11. How To Manage Your Emotional Investment When He’s Been Stepping Up But Hasn’t Claimed You
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This class is inspired by this post in the group by Joy:
He was the reason for the book after a lot of drama and heartache last year and me not understanding his hot/cold ways, known each other for 6 years and always been an attraction but both were in relationships).
After that weekend at the end of May (which was magical and such a huge leap for him) things have just went awry. Me and him work together – I had a week off after that and didn’t initiate (my friend thinks this was a mistake as after he finally stepped up I shouldn’t have ignored him.).
Suddenly he pulled back. I can understand why, I lost my way in the teachings a bit and found working with him SO hard.
Imagine you are trying to fight against being reactive but for the next 3 weeks you are on the same shift as the guy, being on the same train to and from work, living opposite each other and having to sit in a tea room with each other and make small talk? All whilst you are absolutely giving in to anxiety and depression and it’s obvious for all to see? Ugh.
He asked me a few times what was up with me but I just freeze up and say nothing. It doesn’t help that work is awful right now and we both hate it. Don’t get me wrong, we have seen each other outside of work and last time he was over was back to being great.
I felt relaxed, non reactive, and we had a great time. Then I leaned forward, have been moody as he wasn’t doing what I wanted him to (even though I never spoke up). He is on holiday in Florida, been there for last 2 weeks. He has been in contact since he’s been away, which I wasn’t expecting as things were so damn tense.
Last time I heard from him was 6 days ago though. I have been keeping myself busy and working on me but I really fear that it’s all been messed up. I also keep letting dark jealous thoughts ruin my energy and good vibes. I want positive vibes only ladies, I am well aware of where I’ve went wrong.
I can’t seem to get my head out of feeling like it’s last year, despite the huge difference in both of us, and it’s really not helping. I want to be the goddess again. Is it totally messed up? I’ve not initiated whilst he’s been away, he has. I think the last month has made him back off and think I’m too hard to make happy cos I’ve been so bloody miserable!”
This is the class which was based on Joy’s meltdown. She has been seeing the first success with my method but she got indulgent. She didn’t have a rotation so she freaked out when he was pulling back.
She was having a meltdown cause her expectations were ahead of her and she wasn’t prepared for the rubber-band effect. Fast forward a month and a half later after this class, she turned things around.
“Everything is still going wonderfully well. We are now onto 7 weeks of him messaging me every single day, several times a day, him initiating everything and him planning ahead and organising our weekends together well in advance as well as the odd night during the week (and we see each other at work). I hadn’t had the chance to start a rotation, yet obviously my vibe changed cos I was suddenly open to it and noticing other guys when BOOM, he majorly stepped up. Within, like 2 weeks of my major blow out and upset messages on here.
So – as he keeps claiming all my weekends (the full weekends too!) should I just do what I’m doing – use up my week days to meet up with friends, do what’s fun for me and be open to other guys if I want? That’s what I’m doing and I feel awesome. And I’m not talking couch dates at the weekends (which was his norm). I’m talking dinners in nice restaurants, drinks, him cooking for me. Paying as well! Meeting his friends.
He’s giving me no room for any other guys and is boiling nicely! I also don’t feel over invested as I’m feeling so darned relaxed now. And I know I’m worth it (a big issue for me before). I’m right in just doing what I’m doing now eh? I don’t even contemplate leaning forward now, it’s so darned natural to me now “
Many women derail a fledgling relationship thanks to over investment that causes them to be anxious and pushy. One of the main themes is the fact that they can’t accept that he might not be as fast as them in terms of readiness and they expect them to be where they are emotionally every step of the way.
If you continually are in the same situation, you need to listen to this call. Emotional investment management is the wisdom that I teach that will change everything.
Managing emotional investment so you are always on the same page as him at all time is one of the major principles that I teach that has proven to work magic. This class with give you vital tips how to shift your mindset so you are no longer a victim to your timeline and expectations.
My classes are very educational and…addictive! They will shift your powerfully by providing a totally different -yet empowering- POV.
UPDATE: A year later, she announced that they moved in together! Congrats, Joy.
Listen to this class today and identify why your relationships always floundered before they fully bloomed.
“Just bought, listened to and took notes on How to manage your emotional investment when he is stepping up but isn’t claiming you.
I will admit I wasn’t going to buy it because the principles of what Kat teaches are simple: lean back, relax, do you, just be. Not to mention I didn’t have the money but I MADE MY GROWTH a priority.
It’s like anything what we get for free doesn’t hold much value. I love this FB forum and how it helps so many even those who don’t buy Katarina Phang’s products. However, there are people who I believe aren’t “getting it” and I can feel anxious and intense energy in posts. INVEST in yourself you are worth it and buy Kats classes!! Be thirsty for becoming the best woman you can be.
I knew buying this class would solidify my change into a truly high value woman. I knew all of the info already from the group discussion but we need to hear things over and over until it becomes a natural way of being.
This confirmed my acceptance of allowing and showing the men in my life respect of making a commitment on their timeline. I want to be chosen so i’m okay with him working out his issues and tapping some ass until he’s ready. i know i am a woman that has a ton to bring to the table. I’m wife material!!” ~Allison, Nevada
“Hey Katarina – your class “How To Manage Your Emotional Investment When He’s Stepping Up But Hasn’t Claimed You” came just in time. I was cracking up when you said “Just because he’s slower than you doesn’t mean he’s a cheater … or a bad person … or an asshole.” I took a lot of notes.
Acro Yoga man is on a bike trip and has been in touch almost daily since he left … on Tuesday night he wrote: “You know you can always call me if you feel like it, right? If there’s still no sun tomorrow, I won’t get juice for my phone though. Goodnight sexy.”
On a whim I called him last night. He was thrilled to hear from me and thanked me for calling but my anxiety shot through the roof after … the typical “oh I leaned forward, crap, now he’ll know he has me, blah blah blah” and I really had to take a step back today and focus on me. So to hear you say in that class that it was okay to call if he asked but to STAY IN OBSERVATION MODE after to see if it’s BS really helped.
And yes, I have another date tomorrow. To a concert. With another guy who’s truly great. I’m not nearly as physically attracted to him as I am to Acro Man but in some ways I wonder if he’s a better match … so let’s see how well I can chill.” ~Danika, Sweden
“Awesome class as usual Kat. Somehow the universe always sends me exactly the class I need, exactly when I need it. Since I’m such a personal development junkie I tend to listen to a lot of spiritual audios and read a lot of books. Nothing else really has that calming effect on me like listening to one of your classes. This one is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m going to listen again and take notes this time. A Kat class a day keeps the crazy thoughts away. Thanks Kat.” ~Rachel, Alberta