51. What Is A Rebound & How To Date Rebounding Guys Safely While They’re Processing Their Unfinished Business
So many of you come to me or the group being hooked on a guy who just got out of a relationship/long marriage or sometimes is still married and yet has to finalize his divorce.
In many of the cases the relationships with the exes aren’t truly over yet because breakups are rarely cut and dry. There will always be residual feelings around the old relationships and the exes. The ties aren’t fully severed yet.
And meanwhile you’re already knee or waist deep in your attachment to him. You have everything to lose and as such your neuroses are running the show muddying up the water even further.
It’s not that he can’t fall for you or he won’t be with you when the dusts settle, it’s about you not being able to respond to the situation in a measured and mature way that inspires him to bond to you faster and fall so deeply in love with you thanks to your high-value groundedness. I have actually helped many clients deal with their rebounding men who got cold feet and some of them are now married to the said men (one of them becomes a family as I’m their first son’s god mother).
So what is rebounding and why is it called rebounding? If you imagine a ball being dropped, what does it do upon hitting the ground? It’s bouncing back up, isn’t it?
So imagine someone who just hits rock bottom through the sudden or not-so-sudden end of their dreams. He’s like that ball hitting a rough ground…his whole system is in complete shock from the sudden crash.
He’s totally confused and in that unstable process to gain his center back by bouncing a few times perhaps before coming to his new center.
He’s bouncing up now (before going down again eventually) and with it he brings all his baggage that comes from the previous relationship. If his wife/gf is a controlling woman, he’ll be super sensitive to the same trait in the new women he comes across.
If his wife/gf cheats on him, he’ll be super suspicious of the same trait in you. If he’s married with kids, it gets even more complicated cause now the kids will be at the center of it all. There might be custody battle in the midst of it. Many guys think way harder to divorce when kids are involved. They might be separated and he might have moved out of their marital home but he’s dragging his feet when it comes to filing and finalizing his divorce. Not to mention the financial repercussion of a divorce.
Hence he will be going through depressive moments from time to time thanks to the grief. When he’s high he’s very loving and it seems to you hat you two bond deeper but then no…he’ll pull back again especially when you give signals that you want more or you try to make him move the relationship forward by initiating, asking him out, etc.
Bottom line is he’s in the process of healing himself and is not in a good place to jump in a new relationship because his judgment is way off and his emotions are all over the place. Often time he’s depleted emotionally so he’s in no good place to fulfill your emotional needs. How can he when he’s unable to give to himself emotionally either?
He’s doubting himself and his feelings. And just a little perceived pressure coming from you is enough to send him running for the hills.
And you are left broken hearted and anxious….simply because you don’t understand what’s going on. And your expectations and sense of lack are in the way for him to process his unresolved feelings.
This 90 mins class deals with 7 steps to deal with rebounding men. Only Kat’s Goddesses can end up with rebounding men (when the dusts settle) cause they know how to navigate this safely and most effectively.
“Katarina Phang, your rebounding class is amazing. So grateful for the insights. Makes total sense. I figured it had to do with energy more than anything…… now I just have to stop investing. I get hooked back into investing after we hang out and then I pull back….. so just have to clear my energy sooner rather than later!
It was a super helpful class. I highly recommend it. Like all of her classes I have taken, worth every single penny.” ~Meredith, California
You can purchase this powerful class for $97 (Mind you my hourly coaching is $499/hr today and it will keep going up!):