Why The Alpha Female Finds It Hard To Have Lasting And Peaceful Relationships
If you are an alpha female in relationships with beta traits, your relationship with your alpha partner will sooner or later run its course thanks to lack of polarity that will be exacerbated over time. If you keep facing the same issues from one relationship to the next, it’s time to change yourself or… settle with a beta male who matches your energy better. Not every woman is cut out to be with an alpha male. Some of them will be much happier with a beta male if changing proves to be difficult for them.
Chrissy whom I wrote about a couple of blog posts ago updated me with this: “Katarina, what would I ever have done without you! My relationship with C is probably the easiest, most relaxed, no-conflict one I’ve ever been in. I just go day by day, keeping feminine and open and he responds every day with making changes to keep me happy all on his own. I don’t have to say a thing when I’m upset, I don’t nag. I never realized being with someone could be this easy and that I could feel so loved and wanted without begging to get it. Thank you.
About 3 months ago I was nagging him to change his status on FB. Why? Such a stupid thing to want. Who cares? So the last month or so I realized it doesn’t matter what’s on FB. I know what we have and I trust him to know what we have. Well this week, guess who changed his status on FB. Once I didn’t care anymore and removed the expectation, it happened. Plus, why waste time being upset about something that’s really just nonsense.
I think that’s the biggest change. I’m not using him to fill up any void I might have. I’m figuring out how to fill any lack on my own. That’s not his role. I’ve never had that kind of relationship before and I’m loving it. I don’t ever wanna go back to that.”
What’s been happening to Chrissy is what has happened to me and my most successful clients: she turned herself from an alpha female with beta tendencies to become a beta female with alpha tendencies.
So here’s the detail.
I was recently interviewed by Alan Roger Curie from Mode One Blog Talk Radio Show. Though it was cut short, it was a very illuminating interview. You can listen to it here (warning: he’s not really vanilla in his style and choice of words so don’t get offended. 🙂 ).
Thanks to that interview I found his illuminating article titled: Why the relationship between “The Fonz” and “Pinky Tuscadero” failed to last on “Happy Days.”
And that article actually solidifies my thoughts on the alpha-beta spectrum and its applications in the context of a relationship success.
I have to say I really love the article. It succinctly articulates what I’ve been teaching in a structured and easy-to-understand way.
Like Chrissy and most modern, educated, fiercely independent women, I’d definitely been an alpha woman with beta traits all my life – I was driven and assertive yet I wanted romance and a romantic partner- and only the past few years I began my transformation to become a beta woman with alpha traits. I have always been saying that women can be all alpha in their career but they need to tone it down when they get home to their man. Too much alpha in relationship isn’t good for a woman if she aims to be with an alpha/masculine man. And that’s why my relationships hadn’t been successful till now (so far so darn good!).
What’s particularly spot on is this I quoted from the article:
“This category can be tricky and frustrating for many women, based on my experience and observation. Women who are perceived in this category sometimes find themselves between a rock and a hard place. Why? Most women who possess more Alpha traits than Beta traits tend to have a preference for men who are more Alpha than themselves; The problem is most of the Alpha Male types do not want to date women in this category. Casual sex? Cool. Long-term relationship? Not really interested.
Women in this category tend to have more success attracting Beta males, but deep-down, women in this category do not want to date men who are more Beta than Alpha. Many women who I have met between the ages of roughly 36 and 49 who are still single tend to fall in this category. Women who are Alpha Females with Beta Tendencies tend to only want to submit to a man who is very, very Alpha. If you couple them with a Beta Male, they are going to end up “wearing the pants” in the relationship, and more often than not, they would prefer not to.
Women in this category sometimes end up putting on a very ultra-feminine, ultra-submissive facade when they first meet men who they are interested in romantically, but later on, their more Alpha side will reveal itself. If you are a man, these are the women who will constantly test you. Women in this category will test you because these women want to identify if you have more Alpha traits than Beta, or vice versa. Sometimes, these women end up in domestic violence situations when matched with a Total Alpha Male type.
If an Alpha Female with Beta Tendencies is lucky enough to snag an Alpha Male with Beta Tendencies, two things will more-than-likely happen: 1) On the positive end, the sexual chemistry will be great. Erotic sparks will fly all over the place; 2) Outside of the bedroom, your relationship is going to be full of arguments and disagreements. Constant bickering will be the norm. Why? Both Alpha types have egos and want control of the relationship.”
Yup, I started beta with my ex and that’s why he fell for me. I didn’t necessarily act beta but my beta side came out more thanks to his total alpha energy which was very domineering and intimidating to me. I couldn’t be any other way but assuming the submissive role. However, as our relationship progressed and we got married, my alpha side (my true colors) began to surface more and more, especially when I was the bread winner.
Compounded with my own other issues and my own emotional unavailability, my alpha side collided more and more with his alpha side and created a wedge between us that overtime we drifted more and more apart and the more I felt disconnected from him the more I was lost in my own little world.
And I have thousands of women come to me and most of them are alpha female with beta tendencies. And they are reporting the same power struggle every woman like my former self experiences in relationship with a masculine man. Their relationships are always rocky and difficult.
And aren’t you just one of them yourself?
These relationships these women are in will sooner or later run their course thanks to lack of polarity that will be exacerbated over time when both parties become more comfortable in the relationship.
The actress Halle Berry comes to mind. She is rumored to be going through her third divorce with hubby Olivier Martinez at the moment, not to mention the dramatic ending of her relationship to her baby’s daddy just before this one. The common denominator in all these relationships is her. She’s the typical alpha female (perhaps with some beta traits at least) who will sooner than later find it hard to be with a man….any man but the beta type.
If you keep facing the same issues from one relationship to the next, it’s time to change yourself or… settle with a beta male who matches your energy better. Not every woman is cut out to be with an alpha male. Some of them will be much happier with a beta male if changing proves to be difficult for them.
I’m here to help you transform yourself to become a beta female with alpha traits, which is the optimum state of being for a woman. I have noticed that it’s hard for most of us to change color from a goal-driven alpha woman to a beta woman when we are with our partner so the only enduring solution will be to transform ourselves to become more beta while still possessing positive alpha traits when needed so we can still properly function in the workplace.
That is what softening of boundaries is all about in this context. You become a person with more (positive) beta traits as summarized in the article. And beta female with alpha traits are the most desirable of all women and they are in high demand for relationship (that’s the reason why my method works fast). Both total alpha male and alpha male with beta tendencies seek to have a relationship with them.
To learn more about how to captivate an alpha man’s heart, here’s the new program that is discussed in the interview with Alan Roger Curie: Four Components Of Melting His Heart (that is responsible in getting Chrissy engaged to her boyfriend of 6 months!)
Have you read my book yet? If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them. And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now. If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters. This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman. You can also be irresistible like my client Kirstie and get him to step up and marry you after a breakup by attending my Journey Inward group coaching in which she will guest star and share her story of transformation from an alpha female with beta traits to become a beta female with alpha traits.
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Image credit Deposit Photo!