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why ultimatums don't work

Are you about to give him an ultimatum: marry me or else…?  You’re lucky you get to read this article first.  Fact is the more you rush him, the slower it gets because you’re creating stumbling blocks to your connection.  Ultimatums don’t work cause it’s not love.  If marriage is sacred to you (hence you want it so bad), why mar it with threats and conflicts at the very foundation?  What kind of marriage do you think you’ll get with this method?

Here’s great news from Luna that she shared in the group: “Thank you everyone! Yes I am engaged to my former ex (now fiancé eeee..) and it is just super surreal! I am so incredibly happy!

It’s a pretty long story but basically we got back together about a year and a half ago when he came back to me and told me that he loved me and begged me to give him another chance. I think he could sense somehow that I had moved on (we haven’t spoken in a little over a year at that point!) But anyways I added him to my rotation of men and then tried my best to just stay as positive and easy-going as I could be. I am an extremely type-A person and can easily fixate on little things too much but this time around, I just let him take the lead.

We had been together 5 years and I was ready for marriage and he wasn’t… but we were both really young when we started dating (around 19) so in hindsight I shouldn’t have been in such a rush. My best friend got engaged the last year we were together so I really got the wedding bug from that and would bring it up pretty often.

But the more I would bring it up, the more he would shut down about it. I wish I’d known more about leaning back at that time instead of letting my anxiety continue to push me towards asking for constant confirmations of his love and how much he cares about me…

I would talk about what I wanted in a wedding and kept bugging him and asking about when he wanted to look at rings even though he hadn’t really spoken much about weddings or engagement. Looking back, it’s pretty cringeworthy but I just thought I was dropping harmless little hints!

So because we couldn’t come to any sort of resolution (and I think because he felt pressured and got skittish), he ended things.

This time around I never brought up marriage or anything and let him lead the way and it all appears to have worked much better :).

Everything flowed pretty easily into place from there! He quickly took the prime spot in my rotation and then a couple months into it, he asked me to be exclusive, and since then it’s been just really loving and wonderful! I just focused on the present and being with him and I firmly believe that letting go of the expectations and worries about the future is what led me to this engagement today!

I know I didn’t post a lot in this group but I did read Katarina’s book and focused my energy on being my best most goddess-like self in the relationship and it seems to have worked! I have never been happier or more in love!

And also he picked out a gorgeous ring! 🙂   Thanks for listening everyone!”

Luna Learned Giving Men Ultimatums Doesn’t Work

Luna is one of the 18 reported engagements this year so far.  And she’s one of the 7 ladies -at least- who not only got her ex back but got him to propose marriage in no time as well upon practicing what I teach. She learned from the marriage ultimatum mistake.

Many of you come to me cause you just have no clue how to move your relationship forward, or more likely how to make him move the relationship forward.  You have tried different things, mostly the communication advice you read on the net and how to communicate what you want to your man.

And many of you catch wedding bugs like Luna.  Your friends are getting married and having babies and you start comparing your relationship to theirs.  You begin to feel unloved, unworthy and undesirable…cause why else does he take so long to want to seal the deal (even though it’s just been 2 years or less, at times).

In Luna’s case it was five years, but remember they were young too.  They had a lot of time to get to know each other and grow up as a person before deciding on this lifetime commitment (or a supposedly lifetime commitment).

giving men ulitmatumsSome of you have been married -and divorced- before.  Some more than once, yet you still associate marriage with love, commitment, longevity and apparently happiness.  Haven’t you learned to dissociate the two through your marriage failures?  Apparently changing a mindset isn’t as easy as it sounds.

But I’m telling you, your mindset is why you make one relationship mistake after another.  So long as your mindset is about getting something from a relationship, you will always be ultimately disillusioned.

I get it you want the ring and you want the status and babies.  I get it your biological clock is ticking.  But before dwelling on that, ask yourself: how is your relationship?  Marriage should be icing on a solid relationship, not the other way around.

Most of you get this upside down.  You’re more concerned about a contract than about the reality and state of your relationship.  So I repeat, how is your relationship?

Is it easy?  Is it fun?  Is it great?  Are you bonded?

Or is it rocky, full of distrust and arguments?  Do you fight a lot?  Do you react a lot to what he does or doesn’t do, says or doesn’t say?  Do you even like each other most of the time?

Giving Men Ultimatums Feels Like Control

Funny thing is most who insist on a marriage ultimatum now don’t even get along that well with their guys.  They think if only he would propose I’d like him better.  Or I’d feel more secure. Or I wouldn’t need to nag so much.

Here’s what most of you won’t even realize:  if you need marriage so bad it’s a sign that your relationship is really not that solid. That’s how the one-down mind operates. It needs signs of more commitment. Those who have a very solid relationship won’t worry about marriage cause they enjoy their relationship too much to worry. Women in solid relationships aren’t giving men ultimatums.

So if you want to know if you both are ready for marriage, it is from the lack of concern about marriage. Then when that eventually happens you’ll marry for the right reason which is to celebrate your love and for other benefits that marriage offers since you know you’ll spend the rest of your life with each other anyway.

So yeah…a lot of times a lot of men will need to feel that kind of feeling to be 100% sure that he wants to marry you.  And a lot of it has to do with time, when you have spent enough time getting to know each other’s temperament that you two have a chance to go a long haul.

And what do you think when you start nagging and being sour about it?  How would that make him feel?  Would it make him feel more sure about you that you’ll be easy to live with for the rest of his life?

Or the opposite?

Giving Men Ultimatums will Breed Conflict

give marriage ultimatum

couple fighting

It goes without saying.  How can you mar this supposedly sacred union with threats and conflicts?  Even if you get what you want, will you feel fully satisfied?

I bet not.  You’ll think, “How come I have to employ force to get what I want the most, while so and so got it without effort?”

Then you’re back at square one.  That feeling of being unloved is still there.  It’s still there cause nothing has changed internally.  A man or relationship status won’t fix what’s broken inside.

So learn from Luna.  Work on your mindset, work toward self-love because only one person can give you the love you need: yourself.  When you love yourself so fully, he has no choice but to love you with all of his being.  And he’ll do the right thing for both of you when the time is right.  Meanwhile enjoy the ride.  Nothing is under your control anyway, other than your reaction to things.

In the last cycle 3 of Four Component of Melting His Heart, I revealed the 7 reasons why men marry some women -even when they say they don’t want to marry, ever- and stall the relationship on others. If you understand these principles you will no more chase marriage or feel the need to be giving men ulitmatums because the more you do it the less he’ll want to marry you. It’s super counter-intuitive like most of my teachings.

And the good news is you can attend this hit program live as well with Module 2 of Feminine Magnetism Group Coaching: Understanding Men and Four Components of Melting His Heart.  It’ll start sometime in July.  We’re currently still on Module 1 Journey Inward (and you still can sign up for this important program as well).

This program will blow your mind away. Everything you believe about men and relationship will be blown off the water. It’s still not too late to sign up, plans are available.

MORE:  Why Is The Ego Keeping Your Relationship Stalled and How To Overcome It, Once And For All

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  I have just added a new bonus teleclass you don’t want to miss: “How Feminine Magnetism Is The Solution to Every Relationship Problem You Have.”

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well and if you want me to address more scenarios write it on the comment section below (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).


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