Exactly Why Your Insecurity Makes Him Run

How Your Insecurity Hurts Your Partner

Insecurity in a relationship or even just casual dating is one of the top relationship (and attraction) killers. When you are insecure in your relationship, not only do you suffer, but your partner suffers as well. Believe it or not, your partner or potential partner needs your security.

A relationship will not flourish if one or both partners are insecure.  It will be limited in growth potential.

Below is an example of how your insecurity can create a vicious cycle and sabotage a relationship.

Angela and Greg met on a dating site and the sparks flew on their first date.  In just a few weeks, they became exclusive and agree to give it a go.

Things went swimmingly well the first couple of months.  They were inseparable.

Greg had a bachelor party that he had been committed to for one of his best friends.

The closer it got, the more Angela freaked inside.  Would there be naked women there?  Strippers?  Would Greg meet someone else at the club?

She started bringing it up.  Asking him questions.  Seeking his reassurance.  She insisted he call her when he got home.

Greg went to the party, but his girlfriend had now somehow managed to make him feel guilty.  Obligated.

They had their first fight. The first chip off of the relationship out of many.

Angela was insecure and it was more and more obvious. She wanted to talk about her feelings and why she had them and she wanted Greg to understand.

She felt threatened by simple things like female friends on social media.

Once he had to cancel a date to help a friend move and she felt left out.

Her feelings seemed to get hurt often over things that Greg just didn’t feel was a big deal.

Her feelings were hurt over things he did.

Her feelings were hurt over things he didn’t do.

She had been hurt before.

She had been cheated on before.

She had been lied to.

These were her reasons for her insecurity.

This is just a brief summary of the story but the bottom line is Angela’s insecurity wore Greg down. Wore him out.

He became the manager of her emotions.  He couldn’t express himself freely and didn’t even feel comfortable joking around or picking at her playfully anymore.

The fun woman he fell in love with was gone.  Replaced by a woman seeking reassurance and validation of her status inside the relationship.


Men Need You to be Secure so they can be Secure

In a nutshell, men fall in love with how you make them feel.  If they feel good in your presence they stay.

If you are secure in your relationship, you are giving him your trust.  Men need to be trusted.

They do not need to pay for the sins of the men in your past.

When you are insecure with your man, he begins to feel unsafe.

Unsafe to express himself, be himself.

Unable to form an intimate emotional connection with you.

You can’t give security to your partner if you don’t have security inside yourself.

You just can’t give what you don’t have.

If you feel insecure in your relationship or in dating, how will your partner feel secure with you?

For someone to feel safe with you, first you must feel safe with yourself.

Security is about Trust

Many women who find themselves insecure don’t trust themselves.

They don’t trust their own judgements.  They don’t trust that they will be okay with or without the man that currently holds their interest or their heart.

If you can’t trust yourself, he won’t feel safe enough to trust you either. He won’t trust you with his deepest feeling and emotions.

If you can’t handle your own emotions, how on earth can you handle his?

I have been in a relationship with an insecure partner.

One weekend in particular comes to mind.  The weekend of the straw that broke the camel’s back as I call it.

I have some good friends.  They are a part of my life.  I like to spend time with them.

Over the course of our relationship, I spent less and less time with them.  He would get quiet when I wanted one on one time with them.

He would start texting me stuff that could wait when I was with them.

Then one of my life long friends who had lived across country came back to live 2 hours from me away after 15 years.

I couldn’t wait to see her.  I was so excited.  I planned a weekend trip to her new house.

He texted me constantly.  Wanted me to call every morning and every night.  Told me how it made him feel bad when I forgot.

And I did forget.  I was having fun.  It was nothing personal to him but he took it personal.

I was doing nothing wrong.   We were just sitting around a campfire, drinking wine, grilling and catching up.  Hanging out.  We never even left her house.

He was 200 miles away, yet I felt crowded, controlled.  I was managing his emotions from 200 miles away.

I did not feel trusted.  I did not feel safe. I felt anger and resentment.

So next time your partner gets irritated with you or seems to have little patience with your insecure habits, remember this.

If he tells you that you are too sensitive or makes comments like “oh not this again”, you better start journeying inward and work on those insecurities before you sabotage another relationship.

***Read More Posts on Insecure behavior:

If your boyfriend looks at other women

Jealousy in Relationships

Trusting a man

Managing Your Emotions

Gaining Security

Turn Jealousy into an opportunity to inspire him


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  • Omg, this is my situation exactly. Your article made realise what I’ve been doing is exactly why has driven my partner to emotionally disconnect and give up on our relationship. I completely get it. But how do I learn that the pain my previous long term relationship (he lied, cheated, emotionally abusive) shouldn’t be projected onto my current partner. How do I learn to trust my own instincts and is it too late to salvage my relationship? We broke up but we still live in the same home, but different rooms. Should I just give up? I truly love him, we get along so well & he’s never given reason to not trust him, yet I haven’t been able to control my insecurity… please help…

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