Heal Your Wounded Feminine To Have The Relationship You Want

how to be irresistible to men

This is what many women who are still struggling in their masculine energy fail to comprehend.  It really doesn’t take masculine force to make a guy want to give you everything you want.  It’s the TOTAL opposite.  Heal your wounded feminine and your relationship will shift.


Last week I posted a status update on Facebook as follows:  “A guy easily decides to let a woman go when she isn’t easy to lead. It’s too much work for him in the long run. He will say, “we’re not right for each other.” That’s why it’s so important to cultivate your feminine energy. You think it’s cute being assertive. He thinks it’s a threat to his freedom and sanity.”

Soon afterward two threads on that post followed in the ladies group.  This one is from Christa:

Can someone please help me understand why being assertive is “bad” in relationship? I agree that assertive about the little things isn’t necessary….being demanding and aggressive and all that. But assertive can be a healthy middle ground if we are talking about directions we want to go in our life.

Are we supposed to give over our right to speak the truth of our own mission in life? All of us have different preferences, desires, and places we want to go. Is it not all our own individual responsibility to lead our lives from our own hearts? I think we’d all be better off if we followed the direction of our hearts, and I think we can do this while still respecting and appreciating where the man wants to leads the relationship.

It’s both parties relationship – if he isn’t leading you in a direction that feels good to you, assertive is necessary if it doesn’t resonate with your heart. I’m really struggling to see these particular ideas of femininity as beneficial. It seems oppressive to women. But I’m being open to the new ideas.

I don’t believe it’s masculine to be expressive. I think a woman’s expressive nature is only emasculating to a man who is insecure in his own truth, direction, and purpose. I think we can still trust, while expressing. What kind of a life is it if we don’t feel free to express ourselves?”

And this one is from Jessy which practically gives a beautiful answer to Christa’s critical questioning: “A light bulb (moment) just went on for me… From Katarina’s post, ‘A guy easily decides to let a woman go when she isn’t easy to lead. It’s too much work for him in the long run. He will say, “we’re not right for each other.” That’s why it’s so important to cultivate your feminine energy. You think it’s cute being assertive. He thinks it’s a threat to his freedom and sanity.’

I’ve heard this numerous times from my BF, “maybe we’re not right for each other.” He’s the kind of man that truly values his freedom. Mind you, he used to say this way back then. When I was so controlling, insecure, negative, and suspicious of his every move. We’d have little fights and he’d distance himself from me. I was/am a girly girl but I was too assertive with our relationship, so half the time I was leading the relationship. I was running in my pseudo masculinity and I felt so out of control because I felt that I loved him so much that I didn’t want to loose him. The very thing that I feared happened anyway. He was my end all and be all constant happiness. What we focus on grows and I was focused on the negatives.

He told me back then, that what me and him share is nothing compared to the other women he’s been with. It’s the best but hardest relationship he’s ever had. But my love for him had a price, he felt smothered and cornered by my constant leaning energy. Actually pains me to write and share this part about me…

Anyway, fast forward to now… Since I’ve shifted my energy from the feeling of lack to abundance and more secure within myself. There hasn’t been a day where he’s asked for some time alone. I’ve had to be the one to ask him, just to nurture myself… I come back feeling refreshed and ready to give him so more of me. I let him lead and trust his ability to lead. I don’t question all his whereabouts. He freely tells me and gives me information without me questioning him. We have lil’ petty fights but at the end we’re laughing at each other. He shows his love for me not through just words, but also most importantly through his actions. Our relationship now is easy…free flowing.

I’ve quieted my mind a lot. Hushed those negative thoughts. Once I did that, I’m more drama free and really laid back. I love my BF but I found that..I love me more…

I do slip from time to time but it’s gotten easier to stay on the positive. I’m still a work-in progress but I’m way better now than when I first found Katarina. I’m so thankful and feel blessed to have found her.

Like Katarina says of the wounded feminine in the world, “healing one woman, at a time.” I’m not fully healed, but I am whole. “

This is so beautifully put and complement my message loud and clear.  Every time I speak about being feminine and all that entails I am challenged by some women that what I teach may result in abuse or mistreatment or cause women to become doormats.

None of the clients who are successfully practicing my method belongs to that category.  It is quite the opposite in fact.  They are happier, calmer, emotionally stable, softer, more secure/grounded and their men adore them to death!

They are everything a man wants in a woman and as such their men do everything in their might to please them.  And it doesn’t take much to make them happy and as such their men are more motivated to make them even happier….and so on, and so forth.

It works marvelously in a feedback loop.

This is what many women who are still struggling in their masculine energy fail to comprehend.  It really doesn’t take masculine force to make a guy want to give you everything you want.  It’s the TOTAL opposite.

If you think you have to struggle so much in relationship to get what you need/want, that is the VERY reason why you always struggle -and are unhappy- in all your relationships. Change that mindset and your relationship will change as well.

And if you have to assert yourself (nag, express yourself so much, convince, force, threaten, argue) to get your needs met, you either 1) are not with the right man or 2) maybe your assertive approach doesn’t inspire him to give you what you want. I never have to assert myself to get all I’m getting in my relationship. This can be hard to explain to some people till they SEE it with their own eyes.

If any relationship “makes” you insecure, it means you still have insecurities that you need to work on that attract you to it in the first place. Nothing or nobody makes you insecure, those insecurities are already there to begin with.

And when you stop defending yourself, the other person will do it for you! That’s the secret of my method.

The Secret is….You’ve Got To Stop Believing What Your Mind Tells You

Remember what my client Patty said in the previous post about defending yourself?  Here’s I post it again:  “I am learning there is a time for saying what bothers you – when they bring it up and say they are sorry. Even when I disagree now, I just withdraw if it bugs me that much. There is magic in leaning back I think. Not only for how men respond, but how I feel now….chill, calm, light, easy. If a man wants to be a butthead, he can do it on his time, not mine, or with my audience. 

I actually do see it working almost daily now. With boyfriend, ex, co-workers, random strangers even. I even had a cute little boy maybe 6, run up to the door and with all his might open it for me. I let him and graciously thanked him. I work in a school and normally in the past would have helped him, but I recognize now the little man in training and want to encourage their sweet attempts.

And actually, for me it has felt like dropping ropes that have been tangling me up for years. I’ve dropped defending myself, demanding what I want, insisting on apologies, explaining myself….etc. And now I get it all without doing any of the things I used to do. It’s crazy.

My super grumpy colleague who surprised me last week by hugging me after apologizing for her super rude behavior…..Most are afraid of her and I talk to her like no biggie. Asked her how she wanted me to do something today and she ended the conversation with “Thank you so much Patty.” Then sort of stomped away like she was off to war….her grumpy energy is still there, but man she is more mellow around me now. What a relief!!!

I was truly stunned at the difference non-reaction, leaning back made. It’s like the other person absorbs their own cruddy behavior and because I have pulled away, wants to bring me “back” and seeks me out to repair the damage. It’s amazing!!!! And addicting actually! lol

I honestly think the reason this is working for me is because 1) I feel determined not to repeat old patterns again 2) I practice it as often as I can, not with just my boyfriend or ex. This has caused it to become something I am just living, not as a strategy (although it started that way).

The beauty and grace of leaning back is a lady simply walks away. No need to explain or convince or defend. Just withdraw. The other person will figure out what went wrong because we didn’t fill up the space and allowed them to come to their own realization on their poor behavior.”

When you are the right woman you can’t be with a wrong guy. I turned a “crappy bf” into the most wonderful one.  Yes to his masculine-energy exes he was crappy.  To me he’s the most wonderful boyfriend I’ve ever had and that’s why I’m with him.  I gave him no reason whatsoever not to treat me right.  I inspire him to do his best to assure that he’s attuned to my needs and desire without me having to ask or demand anything.

He does it because it makes him happy to see me so happy and grateful.

I invite you to heal your wounded feminine warrior syndrome and be Ms. Right by signing up for all my programs.  Journey Inward is the first to go to heal all your childhood traumas.  The Leaning Back Workshop will teach you how to be so totally at home in your feminine and meditate on why you are a wounded female warrior.  And the brand new group coaching Four Components of Melting His Heart will catapult you into the most cherished woman who just knows how to deal with day-to-day relationship issues with your man without pushing him away or stonewalling.

MORE: How To Make Him Fall In Love With You All Over Again

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now.  If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters.  This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman.

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Image credit Deposit Photo!


  • So I am reading this and truth is I need help. I have never been told I am bad woman or girlfriend. Actually, all my family members and friends even co-workers love me and know I would do whatever I can for them. I am a very calm and happy person. My ex-boyfriends always told me I was great and
    that the reason we didn’t work out was their fault, and they always try to come back and be with me. BUT I got into a relationship and he’s, from what I gathered from my research, full of toxic masculinity. It’s just too much. I am naturally a free spirit when it comes to relationships. You treat me good I’ll treat you good etc etc. He reminds of what one of your posts says about herself. He wants to know my every move. If I’m on my phone for 2 minutes too long, who are you texting, what are you guys talking about, why are you smiling? Or why do you have to visit your family so much, you travel too much. I truly have tried to understand and work with him but it’s crazy. Before he and I were official I talked to a couple guys. I would text but nothing sexual just crap. Wellllll, He didn’t like that. He made me erase all guys I was ever in contact with unless they were family, but only blood relatives. I can’t salsa dance with anyone (it’s my go-to cardio). What I’m saying is that I’m fine with leadership, masculinity but this seems wrong. Very very wrong. I try to be calm when we argue but I do get loud because he is wrong. Am I in a bad relationship or do I need to be more feminine? He is always telling me I’m not sweet or calming and that I am too masculine. I agree that when I am mad I get loud, (I’m latina) but i just get passionate I’m not trying to emasculate him. I also don’t like being yelled at for something he does as well. I try to point it out and his go-to response it. I can do what I want, you don’t question me or tell when and how to do things. I tell you, you do it. That’s that. — This is ok right? I’m confused reading all these blogs. Am I not playing my role right? or is he really mean and insecure etc etc and I should run?

    Please help me!

    • I hear u and understand. You are not wrong. Any man that tries to control you or tells you you see your family too much is not good for you. It seems you are right about him. He displays toxic masculine behavior. You may have some work to do in being more feminine- BUT that doesn’t excuse his behavior. Move on girl. Don’t look back. The right man will love you for all that you are- loud, passionate – all of it.

  • What happens when you allow a man who just wants casual sex to lead? Are you saying you just allow them to use you?!

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