To Become a High Value Woman – Stop These Excuses

become a high value woman

High Value Women are women who are in control of themselves, their life and their emotions.  They don’t make excuses for others as justifications for less than good behavior.  If you want to become a high value woman, you have to stop with the excuses.

We have all been there, in that place where we cared about or loved that one man that just wasn’t quite available to us.  We would hold onto to the good parts of him, hold onto his words or good times where we felt so connected, yet ignore his actions or lack of actions.  We undervalued ourselves.

When we undervalue ourselves, we can’t expect others to value us.  When we accept behavior that is less than and then make excuses to justify said behavior, we are far from high value women.

I remember a man I dated back in my 30s,  I was crazy about him.  When he was with me, he seemed pretty crazy about me too.  In hindsight, he wasn’t crazy enough.  He would go weeks without contact. He rarely called, yet his words told me a different story, yet in my head, I would make excuses for him.  Below are some of the top excuses that we make for men that is not the behavior of a high value woman.

He Has Been Hurt or Cheated on in the Past!

This was the main one I used with the above mentioned guy.  I remember slow dancing with him to the song The Rose as his tears fell on my shoulder.  I was moved.  Oh poor guy, no wonder he can’t trust me yet, no wonder he is distant.  His ex wife cheated on him and left him for his best friend.

After that date, I didn’t hear from him for weeks, so I justified it away telling myself he would come around, he just needed time to get over his past.

I cringe now when I think about this.  This man wasn’t coming around then or ever.  I accepted his less than behavior, sporadic contact, late night calls, and last minute cancellations for way too long. i didn’t value myself, and the result was, he didn’t value me either.

When you become a high value woman, you realize the wounded souls of this world aren’t really someone to invest into in a romantic way (find out how to manage your emotional investment here, without it you’ll be bound to heartache).

He May Not Know I Am Interested, He Needs a Push

A High Value Woman Never Reminds a Man She Exists

So you haven’t heard from him in weeks, maybe even months.  You tell yourself that maybe he doesn’t think you are interested.  A little leaning forward won’t hurt.  You text him, he answers, you suggest getting together, he accepts.

Newsflash here, a woman that values herself will not spend her precious energy reminding men that she is alive and interested.  If a man isn’t making an effort to have and keep her in his life, she isn’t going to do his job for him.  She simply can’t be bothered.  She accepts that this man isn’t looking for the same thing and she moves on.

When you become a high value woman, you value yourself and your time and energy and you don’t spend it on people that aren’t spending it on you.  If a guy isn’t making the effort, you don’t either, you love yourself more than this.

There are Four Components Of Melting His Heart, one of them is following his lead.  If you are doing all the work while he’s happily sitting on his ass, you’re the one who leads and it never works unless you want a beta male.

MORE: All These Classes Will Redefine Your Relationship and Move It to the Next level 

I Understand Why He is Like He Is!

High Value Women Can Understand Without Accepting

A woman that doesn’t value herself uses this one.  But I understand why he is the way he is.  He had a rough childhood, and so forth and so on.  When you become a high value woman, you do understand but that does not mean you accept it into your life.

Things like he has anger issues because he was abused as a child.  He can’t show affection because he wasn’t raised in a loving house. He just can’t help his anger issues, his emotional detachment and so forth and so on.  He can help it, he just chooses not to.  You can also choose not to accept this person in your life.

A high value woman can have a deep understanding of others and their wounds and why they behave the way they do, yet she realizes when they can’t really add to her well being and she refuses to accept these people as significant people in her life.  She values and loves herself more.  She wants the best for herself always.

If you find yourself struggling with self control when it comes to men, you have not yet become a high value woman.  You haven’t really experienced the depth of your own value. If men don’t step up in your life, treat you with respect, it’s almost always because you don’t step it up for yourself or treat yourself with respect.  Men will value you about as much as you value yourself.Men treat you how you treat yourself.

Katarina has an amazing and eye opening class in her Monthly membership, How to be High Value and Easy to Lose and How It Can Inspire Him to Step Up. 









  • Hi Kat, I did buy and listen to the class. It was helpful, I did EVERYTHING you’re not supposed to do last weekend in terms of dumping my feelings on him, laying a guilt trip, etc. And he reacted exactly as you would predict. I apologized and he seemed ok, but I haven’t heard from him since. Four days is a long time for us to go without communicating so he’s definitely withdrawing and needs some space. I get that now, I’m fine with it, I’m not anxious and angry like I would normally be. I’m not going to contact him; I’ll wait for him to contact me. (He usually initiates anyway– I guess that’s the one thing I do right.) What do I do when he contacts me? He’ll probably text me something neutral to gauge my mood like “hi stranger” or “what’s been keeping you so busy” since it’s unusual for me to not reach out when he doesn’t. I’m not going to be reactive but should I respond with something equally neutral, or should I mirror him by ignoring him for a while? If I ignore the text he will definitely think I’m pissed off because I’ve pulled that before, so I feel like I should respond in some way.

  • I’m so glad I found this blog and these resources. I think I’m starting to catch on. Last weekend I threw up a bunch of feelings/expectations/pressure on my three year RL with an EUM (and oh yes, I’ve done it before) and as usual he’s pulled away. I see now how destructive and pointless this behavior is, and his response is exactly like Kat describes. We’ve done this over and over. I’m catching on that I just can’t change him or what he does. It’s stupid to try. It doesn’t matter what I say. I either accept him the way he is, or I walk away. I’m going to try leaning back, working on being a better me (I really need that no matter what happens) and getting out there more. If he steps up, great. If not, I’ll live. It’s a big world out there. I’m not going to contact him. And I’m actually feeling ok with not hearing from him and not contacting him after reading these articles, so if nothing else I’m so grateful for that, because normally I’d be a total anxious mess. I’m just not sure what to do when he contacts me. I know from our history he will, and soon, so I won’t have enough time to improve myself before he does. I’m guessing friendly and laid back is the way to go, instead of no contact.

  • OK, Maybe I’m getting it maybe not

    Essentially high value in any situation (man, money, career etc. anything in life basically?) is being strong, chin up and just letting go if it doesn’t feel right anymore?

    The excuses are really to save face and to not let go because it’s heart-breaking. But can you really let go of someone what doesn’t want to be yours or really want you? Detachment I guess? There is nothing to let go, what are you losing? “Wounded souls”, emotionally unavailable bad boys/jerks etc. are a losing game/investment (Chapter 4 in the book – A shift in Attitude)?

    1. stop being needy, annoying and demanding
    2. Lean back, defocus and redirect focus on self
    3. Mirror behaviour (distant attitude, interest level, keeping options open)
    4. If a man shows low level behaviour rotate with no drama
    5. Know when to give up, no excuses

    I hope I’m getting the philosophy, thank you Kat, I am trying to understand x

  • If you have other options, then why take crumbs? I think Kat teaches you can accept or reject. Some need to just be rejected. You don’t accept them all.

  • I am confused. I thought that Kat teaches to take what he offers as long as you have other options, ie you can take crumbs from several men and make a cake until one of them steps up. Is not it having expectations if you want him to act differently?

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