How To Get Him Interested Again After I’ve Messed Up?

how to get him interested

Most of my clients find me after they have screwed up, royally with their boyfriends.  They have reached a point of desperation and are trying all the wrong things. At the end of their ropes, they ask me how to get him interested again.  Begging, pleading, texting him relentlessly, trying to get him to talk, will not work.  That comes from a place of low energy. If you want to know how to get him interested in you again, it’s going to take a big shift in your energy.


“OMG Katarina!!! I don’t even have the words to tell you what I feel today… Well, it was exactly a year ago that I reached my lowest point with my guy which lead me to you a couple of weeks later… Yes, a year ago he brought his hot Ukarainan woman to Jordan, telling me about it and adding that he needed me to leave him alone while he would be “enjoying” her…He had lost all interest in me.

Worst period of my life! Oh I cried so much because of it and I felt so hurt and depressed… It was the end of my word. I couldn’t understand at all why this was happening to me and what I did wrong to push him to act this way… Why wasn’t he falling in love with me although we have been seeing each other for a almost a year by then??

I have the chills while writing it because I remember this pain oh so well! But I’m smiling too!! I’m smiling because finding you totally changed my life and changed who I am… Oh yeah ! You and your ladies here helped me grow and today for the first time in my life I feel I’m not a girl anymore but a true woman!!!

Thank you Kat!!! You can’t imagine how grateful I am that I met you and I thank God every night for this! He is interested in me again and we are together again.

I don’t know what to tell you anymore in order to thank you for your teachings and support and advices!!!  It’s like magic!  Even the way he stares at me it’s different now. I  can see love coming from him in every smile and every touch and every word!  Crazy !!! Thanks so much!  I can’t believe this is happening and I feel sooooo happy all the time!  Love you <3.

I could have never believed a year ago that this man would still be in my life!! Never! To me it was just the end… I could have never believed that this man could ever love me the way he does now, and even expressing it out loud in font of everyone!

Never Kat… Who would have believed that this same guy would be talking to me just yest about how we should raise OUR kids! I almost need to slap myself to make sure I’m not dreaming! Haha….Before I met you, I had no hope, let alone know how to get him interested in me again.

He had already started to call me again as friends only by the time I found Kat but I can assure you that from the very first time I saw him again after just a week of learning her teachings he had to noticed the change already and I even remember that he said “oh ! You are different! I dunno what changed in you.. But you seem much more confident and fun” TA DAAA!

I took the 3 first rounds of Journey Inward and 2 first rounds of the Leaning Back Workshop I think… I still listen to it when I’m triggered (mostly when I am PMSing ).

Of course it was up and down after that… For months! He even brought the Russian woman back in January and flew to her in April… It was a long long path…. Until I finally realized what leaning back really meant because I did it spontaneously without thinking about it mid-August.. I really wanted to move on ! And that’s when the magic happened.

Well what else can I say other than thank you… Thank you all of you ladies who stood by me and helped me grow and had the guts to give me tough love so I would wake up and change. You all are my angels. Also, special thanks to my dearest Arida who is now one of my closest friends ! She is the one who gave the strength and taught me patience and how to become mellow and feminine although I was badly resisting it.

I love you all!!! And may God bless you all.”

Miracles do happen.  At least in Katarina’s world they do.

Even when you have messed up, I can show you how to get him interested in you again.  Repeatedly.

I love collecting daily testimonials like this. This is what makes me keep going with my mission to enlighten women. Maura never thought this day would come but here she is….adored and cherished as the Queen of a man of her dreams…a man with options that every woman throws herself onto.

How to Get Him Interested Again is in Shifting Your Energy!

Everything is possible in Katarina’s world. And all it takes is a shift in perspective and energy that will catapult you to that coveted place of making an alpha man wobble in his knees cause you are just so irresistible and appeal to his basic instinct.

Are you in love with an alpha man that is just so hard to pin down?  Have you tried all tactics and strategies in the book to get him to commit and declare to the world that you are his one and only?  Have you plead, cajoled, threatened to walk away, acted psycho and needy, thrown a fit, withdrawn, confronted, stalked him, brought up the talk over and over and given him empty ultimatums?  Or in other words: have you messed up as Maura has?

Stop now.  You are just making a fool of yourself and the more you do all those things, the less likely he will give you what you want, let along be interested in you again at all.

The more alpha a guy is (which means the more options he has when it comes to women), the less likely he will give up his freedom just because you happen to sleep with him pretty regularly.  He has to have a very good reason to enter monogamy with any woman.  It’s not a decision he lightly makes.  And often it doesn’t happen overnight.

If you read my book I talk about how freedom is the highest currency for a man.  Only when he’s ready to give up all his options, and not a day before that time, he will commit to you.  Many women stumble after just a few dates because they feel these men of their dreams owe them something.  The more they feel that way, the harder it is to get what they want.

My method is Love Jiujitsu of the highest form.  It’s not easy to get schooled in the new mindset, granted, but there is no denying this is the only way that works with men, especially the masculine alpha men that many women desire.  Men will naturally become interested in you, with little effort on your part.

In my book I also talk about boiling the frog, this is the term that women in my growing community commonly use (boil him!).  What is boil-the-frog method ala Katarina?  You will get better understanding if you read the book, of course, but the long and short of it is it pertains to the analogy of a frog unknowingly being frog alive in a jug.  The water gets heated very slowly and the frog is enjoying itself in the warm water until at some point it gets hot and by then it’s too late for him to jump out!

He’s boiled alive.

It’s the same philosophy with men.  You can’t rush him, you just mirror his level of interest. You can’t force him to have feelings for you, stay interested in you, or to fall in love under your watch.  You have been told that if he hasn’t committed within three months he won’t (whoever makes that arbitrary time line, thanks for contributing to more anxiety in women).  Tons of women have resorted to that futility and they ended up on my website…including yourself. 🙂

But you can drown him with honey.  You are so wonderful that he’s hooked on your sweet nectar.  After a while he decides that no other woman compares to you and he’d rather give up some of his freedom (the freedom to sleep with as many women as possible) than to lose you.  He’s ready to experience a deeper and more satisfying emotional connection in a committed relationship with the woman who gets him.

He wants to make you his one and only without you having to beg or threaten (begging or threatening is a turn off).his Queen.

That’s what’s happening with Maura.  For a man like her guy, when he’s ready to commit or to make her a girlfriend it usually means he’s ready to marry as well.  That’s what happened to my ex.  We casually dated for 1.5 years till he was ready to claim me and by then he was set in his mind he would marry me.  And we married a year later.

In a situation like hers, in which you are too attracted and hooked to walk away, yet to distressed to stay, my method gives you a middle ground solution.  You still keep your standards high yet you aren’t reactive.

In the wise words of my dear alpha friend Graham R White who is also a coach:

This is what commitment looks like (referring to typical women’s expectations on how a man should behave: “moving mountains,” calling everyday, etc).  Interest looks different and to get to the point of commitment a man must be interested long enough to observe a woman, her personality, her preferences, her expectations and her performance under pressure to get a stronger and stronger sense that she’s it for him.

There is a point where a man with options willingly lets all the other options go because the woman he’s with is worth more than every other woman on every dynamic that he loses interest in pursuing variety over what he’s got because variety on it’s own has little value.

And you know when a man feels that way about you when all the things that are written in that meme exist – particularly when there’s pressure happening in his life at the same time and none of those things stop.

That said, a man with the capacity to even begin to do this would never treat a woman casually and expect that things will ever be that serious because he’ll recognize the precedent he’s treating her with will make her feel like she’s a ‘filler,’ the kind of woman he fills time with until he comes across one who might be the one.

Every woman should have a minimum standard of dignity and expectation she insists on being treated with and this falls into what Katarina calls “Leaning back”. A real man doesn’t over commit so he’s always able to follow through on what he says. All the small incongruencies that show up in a guys life point to the fact that he hasn’t actually grown up yet.

If he says he’ll call, text, show up or look after something and doesn’t, that should be the moment you lean WAY back and set the precedent that you’re the type of woman who doesn’t have time in life to be taken for granted. I don’t say that from a ‘how to get a good man’ perspective, I say that from a ‘how to change the world’ perspective.

Women who live with high standards are the number one force in the world to raise standards across the board. Nothing inspires men as much as a good woman with high standards and your Leaning back is what builds backbone in men as they learn the art of Leaning In.

Yup, your standards aren’t built on resentment and reactiveness but on taking care of yourself and not making him a priority when you are only an option to him. He gets it with equal investments you give him and mirroring. That speaks louder than repeated “I deserve….” or lashing out. That’s what sets Katarina’s girls apart from the average women and that resilient softness makes you so unforgettable to any man.

Curious and want to learn more?  It’s time to make a real investment and sign up for all my programs like my most successful clients.  And want to hear is straight from the horse’s mouth?  Sign up for my very affordable Feminine Goddess Enlightened Relationship monthly membership  in which Maura was also featured.  You can listen to the recording of her amazing story in the interview here.

And stay in this blog cause you won’t find insights like this anywhere else!  And ask questions on the comment section and I’ll do my best to answer them.

MORE: Now He’s Hooked, Keep Him Hooked With The Seductive Power Of Language Of Desire: Dirty Talk

Have you read my book yet?  If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them.  And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now.  If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters.  This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman.

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).
Image credit Deposit Photo!

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  • Hi Katarina,

    So I like this older guy and everything was great in the beginning. He even told me to make time for him in my life since I was a busy person. We flirted a lot, texted all the time for about 3 months and he took time out of his busy schedule to see me. We had a wonderful night and we continued texting afterwards but whenever I wanted to see him again, he was too busy. I was understanding for about a month until I blew up about it and walked away…and he let me. It was like he didn’t care. I tried to forget him. Whenever we saw each other he’d stare right at me or would ensure I saw him. After about 2-3 weeks I spoke back to him and we talk now but it’s not the same. He’s not flirty with me and sometimes he’s curt and clipped. I don’t know where I stand with him but I’d really like for him to show affection again.

  • Hi Katarina: first of all I have to tell you your blog has changed my dating life. I tell all my gf’s about it when they are sweating over guys!! I now let them initiate, i keep a dating rotation and let go of my expectations. It’s really worked, I have 3 or 4 quality guys asking me on dates and sending me cute pics etc. Now that I have no expectations I can see which ones are ready for more and which just want to have fun sometimes and flirt and stay single…because if we are patient their behavior will show us. Now I have one question as I get to the next level: I started dating a man who’s 10 years younger than me (I’m 34) he sent flowers, set up dates, drives me everywhere, helps me with stuff early on. He texts me everydday and our interactions are both sexy and sweet/loving. We cuddle, he says he’s so glad he met me etc. Then I started to have feelings for him. He asked to reschedule our last date at 7pm that night on saturday though!! I was upset because it ruined my eve and made me think I was no longer a priority. Should I completely ignore him and let him reach out to me or should I send a casual text at any point? I haven’t heard from him in two days since then and I think it’s cause he thinks I’m mad at him…i was chill but a little irritated when I replied. Do I leave it or send a casual text so he knows I’m not mad anymore and enjoy him just the way he is….I don’t know how to deal with this stage now that we have become close and consistent! Thank you so much.

  • Hi, Katarina, just reading through and everything’s so interesting.
    I met this guy online, we are both in our early 30’s. We met up and went to a few bars and was like love at first sight for both of us. The day after the first date he said he is removing himself from the dating website so I can be in his life as his girlfriend.

    He contacted me often through messaging as his English language is not very good, it’s actually quite bad at times, but I still wonder why he never tries to call. We are now intimate, this happened after 4 dates. Sometimes I noticed that he did not reply to a few messages but would always contact me at some point to say he missed me or send kisses. I don’t know if this has something to do with the language barrier.
    I had become insecure about it and decided to initiate texting sometimes and began to overthink if he never got back to me quickly.

    One night he cancelled on me, after not seeing each other for a week due to his heavy work schedule, So I just got upset and and said I will go to bed now, not wanting to discuss it, he told me that he promises this will all change the being busy with work and soon will will be together all the time, he said he loved me and I never answered until the next morning but I have never told him I love him. He made a suprise visit to me the next day with flowers. I was so looking forward to him getting some time off work and his family rang and arranged for him to go visit Poland which is where he is now.

    Before he left he never came to see me to say goodbye said he was busy so I said “if you want I can date someone else”, I think this may have hurt his feelings.
    I messaged 3 times to say if I don’t here from him have a good trip he never answered. I then messaged to say does he still want to be together he answered straight away saying yes, he wants to be with me. But no explanation about the not answering my messages.

    2 days later he texting to say he’s happy there, but he misses me. Didn’t hear from him for 2 days so I messaged a pic, hevmessagrd one back straight away. Didn’t here from him for another 2 days, so started to worry about why he’s not initiated conversation I can see has free time as he is always online in Facebook.
    I’ve asked him again if he wants to be together if he’s happy, and he said he’s happy he has me in his life.

    I am so confused if this is true, or If he may have someone else, or if he is fed up and a bit upset with me. Please help before I message again to ask him. He’s back in a few days. I think he’s losing interest for some reason. Thanks

    • Katarina Phang

      You lean forward so much!! Stop it. You’re pursuing him and drop all expectations. You must still date others, he’s not whree you’re at emotionally. This is too early to call it a full blown relationship. He doesn’t initiate cause you always beat him to the punch and you get all anxious. Read my book before you push him further.

      • Thanks Katarina. I will start to date others again, and lean back, because I like him a lot. I think I do need the book. Don’t want to push him further.
        Thanks again

  • Hi Kat, what if you screwed up so much he’s not even seeing you? Or talking to you? Basically he wants nothing to do with you…but it was ALL my fault. 100 percent. Do I just wait for him to contact me? I believe he will someday. I am dating, but feel if he would just see me/talk to me we could start over. Is it too much to send him nice messages every once in awhile? Short story he basically ignored me when I first went crazy, he continued to ignore me and I got super crazy. The only communication we have had is him telling me to stop contacting him and one brief text exchange I initiated. All other attempts of contact have been ignored. I feel theres still something there.

    • I felt the same way at a point as well. I learned to distance myself. My ex told me more n more I bother him I’m just pushing him further away. The last I seen him he told I can do better and appreciate me trying to reach out to him but I should move on and his wish that I understood even tho he was already in a bad mood. So I decided to leave him alone and let him deal with whatever is bothering him. Naturally he is a moody person. Just give him time to reflect as ms. Kat would say just lean back do less. It’s hard even for me. We can’t control other ppl emotions only oursleve.

  • Hi Katarina, I know you talk about dating other people after a break up to make yourself appear more high value. Do you recommend explicitly telling your ex that you’re seeing other people? And do you still recommend doing this if part of the problem is that your ex has trust issues with you?…

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