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Should I Text Him – Read This Before You Shoot Another Text!

May 5, 2013 |

 

Should I text or should I not?  Whoever thought that would be a one million dollar question in today’s dating and relating.  A lot of women are blatherers when it comes to texting.  They text long paragraphs with lots of abbreviations and repeatedly before he has a chance to respond. That takes away so much mystery out of your persona and with it his attraction for you.  

 

Texting has become an integral part of our communication these days that just like emailing a set of etiquettes needs to be established.  Believe it or not, guys sense your character and personality and judge you through your texting habits so a mishap here and there might kill a blooming interest on their part.

When dating you always have to keep in mind that first impressions matter and mystery is a big part of attraction so your texting habits can increase or decrease your value in his eyes. (Are you a compulsive texter?  You need this program to keep you poised and grounded so you will attract him more and keep his attraction alive.)

So answer these questions and find out if you are the sort of woman who can grab a man’s attention through your texting habits:

1.  Do you always respond as soon as you get a text?

2.  Do you initiate texting more than he does?

3.  Do you text a lot of trivia or unimportant stuff just to chat or get his attention?

4.  Do you fire another text or two when you haven’t got a response to your previous text?

5.  Do you act pushy by asking “where are you?” or “what are you doing?” or “are you there?” or “why are you not responding?” or “did you get my text?”

6.  Do you always have the last word?

7.  Do you always write in long paragraphs, get too much into detail (something that has to be reserved for in-person or phone conversation) and use many abbreviations that not everyone understands?

8.  Do you often get no response or a very short one like “k?”

If the majority to your answers is YES, girl, you really need to read this because likelihood is you have been pushing away so many guys because you simply don’t act like a high-value woman.  He stops calling and texting exactly because of that (and some other reasons as outlined here).

STOP PRESS!!  The Irony Is You Can Text Him Back.  Michael Fiore Tells You How.

This is how you come across:

1.  Needy, clingy and insecure ’cause you need a lot of attention and constant validation/assurance.

2.  High maintenance and controlling

3.  Uninteresting because you are way too available and have too much time on your hands; you don’t have a life.

4.  Talk too much and are too self-absorbed.

5.  You are a guy chaser and don’t have many options.  You are desperate.

You may not be any of the above but that’s the exact impression you create with your communication style.

Throughout the years I have refined my texting habits from a more available texter to the one who avoids it unless it’s really necessary.  And it has worked because it changes the vibe I project out and what is perceived by guys.  I become the “elusive” confident woman who has too much an exciting life to tend to texting (learn more about the timeless art of being “hard to get” that will drive him crazy with desire for you).  

You may or may not, the point is when you emit that kind of aura, your value soars in a man’s eyes.  A man wants a prize, whether or not he wants to admit it.  He wants what other men want and what he has to work for to have.

My boyfriend pursued me because of this.  Not just texting but also I’m scarce in other means of communication as well.  When he first texted me, it took me a day to respond and honestly it wasn’t on purpose but I simply wasn’t hooked to my cellphone.

Remember, scarcity and mystery are parts of attraction.  When you make a guy wonder ’cause you are not easy to figure out or read, you make him intrigued.  When he is, it means he’s thinking about you and a guy likes a woman he can’t help thinking of.  That’s the sort of woman he perceives as high-value and worth pursuing.

HERE’S THE REAL TRUTH: He’s Really Not That Complicated…If Only You Knew What Buttons To Push

Seven Deadly Tips to Build Attraction Through Texting

So say you just met a cute guy and you really like him, here are Seven simple tips that will make you stand out from the rest and make him yearn for you:

1.  Vary your response time, be a little unpredictable.  Sometimes you wait a day, some other times a few hours, sometimes right away.  But being always quick in your response doesn’t create intrigue in his mind.  Don’t let him take you for granted.

2.  Let him initiate most of the time.  Leaning back applies in every situation with men.  Even you need to lean back in your ways of communication (if you want to know more about the power of leaning back in igniting intense attraction in men, click here…it will change your life).  If he texts you regularly, you can initiate once (as a part of being unpredictable) say for every 5-6 texts he initiates.  If he texts you “good morning” or “good night” every day, beat him to the punch one morning/evening by doing it first.

3.  Keep your texts simple, short and sweet.  Be direct cause guys don’t like reading long messages.

4.  Not every text needs a response.  Most often than not, let him have the last word.  If he gives you an emoticon as a response for example, say a smiley, it’s time to end the convo by saying nothing back.

5.  Don’t initiate text if he hasn’t texted you in a while.  A guy won’t forget you just because he hasn’t heard from you.  You want a guy who steps up and leads so if he’s slacking in his way of communication, you taking charge in the matter won’t make him want to do it more.  Quite the opposite it dampens his motivation to do so.  That’s why you shouldn’t over-invest in a guy and be ahead of him with your wild fantasy and imagination.  Always in the “wait and see” mode and observe if he’s consistent.  This way you screen out a lot of time wasters.

6.  Don’t be a bore.  Be imaginative, creative, witty and flirtatious in your response.  Instead of saying “what’s up?” you can instead say “tell me something that makes my knees weak” or something playful like “do you know that kissing burns 68 calories/hr?” out of the blue or “I had a long day today.  I need something stiff.”  But don’t overdo it either ’cause then you appear overacting.   Here are more tips to create a goddess persona with your texting. 

7.  Always know when to stop and leave him wanting MORE each and every time.  Many women are blatherers and lack of self-restraint when it comes to talking and communicating.  Women like this turn men off before anything blooms. 

MORE:  Everything You Need To Know About Making A Man Addicted To You And Wanting To Keep In Touch With You 

If He Has Stopped Texting Or Doesn’t Text As Much Anymore

First of all, don’t get ahead of yourself.  Just because a guy is trying to win your heart by wooing you and texting you around the clock, it doesn’t mean it will continue or you should expect it to be so.  The truth is nobody can sustain back and forth texting around the clock for an extended period of time unless he/she has nothing else better to do but texting all day.

Stop reading so much into it.  In fact expect that at some point his amount of texting will dwindle and hopefully by then, if you haven’t screwed it up, the relationship has evolved into something more meaningful.

If he stopped texting, it could be that he’s just taking a break.  Let him have it.  If you’ve been out on a date or few dates, it’s to be expected that he will take some time off/pull back to process his feelings.  There is nothing to worry about.  No need to text him wondering where he is.

If you haven’t been on a date or he hasn’t asked you out, why do you want to be e-maintained anyway?  It’s a waste of time.

Bottom line is this, when you are free of anxiety and expectations and isn’t a pushy person by nature and not a text addict, shooting him a text first once in a while if you haven’t heard from him in a while and you two have established some sort of connection, it won’t do any harm.  The key is, as I mentioned, you should have no expectation and you are okay whatever he might do after (either responding or not to your text).  By this time he has known your personality and character through your texting habits, among other ways, and he won’t think any differently just because you touch base every now and then when he’s slacking.

At the end of the day, you will know if a guy is into you and want to pursue this.  So trust in the process.  Lean back and relax and keep your life full and exciting so you are not always hooked to your cell (here’s how to be a man’s MUSE without even trying so hard).

Questions?  Please comment below if you have any.

Please sign up for my regular Leaning Back And Cultivating Feminine Mystique Workshop.  It’s a one-of-kind coaching program that will make you stand out from the rest of female population.

Have you read my book yet?  That will be your Bible to other pertinent questions regarding men, attraction, dating and relationship.  I have helped so many women to become a high-value woman that any man seeks after.  When you are ingrained with the WAY, you will naturally ooze this compelling energy that makes you a man magnet.

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Still have burning questions regarding men and relationship?  Click here and get them solved!!

 

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222 Responses to Should I Text Him – Read This Before You Shoot Another Text!

  1. Megan

    Thank you so much for this. I have a situation, this guy I’ve been talking all of a sudden just “disappeared” after texting back and forth for a week. I sent a few texts the last few days with no answer. How long do I have to wait till I can send another text and how to make him respond? The last time I heard from him was 3 days ago. I really like him. Please help.

    • Melanie

      Hi Megan. I agree with Katarina. It is likely that the guy has also been texting other women since you are not in a relationship (Have you met in person, or is this just online?) It’s a good idea for you to also be interacting with other men so you don’t get too fixated on one person too soon. If you lean back with this guy (don’t initiate any more, don’t obsess over him), he may contact you again.

  2. katarina Post author

    Megan, first don’t expect that a man will always be available to talk or text even though he shows how much he’s into that with you in the beginning. That’s why not to appear over-eager is very important. Remember rule #7 above, try to be the one who ends the convo and leave him wanting more.

    Now, you have initiated a few texts perhaps in the same day(s) as well while he hasn’t got a chance to respond yet. Stop doing it. Get your mind off him, find a new “fixation,” hopefully something that is boosting your self-esteem.

    If he comes back, great. If not, move on and next time remember these principles and don’t make the same mistake. keep us posted.

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  4. Lila

    Hi Kat, can you advise me what to do? About 2 weeks ago it was obvious my crush liked me. He asked me to go to his football game, he texted me first 3 days in a row and actually kept the conversation going, he flirted with me, he called me babe, beautiful, etc; Then things randomly got weird. I texted him first a couple times and our conversations barely lasted. Like we’d ask eachother what was up, how our days were, and then it would die. We didn’t talk all last week so I went to his football game Saturday to see if things would go back to normal. He didn’t get to see me cause I had to leave early. But I texted him after saying “good job today!”. He said “thank you!” I said “welcome :)”. And that was that. So I figured things weren’t gonna go back to the way they were. Then Sunday he snapchatted me (iphone app where you send pictures back and forth). He sent a picture of him like :D and then put happy birthday! as the caption. I sent one saying “thank you!” and he sent one saying welcome. And that was that. So now I’m confused as to whether or not he likes me. We probably won’t talk all week again. I don’t know what I should do. Since the last couple convos I started barely went anywhere.. I’m not sure if I should try again.

    **We met through my best friend (they’re cousins). And we go to different schools. He’s supposed to be going to a mutual friend’s birthday with me and her but I don’t know if it’s still happening.

    • katarina Post author

      Lila, there is no need to read so much into his texting habit. He’s just perhaps not as much a texter as you are. If he really likes you he will do more than just texting. It will feel better to you and works better for the relationship as well if he’s the one who initiates most of the contacts so give him the chance to do that.

  5. Angelique

    Hi Katarina, I really like this guy and I think he likes me. We text each other about every day. The last time I talked to him was Saturday night. He was out with friends and I told him I would let him go so he could enjoy his night but he said me he wanted to talk. I told him I was afraid I annoyed him and he told me I would never annoy him. I then said “Don’t be too sure.” and he said “I’m 100% sure.”
    It felt good to have him say this, but I quit texting him shortly after. I haven’t heard from him since. I want to text him and ask him about the rest of his weekend but I don’t want to seem clingy or annoying. I know he said I never annoyed him but I am still afraid I do. Is it a bad idea to text him or should I let him text me?

  6. princess amy

    Last week a guy who comes into my work a couple times a week asked me for my number. He asked me out that same day (a few hours later, through texting) and we went out on Saturday night. As far as first dates go, it was the best one I’ve had in a while. I could tell he was into it too, he put his arm around me, held my hand as we walked down the street, and after dinner he asked me if I wanted to go to a bar for some drinks. On three different occasions during our date he suggested we go out this week too, to a bar that I like near my place. The date went great and he dropped me off at my house Saturday night but I haven’t heard from him since. He is not a big texter (the only time he has texted me was to make plans and to get my address) but I’m wondering if he lost interest that quickly and if I should text him? Please help.

    • katarina Post author

      Relax, princess. It’s only one date, the worst is he won’t ask you out again. Better that way than you pursuing him and he’s taking you for a ride. But I won’t bar you from sending a thank-you text telling him how much you enjoyed the date. If he doesn’t respond, you know the answer already.

  7. Tiara

    Katarina, ive been seeing this guy for 3 weeks, and we had sex for the first time wednesday. it was pretty good and i think he enjoyed it. he told me i could stay over, but i had to work early. since then he has texted me, but not nearly as much as before we had sex. before it was like all day, and now it’s maybe twice and he doesn’t respond to my messages right away at all. he is still initiating most of the texting. he also didn’t say anything about the sex. he has also been much less flirty, although he did call me a pet name today. we didn’t make plans to hang out again, but usually when we hang out it’s short notice anyway because of his schedule, and he had told me even before we had sex that he would be busy all weekend.

    i just wanna know if this is ok? he was totally crazy about me before the sex, and chasing me, and he seemed to like the sex. but now i’m barely hearing from him? we also had a talk last week about what we want. i said i didn’t want just a casual hookup, and he agreed. he’s been really honest and straightforward about his feelings up to this point, so i think he was being truthful. did he change his mind or is this normal behavior?

    • katarina Post author

      Men need to regroup after intimacy so give him a break. Let him miss you and stop trying to control your relating, let it unfold organically. You should get busy and have another source of excitement in life other than him. The only difference that will make to your relationship in how you respond to situations like this: with over-analyzing, fear and insecurities or with total self-confidence about your own irresistibility as a woman. Your choice.

  8. Sara

    Dear Kat, I met a guy online who I really like. Before we met for the first time we were exchanging long emails for about 2 weeks and these emails carried with them a sense of compatibility because we seemed to have lots in common and had a similar conversational style. There was no flirtation in these emails; just genuine, interesting conversation.

    We had about 5 dates. And our dates showed me even more that we have things in common: music, favourite movies, etc. I really like him as a person and I’m really attracted to him. For our 3rd date he had invited me to his house for dinner. We became intimate that night but we couldn’t have penetrative sex because he’d forgotten to buy condoms. He was excited for the next time but I requested that we have 3 more dates before engaging in sex because I wanted to get to know him a bit more first. He badly wanted to have sex with me soon because he’d already seen me naked and “loved” my body but he agreed to wait till after 3.

    We had two of these 3 dates. The second one was the last time I saw him: we had lunch together a week ago. We were due to have one more date before the sex.

    I haven’t heard from him since then (nor have I tried to contact him) and I’m worried- not just because of the assumption that he’s no longer interested in seeing me but also because I don’t want to carry false hope that he might text me sometime soon. This is why I want to send him a text to just ask why we’ve stopped talking, so that I can get closure and move on if he wants it to stop here. Should I do it, or is it plainly obvious that he has ‘dumped’ me in this way? One more thing I should mention is that early on he had made it clear to me that he doesn’t want to jump into a relationship with someone.

    • katarina Post author

      Sara, next time don’t do it like that. Requiring specific number of more dates especially after your almost intimate encounter sounds odd and you kill the romance with it. It’s supposed to be passionate and in the moment and now it all sounds staged and manufactured with you leading the process. It’s a turn off for most men. And he probably sniffs potential for drama so he hesitates to claim his “bounty.”

      Again, like I said, men are wary of “complicated women.” Read my blog post about when to have sex:

      http://katarinaphang.com/its-not-about-when-to-have-sex-its-about-whether-or-not-you-are-a-whole-package/

      Give him his space for now. I believe if he likes you enough he will bounce back.

      • Ai

        Its what I dont get, Kat.

        Its like all guys dont want a relationship but they still want the sex. Why not just start by being ”friends” get to know each other phase. Or maybe I am stupid or naive to think that we can start a better way were sex is not involved yet or has to be. Because they all start inviting you to their house, and when they do invite you to their house you can bet that there is going to be sex involve.

        I am person that if they are not ready for a relationship I am not giving them what they want, sex that is. I am not using this as off to control them or anything, but why is it (well, actualy I ask myself this question hehe) that you want sex but not a relationship? If you ask me its sounds a little contradictory. Its a total turn off to me.

        • katarina Post author

          Boys will be boys. Men will always seek sex. You can either accept and work around it or fight it. Women need commitment to have sex (or at least many do), men need sex to give you commitment (even then there is no guarantee).

          Don’t look for guarantee cause there is none. Look for connection and don’t expect relationship even if there is connection, just enjoy the process and give in to the moment.

  9. Joanne

    Thanks this sorta helps me chill out right now. This guy is totally hot/cold with me. I’d text him once a day to share something funny (never a response) or ask him a question (always a simple response). This past Monday morning I texted to invite him shopping and he said no and told me not to text anymore that he’s almost out of prepaid minutes – excuse perhaps? Was I texting too much stupid stuff? Is he just not a text kind of guy? I don’t know. It left me really upset… but I resisted that urge to send off an angry or accusatory text and haven’t texted him since. No word from him yet, but it’s only been a couple days. Before he told me not to text, we had made plans for his birthday… here’s hoping I hear from him still! Otherwise I will be totally crushed. :(

    • katarina Post author

      Joanne, yes you text him too much. Read #7 above, you are also a guy chaser. He told you to stop and you are still doing it, you’re killing his attraction for you.

      He’s not hot/cold, you are the one who is needy. Not everyone has the time, energy and inclination to text round the clock…where does that end? I’m wondering why many women don’t understand this? I don’t like texting myself and I always take my time in answering and when I feel enough being said I don’t respond anymore.

      Get busy with exciting stuff instead of twiddling with your cell 24/7 and make a nuisance of yourself. Maybe then he will come forward more.

      You need to read this article:

      Never Chase A Man. Make Him Chase You Instead.

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  11. Cindy

    I acted needy, have i messed it up for good? Can I attract him back like he was before? Ok so this guy came over from America for business and we had been chatting online and he wanted to meet so we met and we slept together and then he wanted to see me again nd he said he will tell me when he has free time and me stupidly the next day say “when will you see me then can you let me know” and i kept texting him and he did get annoyed so then i texted him a long apology message and i acted on emotions and not logic. I could tell he started to get annoyed and when i tried texting him casual convo he wpuld ignore me and then i would ask why hes ignoring me and he would say “stop worrying everything fine” but i know its not cause he isnt speaking to me like he used to. We are both dating other people but we wanted to see how it goes and he wants to get to know me but will he still want to after how o acted i was a needy mess but would like to see him before he goes back to America like he said he would but i think ive blown it and hes really annoyed at me i just want to see him to clear the air cause hes only seen me once. Should i leave ot untill he is next back from america and jusy speak woth him casually or should i ask him i dont want to annoy him anymore but it really hurts. I need to know what should i do to save or redeem myself after acting needy? Please dont say ( move on) i will but i dont want him to think of me as some clingy mess as i came across i let my emotions get the best of me. I believe its possible as he says “we are friends” but he doesnt speak to me as a friend like he did, i know hes attracted to me so how can i regain his atttaction. What should i do i know to give him space but i want to see him before he goes how to i ask or mention it in a cool sorta friend way ? Or should i wait for his return even if its in a few months ?

    • katarina Post author

      Cindy, yeah you fit into everything this blog post tells you not to do. I don’t blame him at all, you came across very neurotic, controlling and annoying. Stop reaching out to him AT ALL. Accept that you might not see him another time before he leaves but he might contact you again the next time if you lean way back. Stay on this blog and read everything I write.

  12. Jessica

    Hi I started dating this guy in June. The first month or so he been texting me Good morning and starting cconversation. Recently, now in August I don’t get much Good morning text first, unless I initiate it. One time I didn’t text him the whole day this last Friday and he wondered what I was doing. I dont know if he is getting comfortable with me and texting. Should I continue to text him first now, or did what I done last Friday and make him miss me and wonder about me?

    • katarina Post author

      No, let him initiate most of the time…and adjust your expectations about texting. No guy can really sustain texting you around the clock unless he has no life of his own. Texting really doesn’t mean much anything. It’s not the most practical thing to do for many people including myself.

  13. rachael

    This is amazing, I didn’t text this guy I like for a week and 3 days even though I was sooo tempted to,I didn’t! I still have 1 more week to go : this going to be one hell of another journey for me,I thought yesterday morning. During this time yesterday I was in bed checking my phone every second to see if he would say hi,but no he didn’t give a shit about me I thought to my self.

    When I had text I had quickly check if he was the one lol,very crazy right?! I did this on and on, I was close to texting him around 4pm!
    Until 5:30pm when I was busy thinking about him as usual, I recived a text from him! Omg I was smiling and shaking ,how dumb, but then I can’t blame my self, it felt so greate to see him text me after 1 week nd days; knowing that I have always iniate the texts. The bad thing is that I can’t reply(well good in a way,as its gna get him thinking)because I still have one week left to go b4 I can reply as I planned!do you think its ok not to reply or not? ….I really hope he text again, I just want to find out if he thinks of me? If he likes me. Almost every girl like this guy, he’s so good looking,and I’m attracted to he’s personality too…

    What do you guys think?

    • katarina Post author

      What plan do you have, Rachael? Not to text him for 2 weeks? What you can practice now also to put away the cell and focus your thoughts on something more productive. Respond to him in the manner he responds to you.

      • rachael

        Firstly,thanks for replying . Ok thank you. I was never like this,I dnt know why started just because of him. But once again ok thanks. But are you saying I should reply or?

        • katarina Post author

          Take your time, don’t just jump into it. If he takes a day to respond, take a day for you to respond too. And always let him initiate till he steps up consistently. And get a hobby! You’re getting too invested in him.

  14. Maggie

    There really is no way to make this sound less stupid and trust me I understand that but I have a terrible habit of basing stuff like this on my past relationships. There is this guy I’ve been seeing for almost a month now. When we started, he would constantly text me, granted it took about an hour for him to reply to my text because he is a busy guy. Well as of this week, I really haven’t heard from him much and today so far…nothing. I texted him last night just to say goodnight but he hasn’t said anything yet today. I realize he could just be busy but based off previous relationships, I’m afraid he’s just going to disappear. Do you think I should leave it alone and just let him call or text me? Or should I send short “hope your day went well” kind of messages to let him know I’m thinking of him? The problem is I don’t want to continually send him goodnight or good morning texts if I don’t get a reply and sound clingy and I do know he’s interested so that’s not really what I’m questioning.

  15. Katarina Phang Post author

    If you know he’s interested then give him a chance to respond and lean way back. The round-the-clock texting gets boring after a while, don’t you know that? Space is good to create passion and leave him wanting more.

  16. Sabrina Elias

    HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

  17. Sabrina Elias

    HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

  18. Sabrina Elias

    HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

  19. Sabrina Elias

    HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my husband called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the esango priest of (abamieghe)esango priest he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this esangopriest@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. remember his email is esangopriest@gmail.com

  20. Jennifer

    Thanks for your helpful post! I’m in this situation where I met a guy online and we later met up for drinks. We really hit it off (I think..). The night ended with a kiss and the following day, he sent me a text asking how I was doing. We had a couple of text exchanges, in which I found out he wasn’t feeling well. I made sure he had the last word, but I couldn’t help but text him the next day to see if he was feeling better. He responded within minutes. Again, we exchanged a few texts, but I had the last word this time. That was Sunday. Two days later, on Tuesday, he sent me a text message saying he was admitted early to his choice business school. I didn’t have my phone on me, so I didn’t respond with “congrats!” until a few hours later. He didn’t respond …which was fine, but I was hoping he’d initiate a text a few days later. So it’s now day 6 (yes, I’m counting ..and anxiously checking my phone). Would it be okay for me to text him today or should I give him some more time? I’m dating other two other guys right now and they’re both pretty into me, but I can’t get this first guy off my mind. :/

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Jennifer, as long as you don’t expect anything in return experimenting never hurts. Since you are not a compulsive texter as some women are, it should be okay just to shoot a interesting/witty or just warm text to him. You will know through his response this time if he’s really that into you. If he slacks again, let him go.

  21. Monica

    Great article!
    I met this guy through online dating and left him my number to text me if he ever wanted to since we had just been doing back and forth “EH mail” through eHarmony. 2 months went by and I didn’t hear from him until 2 nights ago. He apologized for not texting me until now since his subscription to the dating site expired and he kind of let it sit for a while. We talked for about maybe a half an hour and then all of a sudden he stop replying mid conversation! The last thing I had said was a question and then a second text since 3 hours had gone by and nothing. No reply, from him of course and haven’t heard from him since that day. Should I be worried? Was I too boring with my conversation and he lost interest? Should I text him again in a few days, would that help? I’m not a clingy girl and don’t want to come off that way if I cave in and text him either. I need advice!

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      If you always initiated (not sure if you did 2 nights ago as well), likelihood is he’s not that interested or he has other options. Let it slide for a while, give him a chance to respond and you might want to look into it again later. Most of the time a guy who is interested will make things happen. You’ll be better off with a guy who shows real interest instead of trying to lead the process.

      • Monica

        I do agree with what you are saying! Not sure if something got lost in translation or right off the bat from texting me the first time he decided that he isn’t interested from things. He texted me for the very first time on Sunday night, so I wasn’t the one who initiated. Wondering if I should shoot off a text in a few days and start off new conversation? I’ve always liked to let the guy initiate first because it’s my way of testing them to see if he is interested. Is it common for a guy to text back a few days later? I wouldn’t think so…

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          Adjust your expectations, very few men can sustain back and forth texting forever. It’s just a nuisance. They have to take a break at some point cause life takes precedence, let him take a break and get back to you. Meanwhile keep busy with others so your mind is off him. There is no sense of having so much anxiety and expectation already, you two haven’t even met. What’s it gonna be like when you two start dating already? And it’s common for a guy online to fade cause they’re most likely talking with a few other women at the same time. As long as you don’t have expectations it’s quite okay to say hello in a week or so if he doesn’t respond but don’t hold your breath.

          • Monica

            Alright this puts things into perspective a little bit better, thanks! If I have any other questions I will let you know.

          • Monica

            I ended up caving in and texted him…Turns out he dropped his phone in water & that’s why I didn’t hear back. After we texted for a little I told him we should meet up which I thought seemed appropriate since we had already done most of our talking on eHarmony. Said it in a way that wouldn’t make it seem awkward & basically said it was up to him. Once again he disappeared mid conversation geez! Pretty much ready to move on unless you have some other suggestions.
            Thanks!

  22. Blimberg Aliskova

    I was skeptical about magic spells. For me i thought love spell was a movie thing though but I was ready to try anything to get my husband back, which this spell dr.marnish@yahoo.com did for me, I've appreciated the fact that he solved my relationship issue in a perfect way, call him +15036626930 if you need help to get your lover back
    blimberg

  23. Blimberg Aliskova

    I was skeptical about magic spells. For me i thought love spell was a movie thing though but I was ready to try anything to get my husband back, which this spell dr.marnish@yahoo.com did for me, I've appreciated the fact that he solved my relationship issue in a perfect way, call him +15036626930 if you need help to get your lover back
    blimberg

  24. Blimberg Aliskova

    I was skeptical about magic spells. For me i thought love spell was a movie thing though but I was ready to try anything to get my husband back, which this spell dr.marnish@yahoo.com did for me, I've appreciated the fact that he solved my relationship issue in a perfect way, call him +15036626930 if you need help to get your lover back
    blimberg

  25. Lee

    So I met this guy through an online dating site, and the first night we hung out we hit it off really well and ended up hooking up. I don’t really mind that aspect at all. He really was very sweet, a gentleman, and super hot! The next day everything was fine and I had to run off to work and he even said that he wished I didn’t have to leave off to work. Well I told him I was free that night, and ended up texting him later. We chit chatted, and around the evening I eventually asked him if he wanted to hang out. He never responded! I wish I hadnt asked because it turns out I had other plans, but as far as he can tell I just seemed desperate to hang out again when I thought I was doing him a favor since hes the one that was bummed about me having to leave. I havent texted him yet (its been 3 days) but its driving me crazy… and the worst part is i’m not even that crazy about him, i just dont understand why he decided to drop off all communication …

  26. Confused

    Hi Katarina, I started seeing this guy, and off the bat he wanted to see me every day…so for the first 2 weeks we hung out every day for at least 4 hours a night and he’d text me good morning each day and we’d text all day until we saw each other and even after we left each other until we went to bed…(we slept together after week one of hanging out every day) I then made the mistake at the end of week 2 of asking where we stand (I know, I know) week 3 we still texted every day but saw each other only twice but everything seemed normal after me asking that stupid question but then week 4 I didn’t see him at all but he was still texting me first every day…but kept being too busy to hang out in the evenings so I asked about him why he was acting differently & he said he didn’t think he was but that maybe he felt we were getting serious and doesn’t know if he wants that right now…I said I understood, however wish he had just told me that instead of acting differently…but I took it as rejection, figured that was it and said “it’s all good, no hard feelings”, and he seemed confused and asked if that meant I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore. I said I didn’t know. He still continued to text me every day up until 3 days ago…so I haven’t texted either. So now it’s been almost 2 weeks and I haven’t seen him, and 3 days that I haven’t spoken to him. What should I do?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Hi Confused, sorry for the delay. Has he texted you back yet? Let him have his break and meanwhile it’s important for you to keep yourself in check so you are not getting ahead of him and yourself.

  27. Anonymous

    Hi, so basically, I like this guy, A LOT, even to the moon and back. We are totally stranger and one day I encouraged myself to get to know him and we finally exchanged phone num. I never text him first and one day I text him. He will always ends the convo first, either it’s because too late or he got works to do.

    And few weeks ago, we got a chat again. The topic is kinda heavy, cos I mentioned that I wanna get to know him better. His response is kinda good. I know it.
    But then I was asking an important qns, like whether he got gf or not but no reply till now.

    However, when we meet, he will directly recognised me, and saying hi. It’s so familiar like we know each other for a long time. Dunno whether I shud text first or just let go.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Hi, you are chasing him and he’s feeling it. Back off and let him come to you if he’s interested. A woman doesn’t have to do anything beyond giving a subtle signal that you are interested and available.

  28. John Roselin

    I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY

    I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME

  29. John Roselin

    I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY

    I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME

  30. John Roselin

    I PROMISE TO SHELL THE TESTIMONY

    I WANT TO QUICKLY USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO THANK THE MOST POWERFUL SPELL CASTER TO ME WHO CAST A SPELL FOR ME TO GET MY LOVER BACK. MY LOVER LEFT ME AND RUN AFTER ANOTHER GIRL, HE CLAIMED HE WAS NO LONGER FEELING OUR RELATIONSHIP. HE BLOCKED ME OFF HIS PHONE AND MAIL. I TRIED ALL I COULD TO GET HIM BACK, BUT TO NO AVAIL. 3 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTERS DECEIVED ME AND GO AWAY WITH MY MONEY AND DID NOTHING FOR ME. A FRIEND WHOM PRINCE AYAWU HAS HELPED BEFORE GAVE ME HIS CONTACT AND ASSURE ME OF POSITIVE RESULT. I WAS ACTUALLY CONFUSED AND SCARED BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO LOOSE ANY MORE MONEY. SHE ENCOURAGE ME TO GIVE A TRY, I DECIDED TO GIVE MY LAST TRY, TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, PRINCE AYAWU CAST A SPELL FOR ME AND MY LOVER CONTACTED ME IN LESS THAN 48HOURS AND HE ACTUALLY CAME BACK LOOKING FOR ME. HE PROPOSED MARRIAGE TO ME AND NOW WE ARE GETTING MARRIED IN 3WEEKS TIME. THANKS TO YOU PRINCE AYAWU, I WILL FOR EVER REMAIN GRATEFUL TO YOU. I ADVICE ANY ONE SEEKING FOR A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER NOT TO WASTE ANY MONEY OR TIME WITH FAKE SPELL CASTERS, JUST GO STRAIGHT TO PRINCE AYAWU NOW, HIS CONTACT EMAIL IS TEMPLEOFGREATNESS@GMAIL.COM, I AM 100% SURE HE WILL HELP YOU TOO. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SIR, YOU ARE REALLY AS GREAT AS MY FRIEND TOLD ME

  31. Grace

    Hi Katrina. Please help…A few months ago a co-worker of mine asked for us to “hang out” and asked for my number, so I gave it to him. For two weeks (we spoke for about four hours daily)he wouldn’t stop calling and trying to get me to go out with him which we did on the third week. We made out and he said he didn’t want anything serious. So we just ended it amicably but still flirted at work. But his phone calls diminished and eventually stopped. We still kept on flirting until he asked to go out again and we did. Things sort of escalated more on the second date, but we didn’t sleep together. I told him I really liked him but if he didn’t want anything serious then what was the point of going out again if it could end in sex. He acted very understanding and we both left it at that. Afterwards he would say hi at work, but wouldn’t talk to me like before. Then I recently went on vacation for two weeks and when I came back a co-worker said he had asked for me. But he would have called or texted me if he really wanted to know…Bottom line, he stopped calling completely and never texts me. He only did once, and kept it very short. After that, I was the one initiating a text here and there once in a while. I want to get over him because he’s just wasting my time and stressing me out with his behavior, I really like him but what’s the point if he wants nothing serious. Tonight I accidentally texted him again and feel like such an idiot. Please help me. I feel like I’ve stopped to such a low level already…

  32. Sunny Shine

    Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Stop initiating. Save your energy. A guy will make it known that he’s interested by making a move. No other way. It will be obvious. That’s how guys roll.

  33. Sunny Shine

    Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you

  34. Sunny Shine

    Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you

  35. Sunny Shine

    Hello I am just getting back into the dating game after twobyears of being single. I have met this guy online we have been texting almost every day. Then out of no where he did not text for about four days. Then I finally get a text and we started texting again. We flirt talk about whatever but it has been me initiating the convo we only talked one time on the phone for a little bit (he prefers texting because he is a quiet person). We planned to meet up but he cancelled at the last minute. I did not sweat it but it kind of put a damper on things. He tells me he is interested and that he just works a lot. We have a lot in common but I don't know if he's interested to move to the next level. I really want this to work out I like him a lot. I have been i guess the chaser and made a few mistakes from your list already. Besides waiting and leaning back how can I tell if he is truly interested? Should I move on or am I just over reacting. Oh and its on day two I have not heard from him help! Thank you

  36. Katarina Phang

    Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.

  37. Katarina Phang

    Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.

  38. Katarina Phang

    Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.

  39. Katarina Phang

    Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.

  40. cc

    Your advice is so amazing. I was wondering if you could maybe help me :/ So I go running every Tuesday and Thursday with my dad while my brother practices drumline on the field. I didn’t go for two wks bc i’ve been sick. Last week, the guy I am interested in (who is one of the assistants to the band) had asked for my number after talking for a bit after my run last Tuesday, where I had obviously given it to him. He text me that night saying “hey c (: this is my number. Glad to hear that you got your voice back!” I had replied with “haha okay saved (: & yeah that was embarrassing” he responded with “aww don’t be (: talk to you soon!” I responded “talk to you soon (: & left it at that. Two days had gone by and he texted me a happy Halloween. We talked for a short while discussing our costumes and to have fun /be safe, & we were both a little flirty. he said he will show me a picture of his costume on Tuesday if I go running. We let each other go, (him ending the convo first) bc I was at a bar/lounge and he had just left a party to call it a night bc he had work early the next morning. he doesn’t seem like much of a texter and I find him a bit confusing. Its been two days since that last convo and yesterday, he shook my dads hand at a drum performance yesterday. I found out today bc I was at work yesterday. my dad thinks its funny bc he says that Nate (the guy I’m interested in) has been talking to him more since he’s met me and shaking his hand being very respectful. It seems he’s interested, But his texting skills are questionable. I’m the type of person that feels if a guy wants to talk to you, he will. So I haven’t initiated any of the texting. I really don’t want to force or control any situation. I Should I text him or just keep going with letting him text me?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Thank you!:) Let him lead. Many people don’t care so much about texting, me included. He will find a way to ask you out if he wants to.

      • cc

        Ok. I’m back. Your advice had just been so helpful, thank you for seriously everything. He ended up asking me out and I saw him today (: we’ve been flirting a lot & he’s been texting. I am going to see him this Thursday.so Mind you, I have been letting him lead… But tonight when we were saying goodnight to each other. He did say to text him whenever I feel like. Does that mean because I haven’t been initiating the first text, he wants me to? Should I keep letting him text me first or switch it up time to time?

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          Yes, let him text you first most of the time but you can initiate every now and then. Have fun and you’re doing great.

          • CC

            Hi Katarina,
            I thought about everything this morning and felt that I should come back to your site. I wanted to say THANK YOU so much for everything, for really helping me with the situation I was in. So instead of asking you for advice, I thought I’d let you know that you are seriously amazing and I couldn’t thank you enough. I was so lucky to come across your site last month and really didn’t expect a response back. Thanks to your help, my life has changed in such a great way and both me & him haven’t been happier. With that said- I also wanted to let you know that me and the guy you helped me out with are doing great (: & have made things official <3

            Thank you again,
            CC

          • Katarina Phang Post author

            Hi CC, you’re very welcome. I’m happy for you. Would you share your story with us?

  41. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
    Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  42. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
    Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  43. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
    Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  44. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on;
    Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  45. linna

    Katarina, I recently met a man at a function in another city, an hour and a half away. I saw him from across the room and when he turned my way I waved and then waved him over. He met my friends and then we danced and hung out . Later, we went back to my hotel and had drinks at the bar, again with my group of friends (guys and girls). then I invited him back to my room after he told me he wanted to give me a massage. We fooled around, no sex, and he spent the night. In the morning as he left he said he would text me, which he did around 4 o’clock. He said,,, when will I see you again? I said “when do you want to ?” he said “next weekend” I couldn’t do next weekend and told him so, then I said I’d be hoping to come back into town within the next few weeks maybe sooner and that I would like to see him again .. he said good. later he asked me for a photo from the last night, i didn’t have one…i asked if he had one of him,.. no response,,,,then i didn’t hear from him for five days, ..until this past friday… when he texted “wish I could be seeing you this weekend..” I have not responded as I feel where was the “getting to know you” text or call during the week. Also, there was no response to my “question” in my text. Do you think I’m doing the right thing by not responding? his friday text was nice, but there has been no other effort on his part. If he even texted lets say on wednesday, with a “hows your week, what are you up to..blah blah.. then i could see my responding to his last one, …but to wait five days and then send me a sort of “booty call” text… What are your thoughts? thank you

  46. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  47. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  48. Michelle Tundox

    I am Precious Levitte, I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Olorun for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found (Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com ) a grate spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for past 3 years now, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to be my back bone till the rest of his life with me. Olorun released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have share together. As I’m writing this testimony right now I’m the most happiest girl on earth and me and my fiance is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.All thanks goes to Olorun for the excessive work that he has done for me. Below is the email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. email him on; Olorunoduduwaspiritualtemple@gmail.com

  49. Mary

    I really liked your post. I think it’ll help me. However, what do I do in MY situation? I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 5 months now and lately he hasn’t been texting me much. He is away for training at the moment in another state (he is Army) and I know he is busy, but he doesn’t even have 1 minute to ask how I am doing, like he used to? It’s just like all of a sudden he doesn’t care. I have initiated every single text for the past week he’s been gone and he doesn’t really reply. He also doesn’t reply to the pictures I’ve sent and compliment me…which he did used to do in the past. I’m not sure what to do. Is he possibly losing interest? I am going to stop texting him entirely and see what happens. I just DON’T want to lose him. I have already developed some heavy feelings for him.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Texting is a lot of work when you’re busy. And you think it’s only one minute to text? No, it’s expected to go back and forth and it can go for hours or all day long. Who has the time for that? So let him initiate from now on. If he disappears no amount of texting can get him back anyway so just chill and see what happens.

  50. lesle

    Hey- did you write this article for me? I really needed to read it. So thank you. So trying to sum this up quickly- I met this seemingly great guy on a dating website (cliche). We texted for 2-3 weeks before we met… and he talked about how perfect I seemed and how excited he was to meet me. He texted me every morning during that span of time and we consistently texted all day. I know that texting fizzles, but the timing is just odd. We met for drinks and had a great time… it felt like we had known each other and I was super comfortable around him. He made little comments that made it seem like he wanted me around more (i.e.- JOKINGLY saying ‘you can’t meet my friends for awhile because they will make me out to be a fool’… things like that). We did make out for a long time after the date but I did not let it go too far.. the physical attraction seemed to be there.

    He texted me the next day and said he had fun and continued to initiate conversation after the date, but everyday it was a little less. I finally just asked him if he wanted to hang out again and he said ‘yes that would be great’. He apologized for being more distant and said he has been busy. We made plans on Thursday to hang out today. He did not text me at all Friday.. I texted him last night and he said he was at a work thing and he would text me later. He did but it was small talk and he fell asleep. Today I did not hear from him and asked him around 3 if he still wanted to hang out. He hasn’t responded.

    What I don’t understand is why he bothered to text me at all after our first date if he’s not interested? I get that we are not together and he has no obligation to text me, but making plans and not responding is mind games that I refuse to play. I have drove myself crazy all week thinking it’s something I did, but it’s his loss. I know this. Should I say anything about him standing me up or just let it go? If I need to let it go, how in the world do I do that? It’s been hard enough not saying anything thus far and trying to play it cool. It’s killing me! I’m a big fan of this guy but not these games. I surprisingly have been able to do these things you listed in your article, but it’s so hard!! I’m proud of myself for not going crazy girl! haha I’m just not good with moving on without closure, even if we only talked for a month. I will just continue to think it’s something I did.. even though I know it’s not!

    Thank you for your website. You are awesome!!

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      When he contacts you and asks you out again, mention casually that you will appreciate confirming it a day before or same day. Meanwhile, get your mind off him. The less he pops in your mind, the better the result will be.

  51. Sharon

    Hi katarina,
    I have been seeing my boyfriend for 3years, he was a nice guy and all, I really love him, I have been the one texting him first recently, and after our last meeting we had a great sex . He texted me the second day, after then he has not texted me for two weeks.. I haven’t text him too. Pls advice

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Is he your boyfriend? If that’s the case you should be able to ask where he’s been. Two weeks without talking is strange if you’re in relationship. What’s the story behind this?

      • Sharon

        He’s married, he promise me to divorce his wife before I started relationship with him.for the past two weeks he just disappeared , I don’t known what to do I love him

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          And you haven’t initiated contact? Don’t count on him divorcing his wife. It’s gonna be a long torturous journey for you. You should start weaning yourself off him by dating other guys.

        • Sharon

          I’m not waiting around for him, I’m a serious flirt, but I particularly love his company. Do you think he will still contact me? I feel that if I contact him he will think he his in control,, I want to have power over him. I go to club and flirt with men but I miss him.

          • Katarina Phang Post author

            Yes he will. Please read my book, you’ll learn so much about looking into your own pattern.

  52. Melissa

    Hi Katrina,

    I’ve been dating this guy for six months now. We text everyday and he has always pursued me and initiates texts. We are constantly communicating with each other. Due to his work and travels and along with my college and work schedule it’s hard to make time to see each other but we’ve generated this emotional bond through the nature of our text messages. ( almost like a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with no titles to it)

    He’s not sure if he wants a relationship right now, wants a casual type relationship and I want a relationship in the future but for right now I’m just dating until my right fit comes along. Don’t get me wrong we do connect and almost seem routine to communicate regularly. But after asking him what does what we have means to him he says it means something to him but just not sure what. And that he’s neutral. And he realize that I’m very deep! i just know what i want and wants him to be honest with his intentions. I was cool about that but he got nervous and uncomfortable, got goosebumps lol and felt award and left hurriedly. He said he’d text when he got home but its been 4 days since I’ve heard from him. This is rare unless he’s out the country and still I heard from him within two days. I know he is stubborn and has a big ego.

    Did that convo freak him out? Does he feel that I’m upset with him and feels like I will reject him so he stays away first? Cuz I’m not upset at all…

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      When a woman asks a man’s intentions that is pressure, plain and simple. And expect him to withdraw after that. Men don’t think the way we do. They’re not mulling about intentions…which entail plans for the future. He barely knows you, how does he know what his intentions are? If he keeps coming back, that says a lot about his intentions: he’s exploring you and the relationship. You disrupt the process by the common impatience and anxiety women show. Don’t be that woman. Read my book and sign up for my Leaning Back workshop to know what really works with men.

      • Melissa

        Hi Katrina,
        Thanks for your reply. I’ll definitely do that…(get the book and work shop that is). I always thought that men sometimes know from the get go what category they place a woman. And 6 months is not sufficient to know if moving forward is a Possibility? I was getting mixed signals that was the purpose of the talk. I mean with no pressure….That gave him reason to space out so rashly? Seems like a immature and egotistical move. Should I continue giving him his space and keep it as it is?

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          Guys are cautious about labeling the relationship because their freedom is on the line. Women have been known to nag and expect more the more they get. Commitment comes easily when you don’t need it. He will happily give it to you because you feel safe to him.

  53. Ann Storey

    Hi, Katarina. My question has to do with online dating. I can send a “flirt” to guys that I’m interested in and wait for them to either respond to the flirt showing their interest in me or with an email message. This one particular guy has waited 20 days since I sent him a flirt to show that he got the flirt and has sent a “hi, how are you?” email. I am very interested in him but do NOT want to come off as desperate. How long should I wait before replying to him? I would hate to think that he is just “settling” for me because I’m the next best thing to what he is really looking for but I don’t want him to take his profile down out of frustration in not having success on the site (as he has just recently threatened). Please help!

  54. AConfusedSouthernLady

    I have come across your blog and it has been a God-send. My situation is very complex and complicated. I know you will tell me the truth and what I need to hear. It’s very long, but I want you to have the full story. Please help me, as I struggle with wanting to move on and thinking about him every day. I invested a lot of emotions into this guy and I don’t know what to do, or if I should just move on. Here it goes:

    I’ve been out of an abusive relationship for a year and a half. He’s been out of one for 6 months. We met on a popular app among college students that lets you Whisper your secrets. I felt led to reach out to his post about his abusive ex. I remembered what it was like. We corresponded several times (I can read his Whispers and know it’s him) and we finally exchanged numbers as friends. He jokingly called me his therapist. Even offered to pay me. I told him I was just helping him as a friend.

    He began to turn to me for advice more and more. He’d text me at 4am instead of texting his ex. I told him to do so whenever he needed to. I was there for him whenever. Then…he started to initiate more than just friends by flirting and letting me know he was definitely interested in more.

    By this time, I had begun to kinda fall for him too. The amount that we poured our hearts and souls out to one another…it would be hard not to develop feelings…

    He confided in me that he was molested by his own father at 5. His mother kicked his dad out and his dad is pretty much a psychopath. The thing is, he said this to me like it was nothing. He kind of got offended by my sympathy. It was weird. He told me “It’s not like this is a heart-to-heart”.

    That was early on when we started talking as more than friends and it’s stuck with me ever since…not because I judge him for it at all…but because I think it has everything to do with his odd behavior when it comes to intimacy.

    He would text me like a normal guy. The “Hope you have a good days” and all. But, he wouldn’t ask to meet. That bothered me. This is around the time his odd behavior began.

    He was really open. Had been honest. Said he loved my personality. Couldn’t wait to meet. Would talk to me when he was thinking about her, or was upset. Then, one night, after we had agreed to meet for dinner when he got back to our college that weekend, he out of the blue says “I’m sorry, but I’m giving up my pursuit of happiness…blah, blah, blah”. It was so odd. He had been so happy talking to me. So sweet. Then he shuts down. Goes cold.

    Remembering how hard it is when you’re dealing with PTSD and abusive trauma, I gave him a break. We continued to talk. He acted very confused with how he felt about me. He’d have his flirty moments and his cold moments. Eventually he said he was ready to meet me. We made plans…guess what? He sabotaged by hurting his knee. But, said “I’m finally ready to meet you, even though I may be moving”. (I told him I didn’t like what-ifs and wanted to meet anyways)…but it was like he had to talk himself into it….

    We met the day after our original plans.(His knee didn’t look that bad.) Things went great. The more time I was with him, the more I was attracted to him. He was sweet. We actually watched a football game and took a walk afterward. But, on our walk, he got triggered (PTSD) and he was ready to go back to his apartment. Once back, he said he hoped I had a good day, but that he was tired and wanted to lay down. Hurt and thinking WTF by his sudden coldness, I left after we said our goodbyes. I get on the app we both frequent to see his post “My hope for a happy ending is dwindling”. That cut like a knife. Right after meeting me? He text me with a “:))”. I said it back. He asked what I thought and I told him I had a good time. He said he did too. Then, I told him he could be honest, as he knows I can see his Whispers. I told him I could tell he wanted me out of his apartment. He said “You could tell?” I said yes. He got upset. Kept saying sorry. He told me he got triggered by something on our walk and kept thinking of her. That’s why he wanted to be alone. I told him it was okay. Consoled him. Told him I’d talk to him later.

    Next thing I know…he’s Whispering about almost committing suicide…I proceeded to talk him out of it. The day we met. It finally worked and he stopped talking about it and told me he was going to lay down.

    We continued to talk and I’d be there for him. We flirted and made plans for the following Tuesday. I was going to cook for him. When I told him that he said “You’re going to cook?! I’m not worth that”. It broke my heart. I told him he was, but as you guessed it, he sabotaged by being sick. I took him a get-well basket later that week because he was acting really sick. Left it on his balcony. He asked why I was so sweet, like it puzzled him. He sparingly talked to me every day when he felt okay and then he dropped off the planet by the weekend. Scared he was really sick, or suicidal, I text him to tell him that I was wondering if he was okay. No answer. I was panicking. I text him again and told him to please let me know that he’s okay and that I was worried. He says “I’m having me time :/”.

    ***I need to throw in here that he’d text me at 3am and 4am sometimes. Just random thoughts/feelings. One time, he never text me back and said early the next morning, “I’m disappointed in you! You never text me back.” Later that morning he said “Please. Make me meet you because I really want to. Please make me meet you. I really like you.” This was before our first meet. It’s when I first starting seeing signs of submissiveness.***

    He admitted to testing me to see if I’d respond when he ignored me, then said he was sorry because I called him out on it. This was before I had fallen and had my head on straight.

    I was really nice though he kept being short with me when he finally responded. Finally, I got mad. All I asked was if he was okay and he was giving me the cold shoulder. I said to him that I was starting to see some things, that I was sorry I messaged him in the first place, and Good night. He responded with “What do you mean?” I didn’t answer him. He sent a “?” The next day and pretty much blew up my phone until I answered him. He said he didn’t understand why I was upset because he did answer me and he was at a party. We worked it out. I told him I just cared and was worried. I proceeded to tell him that I liked him. He sounded shocked. He was like “You like me??????” He asked why and all. I told him I just wanted to hang and get to know one another better, but was unsure of how he felt, as I thought he didn’t feel the same. He got defensive. Said I didn’t know how he felt and said he couldn’t tell me. I waited a few hours and said that was too bad. He finally told me that when he laid eyes on me for the first time that past Sunday, all he wanted to do was kiss me that day. I told him was that so hard? He told me he didn’t know why he couldn’t bring himself to tell me that until now. We talked and he said he wanted to come cuddle and watch a movie and I said yes.

    There were so many times he wanted to come over, but would talk himself out of it. He’d say he wanted to then would say he’d probably bother me, say he’d been drinking and didn’t trust himself, say he knew he’d want to kiss me, but he didn’t want our first kiss to be with alcohol on his breath…you name…he’d use it. Then, he’d say that “Nevermind” and tell me that he’d come over anytime I wanted him to and to just let him know. But, when I planned it, he’d sabotage the morning before.

    One night he text me saying he was really upset and was wanting to be held…I told him he was welcome to come over and I’d hold him. He used the excuses. Said he didn’t want me to see him cry. I would say I didn’t mind. He’d move on to saying he couldn’t get out of bed, etc. But, that night, I finally got something out of him…he admitted to me that ever since their breakup he felt like he couldn’t trust anyone. That’s why he didn’t leave his apartment much (I didn’t either at 4-6 months recovery). I told him that I really cared about him and didn’t understand why he couldn’t trust me after all that we had been through and that I was trying.

    He said that he just couldn’t. I told him maybe he would one day. He said “I will”. I got upset thinking about all the other women he’d been with before me that he let in close proximity, but used him and left him. Why was I so different? I ACTUALLY CARED. I told him I wanted to ask him a question and asked him why he wouldn’t let me in or get close to me when I actually cared about him? He answered “Because you got here after I got hurt”. That wasn’t true. He’d let those other women in after he got hurt. Why not me?

    I told him I felt that wasn’t true and I remember him dating another girl when we were first corresponding as friends. I said that he’d never appreciate me as a good woman, nor what I had done for him and that it wasn’t about how I felt, but him, as it was about his recovery and that I wanted to know and got an answer. I was very upset by this point. He’d been playing with my emotions so much. He didn’t respond. I felt bad for being so blunt and mean. I apologized. He said he felt like he couldn’t talk to me anymore because of what I said. He wouldn’t explain why. We talked. He said we had a connection but he was just broken, his heart blowing in the wind. I assured him that he wasn’t broken, just hurt and that he’ll eventually recover. I kept talking him out if his dark spot and he said “Why are you trying so hard? Why are you trying to help me? Do you want to end up with me in the end?” I answered him honestly. Heartfelt. It was long. I really care about him. His reply “Come cuddle”.Really?

    I told him I wasn’t at my apartment near our college, or I’m would and we got off on a trigger he just had. I asked why he got upset about what I had said. He said he didn’t. I said yes, you did and asked why. He said “Because it’s like a conflict of interest”. THAT baffled me. WHAT does that mean? He went on to say that we definitely had a connection and that he liked me, but was just heartbroken. I didn’t push further, though he kept insisting on what I was thinking…

    He text me later that night and it was song lyrics “Names interchange and change my submissive ways” was a line. He’d wrote them. Another clue to his submissive tendencies.

    He said he was in the grey…I told him he could get out and I told him I thought he was afraid of opening up to me because emotional intimacy scares him. Physical intimacy is what he’s used to and I’m a lady and he knows he couldn’t connect to me like that for a while. I told him, I could be wrong, but I was just asking. He never responded. I said good night. He told me good night and to sleep good. Avoidance…

    The next night…I was having a bad night when he text me and I confided about my mom being a slight trigger at times for me because she’s manipulative…I felt like I could really open up to him, as I had already poured my heart and soul to this guy. I told him I was driving back to our college. He asked me what he could do to make things better as I was really upset. I told him I didn’t want to be alone and wanted to talk.

    He said talk to me. I said nevermind. He was avoiding wanting to be there for me in person. He kept begging me to please tell him what to do. I said I was going to bed and that he probably didn’t want to hear it as I was just the woman in his phone that was supposed to be strong for him and I was sorry he saw my weak moment. He told me to stop being like that and asked if I wanted him to come over and hold me. I said maybe. He said to let him know, as he was “falling asleep”. I said yes. He didn’t respond until he told me he was sorry for falling asleep the next morning and kept apologizing…convenient and another sabotage.

    I knew he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Why am I so different? I told him it was okay, as he was still there for me. Then…out of nowhere, he says “You are a great person and you’re going to be okay. You just need to focus on your schoolwork and finding a great guy. You are so full of life and that’s great because I can see it.” That BROKE MY HEART. He’s the one that I want. I told him that by simply saying that I knew that but that I wanted him.. He said “Why do you want me so bad?” I told him I saw the beautiful person below the hurt and I really had fell for him. He said “You’ve fallen for me……?” I said yes. He said “Why do you have to go and fall for me while I’m broken? I might not be back next semester. What do you think?!” I said I couldn’t help who I fell for and I knew the risks, but cared about him.

    He said “I like you, but I just don’t know. I have no heart anymore. My heart is blowing in the wind that fills the halls of building 800. I just don’t want YOU hurt.” He then went on to say what I think proves my theory correct. He said he needed to be held, touched, kiss, to show his love and to feel alive and that he hadn’t felt alive in months. He said he knew I didn’t get it. He said he just wanted to make love and feel a connection beyond belief with someone other than his nightmares and memories. I think he was unknowingly telling me that I was right about his only being comfortable with physical intimacy. I said that that was why he kept getting hurt, as women who put out early on usually aren’t looking for long term and will use him and leave him as the many women he’d been with since their breakup had. He told me he just didn’t know and to tell him what to do…

    I tried to tell him to give me a chance and to stop letting his ex and her image in his mind hold him back. I told him we see going to have dinner that week and just hang out casually. IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS ASKING FOR COMMITMENT. He said he was going to be busy studying and doing projects. I said that was an excuse because he doesn’t study as it is and we could study together. He said I just don’t know. I told him to stop letting his ex get to him. I kicked into friend mode and told him she was happy with someone else, he couldn’t make her happy anymore, that it wasn’t his fault, but that he needed to move on and make himself happy. He got upset and started crying and told me he’d talk to me later about it because it was too much at once. I told him I was sorry and to talk when he was ready. He said not to be sorry and we both went silent for a while. He text me later that afternoon saying he just wasn’t over her. Things kinda blew up from there. All the feelings and hurt I had pent up came out and I – in a nutshell – said that I didn’t understand why he’d led me on and kept fanning the flames, and that I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t see me as a good woman and 10x the woman his ex will ever be (yeah, I was mad, as I all I was wanting was to hang out and this girl is complete trash). I was so upset after everything I had done for him and opened my heart up to him…he said he knew I was a once-in-a-lifetime woman, but that he just wasn’t ready for anything and he was sorry I felt like he led me on because he hadn’t. That infuriated me, as he was invalidating my feelings. I told him that he kept pushing away the good and embracing the bad and that I felt for him and that I shouldn’t say anything else.

    He said “Are you kidding me? I’ve been broken and you’ve been trying to push me to like you. I get it you’re hurt and you see so much of yourself in me, but I’m just not going to put myself in a position to hurt someone because I’m not over her. I’m sorry you thought there was more than this. Obviously, you’ve never been in love. (I asked him about his submissive tendencies in my message, and forgot to add that part) All this submissive talk is ridiculous. I don’t know what you’re talking about half the time. I don’t have any fetishes. Just a big heart. My ex was not a Dom. She was just a very unhappy person. (She used to physically beat him.) All you seem to say are hurtful things lately.” This set me off and really cut deep. NOW, he’s telling me it was never more than friends to him? After all that I had done and the hot and cold? So…everything was a lie? I got upset and all I said was “I’m at a loss…I’m sorry I ever tried to helped you.” He said “I’m sorry you had to say all this…” Then an hour later “I can’t believe you said that to me…” I didn’t respond. I was so upset.

    I COULD NOT believe he was saying I was trying to push him to like me? He started all of this more than friends thing. He kept hurting my feelings and withdrawing, which made me pressure him because I never knew where we stood and he kept yin-yanging. I had been pouring my emotions into him – and emotional black hole – and he expected me keep giving without getting anything in return? That’s not right, nor is it healthy. Anyways, the next night, I felt led to message him after attending church at my university. I finally realized I had pressured him a lot toward the blowup that Sunday afternoon. I apologized, told him I was sorry for failing him as a friend, that I let my own selfish desires and feelings invade our friendship, that I still wanted to be his friend as that’s what true friendship is about and told him my wish for him was that he found a the woman of his dreams and called me and told me he was happy. That he deserves his dream of a wife and family and that I think the potential move to another college will do him good…to get away from our college and the apartment complex he, I, and his exes all live in. It was a very honest and mature letter. I told him our friendship was up to him.

    He messages me “I never tried to hurt you…” Then “I’m sorry about everything. I know we flirted and all. The nightmares just took over and I woke up crying.” The significance of the last part is baffling??? Anyways, I said I knew he didn’t mean to and that I had a peaceful feeling in my heart. He said he was “so sorry” again and that I “deserved a better friend than him”. What’s that supposed to mean? I told him I liked my friend the way he was and we had a convo. I ended it. He text me the next night, talking about how he kept looking out his window to see if his ex got home, as she lives across the hall…we talked about that and I told him I used to have the same PTSD tendencies. Our convo got deep. I said what helped me move on was the fact that I didn’t want mini versions of my psycho ex. He said the sad thing was that he wanted his ex to have his kids because she was a beautiful person. I told him that beautiful people are those there are hurt and can overcome it (him and me) not people like her that abuse people and cannot change. I also told him that she would beat their kids and he’d be standing between them. Getting them therapy at a young age. I asked him if he wanted that to be his future and responsible for his children going through that? By this time, I had really switched back to friend mode and was telling him what he needed to hear.

    He said “she’s a beautiful person”. I said that I had made him think because he waited a while before he answered after he read it and I him he needed to stop magnifying the good and start seeing the bad, as it was hurting his recovery. He got mad and said “Idk. Nevermind”. I didn’t text him back because he didn’t like hearing the truth and sounded like he was done talking to me.

    He text me again Wednesday night. It was weird because all he said was “Hey”. He never just says hey, or he hadn’t since when he was acting like a normal interested guy. I waited a bit as I was busy. I said “Hi”, as I wasn’t sure what to say after all that had transpired. He opens it THE MINUTE he got it. Then…nothing. Silence. That really confused me.

    I look on the anonymous app we both have on Thursday and he’s posted – thinking I can’t see it – this: “Just texted her for the last time. I’m finally saying goodbye and moving on with my life. Time to move forward.”

    At first, I thought it was about me…the timing was just right. He posts this after texting me and not responding the night before? Then, I really the “finally” implicated that it was a long time coming. Plus, I was just a friend in his eyes. So, it was about his ex-girlfriend. He had finally said goodbye to her. That was a MILESTONE. This is a guy who had been holding on for 6 months and having nightmares about her. She really abused him.

    I waited a few days, thinking he would text me – the one person that he said had helped him the most – and tell me the good news. 3 days went by. I couldn’t stand it anymore, and I told myself that we were just friends, so I text him Saturday and said “Hey, I don’t want to bother you, but I just wanted to say hi and that I hope you’re doing good. :)” He said “Thanks. I hope you’re doing good too” the moment he opened it.

    I didn’t respond because I was so confused and didn’t want to appear pushy. Things are just in a weird place. Maybe he just needed me time, I thought to myself. Well, that was a week and a day ago and he’s not said a word to me since. This is a guy who used to text me every day of the week. He always initiated. He always reached out to me when he needed me. Maybe that post of his was about me, even though I had made amends for pushing him for more and telling him I had fallen for him. But, then again, how could it be about me if he never thought of me as more?

    Katarina, I don’t have to tell you how my mind keeps over-analyzing things. I really had to open up to this guy to do what I did for him. He even told me that no one had gotten through to him like I had. He said he would eventually trust me. So, I am very emotionally-invested. I really care about him, flaws and all, and I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he was just using me as an emotional crutch and I finally got the truth out of him, or if he is genuinely scared of real, emotional intimacy after his breakup and that’s why he just fools around and then falls for the girls, instead of in reverse like he would have to do with me? Or, is it a product of his abuse as a child? Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to wait and see if he contacts me after he’s had some time to heal?

    I know most people would just walk away from just a damaged man, but I truly saw the beautiful person underneath and that’s why I can’t let go. I don’t think I could see him with another woman that would treat him bad and abuse him like the last one. But, I also realize that you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped.

    Be brutal. I want the truth. :(

    • AConfusedSouthernLady

      I also wanted to add that I’ve never been so invested emotionally in a guy. My exes always complained that I wasn’t clingy enough. I always held back and my intuition was right because those men weren’t interested in a real relationship, but to use me. He is really the first guy I’ve opened up to. It’s so unlike me, but I guess I felt I could trust him. Maybe that’s why I’m so hurt that he’s acting this way.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Oh wow, Lady, you surely are a man chaser, aren’t you? :) He’s not ready, he’s broken-hearted, he’s in pain and depressed, he’s on a rebound, he needs time and space to process his feelings, to heal…you name it…yet you keep pushing yourself over and over on him for your own agenda, namely to feel good about yourself. You’re not doing all that for him, you’re doing this for yourself. You want to save him but you can’t have a relationship -a functional one- with a guy you need/want to save. It seems to me you are not healed of your own woundedness yourself.

      Of course you are investing emotionally in him by doing what you’re doing. You are obsessed.

      Be whole and stop chasing him. Date around and understand a lot of things about yourself. And please get my book, it will tell you the things that you are doing wrong and will never work with a man.

      • AConfusedSouthernLady

        Hahaha. I wouldn’t consider myself a man chaser. I may have pressured him – which people do as a natural response to being put through the hot and cold ringer, as it triggers deep-seated insecurities – but he is the one who kept reaching out to me every day. I wasn’t the one pursuing contact. The lines between friendship and wanting more got blurred, as I really started out wanting to just help a stranger and when he initiated more, I started having feelings and doing this for myself, I guess. I agree. And, I can see why you say it’s to make myself feel better…of course…I fell in love with the guy I was saving. To be honest, the amount of emotions I had to pour into helping him, there is no way I couldn’t have developed feelings and began acting like a needy “man chaser”. That’s why I put that I have never acted this way before. I’m always the calm and reserved woman with her head on straight like you and countless other relationship blogs encourage women to be. I lost myself in trying to help him. I would agree that my investment has led to an emotionally-driven obsession.

        I am going to do just that. He’s back to contacting me. I’ve been very short and blunt. Like an acquaintance/friend who isn’t emotionally-invested. Guess what? He’s withdrawing because of it. I am coming off my emotional high and seeing how I was throwing my needs out the window and being his emotional slave. It’s not healthy for either one of us. Seems like this is the best decision I could have made.

        To do that I better work on being approachable and more open to attention. I will try to order it soon.

        Thanks for the advice!

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          He’s a project, and he’s nowhere in the headspace to start a new relationship so just be his friend without expectations and attachment. You won’t get what you need from him. He needs to take care of himself first.

          You getting upset when he’s not responding the way you expected is pretty much a chasing behavior and it’s not motivated by altruism but your own agenda. If you truly want to help, you will not get upset when he doesn’t respond to your text/refuses to see you, etc. And you will stop insisting on that.

  55. Ver

    Hi,
    I’ve met this guy online and we’ve been dating for more than a month now. He always initiates to text me every other day or sometimes everyday just saying hi. I text him first too maybe once a week. We always see each other every weekend since he invites me. After a month of seeing each other, he started to introduce me to all of his friends and we hanged out and had fun! A week after, he invited me out again and had dinner. The next day he invited me out again and he introduced me his close friend whom i didn’t get a chance to meet. I spent the night at his place and made out but didn’t have sex since i said no. (we still haven’ slept together) since i want to wait. After an awesome weekend, i haven’t heard from him 4 days now. I kept recalling what just happened since it’s unusual for him not to text me this long. Should i text him first?

    Another thing that bothers me is he’s still active online though i can’t blame him since he hasn’t mentioned anything about being exclusive. I haven’t brought it up too since i wanted it to be on his ‘timeline” and i don’t want to freak him out. He’s 38 and i’m 30. I don’t know if he’ still seeing someone else but usually we spend having dates on weekend.

    Help! This situation is driving me nuts and i’m very attracted to him!

    Ver

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      You are now in a dangerous territory of getting obsessed with a guy who is still exploring. Let him come to you and you initiate 20-30% the time only. And you meanwhile should spread your psychic energy by finding his “rivals.” It’s not great to start wondering about a guy too much. You can channel that energy on focusing on your other aspects of life separate from him (yet that includes not running out of options by dating other guys cause the minute you are in that mode, you’ll freak out easily and your energy will feel pushy and heavy to him).

  56. Alli

    Hi Katrina!

    Thank you so much for this article. It seriously helped so much, but I still have so many questions running through my head that I know the guy I really like will most likely not answer.
    So this guy sits right behind my in one of my classes and I’ve always thought he was really cute. So one day I got the courage to add him on Facebook and he immediately accepted and then I asked him a couple questions about school work and after couple minutes of that he initiated conversation unrelated to school. I gave him my number a day later and we started talking on almost every social media haha. But when Monday came along, he wouldn’t even look or say ‘hi’ to me in class. It was completely awkward. The same day I asked him via text message what our homework was and he never responded. I don’t want to seem like the clingy, obsessed one so I haven’t been talking to him via social media. However, he is still active on Twitter and Instagram and has time to post things on there but not even reply to a simple text of mine. I’m so confused and upset :( He made it seem like he was so interested and even told me we should hang out sometime and now he won’t even look at me in class or text me. Is it something I did?

    Sorry this is so long I tried to sum it up the best I could!

  57. Andy John

    I don't just know how to start am just short of word's and happy that i celebrate my Esther with my wife,Due to the help of Dr solution,This Dr solution has brought back happiness into my life that i have lacked for year,My name is Maxwell am from the United State of America,Am just so happy today and today has been the happiest day of my life and this happiness has brought me joy and am so happy,Because Dr solution brought back my lover Tricia into my arms without any delay,After my lover left me for good 2years,i was in deep pain and always thinking because i truly loved Tricia,Until a faithful day listen to the radio due to boredom,Then in which i had a lady shouting in happiness about the great thing Dr solution has done how Dr solution brought back her lover back into her arms within 36hours,when i had that goodness i decided in contacting Dr solution immediately,Because i was desperate in getting in touch with him,So i got in touch with him,Which then i told him my problem and he promised in bringing back Tricia back to my arms within 24hours,And then when i had that Tricia would be back to my arms within 24hours i was so happy and waiting to feel Tricia,And really Tricia came into my arms within 24hours,Begging me for forgiveness,i was so happy when i saw Tricia now my lover is fully back to my arms due to the help of this great man Dr solution who has bought back happiness into our great country(Usa)Please friend in need of help you don't need to go far all you need to do is for you to kindly contact Dr solution for help,Because he his trustworthy and straight forward,You can contact him on his private mail,solutionwhitmagicspell@gmail.com

  58. Jenn

    Hi :)

    Love your blog!

    I met someone online about three weeks ago, he was pursuing me pretty heavily and I agreed to meet him last Sunfay. We hit it off so well and I started to actually have feelings for him. All of last week he was always initiating conversations and I left some time between replies. We had planned on going out again this weekend. He also said that he only focuses on one person so he won’t be online talking to anyone else. He saw me online at this point and actually said he was crushed.
    Anyways, so suddenly he just stopped texting me. Everything had seemed fine, I replied to his texts yesterday morning (Thursday night he sent me a funny picture because I had said I had a tough day at work but didn’t actually say anything). I replied and said the picture made me smile and that it was too bad he had to work Saturday. That was it. Never heard from him after that but I have seen him online so I know he got my messages. I haven’t texted him since and now it’s Sunday and I’m fairly positive I’m about to be stood up.
    Do I bother saying anything or just cut my losses now. I just don’t understand how we went from constant messages and being so mushy (coming from him, not me) to being blown off.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      It’s way too early to put stock in anything he says. Just wait (I mean don’t just wait around, do something) till he contacts you again. He seems to be anxious too.

  59. Anonymous

    Dear Katarina,

    I am back. The last time you’ve told me to let go and let the guy does the chasing part. I received a message two weeks ago, he asked how I was doing and saying “is it been a while or is it just me…” when I met him just only two days ago. It’s clear enough rite that he’s missing me. I was surprised seeing his message. But then at that time I do not feel well and I told him so. He told me it doesn’t feel right to disturb me when I was going to bed. And he ended up saying, he will text me tomorrow.

    After 1 week I’ve been waiting for him, he didn’t text back. Dunno whether he forget or he’s really busy (I know he works till so late and most prob he’s afraid disturbing me… it’s just maybe). Then, I messaged him first, asking how he’s doing. He said it was nice to hear from me first. He told me how he goes trough the day and said he was sorry because he promised to get in touch with me but end up he couldn’t make it. At one time he asked if i really want to see the fireworks, he will welcome he to his place (sounds I forced it). He’s also going to treat me for drinks if I passed by his working place.

    I dunno, somehow he gives that kind of hints. But at one point in time he just seems not to be interested on me. Last time he said, my straightforwardness is kinda appealing for him.
    Does this means he’s justt playing around or I shud just trust him?
    He never text me first until now, like almost a week.

    Thanks.

      • Anonymous

        Thank Katarina for ur quick reply!
        What if he never text back or find me? It seems like he’s playing around. He hasn’t texted me for almost a week.

        I saw him two days ago, he was busy with work and suddenly he received a phone call and talked for quite a long time while smiling. I was wondering who the hell is on the phone and suddenly I thought it would be a girl. I don’t know whether he’s single or not. But last time he said, he never got any care from anyone (which means I expect him to be single)

        I bet you know the feeling of waiting, anxiety and wondering what the hell is going on. I know, I should just live my life happily, and not thinking about this. Please katarina, I guess, I need your help. Thanks.

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          If he doesn’t ask you out, he’s not interested. Go for guys who show interest in you. So if he never texts you again, you get all the answers you need. He’s not that into you. Move on.

  60. Amy

    I met a guy a few months ago through mutual friends. We exchanged emails and emailed regularly for a few months and then when he was in the area (we live in different states and he travels a lot for his job) we met up. We exchanged numbers and had a few great dates while he was here. He’s texted every single day since our first date – almost 4 months ago. We’ve met up several times since, and hooked up, though we haven’t had sex. I’ve never texted him too much; only initiate about 30% of the time; vary my response times and try to keep the conversation interesting. I last saw him almost 3 weeks ago, and he continued to text every day, but now suddenly I haven’t heard from him in 2 days, yet I see he’s active online. What’s up?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Give him a break. He’ll come back. And when he’s back welcome him with your warmth instead of giving him a sourpuss attitude.

  61. Katherina Jim

    My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

  62. Katherina Jim

    My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

  63. Katherina Jim

    My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

  64. Katherina Jim

    My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don't know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted. Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com . He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

  65. Jerika

    Hi- I really need some help on this situation that I really messed up :/

    I recently broke up with my bf in november, around the same time I met a new guy Jeff. Jeff and I had been texting for about 2 weeks or so, and he was super interested in me and my personality / life etc and wanted to see me etc and initiate convo all the time, so finally I give in and tell him Ill go on a date with him (honestly In should have said no because it was technically only a couple of days after the breakup, and I wasn’t probably emotionally ready) – (the breakup itself with my ex had been coming and the relationship had just run its course, but I think when it actually happened I still hadn’t fully registered it by the time of the date)

    Anyway, so for some reason (? I think I wasn’t thinking straight) I ask Jeff before hand if it was ok to sleep over (bc I assumed we would go to a bar after dinner and I didn’t want to drive after drinking.. I know, I shouldnt have done this..) and he was a little confused, but agreed. Dinner went really well, he was an absolute gentleman, and we had a great chemistry and dynamic. When we got back to his place, I thought we would just watch a movie and sleep (which in itself was ridiculous.. honestly I think I was in an emotional place and shouldnt have felt SO comfortable with him already) but of course, we start hooking up. Before we ended up about to have sex, I hesitate and realize I wasn’t able to follow through (considering I wasn’t over my breakup probably) and say stuff like “are you seeing other people, I don’t want to have sex unless were exclusive, etc” to which he was like “oh it seems like ur not ready, sex shouldnt be ablout contracts etc” and backs off. and then I say stuff like “will u miss me over break/ how will we keep in touch if ur traveling etc” (SO CLINGY i cant believe I said that..) to which he was super vague. Due to our chemistry we end up trying to hook up again but then something funny happens and we stop and just go to bed

    next morning he asks how i slept and I was like “not well bc I was thinking a lot.. im glad nothing happened last night and i think we should just take things slow” he then acts cold, drops me off to the train station, and we have a very vague convo about work in the car. I text him that I had fun and thank him for the ride to which he just replies a smiley face.

    Then the next day he wishes me a good trip (i was going on vacation to London), I thank him and the convo ends. Then I make the mistake of texting him pictures of the scenery while im on break to which he responds, but not too extensively. He then wishes me a happy thanksgiving a couple days later, to which i thank him.

    I get back from break, havent heard from him since he wished me for thanksgiving (was about a week) and then make a really bad mistake.. I start out txting him how his thanksgiving was, and he responds quite eagerly back, and then i ask him if he has time to chat, to which he makes excuses about work. The next evening, i do something EVEN worse.. I tell him i want to be honest with him and ask him if he can talk on the phone, and he asks me whats wrong… So i send him LONG text msgs in a row basically summarized saying “Lol i honestly misrepresented myself etc.. idk y i said i would sleepover.. I just wanted to get to kno you without any expectations.. I’m really embarassed” to which he responds 30 min later “ill call you when I have time” and I say ok. THEN i make things even worse by saying that I’ll be in LA both Fri and Sat of the weekend (we both usually go out to the city every weekend to hang out – (not together, but just coincidentally thats where each of our social lives are)) and he said he wouldnt be in the city on Friday, mabye saturday (he responded 8 hrs later to my txt) and then I txt him saying I had a lot of fun etc at the club and then he texts me back the next dsay 6 hrs later asking me where, to which i respond. This whole exchange was over 1 month ago, and I stopped contacting him after that. I added him on facebook though about 2 weeks ago- he accepted my request, but his profile is super private. We havent talked at all…

    I know I messed up SO much.. I just wish I had a second chance because honestly I think I was just in a bad space because of the timing with my breakup ( which i now feel a lot more at peace about).. I just miss my conversations with Jeff and feel like we had a pretty good dynamic that I would like to explore, even if we just ended up as friends.. Do you think I still have hope?? What should I do???

    Thanks SOOO much,, this has really been bothering me for so long now!

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Jerika, don’t beat yourself so much. He will let you know when he wants more or he wants to talk. You have given all signs in the world you are interested. The ball is in his court. Next time don’t bring up the talk with a guy especially when you have only known him for a few weeks. Be the one he pursues, not the one who chases him.

      • Jerika

        Thanks for the quick reply Katarina- it really means a lot! Do you think I have any hope left in this situation? Or was my mistake so bad that I scared him off for good? And should I not have added him on fb?

        I definitely have learned a lot for next time after reading all your pots.. wish I had done so before I messed everything up!!

        Thanks so much though for helping me out!

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          You’re very welcome. Don’t worry about him. You can’t lose what you never had to begin with. If he’s into you enough time and space will do wonder as I have seen time and again.

          • Jerika

            Thanks Katarina! I really appreciate your quick responses!

            You mentioned that if he was interested he would eventually contact me again.. See, because I made a mistake of being needy/clingy in the initial stages, I feel like he didn’t really get to know me well enough to be super into him (he was getting to that point but i messed it up :/) .. today is his birthday, and he hasnt contacted me in over a month.. should I wish him? Sorry I know I’m being obsessive, but I just feel like things could have gone well with him and I just met him at a bad time (2 days after my breakup..) so I wasn’t my true self and wish I had a second chance to reignite his interest.. is there any way to do this? We dont normally run into eachother/ have similar friends.. Thanks again for your help!

          • Katarina Phang Post author

            Never text a guy happy birthday when he’s not talking to you. Why? It’s not going to make him want you. Quite the opposite, in fact.

          • Jerika

            Ok- glad i didnt send him that text then! Is there anything I can do to get a second chance for him to be into him again besides just giving him space and living my life? I just keep beating myself up for messing up

          • Jerika

            Thanks so much katarina for telling me not to text him for his birthday! I found out through Facebook this morning that he got back with his ex.. Do you think that if I had not made so many mistakes he would have given me a chance or would he have gotten back with her regardless? Also should I try to be friends with him
            Still ( and reach out by being friendly?)?

            Thanks so much! I’m currently saving up to purchase your program! Thanks for all the great insight

            Jerika

          • Katarina Phang Post author

            Jerika, just lean back and date around. He might come back when he misses you and his relationship is over. Live with abundance mentality. He’s not the only man who will knock your socks off. No more reaching out and stuff. It makes you feel desperate and it will push him away further.

          • Katarina Phang Post author

            Yes, read my book and sign up for my programs for more effective ways dealing with men and keeping them hooked on you. ;)

  66. Anna

    HI Kat!, I’m just new here.. just started reading your post.. and I really love it. It helps me calm down a little bit..

    but here’s a thing..

    I met this guy online.. we have a lot in common, its like we met each other in our past life.. we clicked that moment on.. we exchanged emails a lot, we chat/talk through Skype, he message me a lot too.. somewhere in between our conversation, he told me that he wants me, he wants a long term relationship with me, and that he likes me and he’s in love with me.. and he’s very sweet, thoughtful, etc.. and I have fallen in love with him too.. so we agreed that we’d boyfriend/girlfriend.. so when he went to my country to visit and meet me for the first time in person, well, he suffered a lot in his way though because of the weather, so we decided to meet halfway.. we spend time together happily for 2 nights and 3 days, i gave him my virginity.. he was really sweet all that time, he cant take his hands off me.. and even told anyone that I’m his girlfriend if someone will ask him.. so when its time for me to go home.. he was still very sweet.. and he said i should text him when i get home, etc.. when i was on the bus,, he texted me that he already misses me and that he’s very sad and lonely..so i texted him back that i misses him a lot too.. after 2-3 days he didn’t text me much.. well if i message/text him he will reply with short messages and not so sweet text but still call me pet names though.. i kinda miss his flirty and caring text though.. and sometimes i don’t get a response at all.. so i message him a lot (i know, its a bad move), and i feel like im being too clingy and needy.. keep asking if something is wrong… and make my emotion get the best of me.. should i be worried that he’s not messaging/texting me a lot not like he used to? what should i do?
    .. and oh, we plan to live together, and he just moved in to the place we both decided but i can only move in after 4 months because of my work… and he told me before that he’s very left behind from his work and study.. should i be worried? he’s getting colder and colder each day.. what should i do? and sometimes i don’t get any messages from him anymore.. only when i text him first..not like before.. but when i asked him if he still want me to go and live with him, he said yes.. (i know I’m over thinking everything, its just it hurts me and i felt like I’m being used for sex)..

    please help :(

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Anna, how old are you? You are so vulnerable and this isn’t going to play well until you get a hold of yourself. Get my book and apply all the principles there. It’s too early for you to start thinking about wedding etc…no matter what he says. Keep your expectations to the minimum and don’t stop talking to other guys till he claims you.

      • Anna

        Thank you for the quick response, Ma’am Katarina! :) WOW! :D

        I am 21 years old, and I’m not thinking of getting married yet, just living together.. and he asked a permission to my mother.. and we’ve been talking for 2 months or more..and sometimes our conversation was so flirty and gets a little sexual sometimes.. its just that after that day that I went home, its like he flipped 180 degrees.. well, he still call me with our endearment but i really think there is something wrong.. and I think living together wouldn’t be possible because we don’t talk much anymore.. i dont know.. im not sure anymore :( what should i do? :(

        Am i in a good relationship?

        • Anna

          Well, I met him in a dating website :(. and he just signed up there for 2 days before i met him.. and he messaged me first there.. and he said to me before that when we are not yet in a relationship..he’s really interested in me and likes me a lot (we exchanged a lot of messages there ).. and he would still talk to other girls until he is sure that i accepted him and im serious with him.. so when the time i accepted him and agreed that he would be my boyfriend, he automatically shut down his account there, so i did the same too..and he promised that he will be mine only and he would be loyal to me..

  67. Angela Lazara Valdez

    So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again

  68. Angela Lazara Valdez

    So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again

  69. Angela Lazara Valdez

    So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again

  70. Angela Lazara Valdez

    So my guy said whenever I have problems I can vent so I did thru text. He hasn't responded back and I don't know if I should text again

  71. Joanne

    Katarina,

    There is a guy that I met at work. I thought he was cute at first but I was not at all interested in him. He started to pursue me for a few weeks by teasing me and telling me how pretty and cute I was. Well, I did start to like him so I showed interest in him. We started texting each other everyday and when we would see each other, we couldn’t stop smiling or kissing one another. When he is around me, he compliments a lot and feels a need to touch me all the time (by touching my hair, or poking my stomach). We made out several times and each time it is very spicy. Well, I messed up by asking him where this was going.. The next day he said that he wants to be single and remain friends and get to know each other more, because he doesn’t want to feel like he is just jumping into something right away. I go to visit him once a week where he works, and he has pulled back on the making out but still seems to keep touching me. He grabbed my foot and started massaging it while we were sitting at the table. He told me that he likes me and wants to be more than friends with me but he is not sure when. He doesn’t ask me out and he doesn’t call me. When I visit him once a week he talks about everyday things but never asks anything about me. After reading these posts, I have decided to lean back. I’m just confused because he pursued me very hard in the beginning and now he got cold. Is he emotionally unavailable or is he just not into me?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Why do you visit him once a week? Is it your own initiative? No wonder he’s cold. You’re assuming a man’s role. Please read my book and turn it around.

  72. justanothergirl

    Amazing advice! I’m not much of a texter either and the guy I’ve been talking to has told me a few times before I should text more often. I often leave him hanging when I can’t find anything else to say or got busy. When we meet in person, he would ask me why did I not reply and I would tell him honestly that I was just too busy. However, he’s quite strange himself as he doesn’t initiate texting often and takes awhile to reply. It doesn’t really bother me but I just want to know if he’s interested? Just last month we haven’t spoken for 2 weeks or so but he suddenly striked a convo on Facebook with me. Through the convo, he kind of made me promise to talk to him more. So should I follow what he says or continue to let him initiate? Thanks!!!

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Let him initiate. If he’s lazy, it’s only because he’s lukewarm toward you. You don’t want to do his job and be taken for a ride!

  73. Gracious Martins

    my name is Gracious Martins, i want to share my testimony, of how Dr,Oduduwale the great spell caster helped me to bring back my Ex Husband in 3days after i have tender my problems to him he also helped to gain promotion in the firm i work..he is such a good spell caster that will check if his spell has work before demanding anything from you..Dr Oduduwale is such a trustworthy man and i also recommend him to make those sad happy again..am using this medium to once again thank Dr Oduduwale for making me happy again and i know many are out there who want their Ex back if you have tried and fail here is Dr Oduduwale to make you smile again. Email him on oduduwale@gmail.com or Call +2348159645330.

  74. Gracious Martins

    my name is Gracious Martins, i want to share my testimony, of how Dr,Oduduwale the great spell caster helped me to bring back my Ex Husband in 3days after i have tender my problems to him he also helped to gain promotion in the firm i work..he is such a good spell caster that will check if his spell has work before demanding anything from you..Dr Oduduwale is such a trustworthy man and i also recommend him to make those sad happy again..am using this medium to once again thank Dr Oduduwale for making me happy again and i know many are out there who want their Ex back if you have tried and fail here is Dr Oduduwale to make you smile again. Email him on oduduwale@gmail.com or Call +2348159645330.

  75. Gracious Martins

    my name is Gracious Martins, i want to share my testimony, of how Dr,Oduduwale the great spell caster helped me to bring back my Ex Husband in 3days after i have tender my problems to him he also helped to gain promotion in the firm i work..he is such a good spell caster that will check if his spell has work before demanding anything from you..Dr Oduduwale is such a trustworthy man and i also recommend him to make those sad happy again..am using this medium to once again thank Dr Oduduwale for making me happy again and i know many are out there who want their Ex back if you have tried and fail here is Dr Oduduwale to make you smile again. Email him on oduduwale@gmail.com or Call +2348159645330.

  76. Katherine

    Should i have told a guy I will be leaning back and not contacting him and letting him initiate?
    I put up a personal ad looking for a certain type of guy stable,emotionally available etc and this guy J answered. He didnt bowl me over at first and he is a bit short but he was persistence and ask me out and I said yes. We ended up hitting it off right away, he said i was beautiful,sexual chemistry and had so many things in common: same age,same taste in music,both lefties,drive vw’s, even our exes have the same last names! He had been married and seperated for 2 yrs and his divorce was now final. I told him i have a little girl from a a previous unmarried not very good relationship.

    He was very responsive with his texting and always got back to me right away etc. we went out again for my birthday and he spared no expense.were intimate that night. I was waiting to see him again and he started not texting as often and replying less saying he was busy at work. at the end of the week he hadnt asked me out so I asked what he was doing on the weekend and he said he was broke becuase he has to pay his exes COBRA insurance for a while. I said I was broke too and we could be broke together. So i came over his lace and we watched movies, listen to records, talked and talked and slept together again.I told him i felt confused when he didnt text me back as much as before and that even if he was busy it takes 10 seconds to shoot a text saying ” hi A bit busy talk later?”

    especially to someone you supposedly like. I also asked if we could talk on the phone sometimes as he has only been communicating by text and not answering the phone. valentines day as coming up and i sent him a spur of the moment cute sexy pinup type picture i took for him. then I was supposed to come see him the day after. the next day i was so happy to see him and getting ready but he hadnt confirmed the time so I texted and then he said he wasnt feeling well had bn asleep all day and didnt think he could make it. He had gone out the night beofore so i asked if he was hung over again. He said no. Then i texted back thatwe could stay in if he wants and that i was upset because i was already dressed up and booked a sitter for my baby etc. he didnt reply back.

    I decided To still go out somewhere but on the spur of the moment i stopped by his place. I know this may have been a bad thing to do but i was upset he would not reply back and wanted to see what was going on. He did let me in and was a bit peeved i showed up anyway at first then i asked for a drink.He said he had a lot on his plate and no money gain.I wondered why he kept saying it_ i never asked him for any money or anything. I know he has to pay divorce settlemenrt ( not alimony) and insurance for his ex but he kept the big 4 bedroom house with a pool, he has cable tv,a late model vw,organic food in the fridge,more grooming products than me and money to go to the pub every week with his friends so It looks like he is doing ok to me!

    Anyway I reminded him that he answered my ad.Then i changed the subject to something lighter about a movie i had seen and we ended up again talking for hours, drinking wine, ordering food and sleeping together! Clearly we like each other_ why is he trying to pull away or push me away. In the morning I gave him a killer Bj and then left instead of lingering and having coffee like i usually would. when i got home I sent him text saying I wasnt going to call him anymore for awhile and probably put my ad up again but he could call me and initiate if he wanted… It is okay i told him that or should I just have cut off contact? i really think we would be great together- he must see this? I know all i can do is let go and take care of myself and let him comeback on his own but i feel anxious that he will forget about me? what is he afraid of? How long should I wait?I am going to go out with other guys even if I dont want to because i am tired of kissing frogs but i feel a connection to him and want him. I want to text him already when i see article i think would interest him or something funny…
    Thanks
    Katherine
    Ps I also asked him he if he like women being more dominant or less( trying to see if he was more masculine or feminine energy) and he said he liked equal relationship.I told him i like a man to be the more dominant one even though i have to be in my masculine all day every day with work and talking care of my child etc. What if he is a feminine energy guy? Can i get him to own his masuline side more?

  77. Delfine

    Hi Katarina
    I take this courage to ask as I am in a lost. Read your blog above should I text him, but still not sure as my heart tells me to.

    This guy is a friend of my ex-bf I knew 4 years ago and stay connected thru Facebook. He greeted me on my birthday every year and this time he suggested we should catchup so we exchanged phone numbers. He text via whatsapp last Nov and a few texts we agreed to have drinks on Jan17 Fri evening. Instead, he suggested movie plus drinks. I am open since I am single for almost 3years now and hardly date, even though I know he is 10 years younger like my ex. I am 48 and feel no hope for relationships.

    It turnout he was trying to hold my hands in the cinema. I let it be eventually and he wanted to kiss me in the car which I resisted so was just briefly. He told me he has been single for 2 years now but his ex-gf is still good friend/business partner. He may not know my exact age as I look thirties. He text me after the date, and wanted to see me next day on Saturday which I couldn’t due to prior arrangement. He text Sat & Sun and this continued daily with him telling me he’s attracted to me. I responded to his text always as I like him.

    After texting for 5days on Jan22 Thu evening he asked if I wanted dinner – I said yes and we met an hour later. The 2nd date ended up we were closer and kissed. He continued to text following few days and I developed feeling for him. Shortly, he left on Jan30 for a 5days work trip whereby I initiated the text to check if he arrived safely. I tried to cool off texting but missed him. He returned on Feb5 but didn’t get in touch much. I text him 2 days after and talked about a dinner earlier mentioned. The interval of texting became 2-3 days gap which I initiated some, sometimes he would text to ask how I was but no longer on a daily basis. Could he has met someone or just busy?

    We still text each other Feb 11-12-13 which I was hoping he would ask me out on Feb14 but no signs. On Feb13 he text and I asked a question – why he chat/text me. It’s not too proper. He said I asked a lot which I laughed it off. I also said friends should not be virtual but meet to communicate. Also I text friends when I think of them, miss them or…bored. Not sure what I was saying and overly! He said he don’t think of reasons before chatting/text. I hinted we text but not meet. He then said I had a lot of doubts on him, whereas he don’t question whether I like him or not even though I don’t ask him out… The chat was a disaster I think. Nothing on V day except I sent him a greeting. On Feb16 I tried to redeem myself text him that the previous chat was awkward hope he would be cool. He explained he had problem with his phone for 3 days (I believed as he posted that on fb). On Feb18 he text back to chat. Next day I text to arrange dinner – he said his weekends are usually busy with work. We set the dinner for Fri.

    We had our 3rd date on Feb21 one month after the 2nd… there is still that attraction though our conversations did not always agreed but overall okay. After dinner we held hands again and sent me home whereby he started to get intimate – kissing, touching privately. I gave in to the touching which I usually don’t unless in a serious relationship. We were intimate, guess I like him and want to keep him. The evening ended, with nothing planned further. Next day Saturday night I text him to say hi. He responded with brief casual exchanges, also said he would be busy on Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon he text if whatsapp was down that I replied and he responded. The conversation ended.

    Now, it’s 12 days from our 3rd intimate (no sex) date! It’s 10 days from our last text on Feb23. I came across your website/blog and have refrained myself to text him. But it’s too long a wait. He is not texting me but from whatsapp we know the online/last seen status. He is active but not texting me. I should probably text to ask how’s things with him? Maybe ask if his business is doing well?

    If he no longer contact me, I feel I did or say something wrong and should not just let it be. What is he thinking? Maybe Asian men has different behavior? It’s not too right to just end like this… Katarina please help! I appreciate your reply.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Delfine, you’ve been leaning forward a lot with the texting and initiating. Back off and start focusing on dating others. You gotta let a guy lead to see any long-term result with them. Please get my book, you need a new brain.

      • Delfine

        Thanks for answering!

        We were initmate the last date which meant something to me, think he felt the same and like me. But 12days on why he is not contacting me?

        I hope for another chance to make things right and get along with each other. Since I ever said I text when miss or think of the person, should I text now casually to show it? Else he may think I don’t like him after our 3rd date…

        Thanks again for your help!

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          Nope. Let him do it and he will do it if he’s still interested in you. If not, there’s nothing you can do anyway.

  78. Joyceline

    Hi Katarina, I probably should’ve read your blog much earlier. I do hope it isn’t too late to redeem myself. My story goes like this (and I’m sorry but it’s gonna be really long):

    I met this guy about 6months back and back then we started to get to know each other through im-ing (basically texting). He stays a 3-hr plane ride away so it’s long distance. He was clearly interested from the start and would text from day to late into the night every day. He started saying he missed me and wanted to be with me etc about two months into the texting. I hadn’t really developed any feelings for him at that point but I did startto develop an interest.

    Fastforward to four months into the ttexting, and I started to have feelings. Didn’t really tell him in exact words but I started responding to his “I miss you” texts more and more. All this while he would initiate the texting and I only initiated here and there, but it was rare. He had also started to text much later in the day, when before it was from morning to late at night, it was now evening or maybe night, sometimes afternoon. I do understand though that people have a life, and his work is pretty busy, so to have sustained day to night texting for 4 months was a big effort in itself on his part.

    And about 3 weeks ago (5 months into texting now), we had a talk about what our relationship was, and concluded that we were kinda a couple. Right after that talk, he was extra attentive and loving for a week, but the past two weeks, he just dropped off the radar. He hardly initiated and I would be the one texting him first most days, even if my last msg was ignored. He also stopped the goodnight msgs when before we would wait up for each other and texted till we were sleepy then wish each other goodnight. For the past week, he’s just gone to bed without even a goodnight text. And throughout these two weeks, I still unashamedly tried to text him first every day’cause i felt maybe he wanted to feel loved. Normally he would replt but our converaations didnt last long. And definitely not nearly as long as they used to. But today I’ve decided I’m sick of this, after my text this morning was again ignored.

    My question is, is it too late for me to just not text him at all until he texts again? Or should I have a “what the hell do you want from me” talk with him? It’s just really confusing since we decided we were a couple (his words, not mine) and suddenly he drops off the radar.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Did you ever see him face to face? Go by his actions and go date other people. You’re not a couple till you meet in person and he consistently steps up. And lean back, stop texting him and only respond when he does.

      • Joyceline

        We met face to face before, but that was before we had started texting. Haven’t been able to meet since due to our work schedules and we stay in different cities. I’m not texting him anymore since it’s obvious he’s had a sudden cool-off. Guess we’ll see what comes of it.

        I won’t be doing anything wrong if I start dating other guys right? This “falling for someone long distance” thing is so foreign to me.

  79. Louise

    Hey Kat! Can you give me some advice? I recently met a guy on a holiday in Spain, about a month or so ago? We talked pretty regularly with the odd deep conversation but recently it’s been pretty few and far between? I waited about 5 days and messages him today just asking if he has been busy lately.. Have I made a mistake? What should I do? Thanks!

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Louise, that’s typical of a long-distant fling. Let him initiate most of the time and you must go out and date others and live a full life.

  80. heavenlylilz

    Has he lost interest?

    After the end of my class, my online professor who lives in Texas and I who lives in New York struck up a sort of conversation where he revealed that he was very intrigued by me and he stated he was interested in learning more about me. I said the same and he asked if it was alright for him to call me sometime. I said yes, I don’t mind. For the week we were texting he takes a long time to respond to my texts but does respond, I realize that I have been initiating the contact so I’ve stopped. The context of the texts just showed our interest in learning about each other. We have not text since Friday morning and he hasn’t called. I don’t know if he’s lost interest or just busy he has 2 jobs and goes to school and has a child.

    What should I do? Stop texting him completely and wait for him to do it?

    Has he lost interest or is he just busy?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Let him initiate and don’t wait around for him. Get busy with life. You will know if he’s interested through his efforts.

  81. heavenlylilz

    After the end of my class, my online professor who lives in Texas and I who lives in New York struck up a sort of conversation where he revealed that he was very intrigued by me and he stated he was interested in learning more about me. I said the same and he asked if it was alright for him to call me sometime. I said yes, I don’t mind. For the week we were texting he takes a long time to respond to my texts but does respond, I realize that I have been initiating the contact so I’ve stopped. The context of the texts just showed our interest in learning about each other. We have not text since Friday morning and he hasn’t called. I don’t know if he’s lost interest or just busy he has 2 jobs and goes to school and has a child.

    What should I do? Stop texting him completely and wait for him to do it?

    Has he lost interest or is he just busy?

  82. kaidence

    I have this situation where I met this guy online back in December 2013 we’ve been out on a few dates and we’ve hung out at one another apartments multiple times. We have in depth conversations, I must admit we have slept together. I find that after a couple of months he might text me twice a month or I might see him once or twice a month. I barely initiate texts with him anymore since March because I feel as though he doesn’t make an effort to contact me, so why should I continue to go the extra mile? I have developed feelings for him as in I really like him not crazy I love u and am obsessed with u feelings, lol. It seems like the casual relationship or whatever you want to deem it as, is not progressing to the next level. I do know that he world’s a lot of hours working for the rail road system but that didn’t seem to stop him from constantly contacting me at 1st. I also thought abt the fact that he’s about to turn 24 where as I’m 27 and maybe the age difference is a factor. I was wondering should I ask him where does he see this going/what are his feelings toward me or should I just distance myself?

      • kaidence

        Thanks. I had already began dating other guys and stayed to like one particular guy. My problem seemed to be that I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt since he said he had a lot on his plate. I saw that the situation wasn’t going anywhere. I don’t think I owe him an explanation as to why I’m just going to distance myself. Clearly we wanted two different things. He claimed he wanted us to grow into a relationship when by his actions he is only looking for a good time. That’s fine and all, but that’s not what I want, so there is no reason to speak other than being cordial.

  83. ann smith

    Hi Katarina. My boyfriend used to text/call me frequently at the start of our relationship. After 3 months, he now texts me once in 4 days or less. If he does text me, it is quick. He seldom calls too. It’s been 4 days since he last texted me. Am sure he really likes me at the start. Does this mean he has lost interest? Should I text him 1st? Or should I let him know my hurt & frustration? He also don’t plan to see me unlike before. Am an option & not his priority. He’s really busy. What should I do? Should I dump him?

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Have you been texting too much? If so, that’s probably why. Don’t expect round the clock texting. It’s not sustainable over the long run. And you have to get busy being separated from your cell as well.

      • ann smith

        I used to text him 1st but now I only wait for his text as our agreement. He said I should have more patience with him coz I complain he sometimes doesn’t reply to my texts. Does this mean he has lost interest? Should I text him 1st if he doesn’t? Or should I let him know my hurt & frustration? What should I do? Should I dump him?

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          You should adjust to his pace of texting. You can’t nag and make him want to give you whatever you want. Start with my ebook for you to really know what works with men. Most women don’t know how to deal with this and cost them a potentially great relationship.

          • ann smith

            Hi Katarina. It’s me again. It’s been 10 days & my boyfriend hasn’t contact/text me yet. Should I continue to lean back or should I initiate text? Thanks again!

          • Katarina Phang Post author

            How could he be your bf when he hasn’t called/texted you in 10 days? When did you see him the last time? Downgrade him. There is no point of chasing him, he seems lukewarm. Date again.

  84. ann smith

    Thanks Katarina. It’s been longer since the last time I saw him. Maybe I should contact him to clarify our status? It’s better to end this if he’s not interested anymore:(

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Let him do that, meanwhile you are out as a single lady! If he doesn’t hold his end of the bargain, all bets are off.

  85. Ashley

    Maybe you can help. So I have been chatting with this guy for 10 weeks we finally met last week. It took us so long to meet because he is always out of town on business. We both had a great time on our date we talked about everything and it felt like I had known him forever. We messaged right after the date talking about how much fun we had and how great it was to move away from just chatting and the next time we get to see each other. Problem is he left town again for business and won’t be back for three weeks. Said he definitely wants to go out again when he gets back. He knows I am dating other guys and asks about other dates. Although I did hint that our first date set the bar pretty high. When he is in town we message everyday but when out of town not as much. I won’t message him first but I am wondering how long I should wait until I hear from him before I should see how the trip is going and since I do like him better then the other men what I could do to keep him interested for 3 weeks. Any suggestions would be welcome

      • Ashley

        Follow up question. When he messages if he asks about the others dates should I tell him they were good; or tell him they were ok but not as good as ours; or tell him that I cancelled. Not really sure why he keeps asking about other dates. Thanks for your help.

  86. Jen

    Hi, could use some advice. This guy and I worked in the same office, and then he left. We reconnected on linked in and were emailing on and off for 3 months, finally met to “catch up” a few weeks ago and just completely hit it off.

    The next afternoon he texted me saying “thanks for meeting up, it was fun” Couple days later I sent him a happy bday text: “Happy birthday! Hope you do it up large tonight!” email to which he responded “Thanks! Getting hammered with friends – hah, gotta take advantage, dont have many left!” I didn’t respond to that…but then the next afternoon he emails me further and says “And by getting “hammered” I mean just a couple drinks with friends!” And I respond “No worries, hope you had a good time!” So i’m thinking, that obviously he cares how I look at him and thats the reason he sent that email. Later that night (Thurs) he texts me saying his bro is in town but would I want to grab drinks next week, and I say sure.

    Tues rolls around but have not heard from him so I ask what day he had in mind for a drink. And later he texts “does thursday work for you?” And I say sure, but I have plans later that night, so can only do one. Thurs he texts asking if we’re still good for meeting up…I didn’t see the text until 2pm, (i’m just bad at responding to texts in general, I usually take a couple hours), but after I saw that text, anther came in saying “Oh no, just found out I had a work meeting, can we reschedule for next week? i’m so sorry!” And I say “I can’t do next week, out of town but can do the following thursday” And he says “Thursday it is!” and I say “Cool, looking forward to it” And he says “Yeah me too ;)”

    Ok I know this has now turned into a novel! SORRY! :) I’m just confused. I haven’t heard from him at all this week, granted – out of town, but still. 2ndly, I talked to one of my co-workers about him and he said “Umm hes kind of a player, every time he was out at a bar he’d scope the bar, then beeline it for a girl” and I say “But can you blame a single guy for trying to pick up girls at a bar?” and he says “Well I think he was seeing someone…and she was calling him and he ignored her b/c he was getting annoyed”

    He has not shown me ANY of this behavior, hes been so nice, and when we met up, he was actually so nervous around me, and just seems like a good guy. But then my coworker is telling me somethng different! So do I give him the benefit of the doubt? Or just cancel on this date (assuming he doesnt cancel on me, that is). THANKS!!

  87. Shazza

    Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months it has become long distant but we met while I was holidaying back in my country. Anyways everyone we have a fight he becomes a little bit mean I know this as part of his personality as I’ve heard it from his friends and his sister. So we had a little bit of a fight I was sick and I told him I was he replied to me I hope you feel well soon try go see a doctor or take medication. I didn’t hear from him all night he was out with his friends and he sent me pics of him and friends out together he even asked me if I can edit the pic for him. I replied sure but when I feel better or don’t you care I’m unwell. He replied I don’t care. So I rang him n said why would u say that he replied because u made a stupid comment n I replied with a stupid answer. I told him I don’t want to fight I’m really sick. He was being insensitive. He usually text me before and after work. He didn’t text me at all the next day and now it’s the second day and he didn’t text me again before work. He didn’t check up on me to c how I am feeling. I feel really upset by this. We have gone a day without texting or calling before when we have fought. He may initiate contact or sometimes I do. But this time I don’t know if I should initiate since I feel he should of checked up on me or wait for him I hate that we are not talking.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Why do you fight so much? Please read my book, Shazza. You have to be soft and feminine and luring with honey. It seems to me that you are easily upset yourself and keep calling him out on stuff you don’t like about him. That’s a recipe of constant fighting.

  88. Shonda

    Hi Katarina,

    Enjoyed reading your article. I’ve been dating this man for a year, not in a serious relationship. We both like each other and have feelings. Things were going good until about a month a go. We haven’t communicated in a month. The last conversation we had was good, laughing and trying to make plans.

    He is more of the initiator when it comes to phone calls and I mainly text because usually he is at work when I am off so it’s easier for me to text. We have had moments were communication has dropped off and he has always been the one to lean in as I leaned back.

    Well I’m just curious if I should text him asking how he is doing or just continue to lean back to see if he will come forward again or do I iniitate the convo. Not sure because I’m fearful of rejection but at the same time hope all is well with him. Or do I just let it lay. I feel as if we connected to if things have ended to end it this way. Any advice you can provide I would appreciate.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      If he hasn’t initiated in a month it shows where his head is and even if you initiate that won’t lead to a long-term thing cause it’s obvious he’s lukewarm or not looking for anything serious at the moment. You can reach out but don’t expect it will develop into anything. You might see him again another time but if he’s not going to row the boat, this is just not gonna fly.

  89. Louise

    Hi,
    I met this guy in a club on Sunday, we kissed and he asked for my number, he texted me the next day and we’ve been texting since then. It’s been the whole process, sometimes I’ll fire a response straight away, sometimes I’ll reply in an hour sometimes I would wait the whole day to reply.
    He seemed into me we we’re flirting but at the same time getting to know eachother, he hasn’t asked me out yet though.
    On Thursday night he text and asked what I was up too? I responded an hour or 2 later saying I was just home from the gym, about to jump in the shower and asked him what about you?
    That was the last text that was sent, it’s now Saturday and he he hasn’t responded and I know he has been online on whastapp.
    I don’t know what I did wrong, he asked me a question, why ask if he was losing interest. I quite like this guy :(
    Obviously I’m not going to text him because the ball is in his court but I am just overthinking it?

  90. Ella Gold

    I wanted to let you know that Adam and I are back together. I will have to admit the person I took him from is putting up a fight. But I know your work will land on top. We have moved in together. He has officially moved all his items i, as for me, I will officially move all my items, in next week. I really appreciate all the work you have done for me. I wished I would have found you earlier, when I had a lot of other things going on in my life. You are the greatest – I will be back very soon. Keep me in your prayers. Thanks again.

  91. Linda Arzate

    I have a dilemma…I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 2 years now and he says he has feelings for me and some of his actions prove that he does..but he won’t take the relationship further..at times he texts and others I initiate the text..he does call me every week..he’s out of state now but up until about 6 months ago, he lived in the same state I’m in and circumstances changed that he’s had to move. I have huge feelings for him – what do I do to keep him interested and hopefully get him to think of moving back here? Please advise.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      You need to lean back and date others if you two aren’t exclusive. He only texts/calls but never asks you out. Well, then in that case it’s an imaginary relationship in your head. Trust his actions.

      • Linda Arzate

        We have been seeing each other for 2 years..we go out for dinner, movies and I’ve spent the whole weekend at his place..We spend time together, more than 3x per week. I’m trying to figure out how to make him take this to another level.

        • Katarina Phang Post author

          What do you want and have you been pressuring him about it? Please read my book. This is the secret to a man’s heart.

  92. Katy

    Hi I went on a first date 2 days ago we were texting each other non stop before hand and we had such a lovely evening there were no awkward silences and we were laughing all night then the next day I heard nothing until I text back first he wasn’t short in his texts but i was used to
    Him texting me it’s now been a full day with no texts should I text him first ?

  93. Rose

    Katarina,
    Great article! I was hoping you could help me with this situation: I’m currently in a “feast” and a lot more guys than usual like me (not bragging, just saying I am spreading my attention), but there is one that I have undeniable chemistry with. The problem is, he’s generally hot and cold with me. Recently he’s been very “hot” and has only texted me first and has even calling me “babe,” but now I think he might be done texting me because he’s waited longer than usual… I want to keep talking to him and I don’t want to text him because I want him to want me, but I don’t know what to do. Have I just lost his interest or should I wait a few days longer?

  94. Barones

    Hi Kat,

    I’ve been in touch with this guy for 5 months, first 2 months was only texting back and forth. We see each other for the last 3 months. He is the one who initiates all the time. When we are together everything is just great, but when we are not he only communicates via text which creates a distance. I already told him I really like to hear his voice and how I feel close to him when I talk to him on the phone and even I’d rather talk on the phone instead of texting. Sometimes I even called him back to answer his text. I really hate this lack of communication. For the last week I stopped answering his texts because I was mad at something he did. Now he started texting me again, asking how I’m doing and where I’ve been. I said i’m around and will talk once he calls me. He said OK but today he texted me saying good morning and asking what I’m up to.

    I don’t want our main communication form to be only texting anymore. What do I do? Please advice.

  95. Chris

    I am a guy and if I see signs of #1-7 (except 6), I will think she is not interested. Won’t change the fact that I like her but I will definitely back off because I want her to find a guy that she truly likes.

  96. Sabrina

    Hi! I hope u can help me, theres this guy he was my classmate before. We went on a first date (we planned it for months but never got it because he was busy in college as a senior and a scholar in sch)
    So we went out he kept on eye contact with me the whole time we were together and kept on smilling had physical contact. And stayed overnight, we had sex on the 1st date, he kept on assuring me that i was ok, that theres no awkwardness, that i didnt see him differently. He took me home and we s talk everday for a week he was iniatianting the conversation, he even told me he misses me, we planned on a second date but he never set a date as to when we are going out again. but this month he went to his ways like taking time to reply, i feel he is being distant, although he said he was just very busy and have things to do esp at school. He does reply to my messages but its like its boring and he sometimes replies back 3-5hours or more.
    I dont know if he likes me still. I tried for a week of sending him goodmorning txts he
    does reply to it. And after that, i didnt message him, but he never message me at all for that week. So i texted him he was quick to response, but the conversation died anyway. I like this guy very much i dont know if he likes me too

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Stop chasing him. You’re too anxious to keep the convo or things going. Do nothing, lean back. Let him come to you. Please read my book to understand why he withdraws and what to do about it.

  97. Ana Smith

    Hi Katarina! My bf hasn’t contacted me 3rd day Tuesday today. I was upset that he didn’t replied to my texts the whole day last Friday so I was sort of cold when he did the next day Saturday. I didn’t answer his call on the 1st ring since I really didn’t hear it. I shot him a text so he called back. I wasn’t sweet to him. He called me babe but I didn’t respond with a sweetie. It’s been 3 days now but no word from him. Should I text him? Thanks!

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      That’s what happens when you focus on what you don’t get and try to punish him. Lure with honey, encourage his good behaviors by thanking and praising him each time he does what you like. You can text sweet stuff but drop the expectations that he will respond right away if at all. Please read my book to understand how you can get a guy to love you so deeply.

  98. S

    Katarina,
    I truly enjoy reading your work and the advice you give to so many women it’s simply right on!
    I too have had my share of interacting with men that pull away.

    Currently, I’m in a casual relationship, we don’t see each other frequently but when we do it’s always pleasant. I genuinely like this man, but he is not ready for anything serious, I have done everything in my power to not get attached. For the most part I let him initiate and be receptive when I wish to see him. At times I have openly let him know when I didn’t want to see him or when I had other things going on. He mentioned a few times that I should also initiate and reach out to him. But how can I initiate and look for him when I know I’d be doing more wrong than good? Besides the few times that I did, I didn’t feel he reciprocated well.

    Also, he pulls away more than I can take which is one reason why I also don’t like to look for him, basically I’m mirroring his behavior. Quite frankly, lately I find myself questioning if I’m doing the right thing here or if perhaps I should show more interest in him. Sometimes I feel I’m throwing away the opportunity for something more serious by being detached. Is it possible that some men genuinely like being chased or do you thing this man is simply lazy as a result of not being invested? Looking forward to your advice.
    S.

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      Hi S, you have answered yourself that each time you leaned forward he didn’t respond. Most men are like that. So continue to lean back and focus on others. Please read my book for more guidance and you will also get 2 week email coaching, valued at $100.

  99. Hartford

    Hey. So I had been talking to this one guy I am really interested in for two weeks. He almost always initiated the texts. We were hanging out all the time as well. I have spent the night a couple times, but no sex. He does have kids and he wants to wait before I meet them (which is fine by me). This past weekend was his weekend with the kids. I asked when I would be able to see him again but never heard from him. Five days later he apologizes for being MIA but never responded. I initiated the next day’s text and he barely texted back. I don’t want to chase, but I do want to know if he’s still interested. Do I just sit back and wait? Especially since I have some of my stuff at his place and vice versa….

    • Katarina Phang Post author

      If he’s still interested you will know cause he will show it with his actions. Don’t chase. Don’t initiate.

  100. Megan

    Guys so I’m talking to a guy, and I’m creeped out. He’s texted me asking “miss me” when I haven’t even met him in person. He’s asked me that weird question 2 times now. I haven’t responded, and don’t really know what to say.

  101. Mt

    Hi,

    So a guy that I’ve gone out w a couple of times and been talking to for a few weeks hasn’t contacted me in a week.

    He’s an er doctor, last time he texted was “I’m home goodnight” and I didn’t text back since was late. He told me plain out that he liked me and I was different and interesting than other girls.

    Now he is on instagram just commenting and liking my pics but hasn’t actually communicated w me by phone since last week. What the hell is going on? Thanks.

  102. M

    Hi Katarina,

    It’s me again, the girl dating the ER doctor. So since my last post he did contact me last week, asking me to lunch on Thursday. The day before he texts me saying “sorry hun but can we move it 24 hours?” and I said ok. Then the night before the newly revised time, he said he’s so sorry but he got called into the ER and he will make it up to me.

    I haven’t heard from him since last Friday (its Wed now). Is he just trying to be nice about blowing me off without hurting my feelings? Should I just forget about him and move on? I understand he’s an ER doctor but still.

    Thanks.

  103. Katarina Phang Post author

    It means he doesn’t want to now for whatever reason. So just wait for him to reach out to you when he’s ready. Have you initiated it the past week or have you always done that? It’s probably why. It’s just smothering when a woman keeps leaning forward. He wants to define the pace cause he’s the guy. Let him do that. Meanwhile you have to focus on dating other guys so you don’t get so invested.

  104. Mt

    Thanks for the quick reply! I had left on vacation for a week and he texted me while there saying have fun etc. When i came back after a week I actually did text him first (he always did before that) but this time he didn’t give a date time to meet.

    Your advice does make sense, he’s said he likes to be in control so I guess I have to wait for him to initiate. It’s annoying how he comments on my instagram in the meanwhile though! We’re 28 not 12 lol.

  105. Katarina Phang Post author

    Number one mistake women make is to wait around for a guy to ask them out. The expectation makes you lean forward in your energy and it’s a chasing energy that turns him off. The more you do it the less he wants to take you out. Stop all that and date other guys.

  106. Katarina Phang Post author

    Don’t wait around. Best is really to have a few guys in your rotation. Of course as long as you have no expectation, you can text something witty but as I said, in general, guys don’t need that kind of encouragement if they know you’re interested already.

  107. Raluca

    Hi Katarina

    So I met this guy through an online dating app. We’ve been on 4 dates so far (i know, not much, but I like him alot!) and had sex on the last 2 ones. He’s been very nice, took me out to dinner and the cinema and even cooked himself one time. He was away last weekend with his friends on a trip, still texted me now and then and brought me back this fluffy toy he won at that silly game with the claw. Last time we met was 2 evenings ago. The next morning after I left I texted him saying I wish I was still in bed with him, he replied that he wishes that too, and that he had a really good evening/ night. Haven’t heard from him since and I haven’t texted him either. So far he texted me fairly regularly, almost every day and he initiated most of the texts. I think I was quite good at not texting first or replying too soon. I don’t know what is going on now, he did say ‘I’ll see you soon’ when I left that morning.. Also we haven’t had any serious conversation about where this is going and he still has that profile on the dating app which bugs me alot!! I do too but just to check if he logs in, and he does almost every day :( Do you think he just needs some time to think about this or he’s not that into me anymore? He really seemed to like me so I’m confused and I hate this game where I have to just sit and wait for his texts…

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