When He Says You Deserve Better This Is What He Means

when he says you deserve better

I think we have all heard this line before, when he says you deserve better.  It’s confusing to many women I am sure.  Usually when a woman hears a man say she deserves better or she deserves more she rushes into convincing mode.  She tries to reassure him that he is enough for her.  After reading what it really means when he tells you that you deserve better, hopefully you will never try to convince a man otherwise again.

You may take this as a compliment and I hate to break it to you, but it’s really not a compliment.  Contrary to popular belief, men really don’t want to disappoint you.  When a man says you deserve better, he is trying to warn you ahead of time, hoping you won’t be disappointed when you don’t get your needs met from him.

A man that tells you that you deserve better or that you are too good for him or anything of that nature already knows you are more invested that he is.  He is in a way letting you down easy.  It’s a nice way of telling you, he isn’t able or more likely isn’t willing to give you what he knows you deserve in a relationship.

STOP PRESS:  This Is Why Managing Your Emotional Investment Is The Only Way Not to Have A Guy Tell You that You Deserve Better

Why Does He Think He is Not Good Enough

he said i deserve betterThe reality of these words from a man is he is right and he does speak the truth.  You deserve a man who wants to give you the love and respect that you deserve.  When he says you deserve better he is telling you that he won’t give you better.  It’s in your best interest to believe him.

I have used this line.  I used it on my ex many times before I broke up with him and I meant those words.  He did deserve better.  He deserved to find a woman that could love him the way I just didn’t.  I knew he was deeply in love with me and I knew I could not return that.  In my mind he just wasn’t the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so I told him many times that he deserved better.

Part of this is also guilt on his part.  I know, I felt some guilt too.  Maybe guilt isn’t the right word but I sure felt bad.  I felt bad knowing a man loved me and I could not love him back and my thought that he deserves better was spot on, he did.  I just didn’t want to give him better, therefore I couldn’t.

When a man really loves you or is smitten with you, he won’t be telling you that you deserve better.  He will do anything in his power to be better for you.  When he says you deserve better, you haven’t captured his heart enough to inspire him to WANT to give you better.  Men do what it is they want to do.

Has He Said That?  Reverse It By Caring and Talking Less

Don’t Try to Convince a Man He is Enough

When a man feels that you are more invested into the relationship than he is this is just one of the lines you will hear or a stalling tactic that he will use to try to slow you down or pace the relationship. if you react by trying to convince him otherwise, you are just showing him exactly how much more ahead of him you really are. This does not endear you to him, quite the opposite.  Men don’t really respect women that settle for their crumbs.

When you try to convince or prove to a man that he is good enough for you, when he knows already that he is not because he can’t (doesn’t want to) give you what you deserve, he will usually begin to pull away. 

When a man says you deserve better, he has already come to terms with the fact that he can’t meet up to your expectations.  This happens more often when a woman gets ahead of the man in a relationship.  She begins to act like a girlfriend before he has claimed her.  He isn’t feeling inspired to win you over, because he already knows he has you.

When you act like a girlfriend before he is ready, he is going to feel pressure to reciprocate because he knows that is what you want and expect.  This often causes a man to tell you that you deserve better.

If you are a woman that knows her value, you will intuitively know this man has no intention at this point of giving you a commitment and you won’t invest too much energy into such a man.  A high value woman is easy to lose. She can take it or leave it.  This is the kind of woman that inspires men to step up.  A woman trying to convince a man he is good enough does not inspire this in a man because she doesn’t value herself enough.  She accepts his low offer.

When he says you deserve better, he speaks the truth and it has nothing to do with if YOU think he is good enough for you and everything to do with he just knows he is not because he doesn’t feel motivated to step up and be THAT man for you.

You can stop finding yourself in this relationship situations when you invest into yourself and study with Katarina in her life changing programs How to be a high value woman and easy to lose or Leaning back and Cultivating Feminine Mystique are both game changers when it comes to getting the love you deserve.

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4 comments

  • It’s not that a woman hast captured his heart, it’s that he is probably depressed and negative and perhaps doesn’t want to bring the woman down with him. This has nothing to do with a woman not being stimulating enough to capture his heart. It usually has to do with his own inner conflicts and when a man is like this, there isn’t one woman out there that can get through to him. Not even his soulmate. He has to work on himself to feel more confident n

    • I totally agree wbotb. The man that tried so hard to capture my heart and he did , I fell deeply i love, we were so connected in so many ways it was like we had known each other before. He paced the relationship and told friends and family I was the one he’d marry , he’s 43 and never wanted to marry before. We discussed the plans for the future etc etc and out the blue he suddenly couldn’t be with me because guilt and “baggage ” from his past overtook his mind and his thought process was totally irrational. Suddenly he couldn’t offer me what he said, what I thought my future was had been snatched away just like that. I was heartbroken but I believe he is depressed and I have told him I will not turn my back on him. I am giving him space but will occasionally message him to let him know I’ve not gone anywhere. I truly believe when he has received some help, we will be together.

      • I too am in the same situation. My ex was saying all the right things making me believe we have a future and I’m sure he has ptsd/depression and all of a sudden he can’t give me what I need. Please do not decide for me, what I need. That’s my decision, not yours! I want my ex to get help and I think we would be together if he sought help.

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