Control Your Emotions in Relationships and Stop Crying!
Do you control your emotions in relationships or do you unknowingly rely on others to manage your emotions for you? Do you find that you get your feelings hurt easily, or do you think of yourself as a person with a big big heart that keeps getting hurt and let down? If this is you, perhaps you haven’t quite mastered the art of managing your own emotions.
Nancy had been dating Nick for about six weeks. Nancy was 7 months out of a relationship that left her head spinning. She was cheated on and lied to by her previous boyfriend. She thought Nick needed to know about her past and asked me when would be a good time to bring it up.
After an hour on the phone with Nancy, it was determined that the reason she really wanted Nick to know about her hurtful past was so that he would be more understanding of her non trusting nature. As if somehow telling him would guarantee her it wouldn’t happen to her again.
Month number 8 they were going out of town with some friends for a weekend and Nancy got the flu. Nick wanted to go anyway. It was a big party event. Nancy got all hurt and could not understand why Nick would still want to go. After all he knew her past history and he knew him going without her would cause her anxiety and worry. She expected him to stay behind and manage her emotions for her.
Nancy and Nick are no longer together and now Nancy has another story of betrayal in her arsenal to dump on the next man in her life. Nancy has no control over her emotions in relationships and places the expectations of emotional management onto others.
Why are we so anxious to share the pains of our past with our partners? Do we feel playing the damsel in distress is attractive? Do we think it will make the current man treat us better or give us more? A woman in control of herself and her emotions is irresistible to men. They are drama free!
Are You Labeled as Sensitive?
If you can’t control your emotions in relationships, men often will refer to you as too sensitive. Has a anyone ever told you that you were too sensitive. If so, it’s a sign that you don’t control your emotions in relationships very well.
Tina is sensitive. Her ex boyfriend Jack will tell you Tina is sensitive. Tina got her feelings hurt when Jack didn’t send flowers on her birthday. She let him know how it hurt her feelings and if he loved her, he would have sent flowers. Tina got her feeling hurt when Jack didn’t call her every night. Tina got her feeling hurt often.
Tina had no control over her emotions. It really has little to do with being sensitive. It’s about Tina’s expectations of how the relationship is supposed to be. When you manage your own expectations in a relationship, you will find managing your emotions to be much easier.
Nancy up there expected Nick to treat her with kid gloves. She thought by telling him about her past hurts, he would make sure and not hurt her like that. She unknowingly asked him to manage her emotions for her. Not so much with her words but with her actions.
The ability to manage your own expectations and control your emotions in relationships the more happiness and contentment you will bring into your life. To not do so it placing your well being into the hands of others. I don’t know about you, but I prefer to take responsibility for my own well being and happiness. To place it in the hands of others is fleeting.
If your partner is always hurting your feelings or not doing what you think he should be doing to show he cares you have one of two things going on. You either have the wrong man or you don’t know how to control your emotional investment in the relationship.
I haven’t always been able to manage my emotions well. I can remember a time when I was constantly anxious in relationships. I can remember playing the story in my head how no man would ever really “get” me. I had been let down over and over again.
What I didn’t know then is that I was actually creating my own reality by my expectations of things in relationships are supposed to look. I was expecting the men in my life to manage my emotions for me. I wish that Kat would have been around back then with her Journey Inward program. It would have saved me years of my self inflicted failed relationships.
Image credit Deposit Photo