Heal a Toxic Relationship By Healing Your Toxic Emotions

heal-a-toxic-relationship

One major sign that your toxic emotions need  healing is extreme anxiety and reactivity.  People with toxic emotions responded to most of life’s challenges with anger and aggression that leads toward depression. You can learn how to heal a toxic relationship and your emotions. 

 

I have two most committed students who were in toxic relationships: Renee and Arabella.  The relationships -understandably- didn’t last, they broke up with their guys.  They seek help and found me around the same time.  They were sick of suffering and they were ready to change.  They absorbed everything I had to teach without resistance. A few months later, around the same time as well, they got back with their exes totally transformed. They learned how to heal a toxic relationship when they learned how to heal toxic emotions in themselves.

Here’s Renee about her journey: “These classes are just amazing and helping me understand myself so much better. A total transformation of your self, dropping of my ego and coming back to who I really am: anxiety controlled.

I’ve been on antidepressants for 8 years. Now I’m totally off (that’s $100/month Kat helps me save right there). I feel much more joy. Yes tears too. I’m healing all my relationship one by one. I can’t say enough on how this program has helped me through my greatest demons.

I have been in anger a long time with about 5 men, so I’m really trying to have compassion for them but it’s hard as there was abuse of every kind with them. I have tried counseling in the past and years of AA and read a lot of books, taking anger management, etc. I know some of it goes back to my parents too.

Today I am on my better terms with my parents and last night my mother on the phone wanted to apologize for something she had done to me at 15 which came as a surprise but it was very healing. She knows I’m in theses classes and she is so happy for me and wants me to heal my toxic relationships. I also hard terrible experience at 16 after being kicked out of my family home, I had turned to drugs and alcohol and sex with whoever, and I was drugged and kidnapped and raped, it was after this that my anxiety began.

I have had counseling for this experience and actually feel no anger to this person, but have anger at other men I’ve been involved with. I’ve been married twice and lived with a man on and off for 5 years. He was abusive as well. I finally left him 3 years ago. I want to heal and know I must let go of this anger, more like rage inside of me. I have had suicidal feelings and intense sorrow just before I found you, so I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart because I was at my wits end and couldn’t take anymore pain.

I know it will take me time to understand all that you teach but I’m very willing to have two children who love me and a granddaughter and I want to get better so I can be a good example to them.

Some masculine energy can be scary because it can be violent. Look at how men can go to war or fight. My dad whom I loved when I became a teenager and started rebelling a bit would fly into rages and hit me and scream. It scared, hurt and changed me. I became different inside after that and could no longer trust men and felt scared.

I became a fighter and from then on seemed to attracted masculine men that hurt me. I was drugged and raped at 16, then my first husband beat me while pregnant in a drunken rage. Why are woman scared? Because throughout history we have been abused and hurt by men and had no financial power. Shit, only 100 years ago we could not vote and it was legal to beat your wife. After all this is it any wonder I turned to my masculine energy?

I saw no value in being feminine. Being feminine represented to me the loss of power and abuse. I ran for 30 years being in my masculine. Later in life I became the fighter and abuser with my second husband. No one would hurt me again and I’d hurt him first. I would fly into rages and hit and punch him if he called me names. I would belittle and emasculate him. It was all so sick. Trying to be a man while I was a woman drained me and caused all kinds of issues.

Finally 6 months ago I dropped my sword when I found Kat a broken confused hurting woman that had lost her way. To be feminine today is the scariest thing I have done, yet my soul says I have to now learn to be safe and be a woman if I want to heal a toxic relationship.

Here’s the good news though I am healing and love finding my inner goddess and feminine energy. And I truly believe that as I heal, a man with masculine energy will find me and one that I can trust to lead that is a good man worthy of leading.

My EUM is back in the picture. The last time we spent time together was great as usual. He left next day to go back out of town to work. The next nite to my surprise he called me. He hasn’t in months and months. Then he texts me everyday. Then yesterday he asked me to visit him as I had that day off. I agreed and drove to see him.

He filled up my car full of gas bought me bottle of wine and took me to dinner. He was extremely affectionate. I left this morning. I’m letting him lead and only mirror him. I’m not getting ahead of him either nor asking where we stand, etc. Trying to care less. Thank you, Kat for your teachings. I’m shocked they are working so well.”

Arabella is a military woman and her guy is a military man.  They were both high on the fighter side.  And you can only imagine the kind of relationship they had: physical, violent, drama-filled and volatile.  Yes, it was toxic.

She recounted: “We met in May 2013 and were friends for a good couple of months. Nov 13 we were officially a couple. During our friendship stages I knew he was going through a divorce as he was separated and later on when we did get together he had assured me that they were never going to get back together and that she had moved on and so did she.

Fast forward a few months later when we decided to make it “Facebook” official and let all our family and friends know she found out and went psycho. She started sending me death threats and all sorts of things, begging for him back, calling me a home wrecker, saying crazy things like god will be out to get me for my evil deeds and since they have a daughter together she was using that to against him.

Ever since then our relationship was rocky, his guilt (although he did nothing wrong) combined with my insecurity eventually tore us apart. We had the worst fights, we live in the same apartment block. We would fight, he would kick me out, the next day the same thing.

Eventually he started talking to her again and when I found out It was I that got upset. Long story short we broke up in July. We kept some sort of communication throughout the months, he did all the calling/texting first. Then one day I spotted them out together around end of September once again I was upset but at the end of the day held myself a little bit better (let it all out on here;) ).

A month later he texted again and I just kept it friendly, at that stage I was already dating and was happy to remain friends.

I was like “who am I to try and stop and control his happiness? If he wants to be with her that’s fine, I honestly wish him the best” Well it didn’t happen that way, just a few days ago we got back together :).

“He told me a few nights ago that he was my boyfriend and we made love a number of times, mind you he was a bit drunk when he said it. Haha… he kept asking if I had any questions and the fact that I did not or react to him whenever he said something dumb really threw him back, he kept on saying, “wow that’s a first!” Lol.

I don’t think he is fully prepared or realizes the changes in me at all plus I’m really just happy getting to know him all over again and taking it slow.  In all seriousness at the moment I’m now watching his actions at this point and still doing what I’ve been doing these past couple of months, I would love to be apart of the conversation tonight but I can’t because the timings won’t work for me as I don’t finish till late tonight besides anyway I’m going to see how it goes before declaring that we are an item, you’re actually the first and only person to know.”

Both of them signed up for all my programs especially Journey Inward and upon realizing their own toxicity they worked hard to heal their own toxic emotions.  They came face to face with all the toxic emotions that stemmed from childhood wounds.  Realizing them is half-way toward cure.  Once they are aware of them they could start implementing a new template to replace the old one.

STOP PRESS:  Do You Know It Only Takes One Person To End Cycle Of Toxicity?  Here’s How

One major sign of toxicity is extreme anxiety and reactivity.  They responded to most of life’s challenges with anger and aggression that leads toward depression.  Through Journey Inward they adopted a different kind of mindset and brought awareness to every movement in their mental space and create a distance between themselves and their thoughts from which they can choose their response.  It’s no longer on auto pilot.

heal toxic emotions

Mindfulness is the first step toward healing toxic emotions.

Revisiting childhood traumas is another opening to precious self-knowledge. Then self-hypnosis and affirmations will reprogram a new set of more pacifying and empowering beliefs out of which a new set of behaviors will be born.

In the end everything is just a story.  When you are experiencing the bliss of a quiet mind, you will see very clearly you don’t have to live and relive that story or carry it around with you anymore.  You can drop it now.  You are born again with a clean slate.  “YOU” are the fluid undefined awareness that doesn’t cling to anything or any conceptualization.

Your story is one such conceptualization.  There is no inherent truth in it.  You are governed by it simply because you aren’t aware of it.  Once you’re aware its illusory nature is seen.  That is when dropping your story becomes a natural next step.

And this is when profound transformation takes place.  You have been detoxed: emotionally and spiritually.

Of course it wasn’t always easy.  And they relapsed from time to time and they came to the group for support.  This is why my method has been phenomenal in giving results.  The ongoing support system that consists of hundreds of women who have been in the same purgatory and come out in one piece is unrivaled.  Together, we are changing the world.  We are healing the planet, one woman at a time.

Renee’s progress, especially, is staggering to say the least. Being off antidepressant after 8 years is one thing, but attracting her ex EUM back at the same time after acting batshit crazy with him is another.  She learns everyday to act high-value with him and other men by changing the way she thinks.  She has learned since she’s been with me that her thoughts are the reasons why she feels and acts the way she does and she can choose her thoughts.

These ladies show us that nothing is impossible and it’s never too late to change.  And they also are another example that it takes one person to save a relationship.  It is highly achievable especially when the more anxious partner is committed to change and healing toxic emotions.

Great news is, Journey Inward will be coming back for the 6th time on January 24. Over 400 women have graduated from this program, many more than once.  It is cheaper and works much faster than therapy.  The only requirement is you’re ready (those who think they need strategy (quick fix) to win a guy’s heart can pass).

If you need a breakthrough the way Renee and Arabella have gone through, you can’t afford to miss this program: 8 weeks and 16 hours of solid teaching that will change your life forever.  There are three different plans to choose from (email me if you need a different one).

Sign up here:

The Journey Inward: The First Defining Steps Toward Feminine Magnetism

Renee is one the six ladies who appeared in the monthly membership class a few weeks ago sharing their ex-back stories.  You can get the 2-hour recording here.   My method has reunited thousands of women with their exes on the virtue of personal transformation such as in Renee’s and Arabella’s case.

MORE: Now He’s Back, Take A Few Steps To Breakup Proof Your Relationship

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now.  If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters.  This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman.

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

Image credit Deposit Photo!

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2 comments

  • Hi Katarina! I read through several of your articles a few months ago, and I was skeptical, because of you advocating the dating rotation. Since I started dating at age 18 (I’m 31), I always had a rotation naturally, without thinking. Men would become my boyfriend with ease, but I was immature, not ready for real love, and they wouldn’t last. In my early 20s I dated a man from my culture who was very anti-feminine energy, and I decided to turn up my masculine, go-getter energy to be more accepted. My father was also more supportive of masculine attributes and careers. I also decided to date only one man at a time, which my beta female friends supported. (I have accepted that I’m a natural alpha). I ended up in a serious relationship with what I suspect was a beta male, for almost 2 years. I felt no real attraction, and left him. But after that I encountered so many obstacles in life, that I thought that I had made a serious mistake.

    I went to grad school in my mid 20s feeling very confused. I was single, and felt like that was right for me. I wanted to learn to love myself without a man. The universe agreed, and placed many triggering situations in front of me, to facilitate my evolution…this included an EUM, which was something I had NEVER truly experienced before. When my womb chose him, all I knew was that I wanted to experience him. I had no idea I was in for the ride of my life. He started me on my journey inward!

    That was 4 years ago. I have read many spiritual books, done much meditating, and learned much about myself and people in general. I have come a long way…but then my EUM returned! And I realized, I still had some of the same reactions with him that I had before. Years ago with him, I was exactly what you might think. Leaning forward, forward, forward. Anxious. Demanding. Distrustful. You name it. I was almost EMBARRASSED when he returned. In fact, I was embarrassed. I truly don’t understand why he returned when I was so crazy with him back then. I had so many issues, that weren’t really my fault, just due to unfortunate circumstances 🙁

    I’ve studied other popular relationship/dating experts material, but I really am glad to have come across your material. The dating rotation IS necessary in cases like mine. Some of us have been so conditioned AWAY from our natural feminine selves, due to unforseeable circumstances and things out of our own control. We need to learn to be ourselves again. The EUM is the trigger to bring attention to our wounds. It hurts so much, but the rewards are huge, if we take control of our healing. Not only did I experience two EUM… I also directly experienced being the laughingstock of married women around me, who felt superior to me and my “sad” single life. (But I know now that these women aren’t truly feminine.)

    My EUM has returned and I have been fighting it, because I feel like I could just attract better men, which I have. But there is something pulling us together, and I realize I just need to accept it. It would take humility and forgiveness on my end for me to truly trust and accept him as a man, because I felt so betrayed by him in numerous instances. But because he still there in some way, I decided I just need to include him in my rotation and “return to the scene of the crime”. This is WAY harder than just leaving him alone totally. Like I said, I would have to be humble and take responsibility for the way he treated me. I would have to accept that my leaning forward and lack of trust is what led him to mistreat me and run from me 🙁

    And then, I would have to accept that I would have to change, and not look to him to change. This is so humbling, I realize this is a complete affront to my ego. I now see what you are preaching when you advocate softening of boundaries. I did purchase your book and will likely be taking a few classes in the future. I also have had two relationships of convenience. One is still somewhat going on. I have a lot more men who are into me after working on myself, including beta male types. These men are advocated by Kenya K. Stevens to be “support” choices or “manifestation” choices. What do you think of her philosophy to put male secondary choices into specific roles in your life? For instance, the “handyman” or the “money” man? I like a lot of her philosophies.

    Anyway, I have come to see that what you advocate is very practical and sound advice. It’s about believing in an abundant life, a life without limits. Thanks so much.

    • Hi Stacie, thank you for your comment and sharing your journey and I will have to familiarize myself with Kenya K. Steven’s work to be able to comment. I’ve never heard of her before.

      Hope to see you in the upcoming Journey Inward this January 24.

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