He Texts but Never Makes Plans – E-tethering Anyone?

he texts but doesn't make plans

So you met a guy, maybe on a dating site, maybe even in real life and he now has your number.  He texts, you reply, he texts, you reply.  Seems to be going well, only problem is after a few days or a week, you realize he texts but never makes plans to actually see you.  What is a girl to do?

This often happens after you have spent some time with a guy, maybe even a few dates.  You think he must be interested, after all he is still texting you, maybe even every single day.  He takes the time to text you good morning or text you goodnight.  Maybe asks how is your day.

You tell yourself, he wouldn’t be texting me if he wasn’t interested.  Maybe he even tells you he is busy or has a work or family crisis going on, so you justify why he texts but never makes plans.

What do you do when a guy texts you but never asks you out?

Many will ask, what can I do to get him to ask me out.  They are thinking what can they say that will turn this around.  This is the wrong mindset when it comes to guys that just text but never make the effort to spend time with you.

By trying to get him to ask you out or planning and scheming of ways to get his interest you are trying to control the outcome.  Control being the keyword.  Control and relating with men do not mix, at all.

When he texts you but doesn’t make plans for weeks or even months at a time, it’s time to face the reality of what is and not what you wish it was.  If he isn’t putting in an effort to spend time and get to know you in person, his options are still open.

You may not be the only woman he is dancing this dance with.  He may just be E-tethering you.

What is E-tethering?

E-tethering or E-maintained is when a man does just what we are talking about.  He texts but never makes plans. He gives the least amount of emotional and physical investment possible to keep you as an option. If he wanted to see you or make plans with you, he would.

He may even ask to meet you last minute or just call up and want to come over late at night.  Since he has been texting you every day, even calling you by name ( being called by name subliminally creates the feel of connection), you say yes.  You think here is your chance.

Problem is, now your brain chemicals are activated into deeper attraction and when he goes back to his E-tethering, you allow it to continue, until next time.  Vicious cycle it is!

How To Handle When He Texts but Never Makes Plans

How you  handle this situation can determine if you become a doormat or maintain your high value status.

You mirror his behavior.  In other words, you keep your options open as well.  Put him on the back burner, keep dating others.  You stop wasting your emotional energy on a guy who isn’t investing into you. If all he can do is text you, maybe you become too busy on your other dates to reply to these mindless texts.

He will notice.  It’s not what you do that gets a man’s attention, it’s often more of what you don’t do.  Let him E-tether other girls, while you be easy to lose.  Lean way back into your feminine energy, not into controlling energy.  Controlling energy is when you try to think of ways to get him to ask you out.

Controlling energy is masculine and that never works on men.  It’s the leaning back, easy to lose energy that gets a man’s attention.

So next time you encounter a man you find interesting and he starts texting but never makes plans or asks you out, just care less. Don’t try to force it or build up hope.  If you have a dating rotation, you will hardly even notice.

Do you find yourself attaching to men that don’t step up?  Do you attach to men that don’t attach to you?  Do you find yourself trying to make things  happen with men.  You need to check out Katarina’s Leaning Back and Cultiving Feminine Mystique Workshop here. 

Photo credit Deposit Photo.




  • Great article! Here’s my situation: me and guy have been spending a lot of time together-he even brought me to his family bbq on 4th of July! We spent my birthday together, etc. Then I saw him on the weekend and the next day he is pulling back. I tried to make dinner plans at his place like we have been doing on the weekend. But he wants to “relax” and “be alone” making all kind of nonsense excuses about getting distracted bla bla..I have known him for a while too..but I feel if he were into me he would be more excited about spending time with me and I’m not getting that vibe. He says I’m pushy and that I’m pushing him away…not sure if that’s also an excuse or legit. My problem is I get too anxious and have a hard time waiting for the guy to make plans…

  • I met this guy online. We talked. Went on a date. Crazy connection. Crazy physical attraction. Couldnt keep our hands away from each other. Video chatted every night. Then he was sick and asked to come over. He was having cold for real. Spent a night at my place. Text and video chatted for another week. He got sick again but dragged himself to celebrate an important to me holiday with me. Again great connection. Now for the past week texts only. Just not the same feel for me because i miss him but he makes. O plans. I asked him when am i going to see him he answered soon baby. Why is he texting every morning good morning love, during the day saying i miss you, and after work but doesnt make any plans?

  • I am just back into the dating world after a 12 year marriage- so I probably sound immature. I began talking to a guy. It wasn’t a situation were we met with an intention of finding someone to date – just mutual friend- I flirted- we began talking and texting and the same day we talked about going bowling the next night, but nothing was concrete. I went about my day as if I had no plans, and he texted me “what time do you want to go tonight?” – it was already 6p. I told him I could meet him at 8p – during the bowling – he asked if I wanted to go grab a drink after, we did. We kissed a lot at the end of the night. The next day, he said “we can chill again” in a text wasn’t sure exactly how to read into that. We have chatted frequently- and he invited me to come over a few days later for a poker game with his friends- but never followed through that night. We saw each other again last night – but I didn’t want to keep initiating contact- and haven’t heard from him – I don’t want to put pressure to early- and I also know I really like him and don’t want to stay invested in someone who maybe isn’t looking for anything serious- he has talked to me about his past and his children and some problems in his life – but not in depth. Which I don’t expect after knowing me 3 weeks, I just wonder how I can get a better read on his intentions without flat out asking him – cause I wouldn’t t even know how to word that!

    • You lean forward too much. Focus on other guys instead and lean way back that’s how you know if he’s serious or interested. Get the ebook and do it right from the get go.

  • I am experiencing the same thing. I went on dates with this guy, it was really good and he was attentive and romantic and made alot of effort. After a while I started asking him why he doesnt make plans more frequently etc, he said that I dont give him a chance. Since then he has (I guess) been e- thethering me. We mostly communicate on whatsapp. We work together but only see each other at work, hardly ever outside working hours. I leaned way forward and it pushed him away a bit and then I leaned back and he leaned forward again, even suggesting we spend some time together. Then I got sick and became needy and he leaned back again.

    I cant help but feel that I am wasting my time with him and want to walk away, honestly, I dont have the guts (pathetic I know).

    I wish we could go back to the time in the beginning when he was thoughtful and took me out and held my hand etc. I dont know what to do.

    • You need more horses in your stable so you’re not ahead of him as you are right now. You need to be on the same page as him at all time.

  • Hi Kat and Robin,

    I’ve been seeing this guy for about 2 months and we’ve seen each other maybe 5-6 times during this time. Basically we see each other once every other week. We really hit it off and I’ve heard from our mutual friends just last week that the interest is definitely there from his side. We saw each other like 10 days ago and since then we’ve been sending some texts to each other. I just feel kind of turned off that we don’t see each other more, and I kind of feel like just leaning way back now and maybe even not responding to his last superficial text. What do you think? Should I keep on the superficial texting even if I feel like just giving it some space so that he can really feel if he wants to see me anymore or not? And I’ll try to be okay with whatever he does at this point, if he reaches out again or not.

    • He’s pacing you and all you need to do is focus on your rotation so he can take his time without getting pressured. Have you read my ebook yet? Please read it cause it will answer so many questions you have and you will not become a statistics of a typical woman turning a Prince Charming into a frog by her naggy and pushy energy/behaviors.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *