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What is feminine energy? The concept of feminine energy is often misunderstood as subjugation or being a doormat.  A lot of women in the US and Western world in general think a feminine woman is inferior to masculine traits (active is always better than passive, assertive is always better than submissive while the truth is it’s about energetic match…there is no good or bad inherent in them).  If we can’t feel comfortable in our own female skin and secretly wish we were a man, how can a guy be comfortable with being with us? And if we think being feminine is a disease, and something that is not desirable, no surprise men flee in droves and find their women else where.


Gina wrote this on a discussion thread on my Facebook page: “I’d see myself as a strong woman. I am independent, decisive and know what I stand for. I love my martial arts (which in the past has been something men have disliked to the point of making me stop attending classes!!). The problem I have is that I am just not attracted to feminine guys.  The guy needs to be MORE masculine than me for it to work or I will lose my respect for him.  Trying to lean back is one thing, but you can’t change who you are on the inside. And I think it’s wrong to try and change for a man as it just leaves you feeling very unhappy in yourself.  But maybe all this is why I am still single.. lol. I want and need the masculine guy to be more powerful than me, yet it often does clashes as I will stand my ground.  As someone earlier said: I want to be led, not controlled…

As you can gather from my profile pic that I am not a butch man with boobs. I admit to the fact that I am a tom-boy underneath the nails, make-up and hair extensions.  I know how to be sexy though and this is precisely what my ex liked about me when we met.  It baffled me when he kept talking about me not being feminine enough throughout our relationship.  So I grew my nails longer and wore even higher heels.  It was never good enough however.  Whether it’s right or wrong, thanks to this thread I now finally understand what he meant.  Isn’t him trying to change me to suit his needs as fundamentally wrong though as me trying to change myself at the core to suit somebody else’s energy..???  To say “if you don’t change, you’ll just stay single” just sounds a bit like an easy cop-out if I may say so..??”

So here’s the typical story of modern women of the 21st century.  They are too self-sufficient and independent for their own good. They don’t understand what feminine energy is.

Feminism no doubt has brought about the kind of prosperity and freedom of choice that many women, myself including, are enjoying.  I love my life and thanks to those women before me who fought for this equality in the social, political and economic sectors, I can live my life the way I see fit.

However, its excess is quite detrimental to relationships and the preservation of traditional family values.  Women no longer feel like a woman in relationship.  And they’re wondering why.

Here’s why.

A lot of women in the US and western world in general think feminine traits are inferior to masculine traits (active is always better than passive, assertive is always better than submissive while the truth is it’s about energetic match…there is no good or bad inherent in them).  If we can’t feel comfortable in our own female skin and secretly wish we were a man, how can a guy be comfortable with being with us? And if we think being feminine is a disease, and something that is not desirable, no surprise men flee in droves and find their women else where.

And they go on redefining femininity by removing altogether the “lesser traits” that are traditionally associated to the word “femininity.”  They don’t like “docile, demure, agreeable, submissive”….be done with them all.  Those traits are bad…bad…bad!

If asked what is feminine energy, their definition of a feminine woman is not distinct enough from the widely accepted definition of masculinity.  It’s all about their own reactiveness.  It is what they want it to mean.

Increase your Feminine Energy by Being Less Reactive

This reactiveness is what keeps women single or unhappy in relationship.

But men don’t respond to their definition.  Men refuse to be blamed for who they are and fulfill the feminist expectations of what being a man should mean or should be like.

So modern women have been trying to inject their own feminist values of equality in relationship and it has worked to some extent at least in the way how political correctness colors every discourse on this very subject.

However, men don’t play.  Men are rebelling against that.  And it’s not because they’re weak. It just runs counter to their primal instinct. They’re not attracted to that. So women need to wise up and be realistic and work around this.

That if they want to be in relationship with masculine men…

What Is Feminine Energy

Feminine and Masculine are two life forces.  They both need each other to exist.  Neither is inferior or superior to the other.  Both are needed to keep the fabric of society -and life in general- intact. The feminine woman needs the masculine male.

Sadly, the concept of feminine energy is often misunderstood as subjugation or being a doormat. I’m totally in my feminine energy in my relationship and it doesn’t make me lose my power or make me doormat (in fact the total opposite).  At work I’m in my masculine energy cause I have to get the job done. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

Feminine energy is about being, acceptance and receiving while masculine energy is about doing, go getting, goal seeking and giving.  It’s passive, agreeable and accommodating while masculine energy is active and being in control (and often appears controlling).  It’s the being okay of following a man’s lead and trusting his leadership.

Agreeable is not a dirty word. It is actually what most men seek in a woman. It is actually what defines feminine energy more than anything else. If a man has to lead a relationship and many women do want a man like that, it means she has to be agreeable. She must allow it in herself to be easy to be led and being in a supporting role. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have opinion or never voices her opinions. Again, people tend to always assume the extreme positions in discussion like this when in real life flexibility abounds but the general idea still holds: that a man is not attracted to a woman who is just like him whether or not women want to protest that or concoct all kinds of negative words to negate or undermine that predisposition in men.

And being agreeable is based on love because you know what really matters in relationship at the end of the day: not about being right, but being happy. And often you can’t have both.

I am agreeable and I’m proud of it. It’s actually my power as a woman. Thanks to my agreeableness I have an adoring man who worships the ground I walk on. It’s a win-win!

Everyone of us -men or women- need to operate on both energies to function in life, the difference is in relationship, with a few exceptions, you can’t turn this upside down: the woman becomes the man, and the man becomes the woman.

The Problem With Feminism

Many women thanks to feminism equate strength with masculine energy. That’s why a lot of them have a problem with a concept of submissive, docile, demure women who are okay being led. Because they equate them with weaknesses which is again why many American men look for their women elsewhere.

It’s so hard to make these feminists see that their brand of “assertiveness” is akin to being a man themselves that causes men not being able to connect romantically and emotionally. They just can’t see that submissive/docile isn’t necessarily a bad thing, as assertive isn’t necessarily a good thing when what you have is an unhappy/imbalanced relationship. Too many men in this culture are being maligned and emasculated for just being men. Imagine how they will respond if men say the same things about women for just being women? 

They are suspicious of male energy in men and try to keep up (compete) with that by tapping into their own male energy themselves. Been there done that. It took me about 40 years being in my masculine energy to figure this all out.  If you have experienced what I have experienced you will see where I come from. It is something to be experienced first hand (like all my teaching).

They just want to be equal, 50/50 and as assertive as a man and be treated like a woman at the same time! That won’t fly, ladies!  If you want to be treated like a woman (cherished like I am in my relationship), be and act his polar opposite. I don’t care you say it’s not true you, you’d better learn now what works with men and adjust accordingly. Either that or just be happy being single or be with a beta (feminine energy) dude…

Your choice.

They want to decide what men should be like or should like in a woman. And when it turns out that men don’t think like they do, they name them “sick, bad, weak, not a real man, a boy, a pig” and all condescending names just to make a point that no man can have their own free will or predisposition, even as nature intended, so long it doesn’t go along with their unrealistic feminist idea of what being a man means. How sick is that? It’s like saying “Real fish should be able to fly. Fish who lives in water is a sick, weak fish.”

We see on sitcoms men are being portrayed as bumbling idiots with their smarter, wiser, over-achieving wives whom they so adore.  But in reality, these alpha women aren’t attracted to men like that.  They want real strong alpha men, more so than themselves like Gina above.

Let’s take an alpha male like Tom Cruise as an example: he just won’t match with any woman unless she is ready to follow his lead 90-100%. And if there are women like that who are naturally submissive, they will be a great match to him. And if both of them are happy, who are we to judge and tell them what kind of relationship they should have?

There are many many less successful men who are like Tom Cruise (like my own father). In fact, Tom Cruise is the common archetype of men period. My mother assumes the more submissive role and they are still happily married to this day (46 years). He cherishes and takes care of her and she respects and takes care of him. Isn’t it what relationship is all about? 

What Is Sexual Polarity

It’s not looks or personality that make a man stay (though they help), it’s a woman’s energy. My clients are mostly gorgeous but they lean forward too much and it’s not attractive and they aren’t polarized enough to these men they are attracted to.

Men want women who are NOT like them. They want their polar opposite and they can’t help it.  As I say, you can be all assertive on your own. But when you are leaning forward and operate from masculine energy of assertiveness when you are with him, a guy doesn’t feel connected to you. It is primal.  In varying degrees men are like that, some are less so but you still see it in them.

Masculine guys want feminine women because of the sexual polarity. It’s not because they are weak or intimidated by “strong women” as we have been brainwashed by feminists for the longest time.  I’ve never seen a masculine guy with a masculine ball-busting woman. They are always gravitated toward the dainty feminine ones who act feminine. And it’s all very natural.

Characteristics of Feminine Energy is not about how you dress or look.

Energy can’t be seen and it’s not visible to the naked eye.  Many if asked to list the characteristics of feminine energy would list things related to appearance.

And don’t fool yourself by saying you are a feminine woman just because you love to look pretty and sexy.  If you are a masculine energy woman a dress and heels won’t make you feminine. Again, it’s about your energy and men can’t be fooled. They feel it in your leaning-forward energy. In your aggressiveness and combative attitude.  They feel it in every word you speak and the jadedness behind it.

And you feel like a man to them no matter how hot you look.

A lot of men won’t say it bluntly, cause they know it’s politically incorrect, that they prefer docile women but believe me that’s what average men feel. These women are the yin to their yang. That’s what inspires their protective and romantic instinct.

They want to be in charge so they need a woman who is comfortable in being in a supporting role. They want agreeable women who won’t question, challenge, fix, criticize, compete with them around the clock. Yet they will still appreciate that masculine side every now and then so long it’s not a main trait. And it’s understandable cause why do they want a hairless version of themselves?  Polarity (opposite) attracts.

Polar opposites have to happen for a relationship to start and in order for it to last. Otherwise there’s imbalance and there will not be enough glue/magnetic draw that keeps the relationship together. If a woman is too masculine, a masculine guy won’t find enough magnetic draw toward her.  And for the dynamic to work, he either has to curtail his masculine side or she does. If he does, he becomes an uninterested party in the arrangement (convenience relationship, anyone?) and she’ll keep rowing and pursuing and the less invested/interested he becomes. But usually the guys just don’t play. They find a more feminine woman who complements their energy. So if guys often disappear on you, check on your energy. Is it too much leaning forward?

There is no polarity in 50/50.  It feels like friendship.  Fifty-fifty means no passion, romance nor sexual attraction.   Is that the kind of relationship you really want?

A lot of women want very masculine guys whom they can control or who will not be so masculine (controlling) when they want them to be.  It’s an oxymoron.  Men don’t swing both ways.  And it’s probably why they are still single and living in their fantasy land.

And some guys who are brave enough to be honest will say it as it is that they are attracted to submissive women….and if that is the energy that matches them, then you can’t blame them. Men (and women) can’t help whom they are attracted to. There is no need to be defensive about it.  You can’t fault them for their preference.  Like we are attracted to masculine traits, and so are they attracted to feminine traits. Why is that a problem?

And you can’t have two masculine energies together. They will collide. If one is into being in charge, then the other should be okay about being submissive. Submissive in itself isn’t a dirty word. It works in some settings. There are always degrees to it (I won’t like being with a 100% masculine guy either) but bottom line is if you want a masculine guy, you need to be his polar opposite or be happy with a more feminine energy guy. It’s a choice.

In actuality demure, “submissive” women are probably much happier in relationship with a masculine man and they are actually cherished by their man because they feel like a woman instead of a hairless guy with boobs (like my parents example above). So instead of being controlled/abused or losing their power as you suspect being docile is all about, these women actually inspire devotion in their men. My boyfriend crazily cherishes me because I allow him to be a man by me being happy being a woman. Now, that’s REAL feminine strength/power without trying to be like a man.  That’s how you seduce a man, simply by the power of your feminine energy.

They can all be masculine on their own (like me) but these guys surely expect them to be all woman when they are home with them. I think it is your prejudice that when a woman is more in touch with her feminine side and caters to a man’s need to be with a woman who feels like a woman as less than…. I don’t see it that way at all. We complement each other. In fact that lies our feminine power and he will love us all the more for that! While we have all the rights to equality in the workplace (imagine, how wonderful that is!), it’s wise to go back to our feminine side when we are with our man so he can be a man we want him to be.

It may not what you or many women want but they want what they want and they’re entitled to have it just as much as you are entitled to what you want. A good team work is exactly what having a balanced mix of yin and yang is all about.

You just can’t expect a guy to swing both ways when it serves you.

So Gina, in a nutshell, if you want masculine guys and you are only attracted to masculine guys then you gotta offer them what they want: feminine energy women who don’t often collide with them through controlling, confrontational, questioning, “assertive” behaviors. If you can’t adjust to their preference in women while you refuse to entertain more feminine energy guys who match you energetically, then like you said, that’s probably why you are still single.

So What is Feminine Energy and How Can You Increase Feminine Energy

To summarize this already long rambling, you can only know if things work by seeing your own life. It works for me wonderfully after operating on masculine energy throughout my younger years.  Are you single and find it hard to attract guys? Then a shift in perspective -and energy- might help. I can help you to be more in touch with your feminine side as I have been doing with hundreds of women.

Here’s the paradox: when you don’t need a man to be a certain way -other than the way he is- for you to be happy and feel okay with yourself and when you stay in your feminine energy, he will actually feel needed in the healthiest way without the neediness that pushes him away; a way that creates deep emotional bonding toward you.  This is the Goddess Way.

I’m going to have a 3-week workshop on feminine mystique and leaning back starting soon and how it actually works and why.  You won’t want to miss this workshop because this one principle is the secret to a man’s heart.   Subscribe to this blog or my mailing list or add me on Facebook to be in the loop for the next cycles if you can’t attend this one.

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And many women have pulled their guys back from the brink through practicing the tools and principles I outline there.  And you will be included in the two lively private groups I own and see how women transform themselves there to become a high-value woman.

MORE:  Your Femininity Can Unlock His Heart, Here’s How

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