Five Steps To Get Yourself Back First Before You Can Get Your Ex Back

There are tons of get-ex-back advices out there but none of them really focuses on what really matters: getting yourself back first.  Here are 5 definite steps that have been proven time and again to get all sorts of exes back.

“Hi, Kat,

You can share my story on FB group if you want to….. I just can’t reveal my identity. My name is AA. I have been following you since June. My boyfriend broke up with me the second time in May, and I moved out of the house. I still remember those days my heart was ?hurting so much, I was living in the anxiety of him dating someone else.

I followed you and your teaching. I don’t think you are teaching any kind of strategies to get any results. You are teaching a way of living and being. You are absolutely right, once you have gotten to a place you are ok with what it is and you are ok with yourself, everything you want just comes your way.

My ex is a very charming man. He dated a lot of women, always had a lot of options. When I was with him, I was always living in anxiety. I feared that if I was not good enough, he would just leave and be with somebody else. Whatever you think about comes to reality. I was always thinking about breaking up, and it came to my reality. I couldn’t accept the breakup for a long time, so I fought it.

And finally came to a point, I realized my reality. I am single again, and I am free. I could date anyone I want. So I started a dating rotation, met a guy. He was the type that is very charming and had a lot of options as well. I let him initiated all the dates, and I had sex with him on the second date.

To be honest with you, I kind of wanted to test out your theory about sex. I wanted to know if he was going to withdrawal after it. I want to see how much involved I would be. I also just wanted to have sex and break free from my ex. He was great in bed, I loved it….. but to my surprise, I was not attached to it and he didn’t withdraw either, instead it brought us closing.

He never called me or texted me during the days we didn’t see each other….. we usually see each other two or three times a week. I questioned him about it once because it bothered me, but your teaching rescued me from the confusion. If I am having a good time with him, he is paying all the time…. why not just enjoy the moment, that is exactly what I did….. and he fell in love with me….. and my ex came back….. still in love with me…….

I feel great when these tow charming, successful men would fall in love with me…….. I really didn’t do anything, I lived my life…. I cared about my feelings and I softened my boundaries. I am not overwhelmed by joy right now, I just feel really peaceful, like I know I am fine because I got myself. I love them both. It is not a matter of who I choose to be with anymore. It’s not that important anymore. I have the power to make anything work.

Thank you, Kat, It was great meeting you…… Love you, love your teaching…. will be a forever student…..”

Though my work doesn’t specifically deal with how-to-get-ex-back situations, it is the one that has been consistently giving results in the get-ex-back department though.  It is the real deal.  AA is just one recent many.  Some are back with their ex-husbands even.

UPDATE: AA is engagement #28 in 2019 and is now married to the same man.  She’s also in the Follow My Process Coach Certification Program.  These results I’m showing you day in day our are 100% REAL.  I never have to embellish them.  They’re coming in every single day because my teachings work the BEST in the world, I have no doubt about it.

And as AA noted, my work doesn’t include strategies.  It’s about healing one’s neuroses.  It’s about being whole and not needing anyone to make us feel good about ourselves cause that feeling-good-about-oneself bit is built-in inside ourselves.

So her case is a typical situation that many women find me for: they don’t know to deal with themselves.

This is what she said on her first email on July 18, less than 2 months before that email above:  “Hi Kat, I have been following you on your website for a month now. I bought a lot of your teaching programs and read a lot of your blogs. I really like your teaching. It resonates with me. But I also found it is very hard to do, and I don’t know how I can make it happen.

My boyfriend broke up with me for the second time in May. We were engaged, so everything is off now. we have a huge age difference, I am 34 and he is 59. We also work together, still work together. 

I just want to feel better now. I want to get over this, let him go and feel free and happy again. But this anxious energy is with me all the time. I constantly worry about he will start dating somebody from work again, and I don’t know how to deal with that. Please help me. 

He dated a lot of women before me and a lot of women became his friends. There were a lot of jealousy going on, so we had a lot of fights. I pretty much pushed my way through engagement. I also pushed hard after we got engaged, so he finally snapped. 

To be honest with you, I still want to be with him, but i think he is done, and not coming back, since this is the second breakup. I had a lot of resentment in the relationship as well, i do feel like a lot of times it is his way or the high way, I didn’t have a voice.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I contacted him once after the breakup for some financial things, he replied “ of course, sweetie, I will write you a check today.”

He also invited me once for a party, kind of a group email, I was included.

Do you think there is any hope for us to get back together?”

So through my ebook, many of my classes and major programs Journey Inward and the Leaning Back Workshop and premium email coaching, within 3 months of finding and practicing my teachings she got the result above.

But above all she got herself back.

And that’s the whole point.

Here are some steps that I advised her to do:

    1.  Move on and date again.  Sitting and moping around aren’t going to make you more attractive or make your ex want you back.  It’s very important that every moment you spend when you’re in the breakup situation is soul nourishing.  Find meaning in this very difficult period of your life.  And a lot of times the meaning is in finding you: the gorgeous, sovereign person who loves being single as much as being adored in relationship.
    2.  Time to do your journey inward, to own all the recurring themes and issues in relationships so later you can lose the identification to those things.  For example, if you’re always jealous and insecure in all your relationships, it’s time to realize your own innate desirability as a woman and human being.  That you’re special and unique in your own way and only in your way, not in your perceived competition with the other woman (women).
    3.  Did I say “perceive?”  Yes, I mention perception and how important it is to realize what it is.  Perception isn’t reality but you create your reality though the perception your unguarded mind projects unto the outer world.  Because your perception is so skewed and corrupted, the behaviors resulting from it will also be dysfunctional.  When you no longer perceive yourself in your head you will also stop perceiving the world according your ego/mind filter.  The knowledge of experiencing yourself direct without the interference of thoughts (also called beingness) is something you can expect to happen with increased awareness and less static noise in the form of self-perception/I-thoughts in your consciousness.  When you stop perceiving, you curtail most running commentaries in your head and in the process you begin to experience reality in a more and more wholesome and unbroken-whole way and less and less perception.
    4.   Let your ex come to you again when he’s ready, meanwhile you take care of yourself without an apology.  After the initial breakup there is too much volatility but he will be ready to approach your situation from a new chapter or modified angle when you allow him to process his emotions.  Thus, this is the time to reflect so when he reaches out again you’re in your best state of mind and ready to present your new shifted energy.  Let him speak and you listen and not trying to defend yourself.  Accept your mistake and be humbled about it.  That alone will cast so much doubt into your ex’s mind about the necessity of the breakup.
    5.   Treat the post-breakup situation as the reset button to your entire relationship so you start anew and afreshThat includes that he needs to court you and reclaim you again.  Don’t assume he’s fully in just because you start talking and hanging out again.  He will pull back from time to time just like the first time you dated again, let him be but you mustn’t forget to take care of your emotional needs by building a solid rotation so you don’t fall back to the toxic anger and resentment.

Now hear me out, I’m having an end-of-summer deal to close this month of September.  And if you’re in the breakup situation you don’t want to miss this opportunity.

  1.  Take $400 OFF for the entire 5 modules of my ultimate program Feminine Magnetism, coupon code: 400OFF (scroll down to the bottom of the page, valid for one payment only) or
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  3.  Take $20 OFF of the already $95 OFF 5 Class Specials (so total discount of $115), coupon code: 20OFF
  4. Take $15 OFF for the ebook with email and/or Skype coaching, coupon code: 15OFF
  5. Take $50 OFF for unlimited email coaching and 1-hour Skype, or $100 OFF for three 1-hour Skype sessions, coupon code: 50OFF and 100OFF respectively.

The offers are valid till October 15, 2019 at midnight PT.

Write me at if you need me to pick your classes or you need to inquire about what programs best fit your situations.

MORE:  What If He’s Rebounding, How To Maximize Your Chance The Kat Way?

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1. Attachment and How It Messes Up Everything, 60 mins
2. How Emotional Abuse Happens In Relationship and How to Stop It, 90 mins
3. When To Speak Up and How To Communicate In A Way that He Can Listen to and Make Him Love You Even More, 90 mins4. Financial Sharing in Dating and Relationship, the Ideal and Reality of it, 60 mins
5. Trusting Yourself and Your Intuition, 80 mins
6. Abandonment, Fears, Anxiety and A Journey to True Inner Healing, 80 mins
7. What Is Cheating and How Cheating Happens and how to cheat-proof your relationship, 80 mins
8. Abandonment, Fears, Anxiety and A Journey to True Inner Healing part 2 with coach Dasha, 90 mins
9. How to Cultivate Emotional Attraction with Your EUM/Guy, 90 mins
10. Goddess Interview: Chiemeri, The Power of Thoughts, 60 mins
11. How to Create Magnetic Allure Thru Sex and Sensuality with coach Dasha, 140 mins!!
12. When Is Relationship Exclusive and What to Do When You’re An Exclusive with A Guy Who Doesn’t Act Like a Boyfriend, 90 mins
13. How to Create Magnetic Allure Thru Sex and Sensuality part 2 with coach Dasha, 80 mins!!
14. Seven Moves to Charm, Entice and Captivate your Man without Leaning Forward, 140 mins!!
15. How to Move On after a Breakup, And Attract Him Back in The Process If That’s What You Want, 100 mins
16. How to Lean Back and Be High Value Even When You Feel He’s Friend Zoning You, 60 mins
17. How to Create and Build Solid Trust in a Relationship with Coach Dasha, 90 mins
18. Will Leaning Back Work Now After Leaning Forward for 10 Years?, 90 mins
19. How to Merge Two Families and Handle Conflicts with His Kids, 90 mins
20. How to Forget and Forgive After He Cheated On You or Should You, 90 mins
21. How to Survive and Thrive After A difficult Break Up with Coach Dasha, 90 mins
22. Why Anxiety is An Attraction Killer that Causes Him to Become “Emotionally Unavailable” and How to Self-Sooth When You’re Anxious, 90 mins
23. How to Handle Your Triggers and Not to Walk On Eggshells with Your Guy/Partner, 90 mins
24. How to Successfully Navigate Conflict and Highly Charged Situations with Coach Dasha, 80 mins
25. How and Why Your Sob Stories Make Your Relationship So Rocky, 90 min
26. What Is Being A Witness/Observer of All Phenomena or Inner Experiences is All About, 100 mins

Again, only $99/month and you can cancel anytime. No down payment of $2,000 and $500/month some vanity/newbies coaches with no credentials twist your arm to pay. It’s like therapy with a Buddha for less than $10/hour. There is simply NO EQUIVALENCE out there in terms of QUALITY, RESULTS and AFFORDABILITY. It’s so DIRT CHEAP,  ladies….seriously sign up!!

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  • I met my boyfriend last August through a dating app (Bumble). We’re in a similar line of work, have a lot in common, and want the same things. As we were getting to know each other everything felt really amazing and easy. We both deleted our accounts on Bumble pretty quickly. About two months into us dating he told me he loved me. A month after that I went with him on a work trip to Chicago and while we were there he told me he thought this relationship “could be it” for him. I told him I felt the same way. In December he went home to visit family for Christmas and when he came back he told me he had a ring for me and after that would sometimes make comments about how we would be engaged by the end of 2019 / early 2020.

    Everything felt like it was going well but I have issues allowing myself to be vulnerable. When I’m stressed or irritated I have a tendency to shut down and become distant / passive aggressive / negative / overly sarcastic / push people away. I’m also not the best at being physically affectionate. He would sometimes make comments about these things but we never really had a serious conversation about it. I’ve been pretty stressed these past couple of months so my mood has been up and down.

    In late February 2019 we went out of the country on vacation together and had a great time. The next weekend he came to New York with me and I introduced him to my family. His parents were coming to town in June and he wanted me to meet them then.

    Then, at the end of March he came over on a Friday night and I had had a pretty difficult week. I was being distant and he finally said “I’m not happy” and said that I’m always negative, distant, or looking for an argument. Since I was already drained, I shut down and the conversation didn’t really go anywhere and he ended up leaving. The next day he said (via text) that he thought we needed a break and said he had tried on a number of occasions to tell me how he had been feeling but we don’t communicate well so we’re not compatible and aren’t good for each in the long run. I kept trying to explain that we had never really had a conversation about how he felt and that I didn’t fully know until that weekend (eg. how could I work on things I didn’t know I needed to work on?) but he just kept saying that he had “tried to tell” me. I left him alone for a week and then texted him asking him not to give up on me. He basically said the same thing he had said the previous weekend and said he was tired and couldn’t talk that night (it was a Sunday night). I was afraid I was losing him so I went to his place, even though he asked me not to, and kept insisting that he talk to me but he just kept telling me to leave. The next day I texted him, apologizing for showing up the night before and asking if we could talk in a couple days. He said we could talk on the phone that night. When we did, I tried to explain that I didn’t understand how he felt before but now that I do we could work on things. He essentially said he still cares about me but reiterated that we don’t communicate well and, since that’s a big deal, we’re not compatible. He kept saying he needed space and wouldn’t tell me for how long. He said I needed to “let it go” and “just move on” and that I would find someone “better” than him. I kept looking for some kind of reassurance that there was hope for us and he eventually said we could talk on the phone again “soon.”

    I decided not to contact him for three weeks but, during that time, he had surgery so I ordered him food to be delivered to his apartment but the delivery person said he wouldn’t go down to the lobby to accept the food. After not reaching out for three weeks, I texted him and we made a little small talk. He seemed like he was being nice, or at least polite. At the end of our conversation, I asked if he would be open to me sending him a letter I had written. He said that was fine. I sent the letter, which went into detail about how I let my insecurities and immaturity get in the way of allowing myself to be vulnerable with him. I explained I realized I needed to let my insecurities go in order to be in a healthy relationship and, to demonstrate my willingness to work on being more vulnerable, I went into detail about all of the reasons I love him. About four days after I sent the letter I hadn’t heard from him so I texted him to say I missed him. He didn’t respond. The next day I texted him again and asking if he wanted to meet up for a drink if he was around that weekend. He travels a lot for work and responded saying he was out of town that weekend and in NC the following weekend. I asked if he was available during the week and he said he wasn’t and, in fact, he would be busy traveling for work most of May (which sounded absurd, he travels a lot for work but not so much that he would be too busy for an entire month). I eventually texted back saying “if you were available would you want to see me? If so, I’ll follow-up with you in a couple weeks.” He never responded.

    The next day I was really struggling emotionally and needed a distraction so I made a new profile on Bumble and, while I was swiping through profiles, saw that he had also made a new profile. I was shocked and hurt. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve promised myself I won’t try to contact him for at least a month (all of May) with hopes that the space will cause him to reach out to me but I’m now worried that he’s going to meet someone else and/or that if a month goes by and he doesn’t reach out then that means he’s completely lost interest and me trying to contact him again won’t change anything. I really love him and have never felt like this with anyone else. I think we had something special and, if we got back together, things would be better because we would now both be on the same page about what we need to work on and I have more clarity now about how to handle things differently. What should I do?

  • Will this work if I broke up with him but want him back?

  • Thanks for the awesome tips! I agree that we should focus on our selves first. Everything will follow when we learn to let go. 🙂

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