How To Be A Feminine And High Value Woman Without Being A Doormat

high value woman

Being a feminine and high value woman is neither a ticking time bomb or a doormat.  A goddess knows when to stand up and put her foot down.

“I turned my man from EU to EA by leaning back. A year ago he was unsure about me and yearning after other women, which made me an anxious mess. Only when I TRULY gave up on trying to hold onto him did things change. He chased and chased and now he is devoted to me and constantly gives to me and makes me happy. I enjoy the moment with him and am not thinking long term. You can’t fake leaning back and being happy. You HAVE to do the inner work.

Katarina Phang proves it that if I can go from crazy to a goddess and high value woman, ANYONE can!!

When I first met him, he was crazy about me and I wasn’t that interested so he chased and it was just fun for me. We started seeing each other and I instantly became dependent on his attention and asked about exclusivity straight away.

We became exclusive but he was uncomfortable. He started yearning after women who were the fun, carefree spirits like I was before I changed. He kept initiating with me but I could tell other women were on his mind and one in particular I could tell he liked more than me but would go home with me and sulk.

Being in that situation killed me but it was the best thing that ever happened to me because then i found Kat and became a better woman, which was clearly something I had needed to do anyway.

I have the book, did a few weeks of private coaching, did one cycle of Journey Inward and one cycle of Leaning Back and Cultivating Feminine Mystique. I also bought the class ‘You Are the Powerful Creator of Your Reality‘ as a one-off class. It was mind blowing.

So, wanting to stay mysterious and goddess-like, I stayed with him and said nothing, smiling sweetly but dying inside. I never pressurized, never nagged, and never mentioned his clear attraction to other women.

However I was constantly panicking and making sure I was always everywhere he was so he wasn’t left alone with other women. It was exhausting. And with all the pain brewing inside, my energy was daaaaark. This is why you HAVE to shift your energy, you cannot fake it!!! My smile did not fool him and my energy was draining to be around.

THEN, I did a long and thorough process of inner work. You have to do this. To literally change your life and let go of all your anxiety and attachments and make yourself happy NO MATTER WHAT.

I thought in my situation it was impossible to make myself happy. All I could do was look at another woman and see everything she had that I didn’t have, and how inadequate I was. I was driving myself insane. I went deep and learned about the transient nature of life, and the most important thing, to be ok no matter what.

I had so embarrassingly jumped through hoops for this guy, trying to compete and be ‘good enough.’ Eventually I learned to simply be happy with my life and the fact that I am alive, young, attractive, healthy, free to do whatever I like.

One night when we were out and he reluctantly had his arm round me while all his attention was on someone else, I decided to leave, as i was turned off. No drama. As he followed me out and asked where I was going i just said i feel like taking off, it was so great getting to know you and spending time with you, I wish you well. I hugged him.

He chased me across town all night and said i don’t understand you but you are the only person in the world I would chase through town all night because I fucking love you. I didn’t really react. I was at the place where i was just enjoying life and getting on with it.

So after that night he kept chasing and initiating and I continued enjoying and basking in my feminine energy and happiness and allowed him to join me. I would literally lay back and enjoy my feminine radiance and he would come to me like a drug. As I stopped focusing on problems, they fell away. Then I put myself in rotation energy. That was the last piece.

We are exclusive, but as he was so lukewarm about being exclusive, I thought I am not going to pressurize myself too much on that front. If other guys are also going to be drawn to my feminine energy (which they are), then I am gonna enjoy the attention and the flirtations. So my energy is free and open and someone may put in an even better claim.

Meeting other guys who fight for your attention is essential.

Yeah, I was misunderstanding leaning back at the time, and thought I shouldn’t be feisty, I should be sweet and feminine. But I took it too far! Eventually I just had enough crap and felt turned off, I think also because my value was becoming higher from doing the inner work.

Yep thats the bit i found the hardest. Being honey but not standing for any crap.” ~Maddy, London

Maddy was one of the toughest clients I have had. She was a hot mess: very anxious and nervous and was smoking like a chimney. For weeks I tried to get through to her and tell her to embrace her feisty side cause she was so scared to rock the boat.

There are two types of women I coach: on the one hand, the majority are explosive and reactive with very hard boundaries.  On the other, there is a group of women who are the opposite, they are so concerned about being a “Goddess” at all time but they end up acting like a doormat cause they’re too scared to rock the boat. They don’t know how to use their feminine energy.

Some clients like Maddy take my advice to the far end and are forgetting to embrace the other side of the spectrum.  She was worrying all the time how she might come across to her guy and she tried so hard at all time to be her “best self” she ended up repressing everything.  She was too scared to even point out the 500 lbs pink elephant in the room cause she thought it wasn’t the right thing to do. Thus she was becoming a doormat, not a high value woman.

She would rather pretend everything was okay even when it cost her her mental sanity.  She was lost in her busy head and the cigarette smoke.

A goddess is neither a ticking time bomb or a doormat. A goddess knows when to stand up and put her foot down.

How to be a high value woman is about balance and femininity

I teach balance and being a well-rounded person which means you have to embrace every bit of you.  I’m not all saint and all feminine either.  My clients know how feisty I can be (envision your 5th grade teacher) when I need to be.

When you are soft, it doesn’t mean you have to walk on eggshells all the time or that you can’t stand up for yourself when you need to.

I don’t teach accepting abuse in any form, wittingly or unwittingly.

That’s what I teach in the shadow work of the last cycle of Journey Inward.  With my method you keep your standards high without hardening your boundaries and become a high value woman. Your boundaries remain soft and the energy that emanates from them is mesmerizing.  And this is why what I teach has been wildly successful and it’s not taught anywhere else.

If you are sick of being stuck, it’s time to invest in yourself because you’re worth it.  Delve into all my programs and see yourself transform before your own very eyes.

And of course if you hesitate to read my book, please start there right now!  It’s going to be the best investment you’ll ever make as far as your love life is concerned.  You get to work closely with me and that is a privilege cause you won’t find this offer anywhere else and my time is getting more and more limited thanks to my Midas Touch. 

So get it here:

He’s Really That Into You, He’s Just Not Ready

You will get 2 week email coaching from me or email coaching and 20 min Skype session with a small investment that makes a difference to your love life!  These prices will always increase in time cause won’t be able to accommodate everyone who comes to me for coaching.  You’re not only buying an ebook like you have been doing but you get to work with the world’s Top Fixer of any relationship issue with a solid track record to back her up.

MORE: How to be A True Goddess Who Will Never Be A Doormat For Any Man

Want the same result or to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY?  Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!  And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.


Please share this with the buttons below and if you want FREE advice please ask me questions on the comment section below since I no longer have time to respond to every personal email I get these days unless you’re a client or reader of my book (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

Image credit Deposit Photo!


  • Hi Katarina!
    Thank you for your articles! Been studying this topic for a year and you’re a missing link.
    I saw a lot of advice on feeling messages but I’m not comfortable with sharing everything left and right. But when it comes to something I don’t like, I start feeling inadequate. Too confused where it’s my insecurities and where it’s a poor behavior.
    For example, if a man I like disappears for a week or two, I don’t know how to handle it and sometimes may slide into doormat behavior. I mean I act as if I didn’t notice and don’t mention it but it bothers me. Advice, please?

    • Hi Olga, my teachings are so deep it can’t be answered just based on the many questions you have in your head without understanding the nature of the mind/ego first so I invite you to study my teachings through the basic which is my ebook as well as my profound signature inner work program Journey Inward.

  • My Boyfriend stares at other women


    I need some help!!!

    I’ve been seeing this guy for about a year and every time we go out he looks at other women. My problem isn’t him looking at other women, granted were everywhere, plus I think I’m pretty confident in myself to handle that stuff. My problem is he does EXTRA stuff like turns his head, stares or even loses focus when I there. I’ve brought it to his attention a few times saying I think its disrespectful and he has apologized. The thing is, he continues to do it. Am I over reacting ? I know men look at women, heck I look at other pretty women too. I’ve have said to myself that I wasn’t going to let it bother me or I’ll just stare at other men in his presence, but there’s always more women than men. Am I making a big fuss?  Should I be worried? Should I start working on building more confidence in myself? 

    Thanks in advance

    • Yes, you are making a big fuss. If it really bothers you, talking about it won’t help. You show men how to treat you with your actions. If you feel disrespected, just quietly walk away next time or learn to manage your emotions better. Accept or reject.

  • Dear Kat, I’m sending my question as a comment attached to this topic, I would be really grateful for your advice, I just would like to understand something retrospectively as my story has been closed. I’m a 42-year-old language teacher, I work in a language school and I have some private students. I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 7 years, we’ve been together for 10 years.Unfortunately we have no plans for the future.

    I have initiated some talks about it, he says he understands me but that’s all he can provide now, he thinks we can’t afford a wedding and a house with a garden (this is one of my dreams, as I love gardening and pets). Anyway he is a great man, he is always there when I need him, but no future vision. This was the situation when I fell in love with one of my private students last year. He was my student for almost 4 years. He is divorced.

    I immediately felt some chemistry between us but I knew he was in a relationship and so was I. We talked a lot about different topics (as this is my job) and he developed some special trust towards me, he even told me some confidential business issues. Besides we discovered that we were instant soulmates. At the beginning of 2014 he mentioned that his relationship had finished almost a year before and a bit later I felt he started to send some very subtle signals that he is attracted (once even brought me back a very special gift from his holiday as he rememered one of our conversations.)

    Earlier he was sad and a bit depressed but he changed a lot. Once he said others had also realized that he was different and laughed a lot more. It was obvious that we bonded emotionally, I know I impacted him and I made him feel great. He said that. I am sure he made a clear association in his mind linking these positive feelings to me. I changed too, around November I recognized that I was in love.

    But I wanted to take things slowly and I never ever chase men! I didn’t want to cheat and I definitely didn’t want a love triangle but I couldn’t deny my feelings. I was helpless. I just waited to find out if that feeling was mutual. Around Christmas he started to text me at the weekends and later on weekdays after lessons. At the beginning of February he confessed he loved me, he wrote I was special and that he had become an “addict”. (He just wrote it in a text message and I know this should have been told me in private.) Some days later while he was sitting opposite me he just stood up and came over to me, sat down by my side, held my hand and kissed me. I have never seen such a happy man! He confessed his feelings, anyway I remember he was really surprised because he thought I was married but I told him we just cohabited with my boyfriend. I was open and honest. Some days later he started to talk about a weekend getaway with me and mentioned some future plans.

    I knew I had to split up with my boyfriend as soon as possible as I didn’t want any games. Unfortunately, my boyfriend’s father died that weekend and because of this I had to postpone the talk with my boyfriend as this would have been really tactless in that situation. And that weekend the man I was in love with subtly changed. I immediately felt that from the tone he used. He was distant, but the week after when we met he was kind and gave me an expensive present for Valentine’s Day.

    I found it very surprising and a bit embarassing after such a short history together. But he insisted so I accepted it. We talked a lot and kissed, he was really loving. I mentioned to him that I have an illness (uterine fybrosis) which is OK and controlled, I take special medicine and I can absolutely lead a normal, ordinary lifestyle.

    He said he could accept it, no problem. And then came the silence for 3 days, he didn’t write a single word and I didn’t write either because on one hand we had the funeral and on the other as I said I never chase men. When we met I asked if I had said or done something wrong. He said no, nothing at all, he said: “I just feel that you need a child later on and I don’t want a child.” (I never brought up this topic!)

    I told him that I like children but they are not the centre of my universe. I would be satisfied with a happy relationship, considering my age and my health issue having a child might not be possible anymore. Then he said : “One of my ex-girlfriends had the same health issue, she was operated on several times and finally she became totally hysterical as she wanted a child but I didn’t.” Finally he said that as I was in a relationship, the timing was not OK and he said we didn’t have a real chance to get to know each other.

    This last one I didn’t understand. We create chances for ourselves, don’t we? He never even asked me out for lunch or at least for a walk and only showed some photos of his house. And I definitely wanted to leave my boyfriend, he knew that! That evening he looked quite stressed and trapped. I had the feeling that he made excuses and there must be a missing link. I somehow felt (and still feel) that he held back a part of the truth. I know I was guilty because I was in a relationship but if he was serious he should have said something like: “I love you but I can’t go on like this, fix your problems and when you are ready, I will be here.”

    He knew exactly that I had a boyfriend so using that as an excuse was not really fair in the way he used that. He encouraged me with his behaviour and he initiated the whole thing. (Anyway, once he revealed that he had been cheated on by his ex-wife for quite a long time, that was why they divorced and there was a lot of drama in their life and that he was fed up with it. Besides he mentioned once or twice that he had a plan of living in an Asian country for a while in the future. So I think I have no place in his blueprint.)

    We finally agreed that we would think it over and maybe we would talk about it later. Our lessons went on until the end of May. I leaned back as much as I could. I never complained, never begged and I didn’t initiate any text messages after February, neither did he (except twice, when he cancelled two lessons). The lessons were great again, we made a great progress, I was able to make him smile and laugh and he kept telling me some compliments again. Every day when he left he took one last, long look at me and many times I had the feeling that he wanted to talk to me but it never happened.

    One evening in April I told him that I understood if he had some bad experience in the past and I understood if he was scared of a new relationship.He said yes, he had had many problems with his ex-wife and girlfriends. Besides this we didn’t mention what had happened between us. I realised his mercurial moods (mood swings) and sometimes he showed the signs of depression but I never mentioned that I realised. Once he said “I’m afraid of happiness because whenever I’m happy the next day something bad happens to me”.

    I think it’s his self-fulfilling prophecy… Sometimes he was extremely kind, e.g. he didn’t know when my birthday was, I never told him, but he managed to find out (not from FB as I’m not registered) and unexpectedly he said Happy Birthday to me. I was really surprised! He made some efforts and that was not the first time. BUT WHY? Why does someone invest energy in something if he’s not truly interested? I still can’t believe that someone is able to pretend that level of attraction he showed to me.

    What was his interest in all this for more than a year? He never initiated more than just kisses. I know I made a mistake when I continued the lessons with him in February. I should have let him go. And I know if he was the right person, we would have been together regardless of how wrong the timing was, he would have waited for me. Love always wins. (Real love.) I’ve had a new job since June so I had to cancel all my private lessons and I said goodbye to him, as well. He seemed to be surprised and disappointed but I couldn’t do any better because of my new time schedule. I have developed some insomnia recently so now I know that this whole issue is getting to be toxic.

    I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t help but try to understand what the hell was going on here. My problem is not being refused but being refused DESPITE that level of attraction and the scenario we shared with this man. Thank you for your answer and sorry for my grammar mistakes, English is not my native language.

    • You can’t start a new relationship when you haven’t ended the current one yet. Take care of that first and you’ll be in a better place to assess where his head is.

      • Thanks Kat, I just tried to understand why the whole story happened, I mean why he went such lengths and then changed his mind so suddenly. But whatever his motivation was, one thing is for sure: he was not serious regarding a potential future relationship with me, otherwise he would have communicated differently. So there is NOTHING to think about anymore. (As I see it, it can happen in life that we meet the right person at the wrong time, these things just happen, we can’t influence when this person walks in. I don’t say I was happy to meet someone while I was still in a relationship as this was not the ideal scenario but I’m convinced the right person in the given situation would not have changed his mind.) Anyway, my story was a good lesson to me, I was a fool.

  • I absolutely love your articles. I’ve bought your book and a listening video. I have devoured a lot of information in a short amount of time and learnt a lot. Thank you! People tell me I’m very innocent and soft and feminine. Is this bad? I have a rotation now and one of the guys I’m seeing says I’m very feminine and seem like a good person. How do I become feistier? Or should I just accept how I am….
    For example whenever I hear from this particular guy I always am happy to hear from him. However a couple of times we have met only once every two weeks… Shouldn’t I show my feistier side as so long has passed, or shall I just continue as I am with enjoying my time with him and not asking for more? We aren’t exclusive, have known each other a month, and I’m seeing other guys too.

    • Very feminine is very good. What’s wrong with that?

      • That I am not feisty or bitchy to keep men on their toes… I will speak out And voice my opinion if I feel disrespected but most of the time I have a happy demeanour. I thought men preferred feistiness who put them in their place

  • Kat…this article has really helped me to see myself and to be okay with who I am…I am also a person who stuffed down my feelings…to keep the peace…my eum would hide me…and I never walked away when he treated me poorly…I wasnt allowed to kiss him case the neighbors saw..also the phone would ring at night and he would never answer..we didnt go out in public…at the beginning we did…but things changed as I became an anxious mess…than I would have a glass of wine and would stuff all the feelings…sometimes it came out and sometimes not…I am finally starting to see myself in the light…he would appear and disappear all the time…now I want to learn to love myself and walk away when it feels lousy…thanks kat this is helping me…heal..

    • You shouldn’t stuff feelings but also ask yourself why you feel upset so easily? Why are you an anxious mess? That’s your homework. For someone like you expressing feelings left and right will be disastrous. Start with my book, please. You need it. It seems complicated to a newbie but once you master it you’ll be shining in your Goddess light.

      • Thanks kat…I realize that I didnt trust him..because of my own insecurities it is my own issues…he came back and asked me to have sex without guilt..I said okay..but was boiling inside..I did not like the way he treated me after…he also said I dont care if you fuck other guys as long as you dont tell me about it..he said he wasnt sleeping with other women…I can see that it goes back to me..I am learning to take my anxiety now and to try not to react on men…I am getting better…also dating now..other men…thanks the book is helping

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