many other times he will give me an excuse why we can’t spend time together then I find out he is with her. The first year we were together was wonderful but since his mate died he has pushed me away quite a few times and I get angry and upset with him. This is the only problem that we have had and when I react he just says this is to hard and we break up. We always seem to get back together after a few weeks and carry on without really solving the issue. It feels like we keep going in cycles. He took me away to meet all his family a couple of months ago and I felt like he is serious about this relationship. We are talking as friends now and did hook up the other night. We have a very strong sexual chemistry. Now I feel like that is all we have although I love him and want to work things out. I’m scared to ask what we are now after the other night. Like you say in your book talking about the relationship is not something I should do and I know whenever I have before we end up in an argument. He did say after our last fight that we will never get back together but I have heard that before. He said we can be friends but then we had sex the other night. I’m so confused my gut tells me something is going on with this lady friend but he swears nothing is going on. He is so angry with me for acussing him. The thing is she is not going to disappear so I will have to try and accept that she will always be his friend. I love him and want to be with him as we do have an awesome time when we are together and many wonderful memories together. I would really appreciate some advice from you please. I just want to make things right.
    Thanks Karen

  • Hello Katarina,

    I found you just this evening for the first time ~ for years I’d been receiving Rori Raye’s emails yet never purchased any of her programs. As I google’d to see if anyone had reviewed her work, I came across your site and became immediately intrigued.

    I am recently engaged with a wonderful man whom I’d been dating for 5 years – well, 4 years, not counting the year we were separated. We consciously reentered partnership last November, but many of our original ‘wounding’ has resurfaced and I am just beginning to really ‘get’ how much I have controlled our relationship and emasculated him. In fact, I’m ashamed to admit that I’d even been abusive. While I no longer react in those ways, and even though he ‘sees’ and is in love with my Essence, he no longer feels a close connection with me due to what’s been. Honestly, I feel that we lost our polarity due to my unconscious desire to ‘be larger than’ the man I’m with in order to feel ‘safe’ which is NOT what I want, nor is it my truth. I am naturally a feminine woman and he is a kind, masculine man. Although I love him deeply and know without doubt how much he loves and adores me, after reading through your website, I’m beginning to see that I have led/controlled so much of the relationship that it’s driving us apart – we’re hanging on a thread. We both truly *know* the potential and magnetism that is there underneath, yet it’s come to the point that we’re questioning whether staying in relationship is the right path for ourselves…on top of that, we have almost no sexual connection at this point. I have neglected myself and focused far to much energy on ‘managing’ so many aspects of our relationship out of fear, suffocating him and any space for him to step forward. I know the magic of this because I’ve seen it happen – there had been moments over the course of our relationship where I had leaned back energetically and like magic, he stepped forward in magnificent ways!! Yet I keep falling back in old patterns and know that if I don’t heal this at the root level, I’ll ensure the end of our partnership and continue to create dysfunctional dynamics with men.

    All of your programs look appealing, but financially, at this time, I would only be able to invest in one to start. Would you please let me know which program you think may benefit me most right now? I am willing to try just about anything that could truly make a difference in the dynamic I/we have created in our relationship. I have focused far too much on him (control)..and now I am willing to be 100% responsible for myself while embodying and giving loving attention to the feminine being that I am while keeping an open heart (tricky for me).

    Thank you so much for your guidance!


  • “Circular Dating” is just another term for Pat Allen’s “duty dating.” Pat Allen is an expert in male/female relations – it’s what her PhD is in. I’m pretty sure Rori Raye has ‘borrowed’ a lot from Dr. Pat Allen.

    • Yes Devin, we learn from those before us for sure and at times we practice the same things that feel natural to us anyway cause it’s like common sense. Like I did my own rotational dating long before I knew any of these dating gurus cause it felt natural and sensible to me.

  • Hi Sharon, I emailed you the ebook. And my programmer is going to fix the problem.

    How is the reading? It seems to me that you have certain expectations of him and men show you who they are pretty much right away. It is who he is. Take him or leave him. Don’t try to change him and don’t always take everything so personally. It’s often not about you, like he said he’s busy and tired. Are you in my group? Please share there.

    This is the man you’re going to have if you allow him to be in your life. Are you okay with that? If not then just date casually till someone better comes along. If you always need to be the alpha female who wants to get her ways all the time or most of the time, you’ll end up divorced again. So your ways haven’t worked for you. Only by being okay with a feminine role you can be in a healthy relationship with a masculine man. If you don’t want to change you’ll be happier with a beta male who is okay with your leadership. What do you think?

  • Hi Katarina,

    I have not been able to figure out how to download the ebook, and I see that on the members page it says I “currently have access to 0 products.” I thought it just simpler to ask for your help!

    I found you after a very frustrating experience with purchasing Rori Raye’s book, and following her advice unfortunately against my better judgement. It caused some serious misunderstandings in my current relationship. I did a Google search under reviews of Rori Raye and somehow came across you.

    I am 49 years old and in a 6 month relationship with a 45 year old farmer/rancher (never married, but has 3 grown kids from a live-in relationship). We met online around Thanksgiving, and by the second or third date he announced that I was a “keeper.” He is a very strong-willed opinionated guy with a pretty colorful background –including time in prison and a former alcoholic 14 years sober. It sounds alarming, but he is from a large family with warm, intelligent loving parents (married 60 years) and educated delightful brother and sisters. I had a somewhat insecure childhood–loving family, but Army brat–13 schools in 12 years, and dad went to Vietnam twice–a year each time. I have been married 5 times (#4 husband was a wonderful man who died in my arms at age 47). Fast forward to my current relationship. I met Vince on “FarmersOnly.” My background is in agriculture, and we both love cows, horses and ranching. We started seeing each other around Dec. 1st, 2013, and were together a couple of days a week, which meant I had to go stay at his ranch (70 mile drive) because he has cattle to care for. At Christmas, he suddenly pulled away–did not want to see me–no gift, and stayed away for a week. It really hurt my feelings, but since he was not my official boyfriend yet, I went out with another guy and kept my cool. Vince finally called wanting me to come over for New Year’s but this was the start of a pattern where he would invite me over somewhat at his beck and call.

    In early February, my house sold and I had to find a new place to live. He was calling me his “girlfriend” by then but clearly not interested in living together. I was going to have to move by March 1st, and he asked me to move closer to him, so we could see each other more. I rented a house about 12 miles from his ranch. He also offered to let me keep my horses at his ranch. Quite frankly, this has been a disaster. As soon as I moved down here, he pulled sharply away from me. Granted– Spring is a super-busy time involving long hours of grueling work. However he became simply–weird. He says he wants me to just show up “any time” to visit my horses, but the truth is I was/still am very uncomfortable doing that. He often makes me feel simply unwanted–even when he has asked me over. Other times he can be sweet and affectionate–funny and kidding around. Overall since I made the move he has become less loving–has not said he loves me, and at one point in time said our relationship would never work because he did not like the way I worked cattle (then 2 weeks later made up). The only thing that has kept me sane is developing some new friendships, immersing myself in work, and being very cautious about the amount of time I spend over at his place. He and I have not dated other people, and mutually agreed to leave dating sites (his idea). The last time I stayed over–about a week ago, he said he was frustrated that I wasn’t coming over every weekend. I told him that he often made me feel quite unwanted. He insisted that I was welcome, but sure enough–was surly, rude and not interested in sex when I came over the next time. In his defense, he is totally exhausted what with the summer irrigating and long hours.

    I realize that I have made him sound like a monster–he is not. He can be sweet and funny. His family is amazing, and his brother and brother’s girlfriend have become very dear friends. I just spent a week working a cow sale with his mom and dad and siblings. They said they were going to keep me and toss Vince (kidding of course, but his dad and mom are very concerned, and don’t understand his behavior either. I’ve just backed further and further away–see him less and less. I do not call/text/ email unless I have to. I do not go over there uninvited (although this means I see lots less of my horses).

    Traditional dating by the way–simply impossible. He has to change irrigation water at 7 am and 7 pm, 7 days a week. All the farm chores fall in the middle of that time frame. The farm is his dream–he and his brother saved and finally bought it less than 2 years ago. It is by far the focus of his life, and I totally respect that. It just makes me sad that our relationship is so negatively impacted by all of this.

    By the way–Rori’s “feeling talks” just plain suck. Vince thought I had lost my marbles when I started that kind of blathering. Yuck! And it totally aggravates him that I don’t just simply drop in and hang out. Personally, I stay away from “talks” except when it is imperative. Example: after our little breakup, he said we could be a couple but he would never let me work cows with him again. I calmly told him that it was good to know that, as whatever man I would spend the rest of my life with was going to have to respect how much I love cows and allow me to be a part of it.

    As I write this, I realize how hopeless this relationship sounds. And yet–I’ve been far too quick to quit–so many times. I would like to see this relationship through to wherever it is heading. I’m learning self-control, learning to be more forgiving. If and when I quit, I would like to be sure it is the right timing for me.

    Thanks for listening!


  • I have been part of Kat’s group for about a month and I am blown away by how much my perspective has changed in such a short amount of time. I’ve altered the way I handle things and communicate with not just men I date, but with all people in my life. I finding myself getting much calmer (and happier). I find that I am being kinder to myself-something I was never very good at! I love that everyone here is at different stages of growth and despite being strangers, we are (trying) to help each other through our journeys. This almost reminds of what an addiction support group would be like….so on that note ‘my name is Leah, I am an anxious attach-er. I have not leaned forward in 3 weeks.’ … thanks for your support.

  • For those who don’t know if Katarina Phang’s method works? Well, look at what my boyfriend of 6 weeks wrote to me today.
    “Other women have been smothering and overly possessive, always worrying that I might stray. I never did, but it made me want to.
    “You don’t do things like that, and it makes me want only you. Thank you. I just realized how refreshing it feels to be trusted, and to have someone who is comfortable with letting me breathe. You’re a blessing, Nadine. ”
    Thanks Kat!

  • Hi Katarina,
    I’ve ordered your book and have been following you and Rori Raye. I have read many of the ladies success stories. After much research and my own experiences these men they are dating don’t seem to be true EUM’s. I say this only because their men began expressing their feelings and becoming affectionate and a true EUM doesn’t do this even with leaning back. I’m just curious maybe these men aren’t really EUM. I am so happy for all the ladies I read about.
    I just wanted to share my thoughts
    I have noticed with a true EUM
    ” feeling messages” or too much talk about feelings makes them shut down.
    Love your book!

    • Hi Tina,
      Thank you. And you’re right. Many men are just not interested enough or pushed away by a woman’s masculine behaviors.

      • So, I left my EUM in October 1. Because no kind of affection or intimacy and 2. Doesn’t want marriage after 6 years. I missed him horribly. He always wanted me there but I see how I was doing about 90% to make us work.. So exhausted I broke up with him. I tried NC but about 2weeks he contacted me and we been talking ever since. I read your book and started leaning back and he brings the dog over about once a week watch movies but no hugging or anything and out of the blue he ask me to go on a trip to his family house, this weekend. My concern was he turned his cell phone off at night and I saw a female text him and he quickly grab the phone n put in his back pocket. I asked him jokingly ” why you turn your phone off the other night, because your with me? And he said what what does that have to do with you… Then when I saw his reaction to text I text him later that night telling him ” you never lied to me, are you seeing someone else now?” He responded ” you’re crazy no I’m not seeing someone else”. There still isn’t any affection and when we slept in same bed he was on one end and me the other end. This was first time in same bed since breakup in Nov. I didn’t want to push or make him hold me…. I wish he had though…. The next night we had to sleep separate because of our family but My question is how do I NOT worry about his phone activity, his not attempting to even touch me? I’m going to continue to lean back not push myself on him for a hug etc… He does most of the calling, I have the house key back and will stay over to watch our dog for a few days while he is out of town. Oh the pic of us is still up in living room.

        P. S right after break up in Dec I did ask him If he wanted to give us another try because obviously there was something still there, he said The pop up at his house surprised him and we will talk about it…. But we never did. I told him then if he wanted to see other people just tell me so I know to move on…. That was Dec we never talked about it again

        • Hi Tina,
          n my current cycle of Journey Inward my client Kellie shared her story just like yours. She was in 5 year relationship and he wouldn’t marry her. She softened her boundaries and now they are back together. She let go of everything and he steps up more than ever. Their relationship is really better now. I have no doubt that he will propose when time is right.

          I recommend you to take on this journey with the “get-ex-back” edition of Journey Inward.

          Re. your situation, trust him or move on. You can’t have a relationship with a guy you don’t trust. I really think you should shift your energy. That’s the key of him coming around and ever more committed than ever

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