Can You Date When You are Still in Love with Someone Else?
Can you date new men when your heart strings are tied to another? The better question may be how to date when you are still in love with someone else. How can you navigate these waters and heal in the process?
Some say the best way to get over one man is to get under another. While sometimes this is true, often you feel like crap afterwards. You find yourself comparing the new man to the old one and longing even harder for the ex.
You can’t wait to get back home. At the end of the date you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably.
And of course some will say to take time to yourself. While I agree with this and you should take some time alone, that doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself for months or years.
Then you have those that will tell you it’s not fair to the new men you are dating. You might end up hurting him or them. You shouldn’t be playing with the hearts of others.
It doesn’t have to be this way. You can be in love with one man and still date others in a healthy way that may help you heal and grow and possibly even add to the lives of the men you are dating. You never know where they are at in their lives either for that matter.
Tips for Dating When You Love Another
Start Paying Attention to Men is Small Steps!
After my last break up, after my initial two week period in sweat pants and no make up, a can of dry shampoo, going through the motions of the day I got some very good advice.
A friend suggested I just start taking notice of men and the good things they did ( Katarina was not around then). Even the smallest of things. Take a moment to appreciate them.
A man smiled and opened a door for you. Good! Take notice. Your male coworker brought in donuts for the office. Wonderful. Thank him.
I remember being out one night and I somehow hit my already wounded hand on something and started bleeding. The man sitting beside me at the bar went out to his truck and came back in carrying alcohol wipes and band aids. He took the extra step and wiped down my cut and put the band aid on himself.
I did not let that brief moment of human intimacy escape me.
This may seem trivial. If you are hurting over one man, you have tunnel vision. Take the time to make a conscious effort to notice the good in other men. Hold onto the little things.
Start Small With Short Dates
If the wound is fresh and the heartbreak is recent, you may not feel like keeping it together for hours. I remember excusing myself to the bathroom for a cry on a long date after the ending of a long term relationship.
You don’t want to do this so start out with just short dates. Go out for happy hour. Maybe a quick bite to eat.
You are strong and resilient even if you don’t feel it so much. You can handle an hour or two and hold it together. A woman in control of her own emotions is so attractive and irresistible.
Pay attention to the man as a person and not hold him up to the measuring stick in your head of your ex and you might actually enjoy yourself.
Look For Good in Your Dates
Look for the good in your dates. Seek out good qualities that he may have that your ex may not have.
May I point out the obvious here. He is present. He is with you. He is giving you attention, effort and time. Something your ex or the man you are in love with is not at the moment.
One of my first dates was with a man that was gentle, soft spoken and a bit shy. The complete opposite of my ex. Not my usual type really. I prefer the Alpha male.
That does not mean that I could not find appreciation for his gentle ways. I found his gestures and ability to show kindness heart warming. Something my ex did not do so well. He was humble, something my ex was definitely not.
How to Avoid Hurting Men When You are in Love With Another
There is a real possibility that one or more of the men you date while still in love with someone else may begin to fall for you. This is a reality.
First remember you are not responsible for the emotions of others. Taking responsibility for the emotions of others may very well be what got you in this place to start with.
The key here is pacing them. We all know when a man is more into us than we are into him. It’s obvious.
Don’t accept every date. Don’t engage in long text conversations with him. Tell him you are busy or out.
If he pushes, you simply tell him you aren’t ready. Seriously, how many times have you been told that by a man? Don’t you wish you would have listened?
If he can’t handle that, it’s on him. If he acts all butt hurt, move on. It’s not your problem.
Strive to Live in the Moment
Focus on right now. What is happening right now.
I remember one of my first long dates when I was still in love with my ex. He drove two hours to take me to the county fair here. Dinner was planned afterwards.
An entire day and night with a man that wasn’t my ex. To say I was anxious is an understatement.
When we arrived and got out of the car, he grabbed my hand. Wow I wasn’t expecting that. I just rolled with it.
As the day moved on, I just leaned into it. Whatever. We were watching the pigs race and he got behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and I felt his breath on my neck. I leaned into the moment.
Though we didn’t work out ( because I wasn’t ready), it is probably one of the most memorable dates ever. It was a turning point when I realized that life was not over because the man I loved didn’t love me back.
He didn’t die because I rejected his proposal of a long term relationship. He survived. He did get a little pissy with me, but I remain grateful for the experience.
It also gave me some perspective on why my ex wasn’t ready for the same things I was ready for. Funny the perspective we gain when the shoe is on the other foot.
Dating When You are Still in Love With Someone Else
It’s okay to date other men and more than one man as long as you aren’t playing games. Just relax. It’s a time for self growth and will help you determine what you want or don’t want for that matter.
The one you are in love with may or may not come back, but waiting around for that to happen can be a time waster and that time will move so much more slowly if you allow yourself to stay in wait mode.
You can navigate a dating rotation with grace.
Find out how having a dating rotation can bring out the Goddess in you.
You want to learn more of this sacred knowledge that will bring you more understanding of men, love, relationship and in the process more peace of mind? There are a few options you can do (pick two or all of them):
2. Add yourself to one of my fabulous FB support groups: Katarina Phang’s High Value Goddess Community. My groups aren’t moderated and it’s what sets them apart, believe it or not! Transformation happens gradually or fast (depending on where you are in your journey) because you are forced to see your own reflection in every member that stirs a strong emotional reaction in you. The groups make you AWARE and AWAKE, that’s the entire purpose of my teachings. It can’t be done when you are being coddled in a fake environment of safety (you don’t get that in the real world out there either but you will learn to cope as a healthy and well-adjusted adult). Any wonder I’m the one coach with the most results out there? It’s thanks to this, among other things.
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7. Sign up for my magnificent Feminine Magnetism Group Coaching consisting of 27 weeks (approximately 54 hours of learning), particularly Module 1 Journey Inward and Module 5 Salvation Through Relationship. You will accelerate your growth with this one-of-kind profound program not being offered anywhere else. Begin the journey toward equanimity and self-acceptance.
8. Come to my celestial home for the upcoming retreat. We’ll have at least once or twice a year retreats. If you like to listen to my speeches, you’ll be even more blown-away to sit with me in my living room (the Zen room) in an intimate setting while I’m delivering my teachings. You’ll come home with a new more empowered perspective on love, men, relationship and life in general. I can shift you energetically like no other and usher you to the gate of a new dimension of reality.
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