7 Tips to Rotational Dating That Keep You Sane
Contrary to what many believe, rotational dating leads to love and a committed relationship faster than dating one man at a time. It does not mean you are a player or a user, but is a smart and sensible route to take if you are looking for a solid relationship.
Have you ever met a guy and just instantly put all of your attention on him and find months later that it’s not going to work.
Then back to the drawing board you go. Start all over again. Considering that chances of you meeting the right man straight out of the gate are slim, a lot of time is wasted like this.
It’s also exhausting and big reason why so many women experience dating burnout. Time invested, time wasted, over and over.
1. Lose the Guilt
Many women feel guilt when they are dating more than one man. They feel they are being disloyal. They think the idea of dating more than one man at a time is crazy.
What is crazy is giving your loyalty to a man you barely even know. Putting all your eggs in one basket is crazy, yet so many women do this.
They take their dating profile down after a few good dates. They stop talking to other men. They begin to analyze every thing the new man does or does not do and begin to pin all their hopes on this one man.
This is a sure way to attach to a man that may not be the right fit for you. When all of your focus is on one man, your will get emotionally attached too fast too soon.
There is nothing to feel guilty about. Period. You are simply taking care of your own heart.
It’s just dating. Spending time with different people. Enjoying the process. Allowing things to unfold naturally.
If you have a problem with guilt dating more than one man, you are likely already too emotionally attached.
If you have any dating experience, you know that often men will fall off the face of the earth after one or a few dates.
This doesn’t sting so bad when you have other men in your rotation.
To thine own self be true.
2. Let Go Easily
I mentioned above that men will come and go. You will meet flaky men, men that ghost you and vanish. You will encounter a ton of men who are just looking for a hook up.
The reality is you will meet a lot of these.
You are going to have some great first dates that don’t turn into second dates.
You are going to have some terrible dates when he feels it and you don’t.
Accept the fact that your rotation can be a revolving door. Next month you may have an entirely different line up.
If you go on a great date (or a few dates) and never hear from him again, don’t try to figure it out. Don’t take it personal. Simply let it go and stop putting your thoughts on him. If he wanted a second date, he would ask. He didn’t. The end. Now start a new chapter and keep moving.
If you have an awful date and he is still calling and texting and you don’t feel it, again let it go. Do what you have to do. Tell him you aren’t feeling it or just vanish. No guilt remember?
I see no point in continuing on with a man that I am not feeling it with. My time is valuable. I have better things to do like take a bubble bath or spend time with good friends. Next.
3. Don’t be in a Hurry
Don’t be so desperate for a relationship that you latch onto the first guy that you feel an attraction for and starts showing you attention.
When you rush, you may miss something that lies ahead.
I met a man a few years ago that I felt an instant attraction for. Lust at first sight. I let in unfold and we became friends and lovers. It was pretty amazing.
Yet I kept my profile online and accepted dates. It kept me grounded. Eventually I accepted a date with another man that I also felt a spark with.
It got pretty complicated. Both of them would want to call me at night. Both of them wanted my time.
Many women would see this as a time to make a choice. I did not. I kept it rolling for 4 more months.
The truth is I was falling for the second one but I cared for them both. I had an exotic vacation planned with the first one and I went. I have no idea if either knew about the other. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t. Both men were emotionally intelligent and secure so it just never came up.
So I get home from the Airport at 4pm and had a date with the second guy at 6pm same day. That night he had the talk. I made my choice, but I observed both and got to know both.
It was a fun time in my life and I remember it fondly. Relax, don’t rush, enjoy the ride.
4. Do I Disclose I am Dating Others
You are a single woman. What you do really is your business.
As with my situation above, neither asked, so I didn’t tell either one. My vacation trip was just described as going on a trip with a friend. Lucky for me both men were emotionally secure.
This is not always the case. There are two situations where I will disclose.
1. If I am flat out asked. I just say yes and then I shut up and wait for him to speak. I have learned a lot about men by keeping my mouth shut and not trying to defend myself. I am doing nothing wrong so there is nothing to defend.
They will do one of two things. Try to pin you down, or get pissed and stop seeing you. If he can’t have a rational conversation with me on the topic, he probably isn’t for me anyway.
2. When I know a man is falling for me and I am not there yet. I don’t date with no care for the feelings of another or with an intention to hurt people. Ladies face it. You know when a man is falling.
Of course you can just pull away and put some distance and pace it, but I just spit it out. Put the ball in his court and allow him to decide if he wants to continue or not. Pulling away often makes them come on stronger.
One thing you don’t want to do is tell them you are dating others as leverage or in hopes that he will step it up.
5. No Shame in Rotation Dating
If you are dating more than one man at a time, there will be many that will label you as a serial dater. There will be some who are still trapped into what society deems normal and they will attempt to shame you.
I have had many a man try to shame me for dating others. I have had friends shame me for dating more than one man at a time.
Who cares? I don’t.
If I am interviewing candidates for a job, I don’t hire the first one that applies.
My heart is mine to give and I take that seriously. There is no shame in that. It’s smart.
6. Drop the Expectations
There is a woman right now in Katarina’s Facebook group wondering if a guy she has been on one date with is deceiving her because he isn’t calling her while he is out of town on business.
He isn’t your boyfriend after one or a few dates and he isn’t obligated to act like it.
When a man starts expecting girlfriend behavior from me after just a few dates or even just one date, I see red flags waiving.
You can bet he does too.
You are still single and so is he. Don’t be so eager to fall into the girlfriend role. You have options. You aren’t desperate.
7. Relax With No Agenda
Dating should be fun. It shouldn’t feel like a chore. Many get discouraged because date after date doesn’t turn into love and a relationship.
I have had so many dates that didn’t turn into anything at all. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the connection in the moment.
Let go of any perceived outcome and just relax. Enjoy the experience. Lighten up. Make some memories.
If you go into every date with thoughts of the future your energy will be tight. FYI tight energy is repelling.
When you meet a new man, meet him where he is at, not where you want him to be.
It may last one date, one week, one month, one year or a lifetime. It’s not in your control.
Seek the experience, not the destination. The destination will unfold organically if you just relax and stop trying to control. Relax in the certainty of this.
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