How to Mirror a Man to Survive Unrequited Love

how to mirror a man

Katarina, your principles and tools on how to mirror a man work like a charm.  I feel like a woman in this relationship, something that is so totally new and alien to me.  A knight in shining armor truly exists.  I don’t think I can go back to the ways things were after learning all these things from you.  You truly change my life!

My client Amy is happy to report how her boyfriend really steps up now after implementing my relationship tools.  She used to be the chaser because her timeline was usually so much ahead of her love interests’ and she had too much masculine energy and no knowledge of how to mirror a man.

She didn’t realize she was leading the courtship and she was feeling shortchanged because she felt she was always the one who had to do everything.

Many women are trapped into this kind of heartbreaking situation because they don’t understand the principles at work here when it comes to having a fulfilling relationship with a masculine man.  Thanks to her masculine energy she either scared the guys off before it went any distance or ended up in a convenience relationship or a relationship with a beta male (feminine-energy guy) whose energy matched hers but neither made her happy.

She wanted what most women want: a relationship with a masculine-energy guy in which she felt loved, cherished and adored.  In other words, a relationship in which he invests as much as she does.She was tired of trying to survive unrequited love.

In the past she was always the one who invested so much because she was so eager to prove her worth by over-functioning.  The over-investment prevents her lovers from doing their part.  The more she does and gives, the more she invests and contrary to her belief, the guys didn’t love her more for that or more motivated to do the same. She lacked the skills of how to mirror and man and his actions.

She was losing her mind until she found me when she started dating her current boyfriend.  As usual, before too long she started with the “taking charge” mode because she really liked him.  And as what usually follows, he began to pull away.  She chased harder and he was pulling away further.  She googled the net with certain keywords and found my article and after emailing a few times, she purchased my book and hopped on the coaching program as well.

Nowadays, she can’t be happier in her love life.  She applied my Feminine Magnetism™ principles and her boyfriend has been stepping up consistently.  Not only she pulled him back from the brink, he is also investing in the relationship in a way that no other past boyfriend has ever done.  He leads and moves the relationship forward slowly but surely.

She wrote, “Katarina, your principles and tools work like a charm.  I feel like a woman in this relationship, something that is so totally new and alien to me.  A knight in shining armor truly exists.  I don’t think I can get back to the ways things were after learning all these things from you.  You truly change my life!”

Another thing is, her boyfriend was so used to being chased too in the past.  He was so used to doing very little.  And thanks to that he was never really invested in those women either.  She quickly remedied her situation and gave him a taste of being in the relationship in which he had to work for it.  She learned how to mirror a man’s actions. The process made him feel like a man and connected to her as a man would with a woman he consciously chose, pursued and won over.

The secret of romance is when a guy is challenged to bring home the prize: his woman.

Take that away from him, you take out romance of the equation.  No wonder why so many women feel so uncherished.

So to summarize, here are the pointers of what you should NOT do so you don’t over-invest AND allow him to invest in you (only when a man is invested he will move the relationship forward and commit to you):

1. When we like a man, we are flooded with grand visuals of how great it will be to be in a relationship with him. We think, mull and fantasize over and over and before we know it we are deep in obsessive thoughts about him…BEFORE we even know how he truly feels about us. The obsession creates emotional investment and as such we are ahead of him. We arrive before he does. Often we become needy and show signs of insecurity that repels him.  When we later find out he doesn’t really have the same agenda as us -and often it is caused by our over-eagerness-, it is hard to undo it. It’s hard to get out of that mode.  We become the piners and it’s not inspiring attraction.

2. Lean back and refrain from the temptation to over-function.  Spread your psychic energy so your thoughts aren’t focused on him.  The more you let your thoughts run rampage on him, the less you are able to be patient and lean back.  He has to be the one who sets the pace (sometimes, it’s the woman who feels the relationship runs too fast, but it’s a subject for a different day).  It never helps when a woman is ahead of a guy.  It almost always works better when he arrives first, that’s why observing and walks with him beside him -instead of running ahead of him with your wild imaginations and fantasy- at all times is warranted here.

3. Don’t come with the suggestions to do things for him (take him to dates, do his laundry, etc) when he barely lifts his finger to do anything for you.  Again, mirror him.  If he’s really interested in you, he will have to do something to turn things around.  That’s what men do. When you do his work for him, what incentive is there for him to get up and move his ass?

How to Mirror a Man

Don’t become that woman who pines ever again. Learn how to mirror a man and follow his lead. These are the ways to protect your heart from the sad case trying to survive unrequited love so many women are suffering from.

This way you really know if a guy is truly into you or just use you because you allow him to do so.  For my coaching packages, click here.

Haven’t read my book yet?  Click here and hop on the exciting journey as hundreds other women have been doing while turning their love life around (no more neediness and insecurities because you hold the power simply by being a feminine woman).

Don’t miss my hit program of on feminine energy and leaning back and how it actually works and why.  You won’t want to miss this hot workshop that have the first-third cycle’s participants raving about because this one principle is the secret to a man’s heart.   Subscribe to this blog or my mailing list or add me on Facebook to be in the loop for the next cycles if you can’t attend this one.

And you certainly won’t want to miss my new program Four Components Of Melting His Heart during which a participant got her formerly emotionally unavailable boyfriend to propose after only six months of dating (yup he’s so melted he pulled a George Clooney on her)!

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

MORE: If You Learn this Principle of Mirroring, You Will Never Have to Wonder What He’s Thinking About You Ever Again

Want to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY?  Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!  And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.

Image credit Deposit Photo!


  • He actually just texted to say hi. I told him I was free today so if he wanted to do something to let me know. He said he couldn’t but maybe sunday. Everytime he say’s “maybe” for getting together (and I’m not bad at leaning back so its not often) he ends up cancelling or making it a late night hang out. I answered that I was a bit confused as to all the talk about missing me and then he didn’t try and make plans for the weekend. I also said that as much as I like seeing him it would be hard for me to stay interested if there was minimal effort being put in. He said “alright, I understand that”. I’m guessing that means he really just wanted to sleep with me casually end of story..oh well…at least I know now. I’m curious…do you think I was being reactive/hard boundaries? I’ve just been involved with this guy a few times being the best version of myself and it always turns into the same thing so I wanted to gently nip things in the bud if that’s all he wanted this time around as well.

  • Well Katarina, to follow up on my last comment two weeks ago, you were right. He did reach out about a week ago saying how much he missed seeing me and that he didn’t realize how lucky he had been. After getting a few emails from him along those lines I agreed to see him last Thurs. I didn’t have much time to spend with him but we did sleep together (I really wanted to and know I’ll be okay with whatever outcome so figured it was safe). He didn’t make any effort to lock down plans with me for the weekend though and I’m just in leaning back mode to see what he’ll do next. If he starts again with the late night hang outs I’m just going to say that the level of effort he’s putting into seeing me isn’t really enough to keep me interested…which is true because one thing I’ve learned from mirroring him is that if I’m investing in him (because he’s not investing in me) its all kind of “meh” and I could take him or leave him. Any advise would be awesome 🙂

  • Hi Katrina, I had a coaching session with you the other day and wanted to update you (recap: In a FWB situation with a guy – we dated on and off the year before . This FXB time around he lapsed into only asking me to hang out late at night after a month or two. I was letting him lead and enjoying it for what it was and so continued for the time being. You and I spoke about asking him why he didn’t try to make plans with me during the day/earlier at night. I was genuingly perplexed because the time we did spend together was always relaxed, fun and crazy levels of attraction).

    So….the day after I spoke to you he texted me to say hi. I asked if we could get together earlier the next night (we had already made plans) because I was trying to go to bed earlier these days. He asked if we could get together that night instead if I wanted it to be early, I said sure…perfect. Well, that night he said he would be there by 8pm. I get a text from him at 8:20 saying he was running a little late and would be there soon. I get a text 15 min after that asking if we could move it to the next night. Here’s how the convo went:

    Me: I have plans the next night. What’s the hold up?
    him: out for drinks with buddies and running later than I thought. Thought I said it would be a bit later tonight
    me: Kind of lame to be honest
    him: I know. I can be selfish
    me: it is was it is. I don’t really feel like hanging out anymore anyways
    him: why
    me: If you don’t get why you are being rude right now I can’t explain it to you
    him: I guess I understand. I hope we can be friends down the line
    him: (10 min later) Is that a no? I like seeing you
    me: you have a funny way of showing it. I’m seeing other people so we would have had to stop hanging out soon anyways
    him: I figured you were. Can we stay friends
    me: I don’t think we can hang out without sleeping together
    him: I think we could
    me: no thank
    him: alright then…(10 min later) that’s too bad

    I think it was the right time to walk away. When he didn’t show up on time I kind of just sat with my feelings and processed how it was making me feel and tried to link those feelings back to how I felt as a child (my parents fought non-stop and I was emotionally cut off from my family from a young age just a self-protection mechanism I think). I know that if I still want to go back and spend time with him to explore my feelings again I can but I don’t think I need/want to. I feel like I’ve grown as a person from my experience with him and have moved passed him. I kind of don’t get why he wanted to stay friends because we were supposed to be friends the past few months but he didn’t really try and see me much. I figure he was hoping i’d be an option in his back pocket t sleep with in the future.

    Well…just an update. I think you are right: if you follow your tools and method you can emerge from any situation with your self-esteem in tact and without it being too disruptive to you.
    Thanks 🙂
    From your perspective, do you think I was being reactive? do you think it would have been worth it to stay friends?

    • Caroline, you will know how you feel in days/weeks to come. I understand you felt slighted and he was being an ass. But I bet he will reach out again. Get busy and see if he steps up.

  • Does your advice also work for long-distance relationships?

  • I have been following your advice, but I am still struggling. I find myself with a man that’s not willing to fully commit to our partnership. He’s been looking for jobs out-of-state, yet he does not want to include me in those plans. He says that if he does get a job out-of-state, asking me to move with him would be a “big step” that he’s not “willing to commit to right now”. He told me he wanted to keep what we have and “figure it out when the time comes.” What should I do? I feel like I am being taken for granted. He told me he loves me, he’s serious about me, and wants a long-term relationship… yet he’s unwilling to make any promises or take the next step.

    • He’s not your bf! Keep dating till he has a plan for both of you. Get my book and immerse yourself in the principles. Don’t give away your commitment so easily when he’s not ready for that himself.

      • Hey Katarina, thanks for the reply. Your thoughts are interesting… He asked me to be his girlfriend (emphasizing exclusivity), introduced me to family and friends, etc. So it seems that, at least on the surface, he has tried to claim me. At least he made sure that I couldn’t date anyone else.

        So continue to date him? Date other people? I thought about discussing this with him, but I didn’t think he would accept it since we already agreed to date exclusively.

        And I intend to get the book. I’ve gotten a lot out of your work already.

        • Well if he’s acting like a bf apart from that one, then it’s a different situation. I thought he was lukewarm. Maybe you’re too impatient and pushy. I have to know the whole picture to give you suitable advice and you can have it with purchase of ebook.

  • I have been dating a man for about six weeks now who has overall been respectful, romantic, and attentive. For the most part, I let him lead. Of all the dates we have been on, I have only initiated one. He prefers e-mailing and never calls. Demanding phone calls from men in the past has backfired, so I decided to let him call me when he feels comfortable.

    There are times, although rare, where he becomes legitimately busy and does not speak to me for 2 – 3 days. I have not seen him for a week because of legitimate personal obligations that have made it difficult for us to meet. He recently told me that he missed me and would let me know when he was available. I have yet to hear from him, but I know he will contact me.

    After going 2 – 3 days without speaking and I hear from him, should I respond immediately or mirror him by not speaking to him for a day or two? (Is this an example of mirroring?)


    • Hi Grace, it doesn’t have to be that way. If you feel not overinvested and have no expectation whether he responds straight or not, you can respond anytime. I’m all about energy. If you are energy is grounded and secure, you can do whatever and it will come from a genuine place. Please read my book to learn more.

  • Kat, I was at a party with my boyfriend a few months ago and I saw a really cute guy there, he was looking at me the whole time and we had a brief conversation. Then, after my boyfriend and I broke up, he followed me on social media, and I followed him back, he gave me his number over Instagram direct message and told me to text him if I wanted. He told me he remembered me as the “hot one” from the party. We started texting back and forth and at first he was enthusiastic but then his texts got lazy, even though he complimented me often. He even asked me to send him a picture. But he hasn’t replied my last three texts and I think I scared him off by talking too much, no matter how he thinks I look. Is he still interested? What can I do to win his interest back?

    • Katarina Phang

      Lean back, Sasha. And of course my book is the Bible here.:) Have you read it yet? You gotta let him lead and pursue you. You’ve been the pursuer here.

  • I dont know why It chose Sophia instead of Ai, sorry.

    Yeah, I know I am pathetic!

    Yeah thats what I am trying to do, fake I have a wonderful life, I think I am getting there! lol

    Thank you so much for your reply.

    I am going to promote your page on facebook and your book and forum. Wish me luck!! hehe… 😉

  • Thanks Kat for the reply!

    He is my friend, we pass more time online than in real life. (facebook etc)

    He told me first that he was feeling attracted to me. I didnt told him yeah me too.

    So after that he didnt make any move about dating, he said instead, that we can hang around like friends.

    But that didnt happend, so instead he was telling me all this changes in his life he was going to do and all was going good for him.

    What I did is I got anxious, because he was not telling me when we can meet or anything. So instead of that I become anxious and sent him an email that I was wishing him good luck with his new life and his changes he was about to make (yeah I know I am so lame an pathetic) and say good bye!

    I thought that he didnt need me because he was talking about him and only him. On how happy he was, etc. And I felt that nothing was there to me to do with him.

    Thats why I am asking you, if you think he would ever contact me again or should I just move on, etc?. although we are in facebook so it can be really hard. and how can you move on without telling him so? can he notice that you are moving on by ignoring him or how?

    I do listen to everything you said or everything you tell us to do in your post and so forth.

    I really appreciate your feedback! 🙂

    • Ai/Sophiaxx, Yeah, you acted desperate and needy. I think you can apologize to him. Send him a quick, short note like: “I’m sorry I acted silly. Wasn’t in the good mood.”

      Leave it at that. Next time silence is golden. If you are not happy, move on without the need to say anything. In fact you really have no “right” not to be happy since you really haven’t started anything. Focus on your fabulous life. If you don’t have one, fake it till you make it. That works better to attract a guy than saying lots of needy things.

  • You mean you chase him away by your neediness? If that’s the case just lean back and give him his space till he’s ready to pursue you again. If you haven’t been too extreme and he likes you enough, he will usually bounce back.

  • Kat, and what if he was pursuing you, but you cut his chase off by anxiuosness or desperation?

    What do you then? Do you wait for him to step up again or you move on because you cut him off?

    Thanks! 🙂

  • Sparkle, he knows what you want, obviously! A guy doesn’t need to be told what a gal wants. Unless she tells him she doesn’t want relationship, if he likes her and she likes him, he will always assume that she eventually wants a relationship and if he’s ready and timing is right he will pursue her.

    You really don’t have to explain anything to him. And personally next time I don’t think you even need to tell him anything like “you are moving on” etc. Just move on without a word. You two were just casually dating anyway. Nobody promised the other anything.

  • I’ve been casually dating this guy for 8 months. After a couple months dating, he told me he was emotionally unavailabe but he kept pursuing me. I enjoyed his company so I continued to date him. I have always had a fear of being direct and telling a person what I want. I have never told this guy I want a relationship but I did tell him I was staying open. A couple months ago, I told him I wanted to see him more. He invited me for a weekend get away. Great time but I noticed after that weekend he started to see me less but still stayed in contact. After a month of this, I told him that something seemed off. What did he think anout that? He said yes, I was right about that but he didn’t know what to say. That evening we talked. He told me he wanted to be independent. I told him I like him and was still interested in dating him but I was ok one way or another. He told me he like me, he was attracted to me and really appreciated me. He still wanted to date me. A couple days later, I noticed he was back on an online dating site. I was already on the site. Keeping my options open and dating other men. Well, this triggered something in me to think he no longer was interested in dating me so I sent him a message. I told him I really cared about him but I know we are on different pages so I have decided to move on. He responded and said I know. I saw you on the dating site. Please stay in touch. You are special to me. I didn’t respond. I know I have never really told him what I wanted directly. Was it a mistake to tell him I’m moving on without an explanation of what I wanted? I am trying to learn from my mistakes and would love your feedback. Thank you!

  • Girlie, #1, don’t expect anything out of this “sunrise-sunset” relationship. Enjoy him and his company but he’s still growing up as a person (I know we all are, but you know what I mean). Use him to practice feminine magnetism.

    #2, most guys do want to be in control so initiate only after he shows a fair amount of consistencies, say 30-70. He needs to be in charge most of the time period.

    #3, don’t get too fixated too early, that’s a recipe for heartache. Focus your attention on positive things. You can choose your thoughts and what you focus on expands. Also keep expanding your options and don’t make him your priority because it’s a turn off for guys when you prioritize him before he does that to you.

    #4, scarcity is the mother of attraction in this case. Get busy and get scarce. Find other guys to play with.

    #5, there is no reason for fear. Fear will bring about the very thing you are scared of. Say he disappears it’s a bullet dodged. Imagine the heartache of being strung along and be another cautionary tale of unrequited love.

  • Kat, I’ve enjoyed your writing around the net tremendously and thought i’d see what you have to say about my situation. I’m 42 year old and he is 24 year old . (I look and act a lot younger than I am!) We work together. We have been hanging out/dating for about 3 months now. He has been a perfect gentleman, the first few times we hung out, he didn’t try anything out of line. We didn’t even kiss until about a month ago (about 2 months after we started hanging out). We cuddle and kiss on his bed and sometimes we end up falling asleep but then i’ll get up and go back to my bed (we live in trailers on site where we work). He said he hasn’t been in a relationship for a long time because most women he dates end up being crazy (one tried to stab him when he broke up with her) so therefore he said he doesn’t like to get his feelings involved. But yet he would ask me to hang out every single day after work, we would either play pool or go to the bar or go shopping or watch movies on his bed and cuddle. It was absolutely perfect. Before one of us would go on our 2 week break to go home, he would repeatedly say how much he was going to miss me. He said I am the only reason he comes back to this job, and the more time he spends with me, the more he wants to spend time with me. Our boss even told me he is so head over heels for me that he isn’t doing his job good enough because I am too distracting for him.

    So after a perfect first 3 months, now this is happening; 3 times this week he turned me down when i asked if he wanted to hang out after work, twice he was too tired (we work nights and he needs a few days to get back onto this schedule) and once he was starting to feel like he was getting sick, plus he was tired since I was in his room a long time the day before. Also on our breaks, we normally play pool or foosball or some other game but now the last 5 or 6 days, all he wants to do is watch tv. He says he’s too tired and/or lazy to play anything. He still smiles when he talks and makes eye contact a lot and comes over by me to talk and even the other day he tickled me and put his arm around me while we were working, so his interest isn’t completely gone. Maybe he IS really tired and sick, maybe i’m reading too much into things, but I still can’t help but feel like he isn’t as interested as he was just a week or two ago. Is all this time together possibly smothering him, even though he likes me? Should I continue to go with the flow and not ask him to hang out? He seems to like to be in control so I have been avoiding forcing anything, including talking. He is always the one who brings up his feelings even though he claimed he doesn’t like to deal with them, so I think i’m doing something right, i’m just scared i’m losing him now.

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