The Reasons Why You Are Still Single: Your Unhealed Wounds

When you read my book, the reasons why you are still single will become crystal clear.  You will see how you are in your masculine energy in your relationships.  You will see the reasons have a lot to do with your unhealed wounds.  Wounds you weren’t even consciously aware of. 

Meet my client Daisy below as she shares her story of the realization as to why she was still single and attracting emotionally unavailable men.

I just came back from a fantastic weekend getaway with my new man.  Every moment was wonderful. He was very loving and attentive, concerned about meeting my every need and desire, making sure I had a fantastic time and I did.  It’s hard to believe that we met only a short time ago and that he has already claimed me.  Only two short months ago it felt like I would never meet anyone I could have such a deep connection with, but I see now that all the hard work I have been doing has paid off.

I discovered your ebook back in October, after breaking up with my Emotionally Unavailable Man.  I was devastated by the end of that relationship and wanted to know how I could get him back.  More importantly, I recognized that a pattern was playing out in my love life and knew I needed to change it.  I couldn’t understand why I kept dating the same guy wearing different pants.  Reading your book made me see the relationship with Emotionally Unavailable Men very clearly, especially my role in its demise.  I had read David Deida but never understood how masculine-feminine energy dynamics were playing out in my relationships specifically.  I thought I was such a feminine woman because I wore high heels to take out the garbage.  I saw myself as accepting, warm and receptive, yet I had no idea how much I was leaning forward with my anxious energy, my mothering and smothering, my over giving and overall over-functioning in the relationship.

Your group first introduced me to the concept of raising your frequency, and that you basically attract what you are. I’d had no idea that the reason I kept dating these emotionally unavailable guys and had even been married to one was because I had this characteristic in myself.  Just this simple recognition was enough for me to start making profound changes within myself.

I won’t lie–I worked really hard. I spent a couple hours every day on the process and the various exercises and learnings that went along with it.  I took the Journey Inward and Leaning Back workshops, which were invaluable steps on my journey–especially Leaning Back, as it showed me exactly what actions I could take to turn things around.  

I recall that in one of the classes you referred to me as one of your most committed students and I believe I was.  I knew I had to change but also recognized that if I changed my behavior superficially the results would not be long lasting.  I had read a lot of self help and relationship books in my life, but nothing ever worked for me until I started doing deep inner work.

Between October and December I cried every day, but I kept working on myself even when my mind seemed stuck in the same obsessions about my EUM.  I knew I had to keep going.

I tried to get out there and date but no one remotely suitable was showing up. Most of the men who were messaging me were at least twenty years younger, looking to hook up–which I wasn’t into.  I kept working while staying open to opportunities at the same time; I just didn’t go looking for them.  One night I checked my online profile and there was a message from a man that really grabbed my attention.  I felt this little pop while I read his profile. It was as if he had written it especially for me.  We met a few days later and the connection was instantaneous.

Ever since my divorce from a controlling, domineering alpha male, I have been attracted to guys who are more of a sensitive artist type, or who work in helping professions like counseling or teaching.  They are givers and pleasers, and have made it easy for me to step in and try to drive the bus.  Now that I’m much more grounded in my feminine energy, I have been able to lean back and let my new man do all the planning and executing, without my trying to do his job for him.  It’s been so liberating and I feel very feminine and cared for in his presence.

This man is the most emotionally available man I have ever known, and I know he is in my life now because I am more emotionally available now as well. I recognized what was causing me pain in my life and began healing it. The old me would have run for the hills when he started expressing his feelings or tried to claim me so fast–I would have thought him as needy and clingy. He’s not, he just really likes me and let’s me know.  Being with him has made me feel cherished and adored for the first time in my life and to see that I deserved more than what my EUM was giving me.

It’s early in my relationship, so who knows how it’s all going to turn out, but I am confident if that this man isn’t the one, someone even better will come along.  I’m no longer the crumb grabber, dependent on approval from a man to make me feel whole.  I have everything I need within me to attract a great guy and keep him investing in me.  Thanks Kat, for your great group and the support you give your clients to become their best feminine selves.”

I have written before that your pattern of attracting and being in a relationship -real or imagined- with emotionally unavailable men is because you are emotionally unavailable yourself.  If you come to me for help you won’t hear so much that “men are the problems” or “the problem with women is men” (sorry Charles J. Orlando).  The focus on my method has never been heavy on men so unless you are willing to look deep inside yourself, you’re better off finding advice elsewhere.  And this is the reason why it works like a charm that I have a problem putting every testimonial I got onto this blog.  It’s just too many of them!  (I’m not complaining, by the way.)

Daisy is one such women who is ready to embrace and transcend her baggage and sick of being hurt one relationship after another.  She was sick of being addicted to unrequited love.

Getting into a relationship is actually easy as I have personally attested.  I can’t stay single long enough to save my life once I’m healed from all the wounds and baggage from my childhood and previous relationships.  All of a sudden I became so desirable and it’s all because grounded women are a rarity these days.  And my method makes you very grounded beyond compare.

Some of you have been hopping from one relationship to another as well, the only thing is those relationships weren’t healthy or functional.  Some of you just can’t get out of this rut of being perpetually single.  And then you start to rationalize why: “there are no good men out there,” or “I am very picky and no man is up to my standard so far,” “I’d rather be single than changing myself to please a man,” and so forth, etc….You honestly don’t see the reasons why you are still single.

Daisy mentioned in one of the threads in the group that “being picky is one way to stay safe because you are emotionally unavailable yourself.”

Yes, that’s one of the reasons why you are still single.and why elusive guys are so attractive to you…cause you think you’re in control.  And you want to control him how to act and behave in relationship so it gives you a sense of validation of your self-worth.  You need to work hard for love cause that is the representation of “real love” to you.  In that light, guys who are eager and pursuing you are a turn off to you.

That’s also the reason why you’d rather stay in your masculine energy of being in charge.  That’s how perpetually single women keep themselves single.  They aren’t liking it but they have no other concept of being.

And that is why you are here or in my groups.  You want a definite solution to your singlehood problem. You want to fix the reasons why you are still single.

My method is geared toward finding the roots of your own addiction to romantic pain/unrequited love and emotional unavailability.  Once you bring them into awareness, you can start making a conscious effort to replace them with new sets of mental habits.  Any change won’t be permanent until you get on top of all your unhealed wounds and cure them.

Bottom line is, to get into a relationship fast: heal your anxiety, emotional unavailability and LEAN BACK. That’s all Daisy did. You will have a boyfriend before you know it. Sign up for both my ongoing Journey Inward (the “get-ex-back edition”) and Leaning Back workshop and you will get 45 min bonus skype session with me (VALUE: $100). Plans are available too.

Want the same result or to learn more the ins and outs of inspiring the man you adore to commit to you THE MOST DEFINITE WAY?  Here’s the most affordable way: by working with me face to face in a very relaxed, fun and intimate setting in my own home!  And you will get some of the coaching programs I mention here as bonuses as well so you can start listening to them before coming to the weekend getaway.  I promise you it’ll be one of the most worthwhile investments you’ll ever make in your life.  Your life will turn upside down for the better after the retreat if you practice all the skills I teach there.

 

MORE: How To Read A Man And The Real Reasons He Doesn’t Want A Relationship With You

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  I have just added a new bonus teleclass you don’t want to miss: “Why Do Women Hang Onto A Relationship Past Its Expiry Date” in which my client Kellie shared her very inspiring personal transformation that attracted her ex back (hence this cycle is called “the get-ex-back edition.”)

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well and if you want me to address more scenarios write it on the comment section below (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

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2 comments

  • Oh my God! I am anxious 25 hours each day (not 24).
    If I have no anxiety,I feel like I am dead!

    I have work to do!

    I work already to tame my leaning forward and to soften my boundaries!

  • Hmm, sounds enlightening

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