How To Just Be And Why It’s The Answer To Your Life And Relationship Issues

how to just be

How to just be seems to be the biggest mystery for most people. To just be is the answer to your depression and anxiety. To just be is the cure to your neuroses. To just be is how you become the easiest person to be with and relate to. To just be is you become so lovable and how men bond with and fall for you. To just be is how you do away with all the drama in your life. Your obsessive thinking is like mental masturbation. It serves no purpose. Physical masturbation at least gives you orgasm?. There’s no release in mental masturbation, only entrapment. Nirvana is just a fancy word for to just be, when all obsessive drives are extinguished for good.

“Hi Kat,

Have so much to say to you that not sure where to start… Will begin by admitting that I have been doing lots of inner work (Journey Inward, meditation, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle), reading all your articles that I come across and listening to your classes from monthly membership.

I visit your FB page almost every day and read (also copy to my notes) your posts that ring true to me (almost all of them :). So yes, I’ve been doing a lot of work to bring my vibrations high enough in order to get into happy and fulfilling relationship with a man. I have everything that I need and want in life except a loving man by my side…

As I mentioned to you already, recently I discovered that I am an EUW.  When I came across your post, “The simple truth is noncommittal men need noncommittal women for the noncommittal relationships to continue,” something in me was like WOW!  This is exactly my EUM and me. Then I searched your articles on EUW and saw myself in some of your clients.

I am 38 y.o. and have never been in a healthy, fulfilling, long-term relationship. I used to fall strong for guys that didn’t like me and didn’t like those who wanted me. When I dated someone in the past, it would be not because I liked the guy, but because he would be pursuing me so hard that finally I would give in. But then 3-6 months into relationship, I would always find flaws in those men and check out from the relationships with them.

Also I was married once. I thought that I really loved that man, but on the day of my wedding I cried my eyes out because I had doubts if this is what I really wanted (long-term commitment). I separated from my husband in two years after the wedding and divorced him three years later. He’s pining after me till this day. I never even think of him. 

I never suspected that I was emotionally unavailable until I was almost one year into a non-relationship with my current EUM (he’s probably no longer “current”). He is an anxious-avoidant type and I used to be very judgmental of him because of this (as I later discovered by doing Journey Inward this was my own shadow). This hit me hard, I have to admit, but I am glad that I have discovered this so now I know what was the biggest stumbling block in me that was preventing me to be happy in relationships. I am willing to work hard to transform myself into an EAW. 

Possible reasons that could have contributed to my anxious-avoidant attachment style:

–I was molested at around age of 5 in the kindergarten. As a punishment for some of my “wrongdoing,” nanny undressed me completely, ordered me to lie down on bed and brought all other children watch me as I was crying and covering my intimate parts… as all children were laughing at me 🙁 Until today and as I am typing this, every time I think of this, it brings tears to my eyes. This incident could be one of the reasons why I am afraid to have children and am missing a “biological clock” in my body

–I was bullied at school (fear of rejection and non-acceptance)

–When my younger sister was born (at the time I was 5 years and 3 months old), my dad’s attention switched from me to her and I remember being very jealous of her (fear of rejection and abandonment)

–Financially betrayed by one of my former bf’s

As I learned from you, one of the reasons men don’t step up is due to a woman being very masculine. This could be true of me as well. My mother, despite being very kind and loving person, is very masculine and wears the pants in the family. She’s controlling, aggressive and everything should be her way. My dad, on the other hand, is a beta guy and learned to adjust to my mother during their 39 years long marriage.

I have a very strong personality (from my mother) and I realized that yes I was too very masculine. Right now I am working on bring up my feminine essence in me. I feel I’m more relaxed now, but my EUM has said to me several times that I am very “tough” which upset me a lot. Now, I try hard not to argue with him every time I have interaction with him. I myself am very attracted to masculine guys with beta traits. They have to be stronger than me in order for me to be attracted to them. I am not attracted to beta guys. They are good friends to me, but I am not sexually attracted to them.

I realize this is a long email, but wanted to give you enough information about me so you can direct me to which areas I am struggling most with. All that you teach resonates with me, however, I am resistant to rotation, like many other women in your group. I am not concerned much about the moral side of it though. With me it is some sort of fear of dating, especially online dating (I have never done it before). I cannot really figure out what I m afraid of–is it fear of opening up and being intimate with someone new, my safety or something else? I cannot assess it. 

I do feel like I am changing positively on an inside (I am much more aware of my thoughts and emotions), but it is not an “overnight” shift of energy with me as opposed to many of your clients. This process is very slow with me (I found you back in late October), but I guess everyone has to go through what they have to go through.

What would you suggest for me to start working on in order for me to transform from EUW into EAW? Maybe some specific meditations? 

Thank you Kat! I was looking for a teacher like you for years

Love,

Ireland”

Here’s a simple truth that is so simple that most people overlook it: you stay in a situation only because it works for you on some levels, consciously or unconsciously, even though your mouth says otherwise.  If you are in a painful drama-filled relationship and you can’t get out no matter what, it’s only because you thrive on pain and drama.

No other reason.

Question is why people keep doing the things they claim to be sick of?  It’s because they’re not done suffering yet.  They’re addicted to the suffering.  People will keep doing the same things that hurt them till the cost of not changing exceeds the benefits.

But what are the benefits of hurting oneself if there is one?

That’s what the ego is so masterful of: self-deception.

Part of my success of re-establishing a new pattern of behaviors in my clients is because I understand this.  Forget who still resist me with their excuses (I usually leave them alone) cause when they claim that they’re hurting they’re actually getting much joy -how perverted that may seem- through the very behaviors that put them in the situation they’re in. They don’t know how to just be in relationships or life in general.

Take for example one person who had the habit of getting over invested in every guy she dated and she happened to like.  She would stalk, drive by his house just to make sure his car is there and he has no guest.  The last antic she did was to get herself pregnant.  Needless to say she’s no longer in the group cause she would be mad each time I’d give her the piece of my mind. These are all tactics that stem from the need to control and the inability to not let go in relationships and just be.

She knows deep down why she’s in the wrong (how can you not after more than a year in my group) but her ego is still enjoying the “suffering” she inflicts on herself.  She thrives on the drama, on the excitement of the roller-coaster of emotions.  She loves the illusion of being in control (stalking, making sure he’s not seeing anyone else, and now the baby is “a leverage” in her own word).

There is nothing I or anybody in the group says could get to her cause she hasn’t hit rock bottom yet.  But she will… as I and many of you have (hence now you are coy and receptive).

There is only one thing it takes for things to change: when you truly are OVER doing the same things that put you in the situation you claim to be sick of.

If you are always with EUM, it’s because you fear relationship.  It’s because you love the safety of a relationship going nowhere.  That’s what you’re familiar with and though you sometimes covet the things you aren’t getting in this relationship, truth be told, those things come with a high price tag anyway.  Right?

It’s kinda like how I have always felt about kids, hence I don’t have any.  But now I’ve come to embrace that it’s not my path.  The acceptance of it is what liberation is all about.

When the student is ready, the teacher will show up.

When you’re not ready even the most enlightened teacher looks like a schmuck to you.  And what you’re going to get from that teacher is one thing and one thing only: discomfort and feeling pissed off.  Because he/she is your shadow: a part of you you have rejected and repressed for whatever reason.

But the fact that you are pissed at all, it shows that it’s working.  You need to be pissed off first to grow out of your old habits.  You need to be feel so uncomfortable with yourself and your behaviors to begin really take a close look at them.

how to just beThe truth will set you free but it will piss you off first.

So Ireland, you are definitely not the type I’m talking about.  You’re not that resistant even though you still resist my rotation advice and you are receptive (otherwise why would you spend so much money on my programs and work on yourself with every class?).  But why even when you’re ready, old habits are hard to die?

Why do you still keep doing the things you have brought to awareness in terms of what, how and why?  You understand all the reasons but these things still persist!

You mention fear.  Let’s look closely what this fear is.  We have normal healthy fear as part of our survival instinct.  That’s not the fear I’m talking about.  A lot of people have fear that springs from none other than fertile imagination, preconceived ideas and analysis paralysis or let’s call them one thing: thoughts.

So when you say I fear something, you actually think of fearful thoughts then your body reacts to those thoughts.  Most of us live life like this: always in a state of anticipation of some future event, usually a doomsday scenario in some form or another.  How many times do you catch yourself telling yourself that there is no point of doing this or that because likelihood is this won’t work, etc….

How many times in your life you quell opportunities for a better life with this habit?  Giving up before even trying?

So what should you do instead?

Nothing.  That’s the whole answer to the puzzle: JUST BE.  Don’t think, don’t anticipate, don’t predict, don’t try to figure things out.  Just be.  Do things you need to do while in your head and heart you just be.

Sounds like contradiction in terms, no?

Want to learn to just be?  Module 3 Leaning Back Workshop of Feminine Magnetism group coaching will teach you this ultimate secret to a happy and harmonious life: How To Just Be.  This is an expansion of the previous 4 cycles of the Leaning Back Workshop that is so popular among my clients.  In this latest cycle I will also delve deep into the common question among the ladies in the group: how to lean back in dating and relationship.  What’s the difference between the two if there is any.  And further, how to be vulnerable and authentic without being a basket case?

It’s coming, folks.  So sign up (write me at kat@katarinaphang.com if you’re interested) today and let me coach you live the most affordable way.

MORE: To Just Be Is To Detach From The Ego Which Means To Detach From The Mind.

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  I have just added a new bonus teleclass you don’t want to miss: “How Feminine Magnetism Is The Solution to Every Relationship Problem You Have.”

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well and if you want me to address more scenarios write it on the comment section below (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

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