Is He Losing Interest? Check On Your Expectations
Is He losing interest in you are are you over reacting or over thinking. Emotionally secure women rarely wonder if a man in losing interest in her or not.
My private group which is a support group for my clients and book readers is stirring with controversy every now and then (get my ebook to be included in this GEM group in which you will learn and grow so much). One of the members wrote not long ago, “As I was hiding my boyfriend’s birthday present under the bed, I stumbled on a shoebox containing old cards to and from his ex. I shouldn’t have read them cause now I feel like my heart is breaking…I know the cards are old, but it still hurts. Should I bring this up to him or was I in the wrong for reading them?”
Here’s my response:
I would say this is a case of “curiosity kills the cat” and how women are masters of creating problems when there is NONE.
You are violating his privacy so don’t even bother. Is he not allowed to keep mementos from the past? I know guys keep certain things from their past and they should be allowed to do so. Stop being a controlling insecure woman if you want to keep him attracted to you.
Chances are that it’s not a case of is he losing interest, but a case of you over thinking and then going into over reacting mode. You go to a place in your mind where you begin to analyze his every move. This is a place of insecurity and insecurity will cause a man to lose interest in you.
This whole situation to me sounds like someone who is peeping into your home and find you walking around naked and complain to you that your nudity offends him. Ummm…hello? Who gave you a license to be a peeping Tom in the first place? It’s bad enough that you do that -which I could care less actually and am willing to let it slide- and now you’re making me feel guilty for your misdemeanor? The latter will really piss me off too, much more so than the actual peeping! It just shows how entitled you are!
And besides what do you want to say to him, that you feel threatened because he was in love with another woman some years ago? He probably would say “What do you want me to do? I can’t erase the past. I can’t undo what happened. I’m with you right now and that’s all that matters.”
If he’s committed to you and showing it with his actions, why even doubt him. It is a turn off for a lot of men when they have been showing all they can to make us feel secure yet we are still questioning them. This is one of the surest ways to make them lose interest to even try next time.
And women will find a lot of things “bothering” them. It’s about picking your battles. Not everything needs to be brought up if you want him to really listen to you.
Accept That Not Everything Is About You
And if this bothers you, likelihood is there are a strings of other things that also bother you that you have brought up to him. So another sign of “vulnerability” will only make him question if he’s making the right decision to be in relationship with you since he will start feeling that no matter what he does, he can’t make you happy. A guy will not commit to a woman unless he’s sure he can make her happy.
Women who come to me worried is he losing interest mostly operate from a place of lack and fear. Problems are in the eyes of the beholder. When you are not feeling okay within yourself and need his approval or assurance or any external factor to feel good about yourself, any relationship you have with any man will be ridden with issues.
Security is an inside job. Nobody can do it for you. Not even the greatest, most committed man on earth.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you can never voice things that bother you or feel vulnerable every now and then. We all have our own insecurities. And sometimes it’s rightly so that you feel that way. You shouldn’t stuff things that feel wrong to you and let them brew until they explode. There are ways to air your concern in a constructive way.
However, before pointing finger or even entertain every little thing as something worth bringing up to him, look deep inside first. Work on your issues first. Grow up as a person first by owning your emotions. Sit with them, process them and employ different angles and perspectives. Put yourself in his shoes. Instead of trolling the internet for signs he’s losing interest, go within.
Again, not everything is about you. The world doesn’t revolve around you. He has his own issues and stresses in life he has to deal with too.
When you come to the relationship full and not needing him to be a certain way (EXPECTATIONS) to keep you happy and secure, there will be very few problems arising in your relationship. Time and again I have seen it in my clients how expectations are the mother of all heartache. Yet many women still insist on clinging to them. Those who are secure see the world quite differently to those who are shaky inside.
Your perception is your reality. And what you hold inside as your truth and belief becomes your reality. You see the world from a dysfunctional pair of colored glasses.
Your man wants to make you happy. He in fact is hooked on making you happy that when he sees you question him and his commitment to you at every corner he will feel stifled. It scares him that you are so high-maintenance that he feels like babysitting you 24/7.
To you, you are being truthful and vulnerable, to him he feels emasculated and inadequate as a man, or just turned off. If your neediness is chronic, you become a source of constant annoyance to him instead of joy. If he can’t go the distance with you, it’s probably why. He’s holding back because he’s not won over by the idea of committing to a woman who makes life difficult for him or a messy breakup.
A woman needs to cultivate her own sense of well-being separated from her man so she is not always bothered by every little thing.
So again, ask yourself first, do you need another strain in your relationship?
To end this long rant already, here’s a story that might resonate with you. Pierce Brosnan was very devoted to his first wife Cassandra who died of cancer. When he met his second wife Keely Shaye Smith, she was very accepting of the fact that his first wife was a big part of his and his children’s memories (his own and step kids). It was rumored that she would even allow her picture to be hung in the house. She was so secure she didn’t feel threatened by it, and why would she?
Keely has since ballooned from a very slim model to her plus size now (it’s amazing seeing her transformation) but they seem to be one of the few couples who survive in Hollywood. He’s still very doting and in love with her (well, at least that’s what we see from the outside).
This goes to show how acceptance and understanding makes a man fall in love and stay in love with a woman no matter what. Pierce Brosnan is a decent man with both his first and second wife and he has the best women in his life who get him.
Feminine Magnetism Is The Remedy To All Your Problems With Men
The one secret that makes him want you and ONLY you…
A lot of women who come to me in despair usually lacks in one thing: realizing the innate power they have as a woman. They feel vulnerable and losing their power in the relationship. Their vulnerability commonly manifests in a controlling streak and mistrustful behaviors that depolarizes their relationship with their partners.
Controlling behaviors are a manifestation of a very masculine energy and men don’t respond to that. Men are instinctively drawn to feminine energy and it’s the polar opposite of what masculine energy is.
Being comfortable in feminine energy isn’t the same as being a doormat as many women themselves seem to believe. Being feminine doesn’t make a woman any LESS a human being than a man. That misconception contributes much to the the dysfunction of relating between the sexes to the detriment of many women themselves as they become less and less fulfilled in relationship.
A woman who is strong in her self-confidence as a feminine woman holds the key to a successful relationship in which she is cherished and treated the way she wants to be treated by the man she loves. She doesn’t spend time worrying is he losing interest.
And that simply comes from a realization that she is powerful by being soft, secure in her self-worth, operating from a place of WHOLENESS without expectations and being firm in her healthy boundaries and self-respect. She doesn’t ask for a lot, yet she doesn’t settle for a guy who doesn’t step up either (so here’s what to do if he doesn’t commit after many years). She treats herself -and her partner- well and she won’t tolerate lousy behaviors from any man.
I think part of the problem of relationship is the belief that women need to communicate everything and anything in their heads (do you know how you come across through your communication style/texting habits?). I think men will find it tiresome and no wonder they start tuning out or getting defensive or losing interest in you.
Picking one’s battles is about NOT making oneself like a crying wolf. You won’t be taken so seriously anymore if you easily complain about every little thing.
Now, are you ready for the real thing? The real ways that crack a man’s commitment resistance? Sign up for all my programs. And my new monthly membership program will allow me to guide you every step of the way while you can also learn from my most successful clients who implement my method in their life, romantic or otherwise. These women rarely wonder is he losing interest.
These programs are all geared to transform you from the inside out, shifting your energy by discarding the broken colored glasses you have been wearing that hasn’t helped you. I have a very high success rate beyond my own wildest dreams! I know what works with men on the most fundamental level and it’s not a brag as daily testimonials from my clients speak for itself. 🙂
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