7 Limiting Beliefs That Keep You Single
We all have our beliefs. Some serve us, some don’t. Beliefs are not something we are born with. They are learned and adopted from people like our parents, peers and from our life experiences.
Our life experiences often layer up, layer upon layer and reinforce these self-limiting beliefs. A cycle of self-sabotage, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart.
Limiting beliefs are nothing more than assumptions that you have made and decided as true yet these truths may not be true at all. They are blocking you from giving and receiving love.
It is our ego that holds onto these beliefs for our mind tricks us in to believing we are self protecting. The reality is we are living in fear.
When we have formed a strong belief, we subconsciously look for evidence to support that belief and that is what keeps us stuck.
1. Good Men are Rare
How many times have you heard or said good men are hard to find? This goes along with the belief that all the good ones are taken, gay, are jerks or just suck.
I have a friend who constantly says men suck. Words of caution here. What you consistently tell yourself will become your unshakable belief, true or not. Be careful with your self talk.
My friend has said men suck so many time and for so many years that guess what? That is what she gets. Men that suck. Her strong belief based on her past experiences has conditioned her to see the bad in men and not the good.
Good men are not rare. They are everywhere. It’s your lack of belief that clouds your vision where you can’t see them. We see what we expect to see or what we look for.
Start making a conscious effort to see the good things in men. All men you encounter, not just men in your potential dating pool. Pay attention.
When you notice and show appreciation for the good qualities in a man, you can shift your belief.
Notice the man that holds a door open for you when you are 10 feet away. Pay attention to the man at the gas station who advises you not to leave your purse on the trunk of your car while you pump gas because his wife’s purse got stolen like that. Notice how your best friend’s husband does little things for her to make her life easier.
Start looking for the good things men do and you will begin to find them everywhere.
Note: This does not mean date every man that does something nice or that they are a potential mate.
I am suggesting you do this to shift your belief which will open you up more to love.
2. I May Never Find the “ONE”
The belief that there is one human out there that you are meant to spend the rest of your life with may be one of the most limiting beliefs of all.
When you haven’t met this person you believe to be your soulmate, yet you believe they are out there, you are in a waiting room.
We can fall in love more than once in our life time. Love is not a limited resource. You can find evidence to support the belief of limitless love. It’s every where.
Parents can love more than one child. People get married more than once or experience more than one long term relationship.
You have probably had many deep friendships in your life. Some that lasted, some that are now fond memories.
How many times have you thought you found the one and it didn’t work out?
Yes, there may be a one that you meet and live happily ever after with, however is that belief serving you right now? Or are you lonely, sad and feeling unfulfilled because they aren’t here yet?
I have experienced many “ones” in my life. The one to teach me something about myself at that time. An experience to be had.
Instead of waiting for the “one”, enjoy where you are at right now.
3. Men Can’t Be Trusted
This one ranks up there with men suck. If you hold the belief that men can’t be trusted, you have probably experienced a man or few that have cheated and lied to you.
Sure there are some men out there that this is a norm with. Most of us have or will experience this at least once in our lives. It can be a traumatic experience.
Here is the key though. When we go through a trauma, we adopt behaviors and patterns to insure our survival. To self preserve. Then the trauma is over, yet we hold onto these behaviors and patterns and adopt yet another belief that men can’t be trusted. A belief that doesn’t serve us.
The very behaviors and patterns we used to get through the grief remain and we repeat them with new partners, which leaves the new men in our life feeling unsafe.
Then it happens again and again. Your file of evidence to support this belief that men can’t be trusted grows.
The common denominator is you.
4. Find a Man That Loves You More
I randomly added this belief in after reading yet another post on this limiting belief in Katarina’s Facebook Group.
The belief that you need to find a man that loves you more than you love him is one that I am not sure of its origins. Probably one passed down from our great great grandmothers. I know my Mama told me this more than once.
I didn’t buy into this one at a very early age. My Mother did this. Over and over. don’t recall her being a very happy woman.
How does one even measure this? How would you control this? True love ebbs and flows and is void of a measuring stick.
If you cling to the belief that you will be happier if he loves you more, you are rooted in deeply for the need of security. I would guess you also struggle with abandonment issues and expressing vulnerability.
As mentioned earlier, love is not a limited resource. It can’t be measured.
5. Men are Scared of Commitment
A belief that many women hold is that all men are scared of commitment. They aren’t. They are only scared of committing to the wrong woman.
Men want to be loved just as much as women. They don’t love any less than a woman loves.
Show me a woman who has had man after man fail to commit and I will show you a woman that most likely has made this her life’s goal.
She looks to every man as a potential husband and pushes for commitment. She has an agenda and he feels it which actually pushes men away.
How many times have you seen a man spend years with a woman not fully committed only to break up and marry another in a very short time?
6. I have to Married by _____.
This limiting belief on love has been pounded into our brains and hearts by society, parents, peers, and the media forever. That biological clock that we seem to feel ticking.
This stems from the fear of being alone. Fear blocks love from entering our life. When we live in these types of fears, we operate with an agenda and often out of desperation. Not attractive to men.
We feel that if we aren’t coupled up and building a family, that there is something wrong with us, we aren’t good enough. We are looking to external circumstances and the opinion of others that share these beliefs to see ourselves as normal.
Society and external circumstances and other people don’t define our normal. You define your normal and you can choose that where you are right now is perfectly normal.
I had a child outside of wedlock at 29. Raised her alone. I married at 39. I am single now. I am happy. My life is good. My daughter is fine, happy and well adjusted.
Many carry the belief that marriage is the ultimate end goal, but what if it’s not? What if there is more? What if there is something else that will make your heart sing?
Go easy on yourself and do not judge your life and where you are or are not based on what society deems normal.
7. No Man Can Compare to my Ex
This is a belief that I think we have all carried at some point in our lives. Usually shortly after the breakup.
Yet some women carry that torch for years. They can’t let go to the illusion of grandeur of their ex.
There is little that blocks love in your life more than this limited belief. There are billions of men on this planet. Is it even logical that you ex is the best or only one for you.
Holding onto to someone who has made the choice to let go closes your mind to possibilities. When your heart is wrapped tightly around another, there is no room for anyone else to enter.
The core of this belief/fear is uncertainty. You are familiar and comfortable with your ex or the idea of your ex and stepping outside of that comfort is scary.
Stepping outside of that comfort however is a great opportunity for self growth. My biggest growth strides and self discovery have been in times of heartbreak and pain.
When you stare at the closed door, you become blind to the doors that are opening around you.
Always Choose Love
When we choose love there will be pain at times, but this pain can move you into higher level of consciousness.
These self limiting beliefs about love that we carry are not from love but from fear. Fear comes from the mind, from the ego.
Begin to question your beliefs around love and do they really serve you. When you have a negative thought around love, what happened in your past to plant the seed of this belief?
Is it really true or have the beliefs that you hold just evidence from your past that you accepted as truth. When you accept something as true, your field of vision will subconsciously search for evidence to support it.
Which embeds it deeper into your being and the result is self sabotage.
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