Dating More Than One Man is a Single Woman’s Best Friend
One of the founding principles of the book “He’s That Into You, He’s Just Not Ready” by Katarina “Kat” Phang, is that you do not act like a girlfriend before the man you adore agrees to be your boyfriend. If your guy isn’t offering you a relationship that is exclusive, then there is no need for you to be exclusive to him either. Instead, Kat advises that you keep your options open by dating more than one man with a Dating Rotation.
A Dating Rotation is just like it sounds. You “date” multiple men, and rotate them through your calendar, and through your life. Many women do not like this idea, as they have to have THIS particular guy who they’re waiting on, and it feels “slutty” to date more than one man. But my personal definition of dating is a bit more evolved than that.
Successfully dating more than one man requires that you understand that it’s a numbers game. The MORE options you have, the BETTER selection you can make. I have to remind you that men know this, and they don’t feel guilty dating more than one woman before they are ready to settle down. In fact, men INVENTED dating rotation. So while you’re still single, even if you are love with him, you can date others. You shouldn’t feel guilty about dating more than one man.
“If you’re lonely in relationship, it’s a sign that he’s not your boyfriend,” Kat continues, “Stop making excuses for a man who isn’t stepping up. Trust his actions, not his words. So when he’s not acting like a boyfriend, rotate his ass.”
So here are the kinds of men who will make their way to your Dating Rotation “stable.”
Since joining Katarina’s secret Facebook group for “He’s That Into You, He’s Just Not Ready,” my definition of “dating” has shifted a bit. For example, online dating now brings many men to you who will have your romantic attention and energy even though you’ve never met them in person. They can text you “Good Morning” daily, engage in long texting sessions, have video Skype chats but never ask you out IN PERSON.
Unfortunately, many of those men have girlfriends or wives, so if you find yourself having marathon texting sessions with someone who sounds like this, give yourself a deadline to fade out your “pen pal.” This group also includes the men who you KNOW are in a relationship but they try to flirt with, or date you anyway. Ignore them, or give them the random hairflip, but do NOT entertain any suggestion of a relationship with them. It will not end well.
Even though there’s a time and place for everything, the most that these men can offer you is a charming ego boost. They are basically time wasters, so do not invest your emotions into someone who cannot meet you in person. Getting caught up with them will encourage fantasy thinking and expectations. If you find yourself refusing to date a man in real life because of one of the above guys, RUN!
Every woman needs to acknowledge the wonderful men who are already bringing value to her life, and many of these relationships are platonic. Guy friends that you are not sleeping with (and they’re not trying to sleep with you either!) offer many other benefits including a listening ear, someone who can fix things, someone who will help you out when you’re in a jam, etc. Time with these guys can be meaningful, so spend some time with them too.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS (FWB)
Ahh, the good old Friend with Benefits. This is someone that you like, are comfortable with, and also enjoy having sex with. One of you may have feelings for the other, or you both may be happy with the convenience. Either way, this is how many grown ass women get their “maintenance.”
A romantic date is one on one time spent with a man you might be attracted to. I say “might,” because you might meet a guy on a first date and not be attracted to him at all. But your reason for being there is to discover if he’s someone that you’d ever want to KISS by choice. Once you’ve decided that you are attracted to a man, romantic dates move the relationship further.
Regardless of your age, a “boyfriend” is the man who has claimed you as his girlfriend, and commands (and hopefully deserves) your romantic attention and energy. Perhaps the relationship will lead to living together, marriage, etc, but at this moment, this is the one and only romantic relationship that both of you are in, and you acknowledge that you are exclusive with one another.
By the way, you do not have to sleep with any or all of the men in your rotation. There will be some men that you see once or twice a week, and other dates that you’ll only see once ever in your life. The goal is to be open to possibilities, and have fun. Until the man you adore is your official BOYFRIEND, remember that you are single, and may act accordingly.
Allow yourself to be a Goddess, adored by many, and may the best man win!
If you want to learn more about setting up a dating rotation of your own, check out Kat Phang’s book, He’s That Into You, He’s Just Not Ready.
Guest Blog Post by Carla Hall of Dating and Relating Blog!
Photos by Deposit Photo