He Thinks He Wants His Ex Back – Hold The Door Wide Open
When your boyfriend thinks he is not over his ex, or thinks he wants his ex back, let him go….hold the door wide open. If you don’t let him complete his journey, you will be wondering what if. Ttrust the strength of your connection and the rare special of a woman you are will bring him back into your arms eventually…that if some lucky guy hasn’t swept you off your feet.
Marina came to me last year after the guy she was dating for four months told her he wants his ex back, he wanted to go back to his High School sweetheart. They had a relationship over 20 years ago and somehow the flame was still burning in him. He wasn’t done with her.
She was broken hearted, of course, so she signed up for my private coaching and three cycles of both Journey Inward and Leaning Back workshop as well as the new program Four Components Of Melting His Heart.
Throughout their breakup he regularly checked in on her through emails, despite the fact that he had went back to his ex. He loved to write (long) emails, often to her irritation and bewilderment, talking about all and sundry: his health, her health, her pets, the air purifier she should be getting, etc…everything but about his real feelings for her and why he wrote her so much.
I told her to go along with it and responded in kind. She leaned back the whole time, barely initiated contact even when he would fall out of the loop every now and then.
But he was always back…with his emails.
As a seasoned man whisperer (coughing), I knew his relationship with his High School sweetheart wouldn’t last. First, because they were different people now. It was like trying to revive withering flowers. Second, like most women she doesn’t know the man whisperer’s secrets that I teach. Most women will screw their relationships with their ignorance, masculine energy and controlling streak.
Marina does know the secrets. She is one of my star students. I never had any doubt in my mind it was only a matter of time before that relationship with his ex combusted and he would find his way to be with her again, only this time with stronger resolve having seen first hand what’s out there in terms of women of relationship material. I told her to let him go and complete this part of his journey. If he wants to go back to his ex, let him see it through. If they were meant to be together, they would.
And I was right. Not trying to toot my own horn, but over the years I’ve been so familiar with patterns of male behaviors: what makes them tick, what scares and concerns them, what motivates them to pursue a woman, what they actually feel when they say certain words and what their actions really tell you despite their words….
Then one day about 8 months ago she emailed me with the subject title “Your program works too well!!!” in which she included his email asking to meet her for lunch. Then at the last minute he needed to reschedule thanks to his not-so-great financial situation leaving her somewhat anxious but she responded graciously that made him really surprised by her lack of reactiveness. He called her “a saint” for that. Like all my successful clients, she gets noticed as very different to most other women.
Was she becoming the ex that he wanted to get back together with?
That was her apparent victory in this battle against her own demons: leaving behind her old anxious, aggressive and masculine-energy self.
Finally they reunited for their first lunch in November (yep after leaning back almost a whole month) on which time he told her that he and his HS sweetheart were still together! But you know a happy guy in a relationship won’t usually ask an ex to have lunch with him out of the blue. I just told her not to have her expectations soar and just treat it as a part of embracing the moment whatever that is.
I knew it was a matter of waiting the other shoe to drop.
Sure enough a week or so later he contacted her again and asked her out again. They went out on a dinner and guess what…he told her he had broke up with her! His path had run it’s course and he had the ex out of his system. He no longer wanted to go back to his ex.
The other shoe had indeed dropped.
She wrote after their date: “Just got back from my dinner and we had a nice time together. I did not ask about his relationship and he told me that they had broken up recently. At that moment, all I could say that I was sorry to hear that. Then the rest of the night was just staying in the moments with him. The night ended nicely, he asked if he could see me again during my winter break. I said yes and we shall see….
For the last six months, I wasn’t focusing on getting him back. I was focusing on my personal and professional lives. I learned to embrace my feminine essence and let go a lot of my “shoulds” and “expectations.” Also, I learn to lean back in several areas of my life which minimized unnecessary dramas and anxieties. What I gain is an important life lesson in the past 6 months.
The whole leaning back was an amazing experience for me for the past 6 months! When ee broke up with me to go back to his ex, I was sad and shock because we did share an amazing connection. Then I realized that I cannot hold on to him because he is/was on his journey. I have to let him go so that he can figure out his feelings. I am not going to be in someone’s way to true love. During those times I did not chase, pine or call him.
If he wants his ex back, shift your energy from him to you!
Seriously, this was sooooo hard for me being a very assertive and go-getter person. I shifted my anxious energy into other areas of my life and now I see significant improvements! I did let him go which was the hardest thing to do but I did it to save my own sanity. In the past, I went through several broken relationships with high anxiety and stress which was a horrible horrible place to be.
After leaning back, I realized that letting go and regaining myself back has helped to find my inner calmness and feminine essence. Kat is a gem in helping us to understand this.”
Marina would continue doing what she’d been doing the last 6 months prior: focusing on herself and her own happiness and taking one day at a time. And she was still dating too, mind you.
Then things seemed not to progress much after those two meet-ups. She got confused and frustrated, of course, but my encouragement kept her on her path. She focused on her art work, her job, updating her online profile and booking a sole vacation to Hawaii.
Gradually, he began to contact her again and still after a few months nothing much happened. He was taking it reaaalllll slow. They weren’t even intimate either. He wasn’t very physical with her. She wondered if he still had sexual attraction for her.
He seemed to be testing the waters, perhaps thanks to his recent breakup and challenging financial situations and health.
Finally, they became intimate again about a month or so ago. Then the ball rolled fast after that. He has been consistently stepping up ever since: he invited her to spend time with his mom on Mother’s Day and decided to join her on her Hawaii vacation (they’re on vacation as we speak).
His mother loves her!
And just over two weeks ago, she emailed me: “He said it yesterday that I’m his girlfriend! She was now the ex that he had come back to.
When he released a huge smelly gas in the bed. Then he commented that he can do that in his girlfriend’s bed. Gee what a nice way to find out!”
Her patience and leaning back pays! Had she been acting like most women would in her situation (not knowing for months if he was back in or just having a friendly sojourn every now and then), this day wouldn’t have come.
He definitely was feeling her for months and he found out pretty much right away she is not like most women he has come to know (most likely including his recent ex: that’s why it didn’t work in the first place). He said to her that he could sense if a woman was crazy right away.
Marina is far from crazy. She is like me: mellow, patient, happy and laid back. He couldn’t NOT feel drawn to her again. When he said he wants his ex back, he is going back to a fantasy in his head. The fantasy turned out not to be as good as the reality of Marina!
That’s what feminine energy is all about.
You, too, can be like her. She worked so hard to get to this place. She is admittedly a go-getting, smart, successful alpha woman. She used to “bark orders” with men in the past which she has been trying so hard to curb these days.
My teaching is a path of no resistance. I call it Love Jiujitsu of the highest form. It works like magic cause it’s a path of all saints.
Remember Laura Munson’s essay about how she attracted her husband (who was going through a crisis of his own) back that catapulted her into stardom? It’s the same principle at work here. She then wrote her book based on that essay called: This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season Of Unlikely Happiness.
And now they are officially back together, I can’t be happier. As I said, I like a great get-ex-back story. And hers definitely is. And I’ve been itching to write this great story. May she be an inspiration to all of you in the same situation.
When your man thinks he’s not over his ex, let him go….hold the door wide open. Usher and help him to complete his journey faster. And trust the strength of your connection and the rare special of a woman you are will bring him back into your arms eventually…that if some lucky guy hasn’t swept you off your feet that is!
UPDATE: He has now moved in with her! And you can listen to her interview as part of the Goddess Interview Series on how she pulled this off (email me at email@example.com if you are interested).
Have you read my book yet? If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them. It has been responsible in getting many exes or almost exes to come back! And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now. If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters. This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman.
You can also be irresistible like my client Kirstie and get him to step up and marry you after a breakup by attending my Journey Inward group coaching in which she will guest star and share her story of transformation from an alpha female with beta traits to become a beta female with alpha traits.
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