19. The Healthy Approach To Sex That Is Attractive To Men: It’s Not What You’ve Been Told All Your Life
Sex opens the gate to a deeper connection because it’s a vehicle for bonding and communication, but your feminine magnetism seals the deal because you bring so much more than sex to the table. So when you treat sex like your enemy, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. You are not allowing for a relationship to unfold naturally by erecting barriers. If you are perpetually single, it’s probably because you are not in touch with your feminine sexuality which is a gift, not something to be shameful or guilty about.
My client Gina wrote me this email: “Hey my darling. Thought I would write to you an update. Finally something positive. I can only say one word. Rotation.
And when you used to tell me to have a rotation it was the most frustrating thing because it seemed so easy to you and if it was that easy to find someone hot I wouldn’t be in that position. But this is what I realized that you may want to share (anonymously to your friends).
For people who are/were extremely depressed the pervasive feeling is that it’s so hard to meet people in a cocoon. But here’s the thing. It comes across as stubborn. It’s not.
It’s just that we literally don’t know how to do things differently. To turn our brain off. To meet people. To feel unafraid. Even with the constant meditation. But recently I learned something that has been so key that my French spiritualist taught me. It’s a French saying “l’appétit vient en mangeant.”
That literally translates to ” the appetite comes while you are eating.”
For people in depression like me this was so key to rise out of it. Because we who obsess live in an alternate universe. The universe that doesn’t allow us to make choices so we think everything will turn out wrong. I know for you who has a basically positive nature this is difficult to fully comprehend.
But the reason why this French phrase helped me is because I forced myself to meet up with dates I didn’t really like. Or wasn’t really thinking of them long term. I didn’t see anyone on line that interested me and it kept the depression going.
Then I took a tantric yoga course and got into this concept that sensuality is vital for life and you can enjoy simple touch or hugs or even intimate conversation with someone you don’t even see yourself with.
You can live in the moment and the whole idea of western “union” or marriage or commitment is truly forgotten because tantra focusses so much on pleasure as medicine. Or conversation with the opposite sex as for the moment only.
My search for the partner was seriously interjected when I began to enjoy people for people. And here in enjoying a guy who I knew I would never want to be with long term has helped me stopped the judging and to have more compassion for human beings in general.
I truly believe for people who are severely depressed intimacy is the exact thing that’s lacking and is vital in healing. Anxiety does not leave through the door of the mind or even the door of the heart it leaves through the door of togetherness. And if it’s short term it’s ok.
So needless to say the appetite did come while I ate and I am gathering a rotation slowly and realized it’s my food so for right now to quote will Ferrell I am on WHORE ISLAND and having fun.
Yes I do little obsessions here and there over a few of the guys but I am aware at least that the only reason we ever obsess is we put people on pedestals because we aren’t aware of our greatness not because that person is so friggin great.
So baby steps for me. It has been very hard but I guess it was just my path. I’m reading your stuff every day and chilling. Thanks my darling. Sending you a big grateful hug.”
This is a very insightful email that I just have to share it with you all. Sex is a huge part of our humanity and our human condition but so much stigma has been attached to it.
For most of our lives, we have been conditioned to believe that sex -unless it follows certain protocol- is shameful, dirty and sinful. And we are carrying this baggage throughout our adult lives feeling that we are being watched for every single move we make with our body, particularly our genitals.
That’s a huge burden upon anyone’s shoulder and any wonder if that causes so many complications in our lives? We are hung up on being sexually virtuous denying our most basic instinct. We are conflicted between our genetic makeups and what “should be” (asexual, not horny, extremely guarded and “good and moral” when it comes to the decision to channel our desire or not).
We are a walking contradiction.
No wonder it messes up with our heads.
If you have followed me a while you’ll notice that I’m among very few coaches who have a very positive approach toward sex. Sex has been the source of shame and guilt for many women and this has created so much problem in dating and relationship. And this is why many relationships don’t flourish (trade sex for commitment, anyone?).
What I’m teaching you in this class is so very counterintuitive like everything I teach, yet it has been proven to work beyond the shadow of a doubt. You don’t want to miss this empowering sex education that will reprogram your mind re. sex. My partner Joe is also in the class and he answers typical questions about sex from a male POV.
Some of the stuff that is discussed in this fun class is:
- when is the right time to have sex
- how men view sex and women who put out very readily and if it affects their desire to pursue anything with them, double standards re. sex (if he does it he’s a stud, if she does it she’s a slut)
- sex in relationship
- if sex really bonds men to a woman and does it help relationship flourish
- what if you feel shitty after sex
- what if he disappears after sex
- is there something called giving the cookie too soon (or too late)
- can you hold out and still get the guy
- sex within your rotation (is it okay to have sex with multiple men)
- the consequences of not having sex for an extended period of time
- the relationship between sex or lack thereof and depression/anxiety
- what if he wants to leave each time after sex or if you don’t hear from it again after sex, etc….
This is such an entertaining and educational class that runs 1 hours 45 mins with super juicy content you will not hear anywhere else. Certainly one of my favorites! I truly enjoyed giving and listening to this class. It’s politically incorrect but it is what works. I don’t teach what is “right,” I teach what works and my results speak for me.
“OMG, this class is a riot! I’m so loving it. And Katarina is right, she doesn’t hold back and that’s what I love about her. She says it as is….and I’ve been skittish about sex all my life. Not anymore thanks to Kat. I love my life more these days cause it’s shamelessly fun.” ~Sarah, New Jersey
You can now purchase this powerful class for $87(Mind you my hourly coaching is $399/hr today and it will keep going up!):